Set up walls of love
[Expert response]
The relationship between people is very complicated. Everyone has asked two questions in his heart since childhood: one is "Do you love me?" The other is "Can I trust you?" Everyone hopes to receive care, understanding and affirmation from others.
However, it is often our families who hurt us the most. If you receive too much hurt from your family, it will be difficult to build trust in others later on. Therefore, we must keep learning, hold the spirit of "live and learn", and constantly seek breakthroughs and growth in relationships, so as not to live a lifetime of pain and rigidity.
When communicating with others, you must learn to listen, not just literally, but use empathy to understand the other person's inner feelings. Getting along with others is not about "winning" but about getting along harmoniously. When the other party cheats or threatens us, we must set boundaries and keep an appropriate distance to protect our own safety.
For example, when mowing the lawn, if there is no boundary with the neighbors, it is not clear where I should mow and where you should mow? Galatians 6:2, 5 explains that some burdens can be borne by one another, while others must be borne by oneself. Without boundaries, it will lead to immature personality, unclear distinction of responsibilities, or physical and mental exhaustion due to over-responsibility.
We must be responsible for our own feelings, emotions, choices, behaviors, attitudes, etc. We must first establish our self-worth. If we look down on ourselves, how can we help others? Don’t just be patient, because it’s unhealthy to tolerate others; you must set boundaries in love, and when you do things with balance, you will have peace and joy in your heart.
On the contrary, if you obliterate or distort your self-worth and live "according to" the needs of others, your heart will be filled with negative emotions such as helplessness, resentment, bitterness, and even depression. Sometimes, although you don't argue with others verbally, you are not convinced in your heart. Over time, you will gradually lose your "true self".
Children sometimes have the wrong concept: "There are no bad parents in the world" and "Parents are always heroes." Of course, we must honor our parents, but we do not always agree or obey what they ask us to do; older parents must also set an example and respect their younger generation in words and attitudes. Boundaries are built as "fences" of love, which can retain good things and block bad things from entering. Setting boundaries is a way to protect yourself without tolerating others, which benefits both parties.
I hope that each of us can learn to “set boundaries”, maturely shoulder our own responsibilities, and share the peace and joy God gives us according to biblical principles.