We walked through the valley
▲"It is God's grace that has allowed us, mother and daughter, to enjoy closeness since then!" Jian Hailing was filled with gratitude.
"You stop!"
Gritting my teeth and enduring the severe pain of gallstones, I finally drove home from the office. The second and third sons carried me up to the third floor. The eldest daughter, who was sitting in the living room and staring intently at the TV screen, looked at us sideways and said coldly: "It hurts like hell." Best!" Then, he ran out of the house without looking back.
I chased my eldest daughter who ran out of the door, shouting loudly: "Stop!" We hit and cursed, throwing the most hurtful words like arrows and fireballs, bombarding each other, her tears and Not to be outdone, the protest kept coming back, and the situation became increasingly uncontrollable. It was not until the neighbors called the police and the police came to the door that they stopped.
These are all common scenes in my family after my eldest daughter entered high school. I always hear people say: "Parents have the most difficult time when their children are teenagers." As for me, "the burden of my parents is shouldered by my shoulders", it is even more difficult. I often think, if we raise four children like this, how will we survive in the future?
relationship worsens
Time flies, and the days are still passing by year by year. However, instead of improving, the relationship between my eldest daughter and I has deteriorated rapidly, with constant quarrels. I have tried hard to find various ways to improve, but they are all like stones thrown into the water, which can only stir up shallow ripples. Occasionally, if I am not careful, it may even trigger a tsunami - I am injured and hospitalized!
Finally, I gave up. On her twentieth birthday, I didn’t celebrate her in particular. I just wrote her a letter telling her that from the next day, I would no longer provide her with any financial support. I also added: “My ability I am limited and can no longer carry your heavy burden!"
I convinced myself that I had to do this so that I could have enough energy to finish the rest of my life. Because I can't let go of the burden of her three younger siblings. It was eloquent and emphasized in several pieces of letter paper: I consider myself a kind mother. I did not close the door and kicked her out, which is already worthy of her. But she didn't expect that under the circumstances at that time, my treatment of her like this was just adding fuel to the fire; her father had just abandoned her and now, even her mother doesn't care about her anymore.
At the end of 2000, my brother's application for relative immigration for me was scheduled to arrive. I decided to go ahead after receiving the notification from the US Immigration Service. After completing all the procedures without informing my eldest daughter, I believed that her two younger sisters would definitely reveal the news to her, and I had already found a justified excuse for myself: This is a requirement of the U.S. Immigration Law, and more than 21 It is not my decision that my children who are 2 years old cannot travel with us. Moreover, in order to take care of her and her second son, who is also over 21 years old, the two sisters left a house for them to live in during their lives in Taiwan. Once again, I consider myself a loving mother, always thinking about them, and not caring about her past at all.
Endless tears
After coming to the United States, away from the day and night interactions, everything seemed to be in peace. Occasionally having a phone call on weekends to find out how the sisters are doing is a mother's responsibility. Although I comforted myself, "Let them be independent!", the inexplicable loss in my heart lingered.
Soon, because of the faith of my mother and sisters, I came into contact with a group of very caring Christians. They comforted my empty heart and led me to be baptized as a Christian. Inspired by the Holy Spirit's presence, I, as a mother, began to learn to watch and pray for my children. Such continuous prayer every day allowed me to experience the wonderful power of God.
I still remember that in 2004, I attended a single-parent retreat organized by the Christian Messengers Association and heard the testimony of teacher Jiang Haiqiong. The whole story was vivid in my mind and made my mind spin... When the teacher told her that she saw her daughter in a dream Holding a basin to catch the tears shed by their mother and daughter, I couldn't help but burst into tears. Think about how many times you and your daughter have hurt each other's hearts in the past few years, and how many nights you have shed uncontrollable tears!
Forgiveness removes barriers
In my tears, I saw my "ignorance" and "selfishness"; back then, I only cared about my own dignity and just wanted to cover my own pain, but I never thought of bandaging my daughter's wounds; I just wanted to throw away the burden on my shoulders and lighten the burden. , I have never experienced the pressure of "being asked to grow up overnight" on my daughter. For years, I used the illusion of "not caring" to deceive myself. It wasn't until that moment that I truly understood how deep the gap was caused by hurting each other! Only "true forgiveness" can remove this huge obstacle.
After returning home, I immediately picked up the phone and called my eldest daughter, asking her to forgive me for everything I had done to her in the past. On both ends of the phone, we poured out our words, washing old scars with tears... When I chose to obey Heavenly Father's command, completely forgive her and forgive myself, God used the long, wide, high and deep love to make us mother and daughter. All were healed.
After this time, my eldest daughter and I talked about everything from trivial matters at home to getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. She confided in me in detail and asked for advice. Last year she sent a mother's card that read:
"Once upon a time we were connected by umbilical cord,
Now we listen to each other with our hearts. "
What beautiful words! What a thoughtful confession!
Thank God, He loves me and my children!
It is He who leads us through the deep valley,
Now find peace and joy in Him!
When I realized that after today we would be thousands of miles apart, it would be even harder to leave. My mother told me that it wasn’t because she didn’t want to take me, but because I was over the age limit. However, my mother still told my sister who stayed in Taiwan to take good care of me.
"Grandma is my mother!"
In my mother's eyes, I have always been a child who has not grown up. I grew up with my grandma and lived with my mother until I was in junior high school. The mother in my impression is always asking, asking, and asking again! To me, grandma is my mother. I am used to making long-distance calls to share everything with my grandma.
I still remember that I would complain to my grandma, saying that I would be woken up by the cold at night because my mother did not come to cover me. When I was studying, my mother would not stay with me... Complaints like these seem to be the first memories I have of my mother. But I was still young at the time, so there wasn’t much of an argument. It wasn’t until I entered high school and my father left home for another woman that the war between my mother and I officially began.
Mother and daughter are strangers
At first, I didn’t know the details. I saw that my father and mother had an argument at first, and then my father simply refused to come home. But my father would wait for me at the school gate, take me to have a big meal, buy clothes, and give me a lot of pocket money, which made me feel very happy. But when I get home and see my mother sitting alone in the living room, I feel a little guilty. I was young at that time and didn’t understand the pain in my mother’s heart. I only knew that my parents were separated!
In order to shift the focus of life, my mother took many courses and came home very late; but my father has always been very kind to me. As a result, the relationship between my mother and I deteriorated further. From few conversations to loud scoldings, we finally became strangers. This terrible memory lasted for about seven or eight years. During this period, we had numerous quarrels, said many unpleasant things, and I ran away from home many times.
After I turned 20, when my mother didn’t give me any financial assistance, I went even further. I used my mother’s resources as much as I wanted, often turning on two air conditioners. I thought: If you don’t give me money, I will waste it on you! Now that I think about it, it’s so childish!
A day without a mother
The period after my mother immigrated to the United States with her younger siblings was the biggest turning point in my life! God gave me a lot of blows at once; in addition to taking my family away from me, he also set fire to the only home I could live in. At the same time, I found out that my boyfriend of more than five years had changed his heart; it was the same sad thing. These things came one after another, and it was really hard for me to bear it at the time! But for the sake of face, I did not go back to Kaohsiung to seek refuge with my grandma. Instead, I took my son, my cat, with me to survive.
I started working and began to experience the hardships of life, having to feed my cat even if I was starving. Only then did I understand my mother’s grievances and hard work. In the dead of night, I slept alone in the house that had not been renovated after the fire. Because I had no money, I couldn't buy a TV to watch... Thinking of every bit of the past, I felt that I really shouldn't have! How many times have I written a card to my mother that I couldn’t send, but I cried so much that I couldn’t stop crying. Because I really, really want a home, a happy home, a home with my mother - it doesn't matter even if my father is missing!
I want to have family to eat with, chat with, and share life with. However, it will always be alone and my cat. When I am sick, no one cares about me. When I am too sick to go out, I can only call to order takeout. There were no more meals left by Mom in the refrigerator. At that time, I really realized how good it was to have Mom! Later, although I learned to cook, my biggest wish was to cook a delicious dinner in the kitchen with my mother and enjoy it with my brothers and sisters.
▲In December 2006, Jian Hailing made a special trip back to Taiwan to wish her eldest daughter and son-in-law eternal love at a beautiful wedding.
No more regrets about love
I have really grown a lot in the past few years. Every time I receive compliments from others, I never forget to say that it was my mother who taught me. There is no doubt that my mother did teach me a lot of ways to deal with others without even realizing it. I am grateful to my mother. In my heart, she will always be a good mother, a good daughter-in-law, a good friend and a good wife.
I remember asking my dad one time during the Chinese New Year, and he actually admitted that my mom is a woman with no flaws! These words shocked me greatly, and I thought: Dad likes Mom. In fact, I have been moving towards a goal, that is, if I can achieve half of it, that will be enough. She often thought that although she lost a man, she gained four children who loved her and were filial to her, which was very worthwhile.
I wonder if this is what mom calls a miracle? But I am convinced that I have changed, and I believe that I will be filial to my mother throughout my life. I want to make up for what I failed to do in the past! After my grandma passed away, I learned that love must be timely! I will never let this regret reappear in my life! Mom, I will love you very much! Because, I really love you!
Author profile
Jian Hailing, immigrated to the United States from Taiwan in 2001 and now lives in the western suburbs of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She has three daughters and one son, and is currently engaged in dental mold technology. In her spare time, she likes to study cooking and baking with her friends. The eldest daughter Liu Zongpei heard that her mother had written this testimony, and she also hoped to confess her own mental journey and help her parents and children who were suffering the same pain to restore love and reconciliation.