who cares? Who cares?
[US East KRC Family Story Writing Workshop] Appreciation of Works
Thirty years after coming to the United States, my mother returned to Taiwan due to illness. Only five days later, she returned to heaven!
The night before the memorial service, the pastor came to the house and asked our children and grandchildren to express their thoughts about our mother. When it was my turn as the youngest to miss my mother, I couldn't even say a few words before my second sister loudly refuted it: "Mom doesn't do that!"
Suddenly, I felt like a gingerbread child, completely filled with fear and helplessness, expressionless and speechless... and like a wounded kitten, huddled at the foot of the wall, licking its wounds.
time bomb
The scene of being hurt since childhood comes to mind - shouting loudly! Every time the whole family went out for a banquet, I heard my second sister shouting, "Just bring your most beautiful and adorable little daughter!" But I could only hide behind my mother's skirt, at a loss. She also often said: "Why does my brother have it but I don't?" "Why do I have to wear the clothes my eldest sister wears?"
After returning to Taiwan several times to visit relatives, my second sister's temper remained the same. She once prepared breakfast early in the morning and would kick my door if I didn't come out to eat on time.
Another time, we were waiting for my sister-in-law to take us out for dinner on the second floor of my mother's house at about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. My daughter was practicing the piano while waiting. Until six o'clock, due to traffic jams, we waited for a long time without seeing my sister-in-law! The second sister suddenly appeared and angrily accused us of making her very upset as soon as we returned to Taiwan. She burst into rage, broke the water bottle, and kicked us out the door. The daughter cried and said, "Mom... this is domestic violence, we should call the police!"
The youngest’s duty?
I grew up in a four-generation family. When I was little, my mother couldn't control my second sister's temper. She always said, "I'm sorry, let's just be patient! I can't teach her." Every time there was a gathering, I was always frightened and didn't know what action or plot was going to happen. It's on...
After being away from home for more than thirty years, I suddenly realized: my family has always wanted me to be patient and unable to communicate. I was raised in this kind of family of origin. Although I believed that God loved me and sacrificed Himself for me, and I also learned Christian sacrifice and patience, no one in my family really understood what another person was thinking in his heart.
Is it my natural duty as the youngest to be submissive and have ears but no mouth? I suddenly don’t know who I am? Is "good" the best? Since I was a child, I have been the peacemaker and punching bag in my family. My task is to help the family spread the word, because my brother does not talk to my second sister, and my brother and sisters have not talked to their parents for ten years! No wonder my eldest sister said before I left the country: "Our 'salt' is leaving, who will mix it in the future?"
the Lord's provision
In the blink of an eye, six years have passed since my mother was taken away by the Lord, and my daughter is about to get married! Although we have prayed for our daughter since she was a child, hoping that her marriage partner would be a Christian, that she would be in good health, and that her parents would believe in the Lord, our hearts have always been concerned about her. My son-in-law’s whole family is a person who has been renewed by God. It is more wonderful than any of the wonderful testimonials I have read, but it takes a lot of faith to believe it!
My son-in-law played American football from junior high school to college graduation and won numerous trophies. In the eyes of others, he is an unbeatable roly-poly who often makes his daughter happy. brother. He is truly the son-in-law that our eyes have never seen, our ears have never heard, and our hearts have never thought of!
coordinated chorus
Looking back on the past thirty years, from leaving home, getting married, and sending my daughter to someone else, I once again see the changes over the years - unknowingly, I have become a perfectionist.
Since I was little, my heart has been so eager to see my family living together in harmony and serving the Lord! For many years, my family of origin, which was a Christian in name only, made me very disappointed in the Lord. The fear buried deep in my heart was - why didn't He change our family? My heart is full of anger and helplessness, and I long for a home where the Lord is the greatest!
Thank God, He has personally built the family my husband and I have built over the past thirty years. My husband and I pray wholeheartedly every day, asking Him to help us build a home that glorifies God and benefits others. We hope that our children will love and serve the Lord, and the Lord has mercy on us and answers our prayers. Sometimes it is inevitable to think negatively: The family is originally a quartet, but if the daughter gets married and the son becomes independent, they can only sing as a duet, and I don’t know who will sing solo one day?
But God renewed my mind, and two people became four people, and four people became eight people…. It may sometimes sound discordant, but one day we will be able to praise Him with beautiful harmony!
Obediently listen to God’s words
Now that I am about to send my beloved daughter away, I have begun to bring my "perfectionism" into reality again - drawing a blueprint for my daughter's wedding. no! I have to learn not to speak out for the couple. This is the time to let God take control. I have to learn the lesson of "open your mouth to the Lord and shut your mouth to others." How many tears and prayers were involved in preparing for the wedding?
None of my three brothers and sisters are coming, and neither are my husband’s two sisters, three sisters, two brothers, and his family! Instead, my cousin, cousin-in-law, eldest sister's two daughters and two nephews came. Is it true that none of the biological brothers and sisters can show up? But God’s hand continues to work, and man’s hope sometimes fails, but the son-in-law’s hope is greatly blessed by the Lord.
His father was involved in lawsuits and could not go abroad for twelve years. The son-in-law was so eager to see God make a way for his father to attend the wedding, but God really allowed him to come out two weeks before the wedding. He only had two weeks to go abroad. I’m going back right after the wedding!
At this time, the Lord asked me to confess my sins and repent. For many years, I always thought that my ideas "might" be better than His, but who could I ask to come and who wouldn't come? Where to treat and who to treat? It’s time to make a documentary film, it’s time to do this, it’s time to do that! Over the past thirty years, I have changed from a "very good" person to a "very opinionated" person. However, the good work God has done in me will one day come true, so I still choose to be a good person. Hear the word of God!
The smallest wedding with the most grace
We love because God first loved us - this sentence from the Bible has been lingering in my mind during those two months. His grace is so vast! He lets me know that I will make mistakes, but He never makes mistakes.
My daughter originally owed too much student loan, did not dare to make friends, and did not want to get married; she was determined to pay off her student loan before marriage. The result is: they want to have a "very small wedding", just make a covenant before God, no cake, no money on refreshments.
Although my dear family members are not here, the love among my friends and God’s family can really be described as “full of blessings from the Lord.” How amazing His love is. During their wedding, which they planned carefully, kept everything simple, and didn’t even have a cake, more than 600 brothers and sisters from the church came! The love for them in the Lord’s extended family is closer than our own family members! Our friends from far and wide love us so too! What is even more grateful is that my daughter, who originally refused to get married and had always said she wanted to pay off her student loan first, actually received tens of thousands of dollars in gifts during her wedding, and her student loan was finally paid off!
who cares? The Lord cares!
The home our God has given us is truly a place filled with His amazing love. I no longer feel sad or aggrieved or dissatisfied with my family members who cannot come to the gathering. I just pray for them with all my heart, so that love can come from heaven again. When love fills me, I can continue to love!
who cares? I really care, but what good results can my demands for "perfection" bring? But this Lord of the universe allows me to trust His words and faithfulness, and allows me to appreciate His great deeds with peace and joy! I completely understood that all of this depends on the Lord who loves us!