The story of the strange woman Ai Ni

This past fall, October was in full bloom on the East Coast. My husband and I took a special flight to California to attend the wedding of a good friend’s daughter.

Clear skies and sunshine, typical Southern California weather. On Saturday afternoon we drove southbound on Route 5. Arrive at the wedding venue - a Spanish-style church with a completely romantic cloister overlooking the Los Angeles Valley.

Accompanied by harp music, two lovely girls walked in and lit two rows of candles on the stage. Then the mother of the bride and groom lights the candles. I saw my best friend appear. Ai Ni was wearing a crimson strapless evening gown, with her natural blond hair pulled into a gorgeous high bun. The blond beauty who captivated everyone when she was young is still graceful and graceful even though she is now approaching the age where the Chinese call her ears soft.

最後，豎琴奏起結婚進行曲，眾人起立，迎接新娘入場。愛妮的丈夫泰立挽著他們的女兒蜜西莊嚴微笑地走進會場。蜜西大大的眼睛，黑髮如雲，綰成高雅的法國髻，好一個美麗的東方女子。蜜西的未婚夫提米也早已等在前面。牧師問會眾：「是誰把這女子許配給這位年輕人？」泰立沉穩安靜地答道：「是我。」然後，溫柔地將蜜西交給提米。

The wedding was held quietly under the setting sun, and the pastor told the story of their acquaintance and friendship. Encourage them with the three R's - Remember the Commitment, Revitalize the Communication and Receive good coaching. After exchanging vows, the pastor declared Timmy and Missy to be Mr. and Mrs. Kang.

The wedding was filled with laughter and tears. I saw the smile on my friend Aini’s face full of tears. I met the 90-year-old pastor Yang Xu of the Liugui Orphanage in Taiwan. I also saw Brother Liu who had traveled thousands of miles to find Missy twenty-three years ago. Come to this wedding. This wedding is indeed of profound significance to Ai Ni, and it can be said to be an important milestone in Ai Ni's life. Because Ai Ni didn’t get married until she was forty-four. Missy was adopted from Taiwan when Ai Ni was still single. A few days after she was born, Missy was abandoned outside the orphanage.

I have known Aini for many years, and her story is both wonderful and touching, so I took the opportunity to ask her to share it with readers:

You didn't get married until you were in your late 40s. Can you tell us about your situation before you got married?

I didn't get married until I was forty-four, having been single until then. You ask me if I am happy... What I want to say is that happiness depends on external circumstances, but joy comes from the heart. It can be said that, generally speaking, I am happy because when I am single I can often change my external environment. However, I will say that every time I make a major life decision, it is usually because I want to change the direction of my life, not because I want to escape unhappiness or unhappy situations. Looking back, I see God using my mistakes, failures, and successes to mold me into a person after His own heart.

Today, after fifteen years of marriage, I deeply understand that loneliness and joy, highs and lows are problems that can occur whether you are single or married. I think the key to the solution lies in getting right with God and letting Him lead our paths. God sometimes uses rejection to change our course. So I've certainly experienced the pain that single people experience. Since I didn’t know exactly what God had in store for me at the time, I lived a purposeful and contented life every day. I know that if I wanted to marry someone, I would probably get someone, but I don't want to get divorced, so I don't want to be just someone. I have been participating in singles fellowship and focusing on my work rather than wondering what God will lead me to in the future.

Since I was fifteen years old, I have wanted to have five children and adopt at least one. I have been paying attention to orphan ministries and various introduction materials around the world. I think if I had insisted on making my own decisions and got married at a younger age, many things might have happened outside of God’s guidance.

Neither being single nor married is an easy path. Social and cultural expectations of us are often difficult to achieve. Until I was twenty-eight, my family kept urging me to get married. Finally I told them that I was not going to gamble my future lightly for their sake. I have never been afraid of being single; after seeing many failed marriages, I feel that if it were not a marriage controlled and led by God, I would rather be single. The current society no longer regards being single as abnormal. Single people not only have many opportunities in marriage, but also enjoy the same rights as married people in terms of adoption, financial credit, and law.

I think the reason why I'm able to be happily single is because I can accept and be content no matter what my situation is. I believe that if God wants me to get married, He will never ask me to compromise on my morals and standards for choosing a spouse, because such compromises often cause great harm to ourselves.

▲The newlyweds take a photo with the director of Liugui Orphanage (third from right) and his colleagues

Tell us about your life before you adopted Missy.

It can be described as "full of fun". Whether it is riding a bicycle, riding a roller coaster, playing tennis, or gathering with a few friends to talk and laugh, it makes me happy. I don't like dating just for the sake of dating, I'd rather be with a few close friends who allow me to really feel relaxed and be myself. Before I adopted Missy, I had worked in airline public relations for fourteen years, which was a fun job. When I was twenty-seven, I invested in a three-bedroom condo. Since I don't have much income, I rent out the extra rooms. This has several purposes, one is to help pay the installments, and the other is to prevent me from being too self-centered to get along with others; and it also prevents me from returning to an empty home every day.

I developed lifelong friendships with my roommates. One of the roommates, who is now fifty years old, adopted a disabled child from Taiwan five years ago through my introduction, named "En En".

My least favorite time is dinner, I think I have the "dinner blues" (after all, dinner is a time when the whole family gets together). So I often invite people over for dinner, even if it’s just a simple salad, or just take a walk to the mall and catch up with someone. I just love being around people.

Family is very important to me and I spend every holiday with my family. I have eighteen nieces and nephews, whom I love and am intimately involved in their lives. They often share secrets with me that they don’t want to tell their parents (don’t we all have things we can’t tell our parents?), and to this day, I still have a very special relationship with them. I feel that investing my life in them is one of the most rewarding things in my life.

Besides, volunteering is a big part of my life. There is a Christian counseling center in San Francisco where I work as a psychotherapy assistant for abused children. Orphan ministry has always been the ministry that appealed to me the most, so I have been involved in it since I was about twenty years old. I often fly to San Diego, rent a car, and drive two hours to Mexico to visit orphanages. I get a lot of feedback from my children, far more than I give.

When I was twenty-eight, I started a Bible study class at home. Due to work commitments, it was held on a Monday night and only six people attended at the beginning. Three years later, the number grew to more than 40 people, and several Bible study groups were established. It’s interesting that we always called this Bible study class “Monday Night Bible Study.” Even though some Bible study classes later met on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday nights, I had moved to San Diego, too. Let’s call it Monday night Bible study. God has done great things in the lives of many people through my family, although at the time I had no idea how significant it was.

基本上，我的想法是：為什麼要等到結婚後才開始享受人生呢？我不想浪費我的人生，錯過我想看、想去、想做的事。我將我不多的薪水，投資在房子、旅行、音樂會、戲劇等等的享受上。我母親總是說，只要我想做的事，我總有辦法做到。我祖母與母親都不曾要我空等著結婚才做這做那，他們只是勉勵我盡力朝自己的人生目標前進，因此我選擇努力達成自己的人生目標。

▲The newlyweds took a photo with Mr. and Mrs. Aini (first and second from left)

Why did you adopt a child while you were single?

Children are very important to me. I love my fourteen nieces and four nephews. I also really want to have my own children. I feel that I can be a good mother and love my children. Being married does not make me a more loving and good mother. In fact, being single allows me to have more time for my children. If children are obtained in a way that is consistent with God's will, I see no reason why I should not raise children. I never considered having a child out of wedlock. Adopting a child came naturally to me. I can at least provide a home for children who would otherwise grow up in extremely difficult circumstances without a father or a mother. No one to hold them, no one to pick them up when they fall, no one to pray with them before going to bed or kiss them to sleep. I can make a difference in the life of a precious child. In short, doesn’t the Bible teach us to care for orphans? So, I started researching which countries allow single people to adopt children. I waited patiently, and when the time was right, God would make things happen. In fact, God made me wait many years to adopt my precious daughter. Before that, God wanted me to learn many lessons. I tried to adopt a child from Mexico, but the door closed several times. But I never gave up hope. Although I was disappointed at times, I felt at peace in my heart. I always returned to God, affirmed Him, and believed that God wanted me to wait for the right opportunity and child. I struggled at times but always trusted God to have a child for me.

What are the challenges of being single and adopting a child?

What bothers me more is that when people know that I am single and want to adopt a child, many people will talk about it and say that I have robbed the child of the right to have a father. This argument is really ignorant. Little does anyone know that if no one adopts the child, the child will not even have a mother. My second biggest challenge is finding someone to watch the kids while I'm at work. Fortunately, I have a loving Hispanic family who helped me take care of Missy while I was at work. Missy adapted well and was as fluent in Spanish as English until she was three years old. The third problem is the curiosity of the public. I am "color blind" when it comes to race. I cannot see skin color, only that people have the same heart. People often ask me if Missy’s father is an Oriental. But love does not recognize colors, love only recognizes "mother". I'm Missy's mom and it's that simple!

When Missy was in kindergarten, she came home one day and asked me when she would have a father. I told her that if God wants her to have a father, God will bring one when the time comes. Before that, my dad (grandpa) was dad. One day, the school held a running fundraiser, and she called her grandfather to ask for his support. Her grandfather promised to support her, so the next day she told the teacher that her "daddy" would be coming. Since the teacher knew that I was single, she was a little worried about Missy and called me the next afternoon to tell me about it. I couldn't help but laugh and told the teacher she was referring to my father. My dad filled her fatherly role at school.

When Missy was in third grade, she finally had a real dad, my husband, Terry. From then on, Taili was Missy's go-to partner for special occasions. They attended various father-daughter gatherings together, and he served as Missy's dance partner. Including Missy's sixteenth birthday party.

Tell us about your happiest and most fearful moments in adoption.

I think of her as God’s most precious gift to me, recalling her little finger holding my hand, watching her imitate me standing on the lift... watching her first ballet performance... remembering her singing " The voice of "God Bless America"... I remember her reciting verses all the way in the car... I remember when she was in kindergarten, she wrote the words on the disk to wish me a happy birthday... I remember she ran to me every time she saw me... Every day Listening to her say "Mommy, I love you" to me... Watching her heroic appearance in the band in high school... And to this day she still often says "Mommy, I love you" to me. These are such simple and true joys. How would you describe it? There is really no way to describe such joy and happiness in one sentence.

As for fear, I don’t think there is anything to be afraid of when raising children. Being a parent means being strong, controlled, strategic, unconditionally loving, supporting, and providing opportunities for growth. The first challenge, however, was teaching Missy the importance of a relationship with Christ. Christ alone is the only answer to life's problems. The church and Sunday school teachers laid a good foundation for Missy so that she could gradually grow in knowing Jesus Christ and have eternal hope. No matter what your circumstances, raising children is a challenge.

"Trusting God to protect her and let her go when the time is right" is the biggest challenge for me.

Will having children make it harder for you to find someone to marry?

我絕不考慮與不肯接納我孩子的男人結婚。約會並不是問題，反正我也不願維持膚淺易變的關係。我們有許多基督徒男女朋友，但我從來不曾讓任何男性在我們的生活當中出出入入。我與我丈夫交往了八個月，他是一位從未結過婚的基督徒，來自基督徒家庭，有良好教育背景，從事專業工作。當然囉，他還相當帥呢！我迫切禱告，尋求主的帶領，因為我不願意蜜西受到任何傷害。我覺得這位「標準男士」似乎是個「終身職」的單身漢，而不是「結婚型」的男人。一個周六下午，泰立與我一起晚餐。我直截了當地告訴他，他要做一個單身漢沒問題，我也一直都單身，但是，蜜西與我決定繼續我們人生的道路。主以及女兒是我的優先順序，我決定不再與他約會見面。我並不是要與他絕交，只是不願意蜜西與一個不願意委身於她的母親以及她的男人太親近。蜜西不該在那麼年幼就要處理大人的關係。因此，我決意放棄，將此關係交託給主。結果，不到一個禮拜，泰立便告訴我，他決定要與我以及蜜西共走人生道路…到永遠。

談到這裡，愛妮凝視著我，語重心長地說：「俐理，神要我們在祂裡面找到自己、認識自己；祂不要我們在別人為我們製造的身分裡活著，不是為了男人活、不是為了社會文化的壓力而活。我想這才是人生的鑰匙。父神使用我人生的每個轉折來帶領我歸向祂，藉著一些錯誤的學習，我成長得更堅強。人生並不是叫我們制訂一份完美的計畫去跟隨，然後照章行事。羅馬書8:28是我所確信的：「萬事互相效力，叫愛神的人得益處。」我多盼望單身的人能多一點禱告、多一點歡笑，每天活得有目的，滿有喜樂與滿足，就不再有單身或結婚的煩惱了。人生一旦有目的，其他的便不成問題了。

At the dinner party, I watched Taili and Aini walking arm in arm among the guests, introducing their families and guests. Watching the beautiful bride Missy and the handsome Timmy hug each other and dance... I think of Aini, because she wholeheartedly followed the Lord and adopted Missy without fear of people's words or difficulties. Today... I looked at everything in front of me, and my heart was filled with emotion... Unknowingly, my eyes became blurred with tears.

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