Remembering the Fluorescence - In memory of Dr. Tan Tianjun

Dr. Tan Tianjun left, and I suddenly felt lost.

On February 11, 2007, the fifth anniversary of Professor Xu Mushi's death, I called Dr. Tan as usual. She was stunned for a moment, then quickly remembered me and smiled happily. We talked for two minutes, and she suddenly asked: "Alicia, where do you live?" Her tone was a little confused, and after a while she interrupted again: "Alicia, how many children do you have?" She was trying to recall the past...

On a Saturday in October 1995, ten people from our church writing group drove for more than an hour from New Jersey to New York State to visit Professor Xu Mushi and listen to his lecture on "Christian Literature." As soon as they stepped into their house, they were greeted by the professor and his wife. The tall and thin Professor Xu was gentle and elegant, with a faint southern Fujian accent in his welcome voice; his wife, Dr. Tan Tianjun, was healthy in body and mind, elegant in temperament, and had a loud and clear voice.

We visited Professor Xu's study "Fengmanlou". Bookshelves reaching to the ceiling stretch along the wall. On the shelves are neatly arranged various Chinese and English books, various compilations and annotations of the Bible, poetry, history and biographical novels, etc. , some are out of print. In several corners and on the small coffee table next to the desk, there are piles of large and small English books, some with bookmarks between them, and some with their fronts open or lying on their backs. He has been a writer, editor, translator, teacher and preacher throughout his life. I wonder how many vicissitudes of scholarship and debate he has experienced here? How much space for imagination and tentacles of interpretation has been created?

We sat around the dining table for class, and my wife was preparing lunch quietly and lightly in the kitchen next door. The only sounds in the room were the professor's voice and the aroma of vegetables. The dessert red bean soup was filled with the fragrance of orange peel. Everyone praised the exquisite sweet soup! After dinner, I had a chance to talk to my wife. She talked about when the kitchen would be built and what vegetables to grow in the yard. She was as kind and friendly as the aunt next door.

Before leaving, they stood at the door one behind the other and shook hands with us one by one to say goodbye.

In the spring of the next year, we went to "Fengmanlou" again to attend classes. My wife and I became a little acquainted. She talked about her daughter Dowen, whose English name is the same as mine, and who also has two children. She said to herself, "I Alicia has determined not to be a doctor when she grows up. She said doctors are often not at home with her children!

After Dr. Tan retired, they moved to Boston to be near their daughter's home. Professor Xu encouraged me to write through letters, and I also learned about them from his Christmas cards. Half a year after Professor Xu's death, I received his posthumous work "Between Earth and Heaven" from the Christian Literature and Art Foundation, and I wrote to Boston to express my gratitude to my wife. A few days later, my wife called me and told me that she had found me from Professor Xu’s communication information and told me that I was going to Pennsylvania to attend a literary camp in the summer and hoped to meet me.

This medical director, a well-known expert in blood cancer chemistry, has always given orders and written notes for others. How was she going to pick up the pen herself?

When we met again, she had become as thin as a reed bruised by a branch. She walked with a cane, but her eyes were still as bright as before. She learned it from scratch, took notes diligently in class, and studied quietly after lunch. Neither napping nor taking a nap, no one believed that this energetic old man was already eighty years old! We get along every day and night in the literature camp, and we talk about Professor Xu after class. She calls him "Elder" because she loves to listen to his sermons; I call him "Professor" because I am proud to have him as my teacher. She said that the elder gave her homework and asked her to write down her life experiences and insights based on several questions.

Her life has been full of twists and turns, and I was amazed to hear just a few of them. Her mind works quickly and she can express her smooth thoughts clearly. She left the matter of wording to Professor Xu entirely. She was studying during the Anti-Japanese War in China, and she came to the United States to study in financial difficulties. War, poverty, academic studies, and her Christian faith all cultivated her hard-working, self-disciplined, straightforward and enthusiastic spirit. Traveling to countries around the world, she has treated countless people; she knows that the transformation of national ecology and racial culture are all driven by jumping hearts; she also believes that saving the mind and body is equally important. She is willing to work with God and go all out to love people's hearts and heal lives, thus earning the title of "Prayer Doctor".

After the writing camp broke up, the camp arranged for a sister to live in her home and work on the memoir. But she quickly got immersed in her busy work. In addition to practicing medicine on a voluntary basis, she also answered calls to patients from far away places, including China. In the church, she sometimes preached on stage, counseled marriages in fellowships, and took the old man Songbai to Bible study. On weekdays, she also Learn vocal music, deal with bills and tax forms. When the weather was nice, she would go out to the post office to do errands, and would preach the gospel to old women passing by while walking on the road.

My daughter is very attentive and takes her home to spend time with her grandchildren when she has time. She also arranges for neighbors to prepare meals for her regularly, allowing her to maintain a busy and colorful life. I know that she sleeps late and in the dead of night, the past easily comes to mind. I was afraid that she would have random thoughts, so I also talked to her on the phone at night. Most of the topics revolved around her life and work, and I also asked about the progress of her memoirs. She loves to talk about interesting things about her grandchildren, especially the youngest granddaughter Melanie, whose shining eyes often remind her of Professor Xu. She said how Melanie imitated her elder sisters and brothers in speaking, how she sang hymns loudly in church, and how she acquired subtle and subtle facial expressions, which made me laugh. I was worried that she would be lonely, but she actually brought me joy! I was busy for a while, so I called her after a while. When she heard it was me, she said happily and aggrievedly: "I haven't heard your voice in hundreds of years!" Her personality is straightforward and endearing.

Although she was not used to holding a pen, she still did it with the attitude of studying medicine, carefully and cautiously. If you were preparing a sermon or discussing scripture, what word would you use to describe it? How to say metaphor? Always think again and again to find the most appropriate way to explain. When compiling Professor Xu's commemorative collection "The Modest Warriors of Christ", she consulted many sources for the title, personally proofread it verbatim, verified the photos, and contacted Tian'en Publishing House.

One Good Friday after the book was published, she returned to New York City at the invitation of the Chinese Christian Church of New York and led services at the Riverside Church of New York City near Columbia University. She was also invited to New York City, New Jersey. Pastor Huang Zijia of the church preached. She took the bus for several hours that day and carried five heavy memorial books in the dust. When I arrived at the church by the river, I saw her at the end of the corridor and hurried to meet her. She had opened her arms and was waiting for a hug. She told me that she had a small fall the night before and her knees still hurt a little today. We held each other and walked to the back of the auditorium to pray together. She asked God to give her more time to work. Facing this loyal servant who has dedicated his life, I still have the heart to ask about the memoirs? God has His own schedule.

Afterwards, she stepped onto a long and wide podium with fixed microphones at both ends. She was small, so the conference had a special podium for her. She stood on the stage calmly and spoke beautifully in Chinese and English, with a clear and graceful accent...

I hung up the confused phone call reluctantly, knowing that I was going to lose her. God gradually took back her memory ability and reserved for her a garden that belonged entirely to her own. No one disturbed her. Only every movement of her mind, every breath and the rhythm given by God were quietly responding to each other.

Since Professor Xu left in 2002, Dr. Tan has been looking for her husband's voice, figure and spirit in her children and grandchildren, student groups, church podiums, fellowships, and written works. Because before he left, he told her in his own hand that the brothers and sisters of God’s family would surround her like a cloud. This was his warning and promise. Dr. Tan complied, and she used actions to finish the homework assigned by her husband. She was also loyal to God's commission and continued to practice medicine and help people. This dying candle continued to burn like a grass in the strong wind for six years.

I remember on the first day we met, after class, we all wanted to take pictures of the professor and his wife. We invited our teacher’s wife, Dr. Tan, from the kitchen. She said, "Just take the picture with the professor!" But the professor said, "Come on, a wife treats her husband as a wife." Expensive!" After hearing this, she put down what she was holding, wiped her hands dry, walked quietly to the professor, walked around behind his chair, stood up, and put her right hand on his shoulder. The professor raised his hand and patted the back of her hand.

Now, their unwavering affection has finally been perfectly intertwined in Tianjia.

After twelve years of acquaintance, I only got to know Dr. Tan’s later years, which was a glimmer of contact with her in life. The sporadic twinkling in the night sky also opened up a new understanding of my life. I know that loneliness makes people vulnerable, and now I understand even more clearly that people walking alone can still create social connections and keep their mood warm. I also learned that "love" means "cherishing", and only "giving up" can lead to "gaining". We cherished the rare opportunity to meet each other, and also enjoyed the fruits of mutual support.

And my gratitude and memory for her and Professor Xu are not just as sparse as a few stars? The teachings and encouragement of my mentor, the sincerity and love of friendship, have all turned into fluorescent lights blooming in front of my desk and smooth blessings in my writing.

In memory of the senior students of the Literary Camp

▲Dr. Tan Tianjun, a world-famous pediatric cancer expert and a devoted lover of the Lord, returned to heaven on March 22 this year, having lived on earth for 85 years. She participated in the literature camp in 2003 at the age of 80 and became our senior. Due to space limitations, we briefly record our remembrances here, and encourage ourselves to imitate her enthusiasm for serving the Lord through writing, just as she followed in the footsteps of her husband, Professor Xu Mushi, a talented writer.

*On July 19, 2003, the first night of the literary camp, I had the honor to have a thirty-minute conversation with Dr. Tan. I found her to be an elder with a blend of sensibility and rationality, wisdom and love, and a very innocent heart. When asked about the most unforgettable thing during her years of practicing medicine, she said that the hospital held a reunion of cancer patients after they had been cured for 20 years, and saw the patients' perseverance in fighting cancer. Dr. Tan's compassionate heart touched my heart deeply. 

      ∼Meihui

* Several times she shared the truth of the Bible on stage, spoke of her determination to preach the gospel with love, and her testimony of praying and serving children with cancer and their families, which deeply moved us. She is humble and conscientious in class, and is a good example for us to learn from. In the past few days, I have re-read hundreds of photos of Dr. Tam taken at the camp, and my voice, appearance, and smile are still vivid in my mind. The words she said most often, "I am only responsible for healing, God can make people heal" are still ringing in her ears.       

   ∼Yingqian, Guiying

*The scene that I will never forget that day was when she stood in front of the congregation and led the singing. She waved her hands in high spirits and praised the Lord loudly. Only then did I realize that she was full of the youthful vitality of a girl, and the crutch she often held in her hand had long since disappeared. Although she has discovered many effective medicines for treating cancer, the most commonly used "prescription" is prayer! ─Frequently praying for patients alone in the prayer room of the hospital.

  ∼Guoliang

*That year in the writing camp, my foot was sprained and swollen to the point where I couldn’t walk. Dr. Tan immediately asked me to apply hot compress and massaged me gently. Because she had just lost her beloved, she felt particularly sorry for me as a widower. I deeply understand that feeling! I would like to express my gratitude for the fact that she is now reunited with her beloved in heaven.

∼Hailan

Journalist profile

Mai Xiaoying works as a business manager, education and editor. She lives in New Jersey and has three sons with her husband.