who is my family

Rev. Dr. Grace May’s Kingdom Family

Interview and editing/Lin Minwen

Photo provided by Mei Guoping, Women of Wonder, Inc.

▲Heavenly Father brought different people into the life of Pastor Mei Guoping (third from left, front row), giving her many "family members." The picture shows Pastor Mei with co-workers and volunteers from Women of Wonder, Inc.

"Who is your family?"

Most people can simply say: father, mother, brothers and sisters...; for me, this question takes some effort to answer. My family includes my mother, half-brother, niece, Uncle Bernie and Aunt Rose (Drs. Bernie Berkowitz and Mildred Newman, who are Jewish), sisters in church (mostly African-American)… …

You can probably guess that I wasn't born with this family. As for where they came from, it's a long story─

▲The father (left) is good at socializing, and the mother (middle) loves the Lord devoutly. However, Mei Guoping (right)’s childhood life was always shrouded in a tense atmosphere.

dad, mom

I was born in New York City. When I was a few months old, because of the closure of the Brooklyn Navy Yard in New York, my father, a submarine technician, moved our family to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in the United States. My parents took me to church in China when I was little, and the Sunday school teachers there taught me many Bible stories and spiritual truths. I have many great memories of my childhood in Philadelphia.

It’s just that my parents often quarrel. Many times, just a little thing, like spilled milk, too much garlic in the dishes... can make my father furious, and there is always a tense atmosphere in the house. Maybe it’s because he’s under a lot of work pressure but doesn’t know how to relieve it, so he has to take it out on his family; maybe it’s the difference in personality between his parents; it’s even more likely it’s the difference in the depth of their beliefs. My mother is extremely devout and respects the Lord in everything. She has watched her holding the Bible and struggling to read it since she was a child. My father calls himself a Christian, but apart from taking us to church, it is rare to see him doing anything related to spiritual pursuits. thing. My mother had limited literacy, so she would sometimes ask my father about some difficult words in the Bible. His impatient reply would often be the flashpoint of another argument.

In fact, dad has many advantages. He enjoys life and likes to go to the store after dinner or go for a walk. He taught me how to ride a bicycle and also loved going for drives. He is sociable and can easily chat with anyone. Like him, I like to walk around outside, explore new things, and meet new friends.

Mother is different, she is responsible for supervising and disciplining. She had dedicated me to God when I was still in my mother's womb, prayed for my soul's salvation and faith growth since I was a child, and insisted on going to church every Sunday to worship God. Even when I was very busy with studies in high school, she wouldn't allow me to "ask for leave." It was a special permission to allow me to go to the American church on the corner instead of having to take a long bus ride to the Chinese church in Chinatown. When I was applying to college, I had to ask a pastor to convince her to let me apply to a non-Christian college. Of course she was happy that I got into Yale, but then I decided to go to seminary, and nothing could have made her more satisfied!

My mother laid a solid foundation for my spiritual life, but my family life seemed to be swaying in the wind and rain. When I was three years old, my parents separated for the first time, and I moved back to New York City with my mother.

There I gained a new family.

▲Mei Guoping’s mother’s employers, Boni and Meiju (front row), treated her like their own child and allowed her to experience a stable family life.

Uncle Boni, Aunt Meiju

After I came to New York, my mother worked as a domestic servant and lived in my employer's house, leaving me with a friend. I didn't feel bad about this arrangement at first. My friend has a daughter who is about the same age as me. One day, for some unknown reason, two girls had an argument. She bit me, and I bit me back not to be outdone (maybe I bit her first?). My mother discussed with her friends and decided that we should stay apart for a week to calm down, so she took me to live with my employer Bai's house.

The apartment building where the Bai family lives is located on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. It is extremely grand: the circular driveway leads directly to the gate, and guards in crisp uniforms greet us; the floor of the long corridor gleams like marble (actually it is specially polished) clean tiles). Aunt Meiju opened the door to welcome us mother and daughter. When I was young, I looked into the gorgeous hall and the first words out of my mouth were: "You have a very beautiful home, but I don't have a home."

A week passed quickly. When my mother packed my bags and was about to send me back to my friend's house, Aunt Meiju told her, "Grace can stay." My mother was shocked and wondered if her English was not easy to pronounce. This is how I moved into the Bai family.

Uncle Boni and Aunt Meiju have each been married once, and their children have grown up. They are psychoanalysts and live a prosperous life, especially after they co-authored How to Be Your Own Best Friend (Chinese tentative translation) on the New York Times bestseller list. When our lives intersected, it was the perfect time for them to have time, energy, and resources to pour into me, treating me like their own child. When my parents separated twice, and after the marriage finally ended, I lived with the Bai family even longer than their children.

They gave me a private room to attend an expensive private school and personally supervised my homework; they took me on family vacations, including one to the Netherlands and one to Ireland. There was a brief period during which my parents got back together, and we returned to Philadelphia, and Aunt Meiju even paid for the air tickets to send me to her daughter's house in Florida. Years later, when I was ordained as a pastor, they even brought their families to watch the ceremony.

Because of their kindness and generosity, I was able to enjoy a lot of unexpected treatment and upbringing, and I was later admitted to an Ivy League school. They took the greatest credit. I experienced a stable family life in the Bai family and found that couples can actually respect and love each other. I also saw from Uncle Boni that men can be kind, self-disciplined, and considerate, which helped me to have some trust when I faced authority figures as an adult, rather than seeing them as mistreating others.

Can reality really be as beautiful as a fairy tale? By chance, I was exposed to the lifestyle of the upper class. Isn’t it like a damsel in distress who became a princess? I am indeed very grateful to the Bai family and believe this is God’s special grace. It's just that when I was growing up, I still felt like an outsider.

During those years when I lived in the Bai family, I was extremely reluctant to invite my classmates to my home. It was not that Uncle Boni and his wife had any objections or were unfriendly to my classmates. It’s just that my “home” is not actually my home, and I have to explain to my friends why. Of course, my mother doesn’t want me to have dinner or spend the night at a friend’s house, because if I accept someone else’s invitation, I need to find an opportunity to return the invitation, but this is not our own place…

Looking back now, I don't think it's a big deal, but for a teenage girl, this is a shortcoming that is hard to ignore.

▲Mei Guoping’s family continues to expand with the addition of niece Xia Jin (first from left). Taken at the ordination ceremony of Pastor Mei.

Brother, niece, brothers and sisters

After graduating from college, I went back to China with my mother to visit relatives and met my half-brother for the first time. He and his mother had been separated for thirty years. My brother is very simple and doesn’t speak English. I can only try to communicate with him through my limited Chinese, and we get along pretty well with him. I have another family member.

A few years later, when I was pastoring a church in Boston, I felt moved to take my brother’s daughter to study in the United States. After praying, my mother agreed. My niece Xia Jin came to the United States to study and lived with us during the holidays until she completed her studies and had her own family. What my mother is most happy about now is getting together with her great-granddaughters.

My family continues to grow in number.

When I was in college, I participated in the service of the Christian Student Association (InterVarsity) on campus, and found that I had many intimate encounters with God, either in church, Bible study classes, or when Christians were together. I liked these brothers and sisters in Christ that God gave me very much, and I began to think about whether God was calling me into pastoral service, but I was not sure whether women should or could be ordained. After graduation, I went to law school for a year and worked in the freshman admissions department for a year. Finally, I decided to enter the seminary in order to find out whether the Bible permits women to hold pastoral positions. It was during my study that I clearly saw that God is indeed raising up women to lead and serve in His kingdom.

After graduating from seminary, I interned in a Presbyterian church, where the majority of the members were black. One of the worship procedures is to say peace to each other, which means brothers and sisters stand up to greet the people around them and say something like "May God bless you." I have always avoided this tradition, always feeling it was too formal. It was the first time I came to this church and I only met a few people and yet I greeted strangers with greetings and blessings. It was really hypocritical.

That day my eyes were opened! As soon as the secretary said peace to each other, everyone not only stood up and shook hands with the brothers and sisters in front, back, left, and right, but also walked out of the bench and hugged each other in the aisle; not only did they say "Hello!" and "Peace!" politely, but they also said seriously. Ask you how you were doing this week, whether your child is better from illness, whether you are adaptable to the new job, etc. They seemed genuinely happy to see everyone and grateful for everyone in attendance.

I just discovered that they are very willing to let you know that caring can be sincere.

At various points in my life, God has allowed me to have several close spiritual companions, all of whom happened to be African-American. A close friend from college is still my prayer partner. When I was studying in seminary, I became a close friend with a classmate. When I was pastoring a black church in Boston, I met a black pastor who served in a Chinese church in New York. Although we can't see each other often, every time I pray with her, I don't know why, but I always burst into tears. Not only did her words inspire my heart, but she deeply touched my soul.

It was among these black believers that I felt like I had another family. Perhaps because of the injustice they have suffered for generations, they are better able to appreciate and express grace; no matter who you are, they are willing to accept you into this big family of God. Among these "family members" who looked very different from me, I gradually let go of the pain I had hidden for so long, and the pain I had buried deep was gradually healed.

▲In the heart-touching prayer, Mei Guoping was gradually healed. The picture shows WOW! Institutional Directors Elder Laverne Cummings and Pastor Mei.

Mother’s faith inheritance

Yes, I need healing.

When he was twelve years old, my father finally decided to leave the family. I was confused and said to myself, it’s okay, anyway, we rarely live together, anyway, I still have Uncle Boni’s family, anyway, anyway…. But I overestimated my ability to bear it.

It wasn’t until many years later when I looked back on my youth that I realized that I always wanted to be recognized by authority figures such as teachers and pastors, always wanted to please others, and was so confident that I could be called arrogant. These are all sequelae! I was insecure and believed that love was conditional. Even though I did not project the image of my biological father onto my Heavenly Father, I always had a reverence for God and felt that He was more demanding than kind and tolerant.

My mother gave me a good example. The hurt in her heart was definitely more painful and deeper than mine. However, when I deliberately avoided talking about my father, she was willing to talk about her pain and emphasized that the most painful experience was an opportunity for her to learn to rely on God. . When a friend talks about something bad about her, do you know how she reacts? "It doesn't matter if they hear how bad I am, when they see me they can see that God has changed me."

▲Although these "family members" look very different from Mei Guoping, they are willing to express sincere care. The picture shows Pastor Mei’s internship as a deacon at Roxbury Presbyterian Church in Boston.

I learned from her that if someone gossips behind your back, you don’t need to rush to defend yourself. If these slanderous words are unfounded, I don't need to worry; if these criticisms are even remotely true, I need to improve.

I also learned from her that I can be grateful and praise at any time and in any situation. On weekdays, after my mother greets people, her first words must be about God. It was true many years ago when I was working at the Bai family, and it is true now when Parkinson's disease takes its toll on my health. She is now moving slowly and with difficulty. Once it took forty-five minutes to walk from the driveway to the house, and I was so exhausted and exhausted that she thanked God that we were finally home.

This woman, who came from a humble background and had little knowledge, had the courage to testify to her Jewish employer that her Lord was a faithful and loving God. However, I have received an excellent education, studied theology, and am an ordained pastor. However, I am embarrassed to mention God’s name when facing people from the upper class and high achievements. Not long ago, when Uncle Boni's son took the initiative to come to church to listen to my sermon, I blurted out without thinking: "It's nothing! You don't have to bother!" I was very upset afterward. This was not what I had done for many years. Praying and hoping? I also had to write an email to apologize, saying that he and his family were more than welcome to attend the service at any time.

▲My mother gave Mei Guoping faith and confidence and was her closest family member.

Dear "Dad"

Now you know who is in my family.

In fact, it was Heavenly Father who brought these people into my life so that I, a woman who had only lived with my parents for no more than six years in my life, could still enjoy "home." So far, every time I see the father-daughter relationship described in movies or advertisements, no matter how cliched and vulgar the plot is, it always touches the most intimate part of my heart, reminds me of many things, and brings tears to my eyes.

Thank you to my mother who has always protected me. She is my dearest family member. She taught me faith and passed on my faith. Today I can call on the name of this God. He is my rock, shield, and good shepherd. In the past, I always called God “Dear Lord” in my diary, but recently I wrote “Dad.”

It seems that my impression and feelings about God are still changing. What's the harm? He knows my love because I am His child and He is my “Dad”!

Interviewee profile
Pastor Mei Guoping currently pastors the Emmanuel Presbyterian Church in New York and serves as the CEO of Women of Wonder, Inc. (WOW!, http://womenofwonder.us), helping women to rely on God to achieve their goals. dream.
She has taught at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, City Seminary of New York, and throughout Africa and Asia. He received a bachelor's degree in English from Yale University, a master's degree in theology from Gordon Conway, and a doctorate in theology from Boston University. Enjoy tasting the flavors of different places and seeing the global mobilization of the Body of Christ. Now lives in New York with his mother.

Journalist profile Lin Minwen participates in writing services through writing, editing, proofreading, etc., and is willing to continue to preach God’s kindness and heavenly hope.