Repairing a Home with Understanding, Companionship, and Acceptance

Exclusive interview with the American Association of Single-Parent Families by the Waterfront

Photo provided/beside the stream in the United States

Divorced, widowed, having a child out of wedlock... no matter what the reason is, a single-parent family is a family composed of one parent and children. Compared with two-parent families, most of them have experienced pain, loss, and faced unique challenges, which require extra understanding, companionship, and acceptance from the church and believers. Dr. Jiang Haiqiong, who founded the Xishuipang Care Association for Single-Parent Families in the United States and Taiwan, likes to say: "A single-parent family is also a complete family." Zhan Zhangyidian, who has served single parents for many years, also said: "Don't call single-parent families "broken" family"."

Since the establishment of American Creekside in 2004, co-workers have used physical camps, church fellowships, online prayers, and countless telephone care and in-person visits to get close to single fathers, single mothers, and single children, and enter their homes. From crying together, to wiping each other's tears and smiling; from sitting in a dark corner with each other, to standing up together and walking towards the sunshine. Each of these stories represents each life, and how difficult it must be.

Serve with your own experience

After her husband died of illness in 2009, Tao Ying began to live as a single parent with her three sons, twins aged 18 and 11, amid tangled emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear. Through someone's introduction, I entered the Living Spring Fellowship of the Gay City Chinese Missionary Association in Maryland, and together with other single parents, I began this journey of repairing myself and healing my family. In the same year, she attended a camp held by a stream for the first time. Even after so many years, she still clearly remembers the theme of that time - "There is no fear in love." This was exactly the message she needed to hear.

After that, she took her children to attend camps for single-parent families by the stream every year. Because of her personal experience and understanding of the needs of single parents and children, she began to participate in the service. In addition to assisting with camp planning and arranging transportation, we also care and accompany these families.

Professor Wen Yingqian, who was once the chairman of the board of directors of the Kingdom of God Christian Association and served as the planning editor of the talent section of this magazine, has also been the president and chairman of the board of directors of Xishuibian for many years, caring and serving single parents for a long time. He began to receive cancer treatment in early 2020. During his illness, he entrusted Tao Ying with the ministry of American Streamside, knowing that she was a sincere person who worked hard. Tao Ying joined the board of directors with trepidation and took over the responsibility of acting president. She and Mrs. Liu Hu Meilan, the association's chairman, insisted on weekly online prayer meetings for co-workers during the epidemic.

The epidemic of the past three years has hindered face-to-face interactions between people, but it has not been able to stop God's work. Online spiritual counseling sessions and reading clubs allow single parents from all over the world to get together. During the period when physical camps could not be held, online lectures were also given to single parents through various themes such as "Bright Life", "Always Choose Gratitude", "From Brokenness to Grace", etc. to give single parents a new perspective on life. The physical camp will be resumed in 2022, with the themes of "life-renewing healing" and "spending the joys and sorrows of life with Jesus" to clearly and definitely declare to single-parent families that God is with them even in suffering.

Tao Ying's motivation and motivation to continue serving single parents is her personal experience: being a single parent is really difficult, and only by establishing a relationship with God can she be healed and restored. Even with the challenges, she remains convinced that ministry “especially needs the help of people with similar experiences. God gives me strength; I do it by His grace.”

Let them know - someone is thinking of you

Tao Ying experienced the pain of losing her husband, and her sons also went through the rough road of mental illness. In difficult days, we get very different attention from the church body. Some people scolded her for "why she doesn't read spiritual books"; some people came to her home with pizza that her children loved to eat, but didn't say much.

Tao Ying realized with a little warmth in her heart: Serving single-parent families does not require preaching. She just needs to open the door to the house, bring a cup of tea, and listen to them quietly. For your children’s birthdays, buy them a cake; during holidays, invite them over for dinner. She said it was done to let them know someone was thinking of you.

In this way, there are always single-parent sisters coming and going from Tao Ying's house, either for heart-to-heart talks, dinner parties, or even staying overnight. The son's friends didn't understand and asked these aunts: Why didn't uncle come with him? The son said, "Everyone who comes to our house is a single parent!"

Yu Ming (pseudonym) is one of them.

She was originally a sweet wife held in the palm of her husband's hand, and her hands never got wet with dishwater. Suddenly losing her partner, her world seemed to collapse, and she cried every day. Without her husband's income, the family's finances suddenly fell into crisis; her son did not want to go to college, but she refused to listen and could not persuade him; as a devout Buddhist, she could not find comfort in worshiping Buddha and chanting sutras.

Tao Ying learned about it by chance and invited and picked her up to attend a camp next to the stream. In order to respect Yu Ming's original religion, Tao Ying didn't say much about Christianity during the journey. Unexpectedly, Yu Ming decided to believe in Jesus during the camp, and later invited the pastor to his home to demolish the Buddhist hall.

It was not only the visible idols that were demolished, but also the invisible haze in Yu Ming's life. She used to cry and cry, but she continued to grow up with the single-parent sisters. Now her face is bright and she is happy to preach the gospel. When walking in the community, I always care about the people I meet and preach God’s love and salvation to them. The son later went to college, got married, and took his mother to live with him.

Through the ministry beside the stream and the single parents who cared for Yu Ming, God wiped away her tears and turned her sorrow into joy.

More compassion and companionship

Examples like Yu Ming's have inspired many people, and also pushed Tao Ying and her co-workers to persist in serving. However, relying solely on a group of dedicated co-workers has limited influence. Tao Ying believes that the challenges and needs of single-parent family care ministry actually lie in the recognition and participation of the church. Indeed, the church needs to preach how to build a happy marriage that is in line with God’s will and run a harmonious family according to the truth. But even single parents can still build a Christian family, and even more need to learn how to maintain faith and truth in the family without the concerted efforts of a spouse.

From years of service, Tao Ying has observed that there are single parents in the church, but pastors and believers may not necessarily see the unique needs of single-parent families, and may not necessarily know how to shepherd and care for them. It is true that camps and growth courses can be held by the stream to meet the needs of single parents, and co-workers can also care for and coach them, but after the end, everyone still returns to their own life circle. Only if the local church cares about them and continues to shepherd them can these members of the Lord who have experienced great losses be healed and restored, and can they continue to be renewed and grow.

As for whether single parents should form their own fellowship, based on Tao Ying's experience, such a fellowship is likely because the participating single parents are too busy with work and life and have no energy to participate. In fact, if couples work together to support single parents and their families, they will serve as great encouragement and role models.

Tao Ying said with emotion that it is not easy to raise children in a two-parent family, let alone a single parent under heavy life and emotional pressure? Once a single-parent child behaves naughty or unruly in Sunday school, the brothers and sisters actually say: Look, children from single-parent families are not obedient.

Since we are all part of the body of Christ, can we have a little more compassion and understanding for our injured brothers and feet? Tao Ying, who is a single parent and has served single parents for many years, sincerely reminds: How about putting down your colored glasses, making less judgments, and being more accompanying?

More intentional care

Since the founding of American Waterside Care for Single-Parent Families, the goals of the ministry have not changed. The association expects:

Tao Ying and her colleagues realize that the needs of single-parent families such as psychological and emotional counseling, financial management, and establishing and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships have not changed, but the specific challenges are constantly changing. For example, if a child is addicted to online games or social media, it is difficult for a two-parent family to cope. Where can a single-parent family get help?

Beside the stream encourages single parents to keep learning. The role of parents is lifelong, and the parent-child relationship is long-lasting. There are different difficulties and rewards at each stage of life. Therefore, the service of co-workers is also oriented in this direction, becoming the companionship of single parents and children.

Tao Ying believes that Xishuipian currently needs to invest more resources in training co-workers, and hopes that more churches will join in caring for single parents. The phone greetings from co-workers by the stream, the online gatherings, and the physical camp meetings are all very good. However, the local church can visit in person and provide immediate and relevant companionship and help, such as assisting widowed and divorced single parents to deal with legal and tax matters; teaching single parents' children to learn to drive; attending children's milestones in life such as high school graduation, employment, and starting a family... .

For a variety of reasons, single parents often do not come forward with their needs. In fact, these services are not difficult, but they require the church pastor and individual members to pay careful attention to the needs of single-parent families and see opportunities where they can help, support, and bless them.

Tao Ying, who has been a single parent for many years, is quite independent and manages her work, life, and ministry well. But she recalled that during the epidemic, when she had been ill for a long time and had difficulty getting out of bed, it was the single-parent sisters who she cared about and who cared about her, who left prepared meals at the door. Even if we can't meet each other, she still receives a lot of love.

Ivan (pseudonym) fell into pain after her husband returned to heaven. He did not want to go out to meet people. He was also afraid of being offended by the situation and stopped participating in physical church worship. A group of old friends would meet her online from time to time to chat about life, and they also forced her to take art appreciation classes to add more color to her life. There was also a single-parent sister who accompanied her to find workers to replace all the windows in the house. She also accompanied her to the store to choose tiles for the bathroom, and accompanied her to do this and that. Another single-parent friend invited her to participate in an online Bible study so that she could regain strength from God’s word.

What single parents need is not only verbal greetings, but also love expressed in actions; not only single parents care for the single parent, but also all families care together. Single-parent families are also part of the body of Christ, members of you and me.

▲ Through camps and lectures by streams in the United States, single parents can experience God’s presence and receive support from each other. The picture shows the 2023 spring conference. Pastor Liu Chuanzhang and Mrs. Liu Huang Huaining (third and fourth from right in the front row) used the theme of "Fear the Lord and Live for Him" and the topic of "Effective Parent-Child Communication" to bring the truth and teachings to single parents. Attentive care.

Single parents who live out the gospel can also bless others

Yaocheng (pseudonym), who was only in his early 30s, lost his wife just a few years after getting married. Now single again, his status in the church is a bit awkward. He wanted to join a group and saw that other people were in couples, with spouses and children, and he seemed lonely. I felt a little out of place when I went to a singles fellowship and talked with young people who wanted to choose a spouse. Besides, everyone may think that since he is still young, has a stable job, and is a brother, it may be relatively easy for him to get over the grief of being widowed. Soon no one will ask him again: How are you doing recently?

Fortunately, he found a safe place beside the stream where he could express his thoughts about his wife. There, even if he shed tears, no one would urge him: You should come out. In this way, Yaocheng's heart gradually became stronger. The pain is still there, but he can already see: there is still beauty in life, and there is still hope in life.

Whether they are widowed or divorced, single parents remarry, these are issues that need more resources to help them clarify and prepare for. Either because of specious teachings or because they care about traditional views, many single parents hesitate to move forward with remarriage, or enter their next marriage with the wrong purpose. We hope that churches or evangelical institutions can become partners by the stream, put aside cultural baggage, and provide counseling that is in line with the truth.

In addition, Tao Ying hopes to see more Chinese churches around the world make good use of resources such as GriefShare and DivorceCare, which have been available in the American church for many years and cater to the special needs of single parents.

Lingling (pseudonym) lives in a city where there are not many Chinese people. Her husband passed away suddenly. With two children, she feels heartbroken and lonely. After being introduced to an online gathering of Chinese grief companions, I received love and encouragement from other single-parent co-workers at the Gaicheng Chinese Missionary Association’s Living Fountain Fellowship. I drove all the way to attend a summer camp held by a stream, and deeply felt God’s love and presence. . Over the past few years, she and her children have lived every day peacefully, joyfully, and gratefully under God’s guidance. (For more information on Chinese grief companionship ministry, please refer to the Neighbors Unit in Issue 73 of this magazine.)

From years of service, Tao Ying has seen too many Yu Ming, Ai Fan, Yao Cheng, and Lingling, and she knows that there is no formula or preset timetable for their healing and restoration. What one can do by the stream is to come to them, listen and encourage them, and express understanding, companionship, and acceptance.

She and her co-workers knew that God would give them strength and grace to help them minister to single parents, and that God would also give strength and grace to restore single-parent families experiencing loss.

They also believe that single parents can live out the life of the gospel by receiving the power of the gospel from practical and concrete care. And such a life will become a blessing to everyone.

To learn more about the American Streamside Single Parent Care Association, please visit the website:https://bsow.org/.

Fruit beside the American stream

Be comforted and become a comfort to others

In 2001, without warning, I lost my beloved husband. Later, with two children with special needs, I was able to go to a single-parent camp next to the stream that was just established, and received comfort and companionship that I couldn't find anywhere else.

At that time, Sister Hailan, a co-worker by the stream, came to visit my children and me at home. I remember crying when I heard her first words; she said that when her husband passed away seven years ago, she was living the life of a single parent with her son, and only with the grace of the Lord could she survive.

Every single parent camp by the stream brings many tears, comfort and healing. Thank you Lord for allowing me to participate in worship services. After 22 years of being a single parent, I look back with gratitude! Thank you for the accompanying family members, brothers and sisters, pastors, and the stream. Thank the Lord for having a place where we can be comforted and healed, and where we can also be a comfort to others, or a person who comforts others.

Forgive each other and rebuild relationships

When I returned to Taiwan not long ago, my eldest daughter brought two heavy bags of fruits that she wanted to eat but could not easily buy in the United States. I was deeply impressed by her filial piety. Who would have thought that we were enemies who fought with each other until the police came to our door!

In August 2001, I immigrated to the United States with my two young children. In September, my sister took me to a single-parent camp by the stream. At that time, I had no interest in attending lectures. I just liked to cook in the kitchen. But when I heard the lesson about forgiveness in class, every word made my heart surge, and my tears fell like a broken thread! On the way home, I prayed and asked Him to give me the courage. I wanted to call my eldest daughter in Taiwan to apologize and ask her to forgive me for my past mistakes.

As soon as I entered the house, I received an overseas call from my eldest daughter. It was 4:00 a.m. Taiwan time. This phone call of mutual forgiveness allowed us to put an end to our past. The work of the Holy Spirit is so wonderful and so real! Now we, mother and daughter, talk about everything like best friends.

Thank you for the blessing brought to us by the stream!

Serving single parents brings joy and satisfaction

In the spring of 2009, my husband passed away, leaving me alone. Later, I moved to a small town in Pennsylvania near my son's home.

At that time, Professor Wen Yingqian, the director of the Gu Xishuipang Single Parent Families Association, invited me to participate in single parent ministry. I immediately agreed and served at the Thanksgiving gathering every year, from which I felt extremely happy and satisfied.

During the service, I encountered difficulties several times, but God helped me out with His grace. Once I ordered a roasted turkey. When I went to the restaurant to pick it up as promised, I discovered that although the turkey was cooked, it was cold. The manager immediately promised to use their large oven to help me heat it up, and sent staff to deliver it to the party site so that everyone could enjoy a delicious and delicious Thanksgiving meal.

After participating in the single-parent ministry for many years, I realized that if a person is determined to serve, God will give him the opportunity; as long as he does his best, God will always provide what he needs in time; when working with others, you must have a humble heart, because people are more important than things. . Seeing the smiles on the faces of these families, I think this is a beautiful reward from God!

Tao Ying, from Shanghai, working as a computer engineer. After believing in Christ in 1993, she and her husband Xu Xinwei were baptized together. In 2009, her husband passed away due to illness and she became a single mother of three sons. After experiencing the pain of widowhood, I felt extremely burdened with caring for single parents. I often helped single mothers in need, served in the single-parent fellowship of the local church, and served as the director and acting president of the American Association for Care of Single-Parent Families by the River.