Regenerative Silence

[Relationship in the screen mirror]

Editor's note: Writer Li Wenping will open a column in this unit starting from this issue to provide an in-depth analysis of the relationship between man and God, man and man, man and himself, as well as thought-provoking issues and phenomena in faith.

Encounter silence

Many years ago, when I first believed in Jesus, I entered the church from the world with some idealistic excitement, but I suddenly discovered that the world behind me was also in the church in front of me. The culture of the world has inherent inheritance and has a long history, and no mortal is immune to it. Therefore, when secular culture comes to the church, it is like a dish with a rich flavor. It is not served, but the smell lingers here and there in the church, even in the ceiling. At that time, I realized that the influence of culture is extraordinary, and it can even penetrate "holy" beliefs if I am not careful.

And this awakening also made Jesus’ teachings more penetrating, attracting my heart to long for His “otherworldly” qualities.

Later, I encountered some things that were very challenging for me as a "spiritual child", such as a huge wave crashing down, and the boat on my spiritual journey was almost overturned. I realized the deep-rooted patriarchal cultural psychology and the cunning sinfulness deep in human nature. , and the twists and turns they intertwine with spiritual warfare. My heart couldn't help but sink deeply. Compared with the heavy heart, routine gatherings and activities seem extremely superficial. I found that my heart longed for a deep reality, and I couldn't help but withdraw from all kinds of activities for half a year. That was the first time I avoided the crowd and entered the wilderness of faith. "Lord..." This profound call became the "background sound" of that period, starting and accompanying me in a period of silence that lasted for several months.

Of course, this silence is different from some other silences in that it has a very unique element: a call to God and a dialogue with God. This kind of silence, in Fu Shide's words, "has the power of reproduction." It is actually a kind of pilgrimage, walking toward God while leaving behind many activities, just to meditate on Him and His words more intently.

▲You may encounter some extremely challenging things on the road of faith, such as huge waves crashing down on you, but the silence in God has the power to recreate.

I would do this not out of spirituality but out of hunger—an eagerness to make sure that what I believed in was worthy of being the backbone of my life. Therefore, sometimes I just want to say one word of Jesus a day, over and over again, as if I want to rub myself into that word, or let those words seep into me, so that I can really get them. During this process, the activity of introspection occurs naturally, and you can't help but say many heart-felt words to Him. For example:

"Please allow me to temporarily retreat to my humble home. You are the God of love. As I walk in the world, my heart unknowingly picks up many things that should not be picked up, but I lose you.

Please let me return to my heart and let me talk to You alone in my small home. This is the time to be alone with You. Let me alone open the cupboards in my heart one by one, and let the contents in the cupboards be exposed to Your light one by one.

Please let me sit silently beside you, letting the things that should be done and the activities that should be done wait aside. If I don’t go there with your fragrance, why should I go there? If You do not fill my heart with Your peace and wisdom, and my hands with Your mercy and compassion, what a burden and hard work will my hands have to do? "

"Let me wait for you, only you. I am the God of love. If you don't speak to me, I will be a deaf person, my words will not have standards, and my mood will become fickle... You are not Don't leave me alone, you said you wouldn't. Your voice will whisper to me softly in my dream flute... and you will use the colors I know to paint the steps I must pass. Show me. Without such steps, how can I reach the destination You have prepared for me?”

Later, I learned that such a quiet state of seeking, especially the silent contemplation of inner activities under the Lord’s lamp, actually has a spiritual vocabulary to describe it: “conscious examination.”

▲ Put God as the center, seek quietly, and through "consciousness inspection", pay attention to God's actions, inner dynamics, and confidence and expectation in God's guidance.

But it is not a general self-analysis. "Self" is not the center. As Pastor Ye Meizhu said: "Prayer of conscious examination is a way of learning to notice and discern God's daily actions in our lives, and also to understand and reflect on our own hearts. Dynamic, and expecting and believing that God will continue to guide your life tomorrow. This is a kind of prayer that integrates the past, present and future life into the presence of God.”1

In other words, conscious examination focuses on three aspects of life: God’s actions, inner dynamics, and confidence and expectation in God’s guidance. At its center is God.

Looking back, when I "stopped partying" for the first six months, I actually just stopped gathering with people. What I focused on was gathering with God and coming directly to Jesus to "gain life" (see John 5:40 ), and did a lot of conscious introspection, seeing God’s actions and the various positive and negative situations in my heart, experiencing God’s presence and looking forward to His guidance. During this process, faith is not just a belief in my head, but has entered an emotional level. The throne of God is placed deeper in my heart, and I have experienced Him more, and I am more closely connected to Him emotionally. The title of a piano piece can best describe this emotional relationship: "Strange Connection".

After this long silence, when I returned to the church, my faith and life had grown significantly. In my heart, I respect but no longer look up to pastors or “star preachers.” Instead, I look only to the Triune God and only to Christ. I am also more aware of my own smallness and shortcomings, so I am more sincerely humble and, strangely, more accepting; I am also more tolerant, more understanding, and more loving towards others. I devoted myself to a new round of church service with sincere enthusiasm and became a better and healthier sister.

Of course, from the perspective of external behavior, not going to church for half a year is very "unspiritual." Because of this, my thin stream has been given the ability to imagine the world of God as vast as the ocean, and no longer judge a person based on whether he participates in so-called "spiritual" activities (she ) Are you willing to follow Christ? Know that many people pursue God and experience God outside the church walls. God also extends His grace outside the church walls. His hand leads the sheep inside the wall and the sheep outside the wall. His world is so much wider than ours that it is almost impossible to compare.

But the word "church" mentioned above is only used in a narrow sense or in common usage. The original meaning of "church" is the group of people who believe in and follow God. In this sense, I have always had a "church life" - communicating and gathering with authors who believe in Christ in books and articles, and longing for the true God together; I also have conversations with some Christians. There are some informal fellowships among sisters and female preachers. This kind of "church life" is very important. I am in the wilderness, but I am not walking alone.

But the most beautiful thing is the direct communication with God, which makes time precious. During this process, God allowed me to enter a purer spiritual world, and living had a different kind of freshness. As a result, the long-lost poetry also emerged. I wrote some poems that were inspired by my thoughts. They are my prayers. , my spiritual practice, my wonder, and my gratitude. For example, the above-mentioned confession to God, such as this article "Love You with a Pure Heart," expresses my expectations for myself:

love you with a pure heart
and be cleansed by your love

After dating you
Even though I look average in the morning mirror
However, the beauty it exudes
But it surprised me too

Staring at the image in the mirror that is me and not me
You are in my heart
how lucky i am
Your light fills my whole chest tenderly
The moisturizing substance penetrates my bone marrow silently
I will live and breathe in your light

This morning is like many mornings
Away from human traces and imagination, I silently and happily
Enter into eternity where you are

This makes me sigh softly:
help me, help me continue
love you with a pure heart

In fact, there is a word in the spiritual tradition to describe these casually jotted spiritual words, called "spiritual notes."

Of course, both my conscious reflection and spiritual notes are simple and spontaneous, and may not be exactly the same as the steps summarized in spiritual teachings. God is not rigid and pays attention to the essence. As long as it allows people to get closer to Him, experience Him, and follow Him more closely, that’s fine. However, the spiritual tradition passed down has been practiced by countless people. Following the practice is like walking on a paved path and is worth trying.

▲Joining "Spiritual Journey Notes" can help you penetrate deeper into the subtleties of your soul, get closer to God, and grow in your life.

Recovery and healing in silence

There are many ways to practice silence at the feet of God, including the above-mentioned consciousness reflection and spiritual notes, as well as unmentioned centering prayer, contemplation of scriptures, contemplation of nature, etc. (Practical experience will be discussed in other chapters. Again), in fact, the common point is that they all focus entirely on communication and prayer with God.

Such silence gives people comfort, hope, courage and strength. When the Lord Jesus Himself learned of the death of John the Baptist, his heart seemed to be in a turmoil, so he "entered the ship from there and withdrew privately to a deserted place." After being alone in silence before God, he could immediately be moved by mercy. Heal all the sick who seek Him (see Matthew 14:13-14). David, who has gone through turmoil and ups and downs, also said: "My heart, be silent and wait exclusively on God, because my hope comes from Him. ... My rock of strength and my refuge are in God." ” (Refer to Psalm 62:5-7)

David’s words speak to the hearts of countless people, and I have a deep understanding of it. Only by being silent at God’s feet can we recover from fatigue in service and face all kinds of storms. Looking through the diary, I found some graces I experienced in it, some of which are still spiritual notes in the form of prose poems, such as "Time Has Been Washed":

My soul stumbles back to your garden. I came back from a stranded journey and accompanied those who were stranded on the journey. All the herbs you gave me have been used up. I long for you in my exhaustion, and I am covered in dust and mud along the way.

You greet me with the fragrance of lavender, and your breath cleanses the entire earth. I meet you again at the roots of the trees, and the sound of your clear spring renews and cleanses me from the depths.

How satisfied I am with the sound of your spring. In your simple music, I can close my eyes calmly and quietly, and feel your spring water flowing from the other end of time, eternally and continuously...

The annual rings seem to be spinning in my haze, and the filled and polluted time splashes silently in your hands - the time has also been washed.

Time has been washed away. In my misty sleep, I felt the serenity surrounding me. The soul that had shed the dust was like a new lotus after the rain, and like a baby's clear eyes...

The storms and twists and turns in life also become opportunities to experience the grace of God. Looking back, I realize that I have had a "night of being held up" and that I am a person who is held up by grace:

Let the night fall and the moon rise
Let me hide under your soft wings and rest
Let the tears flow, let the sadness rise
Let me be in your boundless tenderness
Take off your strong coat

Mid-Autumn Night, what a full moon
The ever-changing world has experienced repeated ups and downs.
And she is bright and noble, like your love
Never break an appointment

The cost of keeping a promise is painful
Holding the pain, I crawl to the top of your cloud mountain
Moonlight leans down and kisses you with your love
With eternal affection and thoughts, and eternal thoughts and love
Slowly held it
this sad night

So I can grieve without being sad
Under the touch of moonlight, slowly rising from the abyss
And along the path paved by moonlight
Slowly arrive at the paradise you prepared for me

Night is often the most vulnerable, real, private and even lonely moment. If there has been trauma, it may sneak up and relapse in some form at such a time. Such a night must be doubly sad for people without God. For me, the habit of relying on God developed in silence has enabled me to regain peace of mind relatively quickly. If it hadn’t been for those fragments left in the diary, they might have passed by in a flash outside the car window of life. Leave no trace. And they should not be forgotten, such as the grace recorded in "Inside and Out of Time":

I cried bitterly in my dream again. The sadness and pain I had not experienced for a long time swept me away again like a flood.

You put the feast of life in front of me, but before I could sit down, it was already in a mess. I was so shocked and in pain, but the outstretched hands were as weak as catkins in the strong wind; so, I could only cry bitterly to reject and protest against that thing called fate.

Then I woke up, startled by my own crying. Just when I realized that I was no longer the girl in my dream, your kiss gently covered my eyes. I feel how salty my tears are on your lips.

Reality and dreams intersect, I calm down in your arms, dreams become trance, and tranquility becomes real. The river of time flows silently in front of me again, and I am outside the years again.

Closing my eyes that are still wet with tears, I let myself immerse myself in your eternal peace.

You must have seen my problem that is not a problem in the corner of my smiling mouth, right? ─What method did you use to allow me, a petal that has lost its branches, to meet you outside the years and have you as your companion?

▲The essence of silence is actually to allow the soul to fold its wings into the "nest", return to the transition where God sits on the throne, bathe in His love and power, regain strength, and rejuvenate life.

The essence of silence

The world is like quicksand, and crises are coming one after another in every corner of the earth, but God has built a "kingdom that cannot be shaken" in the hearts of His children (see Hebrews 12:28). The essence of silence is actually to allow the soul to fold its wings into the "nest" and return to this kingdom where God sits on the throne, bathing in His love and power, so as to understand Him, love Him, and get close to Him as if we were face to face. , and regain strength to rejuvenate life.

But the starting point of silence should not be to "regain strength", but to love God, respect Him and set aside "quality time" for yourself and God. Regaining strength is simply the natural result of loving Him and honoring Him. It is a gift He gives to those who love Him.

And love can actually be very simple and pure. For me, sometimes it is reflected in the very daily "good night" greeting, and this greeting becomes sweet because of love:

I always want to say something to you before I let the day end. With you by my side, how willing I am to walk in time.

The little bird is nestled in its little home on the tree, nestled against its parents, contented; I nestled in your words, alone but not lonely.

This is the time for me to meet you, the invisible fingers of time gently caressing me, like flowing water slowly, delicately and tenderly.

Under the moonlight, the silver waves of the bay half-circled by the island are just like the slightly rippling words of my heart. In this quiet and no one's time, I say to you: Good night!

The longing for God’s love and silence. This kind of silence is called “silence”. In fact, it does not mean that there is no sound, but it is full of sacred music. Let the loneliness of silence be not loneliness. Let the silent ones experience God’s rich re-creation grace in silence. Favor.

＊This article was originally published on the Fengrong Fellowship website https://www.ficfellowship.org and is used with permission.

Ye Meizhu: Inspection of Consciousness─"Sleeping with Bread",https://www.ficfellowship.org/Reflection-with-the-Divina.html.

Li Wenping:Writer, life coach, editor-in-chief of Fengrong Online Magazine, guest writer of this magazine, and former executive editor of this magazine. Think of yourself as a traveler—a traveler in body, mind, and spirit. The journey is also the purpose.