The story of the strange woman Ai Ni

This past fall, October was in full bloom on the East Coast. My husband and I took a special flight to California to attend the wedding of a good friend’s daughter.

Clear skies and sunshine, typical Southern California weather. On Saturday afternoon we drove southbound on Route 5. Arrive at the wedding venue - a Spanish-style church with a completely romantic cloister overlooking the Los Angeles Valley.

Accompanied by harp music, two lovely girls walked in and lit two rows of candles on the stage. Then the mother of the bride and groom lights the candles. I saw my best friend appear. Ai Ni was wearing a crimson strapless evening gown, with her natural blond hair pulled into a gorgeous high bun. The blond beauty who captivated everyone when she was young is still graceful and graceful even though she is now approaching the age where the Chinese call her ears soft.

Finally, the harp played the wedding march, and everyone stood up to welcome the bride. Aini's husband Taili walked into the venue with a solemn smile on his arm and their daughter Missy. Missy has big eyes and cloud-like black hair, tied into an elegant French bun. She is such a beautiful oriental woman. Missy's fiancé Timmy was already waiting in front. The pastor asked the congregation: "Who betrothed this girl to this young man?" Taili replied calmly and quietly: "It's me." Then, he tenderly handed Missy to Timmy.

The wedding was held quietly under the setting sun, and the pastor told the story of their acquaintance and friendship. Encourage them with the three R's - Remember the Commitment, Revitalize the Communication and Receive good coaching. After exchanging vows, the pastor declared Timmy and Missy to be Mr. and Mrs. Kang.

The wedding was filled with laughter and tears. I saw the smile on my friend Aini’s face full of tears. I met the 90-year-old pastor Yang Xu of the Liugui Orphanage in Taiwan. I also saw Brother Liu who had traveled thousands of miles to find Missy twenty-three years ago. Come to this wedding. This wedding is indeed of profound significance to Ai Ni, and it can be said to be an important milestone in Ai Ni's life. Because Ai Ni didn’t get married until she was forty-four. Missy was adopted from Taiwan when Ai Ni was still single. A few days after she was born, Missy was abandoned outside the orphanage.

I have known Aini for many years, and her story is both wonderful and touching, so I took the opportunity to ask her to share it with readers:

You didn't get married until you were in your late 40s. Can you tell us about your situation before you got married?

I didn't get married until I was forty-four, having been single until then. You ask me if I am happy... What I want to say is that happiness depends on external circumstances, but joy comes from the heart. It can be said that, generally speaking, I am happy because when I am single I can often change my external environment. However, I will say that every time I make a major life decision, it is usually because I want to change the direction of my life, not because I want to escape unhappiness or unhappy situations. Looking back, I see God using my mistakes, failures, and successes to mold me into a person after His own heart.

Today, after fifteen years of marriage, I deeply understand that loneliness and joy, highs and lows are problems that can occur whether you are single or married. I think the key to the solution lies in getting right with God and letting Him lead our paths. God sometimes uses rejection to change our course. So I've certainly experienced the pain that single people experience. Since I didn’t know exactly what God had in store for me at the time, I lived a purposeful and contented life every day. I know that if I wanted to marry someone, I would probably get someone, but I don't want to get divorced, so I don't want to be just someone. I have been participating in singles fellowship and focusing on my work rather than wondering what God will lead me to in the future.

Since I was fifteen years old, I have wanted to have five children and adopt at least one. I have been paying attention to orphan ministries and various introduction materials around the world. I think if I had insisted on making my own decisions and got married at a younger age, many things might have happened outside of God’s guidance.

Neither being single nor married is an easy path. Social and cultural expectations of us are often difficult to achieve. Until I was twenty-eight, my family kept urging me to get married. Finally I told them that I was not going to gamble my future lightly for their sake. I have never been afraid of being single; after seeing many failed marriages, I feel that if it were not a marriage controlled and led by God, I would rather be single. The current society no longer regards being single as abnormal. Single people not only have many opportunities in marriage, but also enjoy the same rights as married people in terms of adoption, financial credit, and law.

I think the reason why I'm able to be happily single is because I can accept and be content no matter what my situation is. I believe that if God wants me to get married, He will never ask me to compromise on my morals and standards for choosing a spouse, because such compromises often cause great harm to ourselves.

▲The newlyweds take a photo with the director of Liugui Orphanage (third from right) and his colleagues

Tell us about your life before you adopted Missy.

It can be described as "full of fun". Whether it is riding a bicycle, riding a roller coaster, playing tennis, or gathering with a few friends to talk and laugh, it makes me happy. I don't like dating just for the sake of dating, I'd rather be with a few close friends who allow me to really feel relaxed and be myself. Before I adopted Missy, I had worked in airline public relations for fourteen years, which was a fun job. When I was twenty-seven, I invested in a three-bedroom condo. Since I don't have much income, I rent out the extra rooms. This has several purposes, one is to help pay the installments, and the other is to prevent me from being too self-centered to get along with others; and it also prevents me from returning to an empty home every day.

I developed lifelong friendships with my roommates. One of the roommates, who is now fifty years old, adopted a disabled child from Taiwan five years ago through my introduction, named "En En".

My least favorite time is dinner, I think I have the "dinner blues" (after all, dinner is a time when the whole family gets together). So I often invite people over for dinner, even if it’s just a simple salad, or just take a walk to the mall and catch up with someone. I just love being around people.

Family is very important to me and I spend every holiday with my family. I have eighteen nieces and nephews, whom I love and am intimately involved in their lives. They often share secrets with me that they don’t want to tell their parents (don’t we all have things we can’t tell our parents?), and to this day, I still have a very special relationship with them. I feel that investing my life in them is one of the most rewarding things in my life.

Besides, volunteering is a big part of my life. There is a Christian counseling center in San Francisco where I work as a psychotherapy assistant for abused children. Orphan ministry has always been the ministry that appealed to me the most, so I have been involved in it since I was about twenty years old. I often fly to San Diego, rent a car, and drive two hours to Mexico to visit orphanages. I get a lot of feedback from my children, far more than I give.

When I was twenty-eight, I started a Bible study class at home. Due to work commitments, it was held on a Monday night and only six people attended at the beginning. Three years later, the number grew to more than 40 people, and several Bible study groups were established. It’s interesting that we always called this Bible study class “Monday Night Bible Study.” Even though some Bible study classes later met on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday nights, I had moved to San Diego, too. Let’s call it Monday night Bible study. God has done great things in the lives of many people through my family, although at the time I had no idea how significant it was.

Basically, my thoughts are: Why wait until you get married to start enjoying life? I don’t want to waste my life and miss out on the things I want to see, go to, and do. I invest my small salary in the enjoyment of houses, travels, concerts, plays, etc. My mother always said that if I want to do something, I can always do it. My grandmother and mother never asked me to wait for marriage to do this or that. They just encouraged me to work hard towards my life goals, so I chose to work hard to achieve my life goals.

▲The newlyweds took a photo with Mr. and Mrs. Aini (first and second from left)

Why did you adopt a child while you were single?

Children are very important to me. I love my fourteen nieces and four nephews. I also really want to have my own children. I feel that I can be a good mother and love my children. Being married does not make me a more loving and good mother. In fact, being single allows me to have more time for my children. If children are obtained in a way that is consistent with God's will, I see no reason why I should not raise children. I never considered having a child out of wedlock. Adopting a child came naturally to me. I can at least provide a home for children who would otherwise grow up in extremely difficult circumstances without a father or a mother. No one to hold them, no one to pick them up when they fall, no one to pray with them before going to bed or kiss them to sleep. I can make a difference in the life of a precious child. In short, doesn’t the Bible teach us to care for orphans? So, I started researching which countries allow single people to adopt children. I waited patiently, and when the time was right, God would make things happen. In fact, God made me wait many years to adopt my precious daughter. Before that, God wanted me to learn many lessons. I tried to adopt a child from Mexico, but the door closed several times. But I never gave up hope. Although I was disappointed at times, I felt at peace in my heart. I always returned to God, affirmed Him, and believed that God wanted me to wait for the right opportunity and child. I struggled at times but always trusted God to have a child for me.

What are the challenges of being single and adopting a child?

What bothers me more is that when people know that I am single and want to adopt a child, many people will talk about it and say that I have robbed the child of the right to have a father. This argument is really ignorant. Little does anyone know that if no one adopts the child, the child will not even have a mother. My second biggest challenge is finding someone to watch the kids while I'm at work. Fortunately, I have a loving Hispanic family who helped me take care of Missy while I was at work. Missy adapted well and was as fluent in Spanish as English until she was three years old. The third problem is the curiosity of the public. I am "color blind" when it comes to race. I cannot see skin color, only that people have the same heart. People often ask me if Missy’s father is an Oriental. But love does not recognize colors, love only recognizes "mother". I'm Missy's mom and it's that simple!

When Missy was in kindergarten, she came home one day and asked me when she would have a father. I told her that if God wants her to have a father, God will bring one when the time comes. Before that, my dad (grandpa) was dad. One day, the school held a running fundraiser, and she called her grandfather to ask for his support. Her grandfather promised to support her, so the next day she told the teacher that her "daddy" would be coming. Since the teacher knew that I was single, she was a little worried about Missy and called me the next afternoon to tell me about it. I couldn't help but laugh and told the teacher she was referring to my father. My dad filled her fatherly role at school.

When Missy was in third grade, she finally had a real dad, my husband, Terry. From then on, Taili was Missy's go-to partner for special occasions. They attended various father-daughter gatherings together, and he served as Missy's dance partner. Including Missy's sixteenth birthday party.

Tell us about your happiest and most fearful moments in adoption.

I think of her as God’s most precious gift to me, recalling her little finger holding my hand, watching her imitate me standing on the lift... watching her first ballet performance... remembering her singing " The voice of "God Bless America"... I remember her reciting verses all the way in the car... I remember when she was in kindergarten, she wrote the words on the disk to wish me a happy birthday... I remember she ran to me every time she saw me... Every day Listening to her say "Mommy, I love you" to me... Watching her heroic appearance in the band in high school... And to this day she still often says "Mommy, I love you" to me. These are such simple and true joys. How would you describe it? There is really no way to describe such joy and happiness in one sentence.

As for fear, I don’t think there is anything to be afraid of when raising children. Being a parent means being strong, controlled, strategic, unconditionally loving, supporting, and providing opportunities for growth. The first challenge, however, was teaching Missy the importance of a relationship with Christ. Christ alone is the only answer to life's problems. The church and Sunday school teachers laid a good foundation for Missy so that she could gradually grow in knowing Jesus Christ and have eternal hope. No matter what your circumstances, raising children is a challenge.

"Trusting God to protect her and let her go when the time is right" is the biggest challenge for me.

Will having children make it harder for you to find someone to marry?

I would never consider marrying a man who wouldn't accept my children. Dating isn't a problem, and I don't want to be in a superficial and volatile relationship anyway. We had many Christian boyfriends and girlfriends, but I never allowed any men to come or go in our lives. I have been dating my husband for eight months. He is a Christian who has never been married, comes from a Christian family, has a good education, and works professionally. Of course, he is quite handsome! I prayed desperately and sought the Lord’s guidance because I didn’t want Missy to be harmed in any way. To me, this "standard man" seems to be a "life-long" bachelor, not a "marriage-type" man. One Saturday afternoon, Tai Li and I had dinner together. I told him point-blank that it was okay for him to be a bachelor and that I would always be single, but Missy and I decided to continue on our path in life. The Lord and my daughter are my priorities and I have decided not to date Him anymore. I didn't want to break up with him, I just didn't want Missy to be too close to a man who wasn't willing to commit to her mother and her. Missy shouldn't have to deal with adult relationships at such a young age. Therefore, I decided to give up and surrender the relationship to the Lord. As a result, within a week, Terry told me that he had decided to walk life with me and Missy... forever.

Speaking of this, Aini stared at me and said earnestly: "Li Li, God wants us to find ourselves and know ourselves in Him; He doesn't want us to live in the identity created by others, not for men. Not living for the pressure of society and culture. I think this is the key to life. God the Father used every turning point in my life to lead me to Him, and through some mistakes in learning, I grew stronger. Life is not called We make a perfect plan to follow and then act accordingly. Romans 8:28 is what I believe for sure: “All things work together for good to those who love God.” I wish single people would pray more. , laugh more, live a purposeful life every day, full of joy and satisfaction, and you will no longer have the worries of being single or married. Once you have a purpose in life, nothing else becomes a problem.

At the dinner party, I watched Taili and Aini walking arm in arm among the guests, introducing their families and guests. Watching the beautiful bride Missy and the handsome Timmy hug each other and dance... I think of Aini, because she wholeheartedly followed the Lord and adopted Missy without fear of people's words or difficulties. Today... I looked at everything in front of me, and my heart was filled with emotion... Unknowingly, my eyes became blurred with tears.

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