Guard your youth and never let go
Interviewee‧Photo provided/Timmy Ong
Interview/Lin Minwen, Zheng Qiongyu‧Compilation/Zheng Qiongyu
Li Yitian has been engaged in children's ministry for nearly 40 years, and has worked hand in hand with her husband Wang Hao for nearly 20 years in youth and family ministry and teacher training. In 2010, after receiving God's call to "familize the gospel and evangelize the family," the couple established a family ministry in their church. With the concept of "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," they strengthened the family with truth. In recent years, we have been committed to promoting biblical sex education for children and adolescents.
It is urgent to save the next generation
A few years ago, Li Yitian learned about research data: among young people aged 12 to 25, about 20% stated that they were gay, but only 3% of them clearly identified it, and the remaining 17% were actually in a chaotic swing. Her heart tightened, and she began to pray and think about how to help her children face and identify the confusion of gender.
She was greatly inspired by reading the book "You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church⋯And Rethinking Faith" by David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins. The author asks: "Is it possible that many churches today are preparing young Christians to face a world that no longer exists?" If so, then wouldn't the church's efforts in children and youth ministry become less effective as the children grow up? So big that it goes down the drain? What can the church do to be more responsive to the needs of children?
"The church's teachings to children and young people often only focus on introducing biblical truths, which is of course very important. In order to implement faith into life, we need to accompany them an extra mile and let them know 'why' God teaches this," Li Yitian explain.
The current chaos in sex education also urged her to step up her game. For example, the "Drag Queen Story Time" started in 2015 in public libraries across the United States to instill in preschool children the concept that people can freely choose their gender; American law allows underage children to have abortions without parental consent , causing many teenagers to act rashly, causing irreparable harm; some American public schools have implemented sex education from the fourth grade, and many campuses have adopted radical teaching materials. Chicago will even provide condoms for fifth grade children starting in 2021.
Li Yitian said that the wave of sex education has already hit, and Christians must ride the wave and take positive actions to educate the next generation about biblical "sexual concepts."
Develop discernment that is in line with God’s will
Li Yitian often quotes CH Spurgeon's famous saying: "Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right." (Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right.) Many worldly ideas may sound attractive at first, but only God’s truth is good for us. Matthew Chapter 10 Verse 16: "I am sending you out as sheep among wolves; therefore be wise as serpents and meek as doves." Chinese tradition always teaches children to be obedient and well-behaved, and to be meek like doves. But parents must also teach their children to be as nimble as snakes and to know how to distinguish between biblical views and worldviews.
Some people think that talking about sex in the church is awkward. In fact, there are many truths about sex education in the Bible. Judging from the book of Genesis, God created male and female in His image, so everyone is noble. God also blesses people, asking them to multiply and increase, indicating that sexual behavior is a gift from God, but only between spouses. When God established marriage, he said that man should be united with his wife, which shows that His design for the family is one man and one woman, one husband and one wife, for life, and one mind.
Sex education includes the meaning, function, and behavior of sex, as well as gender cognition, relationships between people, gender relations, fetal formation, and birth processes. Ideally, it is best for parents to teach their children, not just through friends, the media, or school. However, many parents only focus on their children's academic studies, but leave the more important sex education and character education to others. The church needs to shoulder its responsibility, equip parents, work with parents, and take back the initiative in children’s sex education.
Based on this belief, Li Yitian introduced and designed for children of three age groups: "Seed Course" (primary school students aged 5 to 9 years old), "P2P Purity Journey Parent-Child Camp" (junior high school students aged 10 to 12 years old), "Topic Exchange and Discussion" (high school students aged 13 to 17 years old) provides parents and children with sex education that is in line with God's will and builds a bridge of communication between parents and children.
Before holding camps and courses, Li Yitian must emphasize again and again that everyone is a sinner and must not become legalistic or scriptural. Homosexuals are not more sinful than we are, but everyone faces different battles. We must put down the stone of condemnation and learn the love of Jesus. “First be accepted by grace, and then accompanied by the truth.” Li Yitian emphasized that when teaching children, parents must keep this principle in mind. A condescending attitude can easily cause children to rebound and think that parents Is a hypocrite.
▲The Seed Course helps younger children learn sex education according to God’s will through storybooks.
Seed course
While children are still immature in their minds, they should be taught the truth and protected from being swallowed up by the currents of the world. Li Yitian launched a "Seed Course" on Zoom in 2020 for primary school students aged 5 to 9, sowing the seeds of God's attributes and truth into the hearts of children.
Listening to stories is one of the favorite learning methods for young children and elementary school students. She collects many picture books related to sex education, tells stories, introduces biblical views that please God, and helps children make correct decisions and responses. She also designs online games and homework to enable students to learn in an interesting atmosphere, and they can also collect points to exchange for gifts. The effect is surprisingly good.
Instead of stating wrong behavior to her children, she lets them know what the Bible says. "When teaching children, you should explain it in their language." For example, Li Yitian asked how to protect his beloved puppy if he raised it. After the children excitedly offered their suggestions, Li Yitian proposed: "We need to build a fence around the yard to prevent the puppy from getting lost. The rules set up by God are like fences, to protect us." The students immediately understood that the rules were not to embarrass us, but to protect us. Love and protection.
She uses the pictures in the "Good Pictures Bad Pictures" storybook to teach children to turn away and run away when they see pictures they shouldn't see (exposing private parts) to prevent sin from taking root. She uses "God Made All of Me" and "I Said No!" to discuss with her children what the private parts of the body are and appropriate and inappropriate touching. When it comes to same-sex marriage, use the picture book God Made Dad & Mom to help children understand God's design for families. From the discussion of gender in "God Made Boys and Girls", children understand that the code God created for men is XY and for women is XX. This is God's best design and does not need to be changed.
After class, children will write down their learning experiences through drawings or writing. Watching them write down the concepts they learned with immature pictures, crooked handwriting, or incomplete pinyin, Li Yitian was always deeply moved and filled with gratitude.
▲A four-year-old child and a third-grade child shared their thoughts after reading "Good Pictures Bad Pictures" in the Seed course.
P2P Purity Journey Parent-Child Camp
Li Yitian has been using the "Passport2Purity (P2P)" course published by FamilyLife since ten years ago. At first, only children participated. After a few times, she realized that just teaching the children was not enough, and she had to ask parents to participate. The junior high school stage is the golden stage when children are still willing to be with their parents. They have the ability to think, but they are still influenced by their parents. Only parents can accompany their children to grow up for a long time. The concept of this set of teaching materials is that parents take their children to learn together.
Therefore, she expanded the camp into a two-day and one-night or three-day and two-night parent-child camp. It was held in a hotel or camp, providing children's favorite food and designing games, so that parents and children could enjoy themselves in a holiday-like atmosphere. Teach for fun. For example, when playing an archery game, Li Yitian will tell his children that sex is like shooting an arrow, once it is released, it cannot be taken back.
Most junior high school students feel uncomfortable with the topic of sex. "This is normal, and it means that the children have just begun to be exposed to this issue." Li Yitian said that at this time, opening up parent-child discussions in the camp can allow parents to guide them to concepts that are consistent with the truth, and children It is very blessed.
Purity Journey’s lesson on boundaries is one of the highlights of the camp. Before falling in love, teach your children to set boundaries for physical contact between men and women to avoid making mistakes due to ignorance.
▲P2P Purity Journey parent-child camp combines truth teaching, interesting object teaching, games, etc.
When it comes to dating, tell your children that their parents are God's protection and blessing, and never lie to them. They also talk about respecting and protecting each other during dates. For example, boys should not pull girls’ bra straps because they think it’s fun; girls shouldn’t be too revealing in their clothing, lest boys lose control.
In addition to sharing the truth, the camp designed many interesting object lessons and activities to help students concretely understand what they have learned. For example, one person takes a cup of liquid, some of which is pure water, and some of which has other substances added to it. The children add the liquid in their own hands to each other's cup, and in the end, none of the liquid in their hands is pure water. In this way, children will understand how quickly and dangerously STDs can spread.
The purpose of the Purity Journey parent-child camp is to establish a platform for communication between parents and children about gender relationships. Parents must attend preparation meetings, write letters in advance, buy gifts for their children, and commit to fully and fully participating in the process. "If parents are not paying attention and are busy working or answering the phone, the children will think that their parents do not pay attention to the content of the camp discussion," Li Yitian reminded. Since many Chinese parents are embarrassed to talk about sex with their children, Li Yitian will also help parents open their minds and communicate and discuss with their children in a healthy manner.
High school students focus on critical thinking
For high school students aged 13 to 17, it is no longer possible to invite parents to participate, otherwise some children will rebound and will not be able to share openly because they are worried about their parents' reaction. Li Yitian said that unilateral teaching is not convincing enough for high school students, and research data must be provided to guide them to think critically and find their own answers.
If you just sit and listen to lectures, teenagers will quickly wander around. Therefore, if you want to have a good relationship with high school students and be able to mingle with them, you need to combine good food, good drinks, and fun. When it comes to peer pressure, let students play with clay. When the different clays are mixed together, they lose their original appearance. When it comes to inappropriate words, give everyone a tube of toothpaste and ask them to squeeze it out and stuff it back in. Of course you can't do that, but understand that the same goes for inappropriate words. Once you say it, it's hard to take it back. Even if students seem to be absent-minded while doing things, they have actually listened to the teacher's instructions.
Li Yitian reminded parents of high school students that even if they disagree with their children, they should hold back their tongues and not rush to criticize. Instead, use open-ended questions to encourage children to express their opinions. Parents' impatient criticism may cause teenagers to close the door to communication.
She said that to win the hearts of children of this age, the most important thing is to build relationships, so parents need to equip themselves first.
Li Yitian recommends "How to Talk to Children about Sex" as a must-read for parents. The book clearly teaches parents how to talk about sex with children at different stages, from infancy to adolescence.
It doesn't matter if there is a relationship between parent and child
Many parents are keen to learn various discipline methods and hope that their children will succeed. In fact, parents must start from the foundation and establish a good relationship with God, their spouse, and their children before they can solidly build their children's character.
She mentioned that 3C electronic products are a major vulnerability for children to be exposed to inappropriate sexual information, and parents need to teach their children how to use them safely. 3C brings convenience, but it may also bring harm. Teenagers who want to drive must learn the rules, pass a written test, and practice for dozens of hours with their parents before they can apply for a driver's license. However, parents easily hand over mobile phones and computers to their children. Little did they know that in an inadvertent moment, harmful images, posts, and videos would occupy a child's sight and mind.
Li Yitian emphasized that if there is a relationship between parents and children, it doesn't matter. If it doesn't matter, there will be a relationship. Picking up children to play ball or piano cannot be considered a connection; only spending time together doing things that the children like is a connection. Replacing the worry of alienation with happy times is one of the secrets to getting closer to your teenagers. For example, even though I am not good at video games, I am still willing to study hard and play with my children. Once while playing video games with her son, she was constantly injured by enemies. Her son said, "Mom, you hide behind me. If you run with me, you won't be beaten all the time." She was deeply moved by her son's protection of her.
▲To educate children, we must lay a solid foundation.
Parents should also understand that teenagers are still developing and should not take their unthinking and angry words seriously. When children say hurtful things, if parents understand that they are just venting their emotions, they can stay calm and not get angry with their children.
In the process of raising children, especially teenagers, sometimes you will experience unexpected situations. Believe in the sovereignty of God and His good intentions in allowing certain things to happen. She once gave parents eight "releases" in a lecture, reminding parents that they may not have the ability to change their children, but they can watch over their children and save them through prayer, believing that temporary difficulties are not the end. Even though he has been engaged in family ministry for many years and has received a lot of equipment and experience, Mr. Li Yitian has also experienced many unexpected challenges in the process of becoming parents, but God's grace has always been sufficient.
"Create fun, watch, pray, and make time to spend time with each other, and the children will know it," she emphasized again and again.
Motivation to move forward
During Sunday gatherings, children often go to Sunday school and parents attend worship in the lobby, and there is no communication between them. Li Yitian suggested that the church provide a platform for parents and children to learn together. For example, adult sermon messages and children’s Sunday school have the same theme. Parents and children can have common topics at home and implement the teachings in their lives together.
If the core of the church is the family, building a Christ-centered family is building the church; building the church is building a Christ-centered family. Li Yitian hopes to see the church become like home and the family be like church; the gospel will become family-oriented and the family will be evangelized. Family ministry is also a missionary ministry implemented in the community; many non-Christian parents are willing to come to church for the sake of their children, and the church has the opportunity to know and care for them. There were unbeliever parents who came into contact with the gospel by participating in the Purity Journey parent-child camp and subsequently decided to believe in the Lord.
In addition, the church can cooperate with seminaries and institutions to make good use of resources to hold the line for the Lord in this generation.
When the children she has taught take the initiative to talk to her, or when parents or children ask her to teach more classes, Li Yitian is always moved. There was a student who was bound to watch pornographic videos when he was in junior high school. After he entered high school, she invited him to be a camp assistant, and the child agreed without hesitation. During the camp, he got rid of his past troubles, became mature, and patiently helped young students.
Some teenagers came to the camp with a long and reluctant face, but were reluctant to hug her when they left; one child excitedly discussed with his parents on the way home when it would be appropriate for him to date; a girl at the camp During the meeting, she learned to set boundaries. When she made a boyfriend, she told her the boundaries of the relationship, and the boy readily agreed. When the parents read the letter to the child in the parent-child camp, the child was moved to tears... Every little bit is the motivation to support her to continue serving children and young people.
She once asked herself, how long will the service that her husband and her husband devote themselves to affect the lives of children? Will they stick to the truth? One day during Bible study and devotion, God answered: Just like when preaching the gospel, you don’t know whether the other person will follow the Lord all his life. Regardless of the outcome, we must still do our best to spread the gospel.
God’s answer caused her to no longer focus on the results of her service, but to stick to the vision given by God, and try her best to guide her children to practice the truth no matter in season or out of season. Changing lives is God's work. She just needs to do what she can with all her heart and fulfill God's commission.
"Relying on human strength alone is not enough. Praying and relying on God is the most important thing," Li Yitian said. Before the camp, there were many children who refused to participate at all, but she prayed with their parents and often saw miraculous transformations in the children. Over the years, she has been invited to hold camps across the United States, "but my time and energy are limited after all." One of her dreams is to pass on the teaching materials and experience she has established over the years to churches and institutions around the world, and help train co-workers so that they can More people guard their youth without letting go or losing heart. She wholeheartedly welcomes churches, institutions and parents who are burdened with biblical sex education to emailongtimmy@gmail.comconnect.
Recommended book list for parents’ equipment:
1. Website www.axis.org, which provides English texts, videos and other resources to connect parents, teenagers and Jesus.
2. "How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex", written by Stan Zhong and Panna Zhong, translated by Liu Meijin, 2007, American Wheat Seed Missionary Society, California, USA.
3. "The Opportunity of Youth—Follow the Bible." Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Paul. David． Written by Ou Pu, translated by Lou Xiaolan, 2020, Daosheng Publishing House, Taiwan.
4. "Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children" by Joe Ace McElhaney and Friedan McKesick Busch , translated by Cai Zhidong, 2016, published by Taiwan Rainbow Loving Family Life Education Association, Taiwan.
5. You Lost Me by David Kinnaman
6. Mom, sex is No big deal? (Mom, sex is No big deal)
7. Raising Gender confident kids a practical guide
8. The power of 6A (How to be a Hero to your kids)
9. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk
10. What are you teaching my child what? - A medical perspective on sex education (You're teaching my child what?)
For parentsGod’s Word to pray for children:
1. Pray for adolescent children every day (Becoming the parent your teenager needs)
2. Praying the Bible for Your Children every day (Praying the Bible for Your Children)
3. Praying the Scriptures for Your Teenagers
4. Praying the Scriptures for your children (Praying the Scriptures for your children)
5. How to pray for your children (The power of a praying parent)
6. The power of praying your adult
7. Pray for your child’s spiritual character
Following is the book list for a 12-week Biblical Family Value children's program with Kindergarten and elementary students (1st to 4th grade). The list is non-exclusive. All books can be found on Amazon.com.
1. Biblical Value: God's plan for marriage (Promiscuity)
Book: A child's first book about marriage
2. Biblical Value: God's plan for family (Homosexuality)
Book: God made Dad and Mom
3. Biblical Value: Helping children understand the gift of gender (Gender Dysphoria)
Book: God made boys and girls
4. Biblical value: Keeping our mind healthy (Pornography)
Book: Good pictures bad pictures (from age 6 & up) & Good pictures bad pictures
Junior (age 3 to 5)
5. Biblical Value: Self-identity – I am made in the image of God /I am wonderfully and fearfully made by God. God made me in His image – Helping children appreciate their bodies (Seeking for love & approval from the wrong people or place)
Book: You are special
6. Biblical Value: Our body is God's temple, we need to protect our body (Sexual Abuse)
Book: God made all of me
7. Biblical Value: A story of God's gift of purity (Impurity)
Book: The Princess and the kiss
8. Biblical Value: Pure heart (Temptation)
Book: The Squire and the scroll: A tale of the rewards of a pure heart
9. Biblical Value: Making God-honoring decisions about life (Abortion)
Book: How God makes babies
10. Biblical Value: Fruit of the Spirit – self-control (Poor decision making)
Book: What were you thinking?
11. Biblical Value: Fruit of the Spirit – Kindness (Cyber Bully & create trouble when using social media)
Book: The Technology Tail
12. Biblical Value: Maintaining balance and boundaries in our lives. Better manage time, setting priorities and stay focus (Video Game Addiction)
Book: But it's just a game
Three series for Christian parents who would like to do sex-ed on their own:
1. Passport to Purity (written for six graders or middle school)
It is designed to help parents discuss love, sex, and relationships with their preteen/teen children. It assists parents in building heart-to-heart communication with their children while laying a foundation of purity that will prepare them for the turbulent years ahead. Through the shared listening experience, object lessons and guided conversations of a P2P weekend getaway, parents can set their son or daughter on a journey of moral integrity and strengthen the bond between parents and the child.
2. The classic four books for children and one book for parents “How & when to tell your kids about sex?”
Here is the video description for the series
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9sDRutGLd8
1. The Story of me (age 3-5): Babies, bodies and a very good God
2. Before I was born (age 5-8): God knew my name
3. What is the big deal (age 8-12): Why God cares about sex?
4. Facing the facts (age 12-16): The truth about sex & you
3. Biblical sex education series
Sex-Ed Series for Christian Parents: where Bible study meets biology….
If you're like most parents, you might be, at best, a bit trepidatious about talking about sexual topics with your kids, and at worst, downright terrified! We want to help you ease into these topics. In fact, we'll give you a script so you don't have to think on your feet. This 3-part series of parent-child Bible studies is designed to help children understand biblical sexuality.
1. The Talk – 7 lessons to introduce your child to biblical sexuality (for ages 6-10)
2. Changes (for ages 8-12) – 11 lessons to give kids a greater understanding of biblical sexuality
3. Relationships (for ages 11-14) – 7 biblical lessons to make sense of puberty
Here is the video description for the series
https://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/store/having-the-talk/
Where to find it:
https://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/store/product/the-sex-ed-series/
Respondents
Li Yitian(Timmy Ong), a former software engineer, is currently studying for a master's degree in family ministry at True Evangelical Theological Seminary. Dedicated to children’s ministry for 38 years, he and his husband Dennis Wang founded the Family Ministry of Columbia Chinese Christian Church in 2010. He is often invited to various churches to hold Purity Journey parent-child camps, as well as children’s ministry teacher training, youth emotional intelligence and Leadership training, single love, marriage and family, parent-child relationship, caring ministry. The couple is the couple leader of the Loving Couple Camp of the Family Renewal Association, a certified premarital counselor, a certified teacher of "Youth Without Regrets" of the American Loving Family Association, and a special co-worker of the training ministry of the Christian Messenger Association. The couple has three adult children.
Zheng Qiongyu, from Taiwan, settled in Northern California. She has a son with her husband and two naughty furry children at home. He once worked as a Sunday school teacher for children in the church for nearly ten years, and is currently engaged in literary ministry.