What do you need?

Real fake friends? Fake real friends?

The first time I came into contact with AI was when I saw a floor vacuuming robot in a friend’s home. I also heard reports that the pet dog pooped on the ground at night, and the floor vacuuming robot started to wipe the dog poop into every corner of the house! I said to myself, after all, robots are robots and cannot replace human functions.

Gradually, I heard people mention the use of AI, such as in hospital nursing departments and so on. It wasn’t until I read the report on AI Girlfriend by the American media “The Hill” that I realized that artificial intelligence not only helps people “do things”, but has advanced to the point of replacing the interaction between people!

This article stated that the rise of AI girlfriends is secretly contributing to the loneliness epidemic among a generation of young men, which will have serious consequences for the future of the United States.

With an AI girlfriend, will there be an AI boyfriend? I searched online, and sure enough it was there. According to the advertisement, you can enjoy all the happiness brought by a perfect man, but without any responsibility or pressure. Just download the APP, and a beautiful "relationship" with zero pressure will be formed at your fingertips.

The 2013 sci-fi romance film "Her" depicts a lonely man who falls in love with an "artificial intelligence assistant" with a female voice in the computer operating system during the divorce process. The imaginary virtual relationship in science fiction movies has really appeared in life. AI girlfriends and boyfriends, are they fake real friends, or are they really fake friends? ...What does this mean?

We don't need friends?

"Have you ever heard the song 'I Am a Rock?' It's a symbol of who I am." In my psychology clinic, patient Peter^NotesDescribe yourself this way. The lyrics say:

Peter was a missionary and did humanitarian relief in very dangerous areas. His wife left him shortly after the marriage and he is still unmarried; he sought psychological counseling for interpersonal reasons. He said this song in particular expresses how he feels, "I'm a rock, I don't need anyone else."

One sister mentioned that her husband had built a "man cave" in the basement and liked to stay there. The husband said, "I don't need friends."

Another young male patient, Louis, grew up in a small seaside community, surrounded by playmates who grew up together. They often met to play ball, go fishing and watch football games together, and also drank together, getting drunk from time to time. After his girlfriend of ten years left, I asked him if he ever mentioned the pain in his heart to his friends. He said, "We don't talk about this." They did things together, but they didn't talk about their inner feelings. Asked about his mood, Louis often said: "I'm busy; I don't know how else to feel."

Louis had never met his father and had no idea of his condition; his mother had been an alcoholic before her death. He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and also had a tendency to drink alcohol. What he said most often was, "I only have myself."

In the book "How We Love", psychologists Milan and Kay Yerkovich describe many different kinds of "love" based on their own marriage and work experiences, which are also related to The ways in which people are "connected" (attachment styles). One of them is "Avoider".

"Avoidant" people consciously or unconsciously avoid feelings, especially negative and painful feelings, due to their personality and childhood experiences. They generally look happy in the crowd, but when asked about their experiences or feelings, they will say: "I don't remember; I don't know." They are very independent, and one thing they often say is: "I'm fine; I No help needed."

During a consultation with Peter, I suddenly realized that sometimes a person needs to be like a rock - to serve in a dangerous environment, he needs to be tenacious and strong, put aside his emotions for a while, and get the job done. Another example is that Louis needs to be strong and take on the responsibilities of life when his parents are absent. I realized that in a challenging world, at certain stages and circumstances, one needs a character as hard as stone. And such characteristics may also be strengths given by God.

So are we really just rocks?

What do people need?

At the counseling center where I work, new patients come in with a comprehensive battery of psychological assessments. When it comes time to begin summarizing a treatment plan, the first question is: What do you think your needs are? Many times patients will pause for a moment to think about the answer.

Counselors help patients outline the short-term goals and long-term goals of psychological counseling from their needs. I have observed that one very modest goal, long or short term, is to become and stay physically and socially active. Counselors often encourage patients in this way - whether they are elementary school students, teenagers, young office workers, stay-at-home mothers, middle-aged people, retirees, or the disabled. When they remain active on these two levels, the mental health index is relatively stable.

I also found that the social aspect alone is a strong mental health index. Many social workers also emphasize the importance of community to people. Whether patients receiving counseling have friends and a community to which they belong directly affects their support system. Loneliness or isolation is a sign that needs to be paid attention to in the field of behavioral science, indicating many facts that have happened and exist now, as well as possible hidden dangers. It is also associated with many psychological and behavioral conditions, such as anxiety, depression, mania, pessimism, suicidal and homicidal thoughts and behaviors, alcoholism and drug abuse, various addictions...

God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Does this also indicate that man has a deeper need? I am thinking about the impact that AI technology will have on behavioral science as AI technology changes with each passing day. Could the company of AI friends become a useful community? In the near future, will AI appear in patients' psychological counseling goals? Or, will AI become one of the treatment options? Can sophisticated programming intervene and replace human interaction?

What do people need for "relationships"?

What is alive?

"How do you distinguish between living things and dead things?"

In an art hobby club, when everyone was observing animals and plants, this question suddenly came up for some reason. I suddenly discovered this seemingly obvious fact, but if I think about it seriously, it is really not easy to give an answer.

What is alive? What is not alive? What to distinguish? Who can tell the difference? Does it only apply to physical entities?

After doing some research, I found out that I am not the only one who finds this difficult. Wikipedia explains: “The definition of life has always been a challenge for scientists and philosophers. This is partly because life is a process, not a substance, and is complicated by a lack of understanding of the nature of living organisms. … There are currently at least 123 species of life. definition."

One day while praying silently in the living room, I felt the light in front of my eyes and the warmth on my forehead. Open your eyes and find that your entire face is illuminated by bright sunlight. At that moment, countless rays of sunlight were refracted from the glass of the door; in the yard, the leaves were beating lively, flickering and dancing in the wind.

You can feel the vigorous vitality in your gaze, even doors and windows cannot stop it. That beauty, confidence, abundance, joy, passion... calls me to respond. Close your eyes and immerse your body, mind and soul in interacting with the life force given you. A flash of inspiration: This is life!

Living things interact: the inner body is actively connected at different levels; the outer body is connected with sunlight, water, air, and the environment. From receiving and giving, there is intimate connection and transformation. The thing that is not alive, ceases all interaction.

As one website attempts to give a definition: living and non-living objects may be distinguished by their ability to carry out life processes, such as functioning, breathing, growing, responding to external stimuli, and regenerating productivity.

Is this an appropriate way to understand relationships?

How do you share your life with others?

In the movie "Her", the AI computer operating system with a female voice named Samantha, when talking to the male protagonist Stodo about his marriage, asked "How do you share your life with others?" between them. There was a lot of talking and a lot of fun; sometimes Samantha was on the table, sometimes in Stoddo's shirt pocket. Stodo led her across the beach and twirled and danced to her. Scott's description of Samantha was: "When she talked to me, I felt like she was with me." Scott's ex-wife angrily said to him: "You always wanted a wife, and you didn't have to Against anything real. I'm glad you finally found it!"

Stodo was firmly grasped by the charming voice and pleasant words; although he could not see the entity, he felt understood and comforted. When she was alone and going through pain, Samantha's sweet and caring words were like plaster on the wound. Stodo personified this voice - an imaginary perfect woman who gradually became involved in her own emotions.

It made me think about human needs and the struggle to find the satisfaction of those needs. After working in the mental health field for a while, you can observe that everyone tries to deal with and solve problems in different ways in the hope of gaining control of their lives. It’s just that some of the strategies used are ineffective or even harmful. People turn to alcohol, drugs, video games, pornography, gambling, etc. in an attempt to relax, escape stress, and avoid pain. All ineffective or harmful methods have common characteristics: unilateral private operation; short-term pleasure; forming dependence and addiction; causing long-term damage to the body and mind; and negatively affecting the family and community.

Counselors work with patients to formulate treatment goals and find appropriate and effective ways to deal with life and stress. These various coping strategies also have common characteristics: interacting with people and communities; requiring endurance and persistence; establishing new habits and character; having a lasting sense of satisfaction; and contributing to one's family and community.

If there are obvious opposites between effective and ineffective coping styles, it is that one is the interaction between people and the other is the manipulation of things; one is sharing and the other is hiding; one is long-lasting delayed gratification and the other is short-lived. Instant pleasure.

"How do you share your life with someone?" Is it possible that the question of how the operating system is programmed is the beginning of our search for the answer?

living spirit

“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” God created us—living beings—in His image and likeness. We have the needs and desires set by Him: food, clothing, shelter, and transportation; interacting with others and sharing life. People can create sophisticated programs, but they cannot program souls; life comes from God.

The "Mountain" report expressed concerns about the possible impact of the trend of men looking for AI girlfriends on society: the fertility rate has dropped significantly; society lacks labor force. Because of the image and likeness of God, how can humans created by God be content to interact with false, inanimate objects? People have tried and are still trying to replace human interaction with various things, such as addictions such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, or entertainment such as television, video games, Internet friends, etc., but all have failed. We can only meaningfully share life with living beings who are also "spirits."

AI boyfriends and girlfriends are just another substitute created for themselves by people who are far away from God at this time. The emergence of AI boyfriends and girlfriends shows people’s need for intimacy. It’s just that throughout history, no created object, no matter how popular it was at the time, can satisfy people’s real desires or replace people. Human relationships are real because they are free-will, uncontrolled interactions; they may hurt each other, but they can also bring real comfort; they understand each other deeply and gain an intimate understanding of each other.

The humans created by God are not rocks, but living humans with souls and bodies. The lyrics of "I Am a Rock" are less a declaration of independence than a cry for emotional need. When a brother says, "I don't need friends," what he really thinks deep down in his heart may be: "It's not easy to find good friends, it's too troublesome. Forget it, watch football and watch videos, that's fine."

The most effective way to help people with any addiction is group therapy. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has successfully used groups to help many people stay sober. In the group, each person introduces himself by saying: Hello, I am a recovering alcoholic. Frank acknowledgment and acceptance of each other is the first step to healing and change.

How can Christians in the church implement this specifically?

Let the soul be released

The Bible is not a book about psychology, but all the foundational theories of psychology can be found in the Bible. James 5:16 says:"Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great effect."God has given humans the need for close connection with others; the need for interpersonal understanding and interaction. There is no more effective way to achieve intimacy than confessing your sins to each other.

Rob Reimer said at the Soul Care Conference: "We confess our sins to God and receive forgiveness; we confess our sins to others and receive healing." The human body needs to be washed to stay healthy; the soul needs to be washed Confession brings deliverance. Hiding deep secrets makes people feel ashamed and separated from others. When you feel isolated and not accepted, you will use other things to escape and replace your connection with others. What you get in exchange is false, short-lived, and even harmful pleasure.

If you can admit your struggles and failures, will the eyes of your fellow members of the body shine with care and compassion?

It seems that all good things require hard work to obtain. When you are exhausted, it is also when you gain vitality and ability; by constantly trying and waiting for results, you develop endurance and tenacity.

It really takes courage to interact with others sincerely and to open up your weak side. How often, despite the struggle deep inside, it seems so much easier to tell people I'm fine. Instead of complaining about the lack of open and honest safety atmosphere, why not start from ourselves? When others greet you, truly state your situation and needs, and give yourself a chance to receive comfort, encouragement, and forgiveness. At the same time, it also gives others an opportunity to share, allowing sincere interactions to begin.

I pray that under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, loneliness and isolation will become less and less, a safe and non-judgmental atmosphere and environment will emerge, and you and I can truly appreciate the intimate interaction and connection of the Body of Christ.

Perhaps the first step is to bravely ask yourself——

What do you need?

Note:To protect privacy, the cases used in this article are pseudonyms.

Ouhua graduated from the Counseling Department of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and is currently a registered psychological counselor in Massachusetts. I love nature, reading, thinking, painting, listening to humorous stories, taking walks with my husband after meals, and gathering with friends to pray. Also enjoying the responsibilities and joys of being a grandma to Lexington, a corgi. The deepest passion is to share the only love and truth in the world with others; the deepest desire and joy is to experience Jesus in life.