feed my lambs

Organized/Lin Minwen

The head of the motorcycle was entangled with the trunk of a big tree on the roadside, the skin on his feet was bruised and broken, and his wallet and Bibles were scattered on the ground. In the pouring rain, I sat on the sidewalk and burst into tears.

Why would I go to such lengths to end up in such a mess? Why did I put down my status as the wife of the vice president of the hospital and put a burden on myself that I couldn't bear?

Jesus' trust

I made an appointment with Lanlan to take her down the mountain today and move her into the middle school dormitory. Yesterday, she stood on stage with her head held high to receive the award and graduated from primary school in first place. The brilliance of her face is not diminished at all by the congenital cleft palate (harelip). In the tutoring class, I like to see her childish face and eager eyes. Her four sisters were sold into prostitution one after another. I told Lan Lan that perhaps God’s kiss on her lips saved her from being sold and allowed her to have a different future.

I am too naive!

Just now, right in front of Lan Lan's house, her father told me that Lan Lan was taken away last night. Normally a girl can be sold for NT$400,000, but because of Lanlan's "flaws", she only sold for NT$200,000.

As I got on my motorcycle and headed down the mountain to go home, my thoughts were confused and my vision was blurry. Is it rain or tears? Before I could erase it, the motorcycle hit the big tree on the roadside...

I don’t know how long I sat and cried. Finally I had the strength to get up and pick up the soaked leather bag and the broken Bible. As I tried to smooth the pages, a passage from John 21 leapt into view through the stains.

Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Do you love me more than these?”

Peter said, "Lord, yes, you know that I love you."

Jesus said to him, "Feed my lambs."

At that moment, I heard Jesus calling softly and immediately knelt down by the roadside to pray. I made up my mind that no matter what kind of hurt or disappointment, I would never be able to stop the call I received - to feed the lambs of Jesus.

Internal and external troubles in the early days

In 1986, my husband applied for the position of vice president of Hualien Mennonite Hospital. My husband and I left the United States and returned to our hometown in eastern Taiwan. I gave myself a period of rest for my body, mind and soul, and also looked for the next service field. A doctor and social worker from the Mennonite Hospital came to visit and invited me to pay attention to the issue of Aboriginal women being sold into prostitution.

From that day on, I could not practice spiritual practice for about a month and avoided seeing the Lord. As a third generation Christian, I have a happy family. Since childhood, one of my special emotional buttons is that I cannot bear to see my children get hurt. Therefore, I don’t want to pray or read the Bible because I am deeply afraid that God will send me to take on this ministry. No, I'm not that strong.

The urging of the Holy Spirit is gentle but stubborn. One afternoon, I rode my motorcycle and went up the mountain to see various tribes. Just like when I was a child, I followed the founder of the Mennonite Hospital on medical tours in the mountains, visiting this familiar land. Occasionally, the church bells echoed through the winding forest roads, and the strong little feet stepped on the green valley. The sincerity of the missionaries back then was like lingering fresh mountain mist, brushing against my face, and like a gentle giant spreading its arms to welcome me home.

After that, I went up the mountain one by one, visiting one village after another, hoping to change the fate of the girls by persuading their parents. At that time, Taiwan had not yet established comprehensive laws to prevent human trafficking, nor did it have a sound system to protect children. Often when I go up the mountain to visit my family, there are people waiting at the entrance of the tribe, holding rocks and eggs to hit me because I block their "money path." I finally managed to arrange for some girls to attend boarding schools. Their parents either accused me of abducting their children or went to my husband's house to ask for money. Although my husband and mother-in-law did not stop my work, they were worried about my safety. I know in my heart that they love me, but I can't push away the heavy feeling of guilt.

When the ministry was first established, it did not apply to establish a non-profit organization, so it was difficult to raise funds. Taking in eight or nine girls, the financial burden is heavy. The greater pressure comes from the high turnover of co-workers. They often leave after being cultivated and trained. Facing many difficulties made me lose motivation. Several times I planned to end the ministry and send the children to an orphanage.

Scars bring determination

For eight or nine months, I continued to visit Yunyun, who was 16 years old. She was abandoned by a prostitute because she was infected with a sexually transmitted disease and was sent home. Several attempts to take her to see a doctor were unsuccessful. I was heavily pregnant at the time and couldn't afford the hours-long drive back and forth. So I made an appointment with Yunyun to take her down the mountain that day no matter what. I just stepped into the door of her house and saw that she was not prepared for anything. I suddenly became emotional and forced her to come with me. While pushing and pulling, she accidentally tore her clothes, only to see the spots on her thin body that were burned by cigarette butts, as well as many tattoos, which were obscene patterns and words intended to stimulate the client's sexual desire.

In the end, Yunyun did not leave with me. On the train home, such traumas kept appearing before my eyes, and they seemed to leave traces on my heart. Tears are like torrents that cannot be wiped away or stopped.

I once again thought of the Lord Jesus’ call to me—to feed the Lord’s lambs. If I continue this ministry, it will be almost impossible to withstand the various pressures. However, how could I be like those priests and Levites who took a detour in the parable of the "Good Samaritan" in Luke Chapter 10? How could I sit in an air-conditioned room with peace of mind and say to those girls, "May you be safe"?

Looking out the window, the mountain ridges are rugged, the rice waves are swaying, and the dusk glow dyes the vast sky red. Yes, my strength is weak and my resources are limited. But my heavenly Father in whom I trust is the Lord of hosts. What else am I worried about? What are you afraid of?

After giving birth, I spent a lot of time establishing the "Hualien Good Shepherd Center". In the days that followed, it not only continued to take in girls who had been child prostitutes, but also took in women who were victims of domestic violence, and provided tutoring for dropouts (children who had not completed middle school). Work stations have also been established in fifty tribes to teach residents correct values, hoping to eradicate the bad custom of selling girls into prostitution.

Precious life, priceless soul

Some of the girls taken in by "The Good Shepherd" were rescued by the police when they inspected the brothels, and some were taken out by officials after notifying the county government's Social Affairs Bureau. Entering "The Good Shepherd", they live with nannies and staff. In addition to arranging schooling and helping them escape the shackles of alcohol and drugs, they also need to provide a lot of psychological counseling.

Because of their experiences, they have a biased understanding of gender roles. They don't like being girls, but it's hard to love boys. Because of misconceptions about sexual relations, some girls have secretly left the center and exchanged sex for affection, resulting in unmarried pregnancies.

If it is not based on faith, no matter how good psychological counseling is, it will not be able to heal the pain and relieve pain. The center arranges evening prayers and small group fellowship every day, and attends worship services at nearby churches together on Sundays. Most of the employees of "Good Shepherd" are Christians, and they hope to spread their faith in a way that affects lives.

Many of these girls who have negative impressions of "men" and "fathers" are still willing to accept the love and salvation of their Heavenly Father. Although this does not guarantee that they will no longer be haunted by the nightmares of the past, the work of the Holy Spirit is permanent. Even if the girls "graduate" and leave the center to live independently, I still believe that the gospel seeds sown in their hearts will one day thrive. .

However, there are very few people who can share this vision.

No one was willing to rent a place to take in the girls, so out of frustration, they had to merge the office with the shelter. In order to protect the girls' self-esteem, they hide when visitors come to visit.

One year before the Lunar New Year, a representative of a society brought a donation, which made me overjoyed. I thought that this way, I could pay salaries to the employees who worked hard and never complained.

After listening to my detailed description of the ministry, the gentleman put a wad of banknotes in my hand and also asked to take a photo with the girls. I told him tactfully that he could just take a photo with me, as the Good Shepherd did not want the girls it had taken in to be exposed.

Unexpectedly, he was so angry that he said insulting words such as "What's the big deal", "Don't pretend to be noble", etc.

Although this money was very important to me, I was really angry at the time. When he got in the car, I ran out and threw the stack of banknotes on the hood of his car and said angrily, "If you don't want to eat, come eat!"

Another time, a society expressed interest in the ministry of the Good Shepherd and considered whether to provide financial support. After the briefing, one member shook his head and said, "It is very uneconomical to spend so much time and resources on each girl, but in the end there may not be any 'results'."

My answer to her was that perhaps the world would think that the Good Shepherd’s investment in them was not economically beneficial. In the eyes of God, every life is a treasure and every soul is priceless.

▲Children are happy to participate in the academic tutoring provided by the Good Shepherd because they can receive encouragement and care.

They don't want much

In 1997, I handed the reins of CEO to Pastor Chen Zaihui and I left the Good Shepherd. Afterwards, the family moved to Vancouver, Canada, where they continued to serve God and established a Chinese church in White Rock, British Columbia.

Although the small town in the north is also surrounded by mountains and rivers, with beautiful scenery, I still miss the customs and customs of my hometown. Occasionally, I would also reminisce with the children about the time when they provided academic tutoring in the Hualien tribe.

The most unforgettable thing for me was that after dinner every day, I would ride a motorcycle or drive, take my two children and a big bucket of black tea, and go door to door in the mountain village, beating gongs and drums, calling the children to come to class.

Often, they lined up and endorsed one by one in order. The line was extremely long that day, and the second child was so sleepy that he fell asleep on the desk. I was wondering, where did these children come from today? Why did it take so long and there were so many people lining up?

Unexpectedly, I took a closer look and found that the child had just turned his back and came back to line up, so I questioned him. He said timidly: "Teacher, I have actually recited it five times."

I was stunned for a moment, and other children one after another "confessed": "Teacher, I recited it six times." "Teacher, I recited it eleven times."

I really couldn't laugh or cry at that time. I said to them in a reproachful tone: "How can you do this? My children are so tired that they have fallen asleep. Why don't you let me go back?"

"Teacher, we just want you to hug us and listen to you praise us!"

lamb in sunshine

Looking back on the journey, I am always grateful for the abundant years. If I could walk through it again, perhaps my participation would be more solemn. However, even when we are attacked physically, mentally and spiritually, and even when we are beaten by gangsters, the peace that the Holy Spirit gives that surpasses all understanding is always with us.

After many years, I returned to the familiar mountains and waves again, and the mountains and rivers remained the same. In recent years, the indigenous people themselves and the general public have affirmed the value of ethnic culture. Incidents of selling daughters in the tribe are rarely heard of. My life has entered a new season.

At the most unexpected moment, at one end of the street where people and cars were coming and going, I caught a glimpse of a familiar face, and the girl also saw me. The moment they made eye contact, I was filled with excitement and joy. Just as I was about to raise my hand to say hello, I also saw him beside her.

If he knows that the girl knows me, he will know the girl's past. In the small town, many people equated me with "rescuing young prostitutes."

So, I smiled at her and shook my head. She smiled brightly in return and nodded.

Yes, my lamb knows me. Maybe we won’t be able to communicate openly after all, but so what? She was once imprisoned in the darkest place in the world, but now she has walked into the sunshine.