Receive the gospel and live out love

"Love and Conflict" Harmony Ministry Takes Off

Is there any way out besides litigation?

Retired pastor wants to sue the church! Should this lawsuit be taken? Apart from going to court, is there any other way out for such resolutely opposed parties?

When Lawyer Liu Zhepei's office received this request in 2002, it was as if he had been recruited into an army. From a judicial perspective, although there is no complete "chance of victory," there are still many defences. It's just that disputes between believers are brought to court. No matter what the outcome is, both parties are losers.

Before Liu Zhepei took the bar license examination in 1988, he made a covenant with God that if he passed the examination, he would devote his life to serving Him. After practicing law, he was determined to keep his promise and did not dare to forget it.

When the pastor who was injured because the church refused to renew his employment came to entrust him with a lawsuit, he always felt that it was wrong to file a lawsuit. There should be other solutions, but he could not point out another way out. "God's will is very clear, and human conflicts are very real. How did the two conflicting parties reach a compromise?" Liu Zhepei felt deeply powerless, as if he was watching his own child dying of hunger or thirst, and could not offer anything. Food saves lives.

This incident caused Liu Zhepei and his wife Wang Lanxin to open their eyes and look around at the same time. They were shocked to realize that conflicts abounded not only in their families and workplaces, but also in churches and evangelical institutions, causing deep and widespread harm. Some pastors have sadly left the service field amid conflicts, and the equipment they have accumulated over the past few decades has been wasted.

In their heartache, they asked themselves: Since the legal profession has arbitration and mediation, can the church handle conflicts in the same way?

Liu Zhepei entered Pepperdine University in California to study conflict resolution that year, and Wang Lanxin studied for a master's degree in conflict management in 2005. The two began to receive training from Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemaker.net). At that time, I just wanted to be well equipped so that I could help others in the future. If conflicts between pastors and churches arise again, I would be able to more skillfully guide the two parties toward reconciliation.

▲Are there any other options for the opposing parties besides going to court? (Photo source: http://media.naplesnews.com/media/img/photos/2013/07/08/US_NEWS_TEENSLAIN_24_OS.JPG)

The key to handling conflict is people

The office is busy with business, but Liu Zhepei and his wife have devoted themselves to leading the church couples fellowship for many years and participating in the service of the Family Renewal Association Couples Camp. Because they are so involved, it also affects their mentality and methods when handling litigation business.

Generally, non-believers go to a firm to seek conflict resolution, such as business break-up or divorce, in order to solve problems. Liu Zhepei pointed out that it can be "resolved through professional mediation or even judicial procedures, and an agreement can be reached quickly in the short term. This is mostly a rational solution, a matter of brain."

But when faced with Christian divorce cases, he has to hold American law in one hand and the Bible in the other, telling the parties who are struggling in their marriage: "According to the law, you can get divorced; according to the Bible, you should try your best to save the marriage." Which way do you want to go?"

Liu Zhepei understands that the starting point of conflicts is often a large gap in expectations. The parties involved are unwilling to accept it and constantly ask others to comply with their expectations. The consequences are often emotional and relationship harm. Liu Zhepei and his wife said sincerely: "In a conflict or tense relationship, what needs to change is not the problem or the relationship, but the 'people' in the conflict. If people want to change, their hearts must change first."

In 2008, the couple accepted the invitation from "Christian Theological Seminary" in Northern California to offer "Love and Conflict" training courses, including: the first phase of love and conflict group training, intimate relationship conflict management, workplace conflict management, and the second phase of Love and Conflict Counseling Training, and Phase 3 Love and Conflict Mediation Training.

At the same time, they also cooperate with the "Peace Messenger" ministry and travel to various places to lead lectures and camps, including the Peace Messenger and Conflict Coaching Workshops that have been run for many years at the Kingdom of God Cultural Practice Camp. In addition, they have devoted their efforts to producing audio teaching materials for non-believers, with topics including love and conflict, marital conflict, affair prevention, and affair handling.

Glorifying God in Conflict

From all levels of service, they heard and saw the bottlenecks faced by pastors and lay believers in handling conflicts. Wang Lanxin pointed out that most people deal with conflicts rationally and emotionally, trying to change the other party's behavior and practices. In fact, what we should really ask but not ask is: "Why do I feel so uncomfortable when the other person's opinion is different from mine?" Nor do I really come before God to seek: "O God, you allow him and me to I have different opinions. What do you want me to learn from this? What can I do to keep you at work in my heart?”

When facing a conflict, starting from "revenge" or "grace", there will be different ways of handling it, and of course there will be different results. Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin realized that the parties involved in the conflict must first receive the gospel. When we return to God, we see that we who originally sinned against God can actually receive the grace of salvation through the gospel. God, who was originally offended by man, took the initiative to seek reconciliation and was willing to sacrifice his beloved Son Jesus in order to restore man and restore the relationship between God and man.

The hurt and injustice we have suffered are nothing compared to the extent to which we have sinned against and owed God! Since God has forgiven us, can we also forgive each other? If God wants to be reconciled to us, should we also seek to be reconciled to others? Once you truly appreciate the immense grace you have received from God, wouldn’t you consider God’s will more closely and be able to live out love even in conflict?

Therefore, Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin adopted the four G principles summarized by Ken Sande, the founder of the "Peace Messenger" ministry, and became the oath of the "Love and Conflict" ministry:

‧ Glorifying God ─ Glorifying God in conflict!
‧ Getting the log out of the eye─Getting the log out of the eye in the conflict!
‧ Gently restore ─ Gently restore in conflict!
‧ Go and reconcile ─ Reunite in the midst of conflict!

This 4G principle is actually based on the deepest and most important 2G, which is the gospel, which is God’s grace.

▲Can arbitration and mediation in the legal profession be used to resolve conflicts in the church? (Image source: http://www.wikihow.com/images/3/32/Participate-in-a-Mediation-Step-10.jpg)

Founded "Love and Conflict" Harmony Ministry

Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin observed that it is still not easy to admit that conflicts will occur among believers and in the church world, and to try to restore them based on harmony. Perhaps they can train pastors and lay leaders in seminaries as usual, and provide dedicated counseling in couples camps, but the strength of just two people is still not enough, and more people need to be connected to respond together. Over the years, they have seen that wrong conflict handling models have caused damage to church and family relationships. They felt the urgency and necessity of establishing the "Love and Conflict" harmony ministry, and finally planned to establish it in 2014.

Having long-term cooperation with True Love Family Association, Family Renewal Association and other organizations, Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin deeply feel that these family-focused ministries cover a wide range of aspects. If we can focus on counseling and teaching on conflict management and enrich and deepen the resources of these ministries, we can serve Chinese families more effectively. We can also lead retreats for co-workers to equip them to become conflict coaches so that they can be more skillful. Resolve marital or parent-child conflicts to make ministry more effective.

For example, when conflicts arise between couples, some pastoral colleagues only focus their counseling on communication skills, while others only recommend reading the Bible and praying. After training on "Love and Conflict", you can learn to help the client clarify the heart issues first, focus on glorifying God, and then show the determination to redeem and reconcile with practical actions.

Liu Zhepei and his wife thanked God for raising up the "Peacemaker Ministry" in the American church more than 30 years ago, digging out the truth from the Bible for Christians to respond to conflicts. However, when applying this ministry to Chinese life, language and cultural factors must also be taken into consideration. The "Love and Conflict" harmony ministry hopes to use appropriate cultural interpretation and ideological transformation to cultivate a unique Chinese culture of harmony and satisfy God's command to "love one another" and "become one".

For example, when dealing with conflicts, "Peacemaker Ministry" often brings the parties involved to the table immediately and uses mediation to talk things over. Chinese people are usually more reserved and tactful, unwilling to face each other directly, and mediation methods are more difficult to accept. If you can talk to a conflict coach individually first, deal with your emotions, and understand a better outcome besides breaking up, you can sometimes let go and resolve the conflict. When both parties undergo mediation together, the third party acting as mediator can also play the role of conflict coach. For related examples and the role of conflict coaching, please refer to the relationship unit article "Mission Impossible?" in issue 33 (September 2013) of this journal. Divine power! 》 and Issue 34 (December 2013) "Conflict Coach: A Call from Heaven".

Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin hope that after the ministry is established, they can serve the church more effectively and train co-workers. For example, the outreach ministry of assisting churches to organize a series of community lectures uses the conflicts and challenges in interpersonal relationships that are of most interest to the public as the entry point to fully lead unbelievers to Christ. The content includes: the starting point of love, uncovering the veil of conflict, miscommunication, gas station for marriage, spicy hotpot for interpersonal relationships, key conversations, what to do if the relationship is messed up, it is difficult to act without reason, how to say an apology, etc.

They are also willing to lead two major training camps, one is the Love and Conflict Growth Camp for Couples, and the other is the Retreat Camp for Senior Leaders. Through relaxed interaction, couples or church leaders can overcome the difficulties of conflict and become more united. They believe: "The intersection of love and conflict is the battle between lust and the Holy Spirit." After learning and equipping themselves, they no longer regard conflict as a daunting road, but instead accept the power of the gospel as an opportunity to renew their hearts. When handling cases, the pastor or other counselors can not only use the general rhetoric of "victory through the Lord", but also know clearly how to guide the client to face the challenges and struggles in life, step by step through the pain, and move forward. To reconcile.

Confirmation and expectation

At the beginning of their ministry, Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin were full of excitement and couldn't wait to see how God would initiate this peacemaking work. On August 3, 2014, at the Jiahui Hall of the Mandarin Baptist Church in Los Angeles, spiritual elders and friends gathered together to send them and a group of committed co-workers into the service field, and prayed for God's guidance together.

They know that at the intersection of love and conflict is the battleground between the Spirit and flesh. It doesn’t depend on anything done by humans, but on the power of the Holy Spirit! In the weakest and darkest places of the human heart, someone needs to bring the light of truth so that those involved in the battle can be reminded and encouraged. We sincerely hope that more people will support this ministry with prayers, donations, and participation. Believers with gifts in writing, planning, video, website building, teaching, etc. are also welcome to join.

Twelve years ago, a lawsuit filed against the church by a retired pastor inspired lawyer Liu Zhepei to devote himself to conflict management services. Twelve years later, just as his ministry was about to begin, he received a call from another pastor seeking legal advice because the church was not renewing his appointment.

Twelve years ago, the inability to dissuade the parties resulted in the parties seeking alternative legal counsel and insisting on litigation. Twelve years later he was able to put what he had learned into service to this wounded pastor. Even if the relationship with the church ends, the pastor will still be comforted and encouraged not to fight back in a fleshly manner, and to prevent both parties from falling into deeper and more serious harm. At the same time, Liu Zhepei also saw that the "Love and Conflict" harmony ministry can help pastors and elders get along with each other and avoid similar injuries from happening again.

Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin believe that this is God’s confirmation of the establishment of this ministry. They hope to call people to be peacemakers, equip people to respond to conflicts according to biblical truth, and cultivate a culture of peace in churches and communities. We hope that through the "Love and Conflict" harmony ministry, more people can "receive the gospel in conflict and live out love!"

Lawyer Liu Zhepei has been practicing in California for more than 20 years. He holds a Juris Doctor (JD) and an LLM degree from the Institute of Law. He specializes in "Conflict Management and Mediation". Currently, he is a mediation lawyer of the Los Angeles Superior Court, a member of the American Conflict Resolution Association (ACR), the Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA), and the American and California Bar Associations. My wife, Ms. Wang Lanxin, holds a master's degree in conflict management. She and Lawyer Liu have promoted "peace-making ministry" in the community for many years. They are committed to the harmonious work of Chinese marriages and families. They lead camps and offer "Love and Conflict", "Conflict Counseling" and "Marriage Mediation” and other courses.

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Lin Minwen devotes herself to literary ministry and focuses on writing and editing.