hold hands

【Thanksgiving Praise】2

Along the way, there have been high mountains and low troughs. Even though we are over 50 years old, we are still connected heart to heart and holding hands.

That year I was studying electrical and computer engineering at the University of California, Berkeley. On the first day of a certain class, the huge lecture hall and rows of stairs were full. I was busy copying notes near the door on the left. Suddenly, the side door on the right opened, and an Oriental with yellow skin and black hair came in. He walked defiantly from the right to the left, then went up three steps, passed several classmates, and sat down in the only empty seat. He has thick hair over his ears, a clean and square face, a coffee, yellow and white floral shirt, and white bell-bottom pants. Is it a man? Is it a woman?

When the bell rang, classmate T caught up from behind and asked about the group projects. Suddenly, the old man from before approached. It turned out that it was Mr. T’s friend’s brother who was about to graduate with a master’s degree. This is my first encounter with you.

A group of four people was formed and met for the first time to discuss in the lobby of your dormitory. Suddenly, a girl with long hair walked up to you and hugged you. My heart sank. Fortunately, she is your sister. After the project is completed and the final exam is over, you will officially date me.

Marriage is the grave of love?

I came to the United States from Hong Kong for only two years, and my life as a student abroad was very lonely. You immigrated to the United States from Taiwan when you were fifteen. You care about me, respect me, and listen to my imperfect English. He called me every day, invited me to dinner, visited scenic spots in the Bay Area, and lent me magazines and Qiong Yao novels. It was the first time I saw your parents in a restaurant. The two people in their fifties came holding hands. How desirable! My confidence in marriage suddenly increased a lot.

After graduation, you find a full-time job and are about to spend less time together and more time apart. One day, you said on the phone: "If everything goes well, I want to marry you." I replied smoothly: "I can't cook!" You said: "No problem, I go to restaurants every day."

After we got married, I moved into a small apartment near your workplace and had my own little world! I am not good at cooking, so I prepare American breakfast, sandwich lunch, and spend a few hours cooking my "specialty" Chinese dishes every day.

One night, I mustered up the courage to ask, "Does it taste good?"

Your silence surprises me. After a long while, he finally said: "It's good... delicious. But can I change the taste?"

Not good enough? Didn’t you say you don’t need to cook it? My heart dropped to the bottom and tears flowed into my stomach. No wonder my mother often said: "Marriage is the grave of love, and men are not reliable."

Have you forgotten? I grew up in a traditional environment that favored sons over daughters. My grandmother was dissatisfied that my mother had two daughters in a row. Later, my father had an affair and gave birth to an illegitimate son and took a concubine. In order to cheer up my mother, I, the second child, worked hard to become stronger, independent, unwilling to admit defeat, relying on myself and not relying on others for everything, until I met you.

In March of the following year, I graduated from college and became an engineer. We work hard to make money and advance in the workplace, but our relationship as husband and wife becomes increasingly estranged.

▲At that time, we first fell in love...

▲Today, I have become grandparents living in grace.

What God does is amazing

A few years later, the birth of our son became a crisis. We often had disagreements over the upbringing of our only son. I am respected by people in the company, but I feel useless when I go home. Every time you bring your son back to buy toys, your serious face seems to be accusing me of wasting money and spoiling my children. I can't wait for you to speak, so I preemptively say, "I earned the money, and I can spend it however I like!"

You always treat things calmly and avoid conflicts. The more silent I become, the louder my voice becomes, and it’s a vicious cycle. In order to prove his worth, he became a "Silicon Valley workaholic". I dreamed back at midnight and felt that life was meaningless. I have been married for thirteen years and my son is almost six years old. Is there no other option but divorce?

Thank God! In despair, I met Jesus, the Savior, and took the name of Christ in 1989. His unconditional love untied my heart knot of being bullied and healed my anxiety and fear. I excitedly attended meetings several times a week. A few months later, you showed me your cards in a very serious way: "You want to be saved, but I don't care about you. You used to work for the company, and now you work for the church, and you don't care about me and my son at all. You used to be a workaholic, but now you are a churchaholic!... "

You're ready to have a big fight with me. Unexpectedly, I didn't interrupt you at all. I listened patiently to you and said with tears in my eyes: "You're right. I didn't care about your needs. It was so selfish. I made you angry and disappointed. I'm really sorry for you. Please You forgive me." So we communicated again.

When I obeyed God, changed myself, and used empathy to understand, accept and respect you, I realized that you had always loved me silently. To protect me from joining a cult, you accompanied me to church. To find out what I believed, you read the Bible from cover to cover. You and your son quickly became Christians one after another, showing me how wonderful God’s works are!

Not arming ourselves, not avoiding conflicts, listening with empathy, and sharing each other's observations, thoughts, feelings, needs and wishes, brought us closer, and our example has become a blessing to our son. You supported my decision to give up my executive position in 1995 and become a stay-at-home mother. A few months later, I was encouraged to go to seminary for further studies. I graduated in 2003 and became a marriage and family therapist in California. Parenting ABC, which I founded, was named after you!

God's love changed both of our lives. In the blink of an eye, we have been married for thirty-four years, and our son also has a wife and a daughter. Who could have predicted that we would become preachers and teachers?

Along the way, there have been high mountains and low troughs. Even though we are over 50 years old, we are still connected heart to heart and holding hands.