A Brief Discussion on Emotion Management
Look at David’s emotional management①
Emotions are the inner feelings that people have when facing external situations. Chinese culture has the theory of "seven emotions", which divides emotions into seven categories, namely: joy, anger, sadness, joy, love, hate, and fear. Modern psychology has different classifications of human emotions, such as: joy, anger, sadness, love, disgust, fear, surprise, faith (trust), and hope (hope). However, no matter how they are classified, they all reflect the diversity of human emotions.
When it comes to emotion management, there are three types of methods: upstream, midstream, and downstream. The "upstream" method is to prevent and prepare for a rainy day; the "middle" method is to respond to emotions after they arise under normal circumstances; the "downstream" method is aimed at more serious emotional psychology, that is, emotional disorders formed after long-term repetition of negative emotions (such as Depression), or acute and severe mood disorders (such as the sudden loss of a loved one and the person's inability to function as usual), etc.
With effective prevention in the upstream, management in the midstream and downstream becomes much easier. David's emotional management particularly reflects this.
Upstream management—preparatory measures for emotions
The upstream thinking of emotional management - the method of managing emotions in advance is like the layer of fiber cloth that a gardener lays on the land to prevent weeds when cultivating a garden. This layer of fiber does not 100% prevent weeds from growing, but with this layer of fiber, it is more difficult for grass to grow; if it does grow, it becomes easier to pull out weeds because the roots of the grass cannot penetrate deep into the soil.
Human emotions come and go according to encounters.A healthy emotional system is like a healthy garden that keeps weeds under control. Laying weed-proof fiber is to establish a positive belief in life in terms of emotional management. Faith is a very deep belief, belonging to the category of thought, in which belief is extraordinary, transcends other thoughts, and regulates other thoughts.
When David was young, he was extremely solid in his faith. He was favored by Jehovah God and was pre-selected to be the king of Israel. He made Jehovah his main focus and his support. This belief in God also allows him to react differently when facing things. Such as his attitude towards the giant Goliath.
At that time, he was just a young shepherd. The Israelites and the Philistines were at war. The other side sent Goliath to challenge the battle. They wanted to fight to the death. Whoever lost his life would become the servant of the other side.
Not only is Goliath huge, he is also first-level armed, fully armored, and has an extremely arrogant attitude. Hearing his shouting and shouting, King Saul of Israel and the others "were panicked and extremely afraid." It happened that David was sent by his father to go to the front line to deliver some supplies to his three brothers who were fighting. As soon as he arrived at the battlefield, he saw the Israeli soldiers were afraid and ran away. . 1 Samuel Chapter 17 records this:
David asked those standing nearby, "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine? How dare he defy the army of the living God?" David's eldest brother Eliab heard that David David was angry with him because of what he said to them, saying, "What are you doing here? I know your pride and the malice in your heart. You came down just to see the battle!" David said, "I will do it." What? Isn’t there a reason why I came?”
Facing Goliath, David felt completely different from other Israeli soldiers. What he produces is courage and he wants to fight; the soldier is afraid and wants to run away. Why is this happening? Because they have different strong beliefs in their minds, they have different emotions, and different emotions bring different actions.
At that time, David's brother Eliab had a very bad attitude towards him, but he was not framed by his brother's attitude. After a simple response, his attention immediately turned to the current war situation. There seems to be a filter in my mind, keeping what is most important and not letting my emotions be controlled by other people's words. Faith is this powerful filter.
As a result, David used a slingshot to hit the stone between the giant's eyebrows, quickly solving the one-on-one challenge initiated by Goliath and winning. The reason why David was so brave and resourceful was closely related to his deep faith in God. This belief allowed him to isolate fear and other negative emotions in that situation, and he was filled with courage and wisdom from God, and his kingly demeanor first emerged.
This is actually a way to manage emotions in advance - before it rains, repair the doors and windows of the house. "Rain" is a possible situation. As long as the doors and windows are secure and closed, "rain" cannot cause emotional problems.“I keep the Lord before me; because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8, NKJV)
Therefore, not only was David not threatened by Goliath's arrogance and appearance, nor was he feared by other Israeli soldiers, but later even when Saul was being chased and killed several times, because he believed that Saul was God's anointed king, he did not give in to hatred. Emotions build up in the heart. But he repeatedly forgave Saul and only left his fate in God's hands.
It must be said that David's emotional "weed barrier" layer was laid out particularly well.
▲Prepared emotional management is like laying down fiber cloth when planting a garden to prevent weeds from growing, and even if they do grow, they can be easily pulled out.
Midstream management - what to do if negative emotions have arisen?
When people need emotional management, they usually want to manage negative emotions. First of all, I want to explain that negative emotions have a unique position and function in God’s design. In other words, having negative emotions is normal, not necessarily bad, and may even have certain good effects. However, negative emotions are like river water. They need to be regulated in the river course and cannot overflow or lead to destructive results.
As a king of his generation, David was capable of both literary and military skills, but he also had human emotions and desires, had various life experiences, had various emotions, and even encountered many difficulties. At night, his tears would "leave the bed." But because he has healthy and solid beliefs to nourish positive emotions and regulate negative emotions, he is full of resilience and activates the effective emotional "weed defense" layer. When "weeds" fall on him, it is easy to Unplug.
For example, in 1 Samuel Chapter 25, when he was avoiding the pursuit of King Saul, he led his followers to retreat into the wilderness. At that time, the rich man Nabal made insulting remarks because he despised David. David was so excited that he led his troops to kill Nabal and his family. On the way, he met Abigail, Nabal's wife, who came to appease Nabal's anger with gifts after hearing the news. The scripture says:
Abigail bowed before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said, "My lord, please allow your servant girl to speak to you, and more importantly, please listen to her voice." The Lord will surely Build a strong house for my lord, for he fights for the LORD; and no one will find anything wrong with you all the days of your life, although there will be people who persecute you and seek your life, but your life is with the LORD your God. You are protected like a precious vessel... If my lord does not avenge the blood of innocent people now with his own hands, then my lord will not be troubled when the LORD bless you and make you king over Israel according to his word to you. , I feel guilty."
Her humble advice made David's faith in Jehovah clear in his heart, and the power of his emotional "protective layer" was activated. He woke up from his anger, sheathed his sword, and rode back to camp. In the blink of an eye, the angry weeds were pulled out and managed.
When he used a borrowed knife to kill the soldier Uriah to cover up his sexual sin, Jehovah sent the prophet Nathan to use a parable to make him see his sin. He immediately returned to his faith in Jehovah and repented, "O God, please create a clean heart in me and restore an upright spirit within me." Pride and inflated emotions returned to his faith in God, It becomes a healthier repentance, knowing that after he has sinned, "the sacrifice God requires is a broken spirit." God will not despise a broken and contrite heart. (Refer to Psalm 51)
From the Psalms written by David, we see again and again that he always returned to God in various emotions, anchored in God, and constantly activated and strengthened the "weeds". Use the power of the “defense” layer to manage the “weeds” of emotions.
▲Managing negative emotions is like regulating the water in a river to avoid flooding.
Downstream management - what to do if you have serious emotional problems?
Royal disputes are often related to state status. For various reasons, his son Absalom usurped the throne and openly committed incest and insulted his father's concubines. David also had to escape from his own son and was chased and insulted. It's so embarrassing.
At this time, David's emotions were still under control, and his "weed defense" of faith in God naturally started:“…The Lord is my shield around me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.…The Lord protects me when I lie down, when I sleep, and when I wake up. Even though thousands of people attack me around me, I will not be afraid." (Refer to Psalm 3:3-6, Union Version)
David's true emotional outburst was when he defeated his son Absalom, and his men ignored the order not to harm Absalom and killed Absalom. The news of his son's death turned him from a king to a bereaved father in an instant, and he was overwhelmed with grief.
2 Samuel chapters 18 and 19 describe it this way:
The king trembled, and went up to the upper chamber of the city gate to weep bitterly, saying as he went, "My son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! I wish I could die for you, Absalom, my son! My son!"
⋯⋯That day, the Japanese soldiers entered the city secretly, like soldiers who were fleeing and ashamed on the battlefield. The king covered his face and cried loudly, "My son Absalom! Absalom, my son, my son!"
⋯⋯ Joab went into the palace to the king and said, "Today you have brought shame on all your servants! Today they have saved your life and the lives of your children, your wives, and your concubines, but you love those who hate you and hate them. Those who love you… If you don’t go out, no one will be with you tonight.” (Union Version)
Only then did David suppress his grief and reappear in front of everyone. It's not easy. And how could he manage the intensity of grief in such a situation?
Although there is no way of knowing David's specific mental journey, his secret can be known from his consistent performance: "I will lift up my eyes to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."
The solid foundation laid by upstream emotion management, in this case, comes into play again.
Looking at the ups and downs of David's life, there are many records about his emotions in the Psalms. The number one secret to effective emotional management is his basic belief: "The Lord is my shepherd, I will never be in want", "Only you, the Lord, make me live in safety", "I will live in peace all my life." "Goodness and lovingkindness follow me"; his heart was, "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
If David manages his emotions well upstream, his management in the midstream and downstream will become much easier.
How well do you manage your upstream emotions? How does it affect emotion management in the midstream or downstream?
Li Wenping, coach trainer and International Coach Federation Certified Professional Coach (PCC), American Western Theological Seminary Certified Advanced Life Coach (ACTC), member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, retreat and cultural camp lecturer, book and magazine columnist. Life Coach Website:www.betterlivingcoach.com.