Dream about you

▲Hailan looks back on her newlywed photo with her late husband. The love is so strong that it is still unforgettable⋯⋯

Dreaming about you, dreaming about you, dreaming about you,
Gaze after gaze, year after year,
Dreaming about you, dreaming about you, dreaming about you,
Hope dreams come true, year after year.
The scenery in the dream is foggy, and you stand far away in the dream,
The words in the dream are like the wind flying, and you in the dream are like November.
The years in the dream are flowing like water, and you in the dream are getting older.
The protagonists in the dream are you and me,
In the dream, we are one generation.

(Lyrics: Lin Bian/Music: Jian Shangren)

You must still remember this song! When I heard it at a lecture, I immediately copied it on a note and read it to you when I got home. You liked it so much! We often recite it in rolled-up Mandarin or ancient Taiwanese for fun, but we never thought that after so many years, it would still stay deep in my heart and become such a vivid scene.

In the middle of the night, I often wake up in a state of silence, feeling startled and confused. I don’t know where I am, and a sense of desolation comes from all directions. The weather this year has been windy and rainy. Before going to bed, I often hear the west wind blowing outside the window and the leaves rustling on the treetops. I miss you so much and miss every day we spent together. I dream back at midnight, vaguely remembering the sweet past. I can’t believe it, but it’s already the tenth year since you left me and returned to your home in heaven.

I miss you from one dream to another. In the dream, you stand in the distant fog and smile slightly at me. You are my consistent love. I stretched out my hand to catch you, but before I could touch you, you slowly drifted away. That night, half asleep and half awake, I opened my eyes and saw darkness all around me. The power must have gone out again. I kicked you next to me and said, "It's so dangerous! It's so dark. Fortunately, you're at home!" When I woke up, I realized it was a dream. However, you were lying next to me just now, and I could still feel the heat of your breath. Why did it disappear in just a short while?

You know that I am the most timid. Every night when there is wind and thunderstorm, I always ask you to put your arm under my neck and wrap my whole body in your arms, so that I can sleep well. And every time you would wait until I fell asleep, then gently take your hand out, and then go to sleep peacefully.

remember? Before we went abroad, when your friends held a banquet to see us off, Li brought a glass of beer to congratulate us: "Mrs. Zhan, Director Zhan loves you so much! Every time it was his turn to stay on duty, he would run home in the middle of the night. I won’t worry until I see you. Haha! His reason is: “I’m sorry! My wife doesn’t dare to sleep at home!”

In fact, I never asked you to go home and accompany me during the night shift. I just put a heavy sofa chair against the door, turned on every light in the house, and then asked my sister to come and accompany me after the night shift. That’s all. How do you know that you are so attentive and see it, yet you still ask for help for me! What an unspeakable reason this would be for you who have always been law-abiding!

I am deeply grateful for the days you loved me. In this era of overflowing emotions and lust, what a blessing it is to have a true love. I am a woman who has been truly loved and enjoyed love, and I have no regrets. However, the years in the dream are really like water flowing, and all the joys of the past have become today's dreams. I can't bear to think about it, but I can't forget it.

Just because you dote on me like this, I have to go abroad regardless of my own temper. So you went to study English at the age of 47, and after completing the TOEFL, you applied to study education in the United States. The Department of Education is particularly difficult for Chinese international students. You, who have always been steady, began to lose control of your heart and wanted to drop out of school and go home. When you asked me like this, my answer was an unequivocal "no". You had no choice but to give up and start working harder to break through the language barrier.

Looking at your gradually dull eyes, I have no regrets; I have never awakened to experience your gradually closing heart. In order to obtain the right of residence in the United States, you even agreed to the lawyer's suggestion that you go into a fake marriage with a woman who is a U.S. citizen. I don't know how I could be so confused? I will never forget the way you said to me with an almost pleading look: "Can you please not agree to a fake marriage? We can't lose our personality in order to obtain the right of residence in the United States, right?" Fortunately, your words reminded me, So as not to make a big mistake, otherwise how can I be worthy of you who loves me deeply?

In fact, I doubt that I would really be willing to let you live with another woman, even for a short period of time. I must be out of my mind to accept such a bad idea. I have never been able to forgive myself for hurting your heart like this, but you have already forgiven me—you forgave me when I promised you not to do what the lawyer said. I remember you were so happy that you hugged me and said, "I love you! I love you so much!" I looked at you with deep affection and couldn't help but say, "You are the best in the world!" But you replied humorously. Me: "No! You are the best in the world, and I am the second best!"

Riding on the boat of time, my thoughts wander in the flow of time. With such a passing away, many successes and failures have become a thing of the past and cannot be undone. Time will not stay, just like a sailing boat cannot stand still; on the road of life, we have all done some things that we regret more or less; however, the dead are gone, and those who come can be chased. You often advise me not to regret the fait accompli. We cannot go back to the past, nor can we say: "If I had known it earlier, I would have..." All we can do is cherish what we have now and seize every moment now. , enrich yourself, so that you don’t come to this world in vain.

Only after you have been drunk can you know how strong the wine is, and only when you have fallen in love can you know how strong it is. Intoxicated in the astringent taste of memories, I don’t want to wake up because I have you in my dream. The protagonists in the dream are you and me. In the dream, we are the same person.

＊Good words and beautiful essays are selected from the third cup of life soup "Song of Heart Garden"