I feel very single today

Loneliness is the wind that sails

I remember a song that goes like this: "Actually, a person's life is not too bad. Occasionally there is a little sadness, and I don't think others can see it..." Can a person live a good life? It all depends on what kind of attitude you have. For me, as a single woman in the 21st century, I may be a little helpless, but I have enjoyed myself in life over the years, and I don’t feel that sad.

Why don't you think about it anymore?

A while ago, I was chatting with a single girlfriend about my views on love. She opened her eyes wide in surprise: "Are you too bored and lonely to think about these things?"

I don’t understand. Unless you know you want to be a bachelor for the rest of your life, anyone can pursue love. This is a matter of course. How can it be boring?

"Haven't you ever thought about it?" I asked her.

"That was a long time ago." She whispered leisurely.

"Yes, you have thought about it too, but you just don't think about it now." Why don't you want to? Have you given up? Is it clear? I didn't ask. But she should feel lonely sometimes, right?

It is difficult for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Similarly, it is not easy for people to go through loneliness. In fact, loneliness can happen to everyone, not just for singles. Loneliness can be like a cloud that appears for a short time and then disappears. Loneliness can also be like a wilderness that you can never leave even after forty years. Loneliness can make one feel more open, but it can also make people more panicked and even lead them to a dead end.

Xianying's sigh

Xianying was the most savvy and capable among our best friends at the time. When everyone had just left school and was still ignorant, she had already started to buy a house and start a business of her own. It's a pity that she can't get through the money test but not the love test. She falls in love with a lawyer with a family. She got pregnant, had an abortion, and finally ended her life by drowning herself in a river.

I have never met the lawyer, but I have seen photos of the two of them together in Thailand. Xianying smiled sweetly and snuggled next to the lawyer who was half a head shorter than her, as if she was on a honeymoon. At that time, she said to me with emotion: "You won't understand. Once you transcend a relationship, you can never go back."

I really don't understand, Xianying is a good girl, but she found the wrong girl. She is not stupid, it can only be said that she is stupid, otherwise why would she embark on this road of no return?

"Because I can't stand the loneliness anymore!" She replied, wearing a tight black suit, and the mesh stockings had a small hole in the back calf. The interaction with the lawyer not only changed her clothes, but her eyes were not as clear as before. I knew that she had become a victim of loneliness.

I often think it would be nice if she gave herself more choices. Choice is a right, but also an ability. Many single women, when faced with pressure, will easily let power fall asleep.

Shufang's choice

From a certain perspective, this is how Shufang married herself off. She comes from a large family in southern Taiwan, and many relatives, including her parents, are waiting to drink her wedding wine. During the year I dated her, she used studying abroad as a cover, which was actually to avoid marriage. The letter she later sent me said: "I'm married, are you surprised? But my heart is not as happy as expected. My parents are old, and I can't bear to let them worry for too long..." Shufang is me I have the most considerate roommate I have ever met. I think maybe she is too considerate, so she gave up her right to enjoy herself and lived by the expectations of others. What surprised me was not whether she was married or not, but the choices she made.

Baozi's complaint

Indeed, in addition to the pressure from family members that singles cannot bear, as they grow older, the pressure from themselves may be the heaviest. Statistics also show that the older you get, the harder it is to find a partner, especially women. I hope I will not become part of the statistics, but even so, I tell myself: No matter how old I am, I must be a woman who has the ability to choose.

This announcement is not only for myself, but also for Aunt Zhu who always takes the opportunity to teach me to marry her granddaughter as soon as possible. It is especially for Baozi who still doesn't know my "select button".

Baozi is my "buddy". He often thinks that I am not gentle enough, and I say that he is too chauvinistic.

"Don't always step on us men so much, okay?" Baozi complained.

"Then just be patient and step on it!"

"That brother is not bad. He has a house and knows how to manage money. If you rely on him, you will have no worries about food and drink."

"You men really like to be a long-term meal ticket? Besides, I'm very expensive, and he can't afford it!"

"Don't underestimate him, he has a doctorate from a prestigious university!"

"Only IQ, no EQ, everything is in vain!"

"Don't worry, God will prepare it for you."

"Did I say I was impatient? You are probably more impatient. God has mercy on you and allows you to find a good wife."

"God has mercy on everyone!"

"If you mention it next time, I will turn against you."

"Don't be so fierce. Women should be gentler!"

How to describe our rich doctor? I think of him as a Styrofoam cup. It is resistant to cold and heat, but it just has no texture, let alone taste. Once I shook hands with him generously and said hello. Unexpectedly, he didn't move his hands and just stayed in place. I don’t understand. Is this the influence of twenty years in the United States, or is it just a dysfunctional way of life? What's even more outrageous is that after a dinner party, I took the doctor's special car home in the evening. After he saw off the three ladies one by one, he did not want to take a detour in order to facilitate the transfer, so he put me at the intersection. When he opened the door, I was almost hit by a bicycle coming from behind. From then on, I never wanted to touch this cup again.

I can't blame Baozi for not caring about life and death, and focusing solely on age, as if I missed a golden opportunity. I can only blame the fact that there are very few candidates around who can be "considered".

In addition, I have always wanted to ask Baozi, what is the definition of gentleness? I think gentleness is an act of consideration. It shouldn't be considered gentle by just purring and meowing but not doing anything. This is my helplessness, because a man who can have spiritual aesthetic appreciation, alas! Very rarely.

Ma Ling's expectations

I'm probably not the only one waiting for a rare connoisseur to appear.

Ma Ling is sixty-three years old. She was married twice, divorced twice, had no children, and never hid her loneliness. Maybe it's because there is still a little girl living in her heart, full of curiosity about people and things.

"If you meet the right person again, will you marry again?"

"I don't know? This is very difficult for me!" Ma Ling shook her head and slipped on her reading glasses.

I thought of how not long ago, she sat next to Pei Zhu at the wedding of a Jewish friend she was invited to attend. Pei Zhu, from Brazil; a master of playing the harpsichord. He is a very strong man with a slightly bald head and looks older than his actual age. He is a good friend of the groom who plays the saxophone. There was a blush on Ma Ling's face that day, and it was definitely not just because she drank too much champagne. I could see that she was very happy, and of course she didn't mind that the people at the same table mistakenly thought they were a couple. She kept chatting with Pei Zhu enthusiastically and excitedly, completely ignoring me. She said afterwards that she just couldn't help herself when it came to such talented people. This is the cute thing about Ma Ling. Deep down in her heart, she still longs for a heartbeat communication. Perhaps this is what single elderly people in China lack; or perhaps, this is what most people lack.

Ma Ling's first husband was a heroic and outstanding pianist.

Her second husband, a magazine illustrator, was officially divorced three years ago.

"I thought I had found my spiritual partner from now on, but my life was so hard! So hard!" Ma Ling sighed deeply.

"Yes! He is also an artist!" After saying that, we both burst out laughing. Because of her tolerance for life, I could tell her almost anything I wanted to say. She once told me that with her background, it would be difficult for her to be accepted by ordinary "conservatives."

"You know, I met God in the darkest valley," she said. Of course I believe it, otherwise how could she stand up resolutely from the swamp of pain and accept herself so calmly.

The blessing of landing

An elder once wisely told me: "Only God has a way to make everyone feel that they are the most favored." Although I sometimes murmur and complain to God, most of the time, I feel that God is I'm really pampered. Although there are only a few interludes on the road of love, there is not much "achievement". But I also don’t have the bitterness of tears and the bitterness of misfortune. In fact, a person's life is really not too bad. Are two people really better than one? This is a great mystery. There are many mysteries that are temporarily unsolvable. I have long decided to give this sovereignty to the God of mysteries and keep the surprises to myself. This does not mean that I have stopped pursuing love. It should be said that I want to expand the scope of my pursuit of love and affection.

The route of life is to experience love and being loved, and to enjoy loving and being loved. Life should be full of expectations rather than passive waiting. I don't want to stay on the shoal all the time. I want to sail the boat in my heart to the deep water. During the voyage, I carefully appreciate every sunrise and sunset that is so beautiful that I cannot predict it. Life on earth is as narrow as the palm of your hand. Before the age of twenty-five, you follow time. After the age of twenty-five, you are chased by time. No matter how big the palm is, it will all pass by with a swipe. An occasional bout of loneliness isn't too bad. Just think of it as the sailing wind, blow it, hum a few songs, and you will reach the shore soon.

When you reach the shore, the main theme of life will truly sound.

Author profile

Miao Huitian, from Taiwan, is a hopeless romantic. After going through all kinds of life, he still retains his innocence, is full of longing for the future, loves literary creation, and currently lives in the eastern United States.