Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, Experiencing Life's Blessings
Let go! Entrust everything to God!
Born into a wealthy family, but due to my father's business failure, I was forced to work part-time while studying from junior high school until I graduated with a master's degree. After that, I successfully found employment. People who know me are aware that I am a woman with "a strong sense of responsibility, diligence, and busy in both public and private life," working during the day and attending classes (learning and teaching) at night. I retired from a managerial position after 30 years of service at Lite-On Technology. Afterwards, I taught at community colleges and also worked as a host at Good News Radio. I got married after retirement, then was hired as a director at a solar energy company, and served as the head coach for cross-strait character education, as well as the secretary-general of the Grace Social Welfare Foundation and the Taiwan KRC.
God is truly humorous! The severe illness I faced in 2023 forced me to "let go and entrust everything to God!" I enjoyed a year of rest. Below is my journey of being diagnosed with cancer, relying on the Lord for strength to face it courageously, and actively cooperating with the hospital's treatment. Through this serious illness, I experienced a peace that surpasses understanding and received blessings amidst loss. I hope that my sharing can comfort and encourage readers who are suffering from illness, enabling them to live more healthily for the Lord!
A Bolt from the Blue
In June 2023, after accompanying my husband on a company trip to Japan, I gained weight rapidly and began exercising actively. Unexpectedly, I developed symptoms similar to "piriformis syndrome," causing nerve pain and numbness in my lower body and making it difficult to walk quickly. The condition worsened over time. After examination, it was discovered that I had breast cancer, and the cancer cells were suspected to have spread to my spine, causing the second and fourth lumbar vertebrae to be completely eroded by cancer cells in a short period. The condition became so severe that I was unable to drive, sit, stand, or walk. In October, I was referred to Dr. Tseng Feng-Yi, a spine specialist at National Taiwan University Hospital, for more thorough examinations, which revealed the critical nature of my condition.
When I learned about my serious illness, it was like a bolt from the blue, and I truly couldn't accept it internally. Having married late, in the two years after my wedding, I had never used my health insurance card except for regular dental check-ups, and hadn't seen doctors in other departments. I had always paid great attention to health maintenance and had successively obtained certifications as a meridian therapist, a certificate in specialized skills for traditional Chinese medicine, dual certifications as a plant essential oil therapy rehabilitation therapist and a German Rhine aromatherapist, as well as a French scientific aromatherapist, among others. I was often invited to give lectures on health-related topics at various organizations. I never imagined that I would "fall ill," and so severely at that!
I am very independent, always trying not to trouble others, and enthusiastic about public welfare. After falling ill, I could barely do anything but lie down, needing support even to get in and out of bed, almost like a semi-vegetative state. Even the simplest tasks like eating, grooming, dressing and undressing, using the toilet, and so on, all required assistance from others. This made me extremely depressed and sad.
I was particularly anxious about invasive surgery, fearing severe damage to my body. Moreover, if the spinal surgery were unsuccessful, it could result in paralysis at best, or death at worst. Despite my naturally optimistic and cheerful nature, when faced with such uncertainty and the unavoidable enormous medical expenses, I initially resisted. My husband reluctantly agreed to my refusal of examinations and treatment at National Taiwan University Hospital.
However, the final straw that broke the camel's back came on the morning of October 18th. I had merely gotten up to drink a glass of water, and although I could get out of bed and stand on my own, when I turned around, my legs suddenly gave out completely, causing me to fall heavily and sit on the floor.
I finally realized: I was truly ill, and severely so. I had no choice but to face reality and accept treatment.
Urgent Watchful Prayer
On the day of the surgery, my husband, my third younger sister, and Sister Chang, the caregiver, were at the hospital keeping watch and praying for me. At the same time, Sister A had invited many pastors and pastor’s wives from both home and abroad, along with Sister S, to kneel and pray fervently in relay for nearly two hours until the surgery was completed. When I learned about this, I was deeply grateful, and my worries disappeared. As someone who was ill and unable to handle anything, all I could do was entrust all my burdens to God.
From October 26, 2023, when I had surgery, until December 2024, I underwent over 400 days of treatment. Initially, I could barely stand or sit for long periods. Whenever I was in pain, I had to take morphine or long-acting painkillers with every meal to alleviate the discomfort, but I still had to get up more than five times each night. However, there was a noticeable improvement after the surgery until I was discharged. Dr. Tseng wouldn't allow me to stay in the hospital for a few more days, instead insisting on removing the stitches and pins on the day of discharge. At the time, I didn't understand his seemingly cold-hearted approach. Looking back now, I'm grateful for his well-intentioned efforts. Like an eagle forcing its young to leave the comfort zone, his aim was to make me quickly become independent and grow stronger, leaving the hospital's valuable resources for patients in more urgent need.
The Road to Recovery
In the first month after surgery, my spine and left chest wounds were red and swollen, causing skin pain that prevented me from lying flat. The lower half of my body was sore, numb, and painful, making it impossible to stand or sit for long periods. Every day, I dreaded facing the iron corset, forcing myself to practice walking with a four-wheeled walker, but I would be exhausted after less than 10 minutes. Each morning, I took long-acting painkillers to have the courage and energy to get up and do simple rehabilitation exercises. Although I had no appetite, I forced myself to consume liquid diets. I still needed the caregiver's help for using the toilet and cleaning myself. At night, I had to rely on painkillers to barely fall asleep, yet I would wake up more than three times throughout the night.
After a comprehensive examination, I learned that the cancer cells had not only invaded my spine but had also spread to my brain, lungs, liver, and lymph nodes. My mood hit rock bottom. I questioned God every day: Is there still hope for life? This illness not only made the future seem bleak, but the extreme physical pain also made living undignified. Combined with an inexplicable fear in my heart, it was truly agonizing!
I began two weeks of intensive radiation therapy with ten sessions. Although my condition did not improve immediately, God changed me, turning my sorrow into joy. Each day, I wore the iron corset with a grateful heart and happily practiced walking with the walker. Gradually, I was able to walk for more than 20 minutes, and I was deeply thankful for this progress. My use of painkillers also decreased, though I still needed the caregiver's help with using the toilet and cleaning my body.
New Year's new hope for January 2024: I gave myself a concrete action plan for change, not to "eat, drink, and wait for death." Every day, I read the Bible, prayed, wrote in my journal, exercised for rehabilitation, sang, and painted. In the beginning, it took eight hours to complete a single painting, but surprisingly, I forgot about the pain while painting, which was unexpected.
At that time, I started taking targeted medications, which made me easily fatigued, and my blood test results were poor. Because of this, the doctor specifically reminded me to avoid contact with crowds and dining out as much as possible during this period. From then on, "homebody" became my nickname. Friends and relatives were also afraid of disturbing my rest, so no one called or video chatted with me. As a result, I spent an exceptionally quiet Lunar New Year!
Although there were no significant changes in my physical condition or daily life, it was worth celebrating that I no longer needed a walker to walk, switching instead to a pair of trekking poles. My rehabilitation exercise time also increased to one hour, and I mustered the courage to sit on a tatami mat for meals. The moment I was able to sit down, tears welled up in my eyes. I was overjoyed at my courage and progress.
During my recovery period, my spiritual father in the United States sent many caring items, which warmed my wounded body and soul, filling me with more hope and strength to face the future. After three months of taking targeted medications, the tumor in my left breast shrank slightly, but side effects persisted. Nevertheless, I felt that my body was improving "today compared to yesterday."
Seven months after surgery, all wounds had completely healed. I continued my daily "don't eat, drink, and wait for death" concrete action plan for change. After examining my X-rays, Dr. Tseng Feng-Yi encouraged me to stop relying on trekking poles and practice walking with balance on both feet. He also personally invited me to be the "patient sharing" speaker for this evaluation. It was truly an honor
With a joyful heart, quality sleep, adequate nutrition, and a regular lifestyle, my weight recovered, and my spirit, energy, and vitality were fully restored. During my follow-up visit to the oncology department, the doctor informed me that the breast cancer tumor had significantly shrunk, and my blood indicators were gradually returning to normal. I am grateful for the comprehensive examinations provided by the hospital and the treatment given by the doctors and their team, which allowed me to regain "powerful mobility and energetic living" in such a short time. The gratitude in my heart is difficult to express in words.
Entering the summer of 2024, my mood remained joyful, and I resumed "caring for potted plants." Through nurturing flowers and trees, my spirit was healed; dormant potted plants surprisingly thrived to the point of producing offspring, enough to be divided into multiple pots. The vigorous vitality of the plants inspired my own hope for recovery.
In August, when I returned to the National Taiwan University Hospital's orthopedic department for a follow-up, the attending physician was pleasantly surprised to discover that my second and fourth vertebrae had actually regrown bone. Thank God! What is impossible with man is possible with God! So I invited the doctor and nurses to pray together with us, and the doctor also responded with "Amen!"
Later, during a follow-up visit to the oncology department, the doctor compared the reports from April and August and found that the areas previously showing cancer cell infection had significantly improved, with some even disappearing.
Throughout these days, although my health condition has been constantly fluctuating, my spirit has been joyful in the Lord every day! I believe God esteems me, refining me to become a skilled soldier in His kingdom. I trust that "those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy!"
During the November follow-up, Dr. Tseng from the orthopedic department was very surprised after looking at the X-rays. My second and fourth vertebrae, which had been completely eaten away by cancer cells, were originally hollow and black inside the frame, but now they had turned completely white, having fully regrown.
At the oncology follow-up in December, Dr. Chang, after reviewing the report, encouraged me to continue getting sunlight, doing rehabilitation exercises, resting well, and eating nutritious food. She said that all indicators were steadily improving, especially the white blood cell count, which had risen from below 1,000 to now over 4,000, and the cancer marker had also decreased to 9.5.
God's Word Has Power
During this year of battling cancer, in addition to my husband's wholehearted care, I received concern and earnest prayers from relatives, friends, and church members. More importantly, I diligently read the Bible every day. Regular spiritual nourishment gave me the strength and energy to face the illness. For example, Romans 5:3-5 says: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
At the onset of my illness, my mood and spiritual life were greatly affected because being cared for by others conflicted with my independent nature. The scripture reminded me to rejoice even in suffering, knowing that God was refining me to become pure gold. Because there is hope in the Lord, and the key to hope not putting us to shame is God's love being poured into our hearts. I know God loves me, and He also moves my family, church members, and medical team to love me. I am grateful for this! I also believe that more praise and less complaint can exert a positive influence, allowing Christ to live in my life, and for me to live out the life He has given me.
During my recovery, I had the opportunity to visit patients in the hospital, sharing my journey of walking through the valley of the shadow of death, where God surprisingly allowed me to gain benefits from my losses. I also led this fellow patient in prayer. I firmly believe that He is still with me, will continue to bless me, and will bless more people through me.
Angel's Scripture Sharing
However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. (1 Peter 4:16)
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26)
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)