Wind and kites
Mrs. Lishan in the eyes of Pastor Su Wen’an
Encounter in the light snow
In 1971, Lisan immigrated to the United States with her family and completed her junior high school, high school, and college education in a small town in the eastern United States where Chinese were few and far between. When we met, Lishan was working at AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph Company). Although she grew up in such an environment, she secretly determined that if she were to find a partner, she would definitely find a boy who had just graduated from college in Taiwan.
In November 1982, I immigrated to the United States. In early 1983, I lived in the home of my third brother Wenfeng in Leyuan Town, Pennsylvania. On a snowy evening in January, I hitched a ride with someone to visit the Chinese Bible study class at Roge University in New Jersey. Lishan, a co-worker, walked to the door cordially to welcome the new couple. The moment she saw me, she heard a very clear voice saying, "This is the teacher I have prepared for you."
Lishan had never had this kind of experience before, and she stood there for a moment, dumbfounded as she watched me walk into the party hall without looking amazing. She remembered my appearance, but she didn't know who I was. But she thought about it over and over in her heart, prayed quietly, and did not mention it to anyone.
A month later, I visited Ruoge Bible Study Class again. This time, someone introduced the origin of my name in more detail at the gathering. Only then did she know that I was going to Los Angeles to study in seminary that fall. She was shocked because although she had been asking God to prepare a committed Christian life partner for her, she was not yet ready to marry a preacher!
This time I went to New Jersey again, and I stayed at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Li Dingwu and Chang Zhen of the Renewal Evangelistic Association. During the conversation, I accidentally mentioned that I am no longer young. In the past, I relied on myself to pursue my own affairs, and my relationship was ups and downs. Now I want to change my ways. If my elders think there is a suitable partner, please introduce me to him. At that time, Sister Changzhen had Lishan's figure in her mind, but she didn't know that Lishan had met me. Naturally, she didn't mention who she wanted to introduce to me, and I had no impression of Lishan.
What about Lishan? Then I never mentioned it to anyone and silently wrestled with God for more than two months until I submitted. The day after she "figured it out," Sister Changzhen called Lishan and asked her, "What do you think if your future husband is a preacher?" Immediately, she knew what Sister Changzhen was going to introduce. , it must be Su Wen'an.
Lishan and I went on a blind date under the arrangement of Mr. and Mrs. Dingwu. I had only been in the United States for four months at that time. We officially started dating on April 1st, and got married on December 17th with the blessing of Pastor Xu Zongshi and the blessings of brothers and sisters from Ruoge Church.
shared beliefs
Why is the progress so rapid? When we formally met, we felt like we were too late to meet each other. After we began to interact in depth, we were sure that our union was from the Lord, because in addition to the supernatural confirmation when we first met, we also have three important things in common. .
1. Commitment to God: We decided to get married in such a short period of time because we both have a strong commitment to God. She wanted to marry a committed Christian, and I wanted to find a lifelong partner who would be committed to God.
2. A loving family: We all come from a family of origin with strong cohesion. The brothers and sisters in the family have a close relationship. When we grow up, we still support, help and take care of each other. So not only did she love her family, she loved my family as well.
3. Family blueprint: Regarding the Chinese cultural traditions that I was born and raised here and the American cultural traditions that she is more familiar with, we all hope to eliminate the unnecessary and retain the essentials, integrate them, and then use biblical values as the core to manage marriage and family affairs. family. This is why she will start the "Home Schooling" project with immense patience and perseverance in the future. Of course, we understand that "learning at home" is only one of the ways for parents to strengthen their children's faith and moral education, and it is not the only or absolute one, but we think it is worth a try.
These common strong beliefs have enabled us to overcome many difficulties and turn "differences" into "mutual benefit" in the years we have been together.
I was twenty-nine years old when I got married. I was born and raised in Taiwan. When Lishan met me, although she could speak Chinese, she was already very unfamiliar with Chinese characters. I am a third-generation Christian, and she is the only child in my family who believes in the Lord. We grew up in very different environments and have quite different cultural backgrounds. But thank the Lord, our marriage has gradually improved over the course of twenty-two years. Of course it has an absolute relationship with our complementarity and mutual assistance.
Different but beneficial to each other
When I first met her, I had just arrived in the United States. I was a new immigrant and a complete outsider to American culture. Lishan has completed junior high school, high school, and college in the United States and works in a large American company. It was she who taught me how to drive and taught me common sense about the United States. Not only did she not look down on me, but she "recognized heroes with a keen eye", helped me gain a foothold and encouraged me to perform.
Her involvement in literature is quite rudimentary, let alone her in-depth understanding of Chinese literature. Although she participated in a Chinese Bible study class during her college years and was exposed to it after her marriage, which greatly improved her Chinese proficiency, she was not a person with literary talent or the ability to write. Because of this, my articles have the most honest and reliable first readers, so that my editing, interviews and creations can truly meet the needs of general readers.
My relationships often go awry. I am not an energetic person. I tend to talk a lot on stage but remain taciturn off stage. Therefore, more sensitive people may mistakenly think that I have a prejudice against them. I often blurt out and say the wrong things. For example: when I see a fat sister wearing loose clothes, I may congratulate her on her pregnancy without thinking; or I may presumptuously ask some older single sisters who seem to be more mature, " How many children do you have?” or “How old are the children?” Fortunately, Lishan always smoothed things over for me.
In public places, I sometimes focus on my own thoughts and spiritual world, and she will remind me and bring me back to reality. In addition to being careful in writing and editing, I am actually quick-tempered, quick-tempered, and prone to making mistakes if I am not careful. She is just the opposite, slow and meticulous.
During the summer vacation of 2005, our family watched the Korean drama "Dae Jang Geum" together. There was a line in the dialogue: "There is no secret recipe for learning to cook. Sincerity and time are the secret ingredients." The extension of Yu Lishan's way of doing things could not be more appropriate. Although I was often impatient with her slow movements, I couldn't help but say, "I can rest assured that you will do your job."
sunny woman
People who come into contact with Lishan for the first time will most likely be deeply impressed by her loud laughter. The strings of hearty laughter with a sunny atmosphere are just like her unpretentious and unpretentious character.
Her innate approachability makes it easy for people to feel her sincere care. In interpersonal interactions, she always puts herself in others' shoes and considers others' feelings, never taking advantage of others or abusing favors. If you can not trouble others, try not to trouble others; if you can serve others, try to serve others. She firmly believes that "it is more blessed to give than to receive", so many people regard her as a lifelong friend. Despite changes in circumstances and time and space, these old friends will still think of her all the time and always want to consult with her when they encounter major turning points in their lives. .
These character traits of hers are exactly what I lack, especially her ability to deal with interpersonal relationships. She is really sent by God to make up for my shortcomings. And her simple trust in the Lord is what I admire the most. She would rather adopt strict standards to implement biblical values and be consistent in doing so, but she is also strict with herself and lenient with others.
I often say that her "road is narrow but her heart is broad." She walks a path of high standards but is tolerant of all kinds of people, including me, who often have different “lights” on the details of scripture. This is an extremely valuable quality in a modern society with ambiguous moral concepts and values, as well as in a church that is accustomed to judging people based on dogmatic laws.
During my marriage, she became my true confidant and the first person I wanted to talk to when I had something to do. Her reasonable and soft nature makes our communication smooth in the end, even if we encounter difficulties.
When I first met Lishan, she was a single woman of considerable wealth, but she publicly declared that her greatest ambition in life was to be a stay-at-home mother.
After she became pregnant with my eldest son in 1986, she quit her job. However, because I was eager to start a ministry, I dragged her in as a "full-time volunteer." Therefore, her wish was not truly realized until 1995. She is good at managing her family and lives a colorful life based on the principle of frugality. She teaches children to make good use of limited resources to seek joy and satisfaction, hoping that they can be both lacking and rich without getting lost.
When I first met Lishan, I was single, had no assets, and had no academic qualifications in the United States. But she was with me every step of the way, fully tolerant, and fully supportive. Not only that, in the marriage journey that followed for more than 22 years, even though she experienced various setbacks, heavy blows, and continuous adversities in the church, institutions, families, health, and finances, she was not only able to stand up on her own by relying on the Lord, It can also help me stand up, work with her to reset the goals of life, life, and service, and change course and start again. This kind of heat, love, and vitality, as well as the determination and actions to implement the faith in daily, monthly, and yearly life, are truly admirable. My gratitude and heartache for her are beyond words.
▲The picture above is a family portrait of Su Wen'an and Lishan, taken in 2001. Those sitting in the front row are Su's father and Su's mother.
▼The picture below was taken at the bedside of Su’s mother after she suffered a second stroke in 2004.
Create miracles in love
Lishan's total commitment to marriage is also reflected in her treatment of my family. The two elders have been living with us since my mother suffered a stroke in August 2003. My mother, who was eighty-seven at the time, was paralyzed on her right side and could not speak. Although she had a caregiver to help her, things were still complicated. My father, who was nearly ninety, was strong-willed. And a strong sense of autonomy. The two elders' food, clothing, housing, transportation, medical affairs, and social activities are all complicated and there are many emergencies. However, Lishan's love, patience, tolerance, and commitment to the elderly far exceed that of my son. At the same time, she has to shoulder the responsibility of "learning at home" for her three children every day.
With a family of five, including two elderly people and two nursing assistants, she takes care of them in an orderly manner. Each member of the family has their own problems and needs. She uses love to maintain the relationship and creates miracles in her love.
In the summer of 2004, my mother suffered a second stroke. When she was receiving treatment in the hospital, her condition was serious. We were worried that she would never be able to get out of bed again, and we were unable to take care of her on our own for a long time. After discussion with all the brothers and sisters, a more satisfactory nursing home was selected and prepared to be sent to him as soon as he was discharged.
Just before she was sent to the nursing home, Lishan told me that she observed the look in my mother's eyes and felt that her consciousness was still very clear. She could not bear to send her mother-in-law to the nursing home to die, and was willing to take my mother home and let her continue her life. Enjoy the warmth of family company on the last journey. This is not an easy choice, and it also means that Lishan will have to pay a greater price. Although I am my son, the main burden must fall on her. I asked her again and again: "Are you really willing?" She expressed her willingness very firmly.
So, after another emergency family meeting, we took my mother back home to live with her. After two or three months, my mother was not only able to get out of bed, but she was also able to walk a few shaky steps on crutches with the support of family members, and she could also express her feelings through gestures. That she can make such progress, communicate with us, understand the love of our children and grandchildren, and continue to watch and pray for us can be said to be a miracle born of Lishan's reluctance and filial piety.
My family certainly helps in every way, but the main burden is naturally on Lishan’s shoulders. For this daughter-in-law who grew up in the United States but is so filial, the Su family can only admire: "It's so wonderful!"
Serving from the Inside Out
Lisan and I strongly agree with what the German theologian Pastor Bonhoeffer said:
"The meaning of marriage is far more than the love between two people. Marriage is based on God's divine decree, so it has higher dignity and power. God decides to continue human existence through His decree until the end of time. In love, you Two people see each other in the world. In marriage, you become a link in the long chain of inheritance. God brings us to the world from generation to generation, and then we leave this world and return to His glory and enter His kingdom. The two of you only see each other's happy paradise. In your marriage, you two have to stand responsible for the world and mankind. Your love is something that you both hold privately, but your marriage goes beyond the personal scope and becomes. A status and responsibility."
I hope that our marriage is one where we truly enjoy our marriage, where husband and wife are companions to each other, become one body, and can glorify God and benefit others. Really, if couples can work together to live out the meaning of marriage, it will be a great event. We deeply feel that the family is a vessel that God can reuse. Many major events in the kingdom of God begin to sprout from families that are pious and love the Lord.
We both also attach great importance to the upbringing of our children. God has given us three children. If we train them to be three people after God’s heart, we will build three families after God’s heart in the future.
According to research, it is conservatively estimated that an average person will come into contact with about 2,000 to 3,000 influential people with whom he interacts in his lifetime. These people include family members, relatives, classmates, teachers, colleagues, bosses, customers, people involved in accidents or legal proceedings. In other words, if you hurt a child, it means that the harm will affect many people, but if you create a child, it can form an unexpected cycle of kindness.
Of course, what we have done so far is still far from the goal. The eldest will only enter college this year. Everything has not been settled yet. It is not yet time to judge success or failure, but we are willing to run towards the benchmark together.
In the early years of my ministry, for a good ten years, I had a completely work-oriented, achievement-driven mentality. It may seem like he has a big reputation, but in fact it is beyond his spiritual life and inner quality. He is full of loopholes in leadership, pastoral care, words and deeds, and interpersonal relationships. The more successful it is on the surface, the more fragile it is on the inside. Lishan tried her best to remind me and advise me, but I turned a deaf ear. I stumbled, staggered, and rushed forward until I was completely defeated.
Thank God, after two or three years of adjustment and transition, Lishan helped me understand that all visions, ambitions and life plans must first return to the family. Otherwise, no matter how much glamorous service there is outside, it will be just an empty shelf. If you don't start from the core business, but blindly seek applause and applause from the outside, you are putting the cart before the horse. In the end, it may cause a failure and collapse overnight.
Lishan and I are determined to study hard and regard our relationship with Christ as the center of our lives, and use this as the foundation to work with God step by step from the inside out, building relationships with family first, then relatives and co-workers, And then to readers, listeners, communities, etc. This is what I have often shared with my classmates in the writing camp over the years - "Workers come before work, authors are more important than works, and sincerity is better than everything else."
Journalist profile
Luo Qihua, currently living in Los Angeles, loves to write about the wonderful deeds of God on people.