How can I lose her
【Song of the Same Heart】3
▲She (left) in the article takes a photo with the author.
She thoughtfully handed me a tube of lipstick and added: "Your face needs a little color."
After my husband went to work, he tidied up the simple housework, prepared some dinner ingredients, and then got in the car and drove straight to her house. This was my routine during those days.
It takes less than five minutes to drive to her house. Along the road are the front yards of homes; some are uniquely maintained, and some are as simple as just green grass and a few big trees. It is to faithfully add color to the changing seasons. I also habitually count the flowers in each house when I turn a corner, "predicting" their blooming.
Midsummer has just passed, and on the way to her home, I suddenly discovered that the rich autumn colors have permeated the sky and the earth; the clear blue sky is reflected in the layers of golden, red, purple, green and yellow colors that shine through the flowers and trees. ..., it really presents a fascinating late autumn charm.
I was greedily immersed in the "anticipated" autumn colors, and couldn't help but ask God: "Lord, when will You heal her? Let us also experience the "anticipated" effect of prayer?"
"What if I take her away?" God said. I was stunned, a chill seeping inside and outside, and I couldn't help but protest to God: "This is not the answer we are waiting for!" Besides, how could I lose her? !
Fight cancer together
Getting to know her was the most natural thing. I am a female church minister who loves the Lord and is zealous in serving the Lord. I have to squeeze out time to serve between my full-time job as a hospital nurse, taking care of elderly parents with chronic diseases, and taking care of the housework. The most reliable and concentric partner ever. Based on her age, she can treat me like a daughter; based on her life experience, she can be called a senior mentor, but she has always respected me as a spiritual mentor with a humble heart, and I am also happy to use her as a prayer partner and consultation object.
One winter morning, we were huddled in a crowded ward separated by curtains in the hospital, praying to the Lord that she had physical symptoms and needed a colonoscopy. However, who would have thought that she would suffer from bowel cancer because she pays attention to eating healthily! The inspection report that day changed the course of her life.
After hearing the news, I immediately drove there to visit. She was rational and knew that her condition was serious. She had no time to feel depressed and had already called the doctor and hospital who performed the surgery. In my memory, she was always particularly sensitive to the needs of others and proactive in taking action. At this time, because I didn't want to increase the burden on others, I took on everything I had to deal with, and I didn't even shed a tear in front of others. I felt sorry for her kindness, caring love, and submission. I promised God to accompany her on this difficult journey. We have worked side by side for the cause, and we must join hands to fight cancer.
Every day, as time permits, I go to her house to pray together. Otherwise, pray over the phone. We used all the verses about faith and prayer in the Bible, grasped God’s promises, prayed without any doubt, and even often prayed with fasting. But, during those days, God seemed to be hidden from us. Compared with the suffering of chemotherapy, God's silence caused her more pain. I thought that by accompanying her on this journey, relying on her faith in God and her perseverance to fight, I could quickly resolve the issue and experience God's healing grace. Unexpectedly, three times of chemotherapy failed, and some of her organs had been mercilessly ravaged and devoured by cancer cells. The five-year battle against cancer had exhausted her mental and physical strength...
Remembering a friend
When I think of her, apart from her firm faith in God, what I miss most is her love. Buying spiritual books is a big burden for me, but she understands that I serve the church full-time without pay. During festivals, she always gives me a big red envelope, indicating that it is for preachers to buy books, and she always remembers to add a pack of chocolates. Give it to my daughter. Only she would secretly hand me a tube of lipstick and add, "Your face needs a little color."
When her condition entered the final stage, it was also the time for me to set off on the "Holy Land Trip" that I had already scheduled. Before leaving, I said goodbye to her. She insisted on standing up on crutches, took out the prepared envelope, and presented it to me with trembling hands with respect, saying that it was for my travel expenses to the Holy Land. I insisted that God had already prepared it and would not accept it. She said again: "This is prepared for my preachers. It doesn't matter whether God has prepared it for you. Besides, this is the money I went to the bank to withdraw in person with my son, accompanied by my son earlier, especially for you. You have to accept it." "At that time, she was already having a hard time walking. I took the envelope and tears rolled down my cheeks.
After a three-week trip to the Holy Land, I couldn't wait to visit her. My first words when we met were: "I didn't expect that I could wait until you come back!" She said that she missed me so much that it broke my heart. Holding her skinny body, I thought to myself: How could I bear to lose her?
However, God did not allow her to experience the "expected" healing, but took her into His arms to enjoy the eternal healing given by God. On the day of celebrating Christmas, the Lord who loved her quietly took her away and rested her from toil on earth.
On earth, the whole world celebrates the coming of the Savior; in heaven, there is another saint. I am full of reluctance and gratitude, knowing that in the eyes of the Lord, the death of the saints is extremely precious (see Psalm 116:15 ).