The author and his labyrinth

[The writer’s monologue]

Pastor Su Wen'an, the editor-in-chief of this magazine, often encourages writers, "You don't write until you are very good, but you become great after you write." Writers often go around and around in the maze of inspiration or thoughts, unable to see the way out. . So have Christians ever had labyrinth experiences in various fields of service?

Find a way out of the maze

Can you imagine what it would be like to be among 3,659,040 corn plants?

Weaving through the tangy smell of hay, we occasionally heard the rustling of the wind. When we looked up, we saw a sliver of sky, and when we looked down, we saw our sandy shoes. Dixon, a small town in California, USA, has built the Cool Patch Pumpkins Corn Maze covering an area of 63 acres (about 25.5 hectares), and has climbed the Guinness World Records (Guinness World Records, also translated as Kyrgyzstan) for the largest corn maze twice. Nice world record).

My family and I once went to a small corn maze. The car was driving in the wilderness, and suddenly a golden color blocked my eyes, and my heart was shocked. When you walk in, you will be surrounded by towering light yellow to deep gold buildings. When the wind blows, you feel like you are entering a fairy tale.

After walking for a while, the road always blocked.

"Is the road getting narrower?" I muttered to myself. "Maybe the road is too narrow even if you can't see the exit!" I answered myself again.

Gradually, the family became lonely and found their own way. We yelled at each other a few times at first, but then we were too focused on our own "way out" and lost sight of each other.

When I first entered the maze, I saw signs saying to pay attention to the hints along the way. I was so proud at the time, thinking that if this road was dead, I would have to go another way, and if I went around and around, I would get out? Any more hints needed?

Time drags on longer and longer, and the pace becomes heavier and heavier. It seems that we are always going around the same road, and every road looks the same! I regretted not leaving any mark. If I gave up and turned back, I would not be able to find the "entrance".

Called my daughter: "Are you out?"

"Yes! Mommy, you should be almost here, right?"

"It's fast... um." I swallowed, swallowing the hypocrisy, "Actually, I don't know if I am fast or slow."

"What?! Mommy, where are you?" I looked around hard, trying to give my daughter the best answer. After looking at it for a long time: "I am in a corn field, surrounded by corn."

The maze of writing

Aren’t the beginnings of many articles like the entrance to a maze? Tasting the possibility of writing from afar, the spiritual wind passes through some inner feelings and memories, like corn plants swaying in the wind, tempting me to get closer. Before I started writing, the golden cornfield hummed a tune in my heart, and the world of words lit up with colorful lights to welcome me.

When the urge to write (or inspiration, or emotion) comes, there is often an entrance and you can start.

Didn’t Kazuo Ishiguro, the winner of the 2017 Nobel Prize for Literature, say:“They are often small, less glamorous moments. They are silent, private sparks of revelation. They don’t come often. And when they come, there may be no trumpets blasting or the endorsement of mentors and colleagues. They often have to compete with other demands that are louder and seemingly more urgent. Sometimes what they reveal goes against mainstream ideas.

"But we must recognize their significance when they come. Otherwise, they will slip through your fingers."

Just like this, I grab the time to move my pen again and again, not caring how long it takes to go around the maze. Every time I start writing, especially when I pray until my blood boils, all the paths before me in the early days are choices and freedom.

Creation, isn’t that what it is? Only by finding the way while walking and exploring where to go can you continue to write the article smoothly.

Outline? No need.

plan? So unromantic.

The overall idea? Ask God to guide you.

You can be brave when you have inspiration, so what are you afraid of? As I write and write, my thoughts gradually take detours and my words become repetitive. As I write over and over again, they all seem to express the same meaning, just like the roads in a maze, they all look the same!

Why did it feel like there was a lot to write about at first, but now it has turned into a sponge cake in my hands, and when I put a lot of force, only a little bit is left? When I first entered the maze, I clearly felt like I was in a fairy tale world, but why did it become more boring the further I walked? Looking up and down to the left and right, what I saw was not only corn, but corn, alas - it was all corn.

Lost guide

What's fun about cornfields? I began to wonder, maybe there is really nothing to write about this topic, maybe this touching thing can be told in just one sentence, maybe this Bible story does not have as many plots to develop as I imagined. Maybe what I want to write is just a cliché in the eyes of others, and it's not worth creating another article to hoard.

After doubting your original intention, you next doubt your own ability. He's obviously a directionless wanderer, what kind of maze are he entering? He also shared with others what he wanted to write, and even agreed to a manuscript contract. Now it's better, I can't find the exit, and I can't even go back from the entrance. Stare at the screen every day, write 100 words and delete 105 words. Tiantian asked, what exactly did you want to write about? I can't figure out why.

That day, I finally lowered my shoulders in a corner of the cornfield and took a deep breath. If you can't find a way out, you have to get out of your own emotional maze first. Rushing to find a way out will sometimes only make you stay where you are, tied up by negative emotions and unable to move.

Matthew, the designer of the Dixon Corn Maze, said: "Many tourists spend hours walking until dark, only to see corn and nothing else, and they become more and more scared as they go."

Originally, as long as I put down my marks on the path I have taken, don’t repeat the path that leads to nowhere, and then spend time and energy, I will eventually get out. The local police chief said he has received emergency calls from the corn maze over the years. When they send someone to help, they take care not to make the pale, short-breathing tourist feel too embarrassed.

The author is afraid of being deprived of the oxygen of words, and is looking forward to a road descending from the sky like a ladder to take him directly out of the predicament.

There is no flight path in the maze; the way out is where your feet can go. When the author is lost, he can also go back to the paragraphs he has written, as well as the thoughts and feelings that have occurred, rearrange the order, find untried angles to extend the theme, or add vivid examples to the ideas. ,story.

Paths that look similar, in the maze, as long as they are untraveled, are opportunities leading to the exit. That day in the cornfield, I finally had the nerve to ask, "How did you find the exit?"

The daughter first said the same thing that she couldn't get around it. Then she started to observe and found that although the corns all looked the same, if you look closely, some corns were still different. Some have a small piece of plastic sheeting sandwiched inside, and some have a wooden stick holding up the back. This little difference ignited her curiosity and brought hope. She believes this is a hint, but how to interpret the hint still needs to be explored through false attempts.

Finding differences among similarities and then constructing possible directions is not only my daughter’s advice in the corn maze, but also the homework in the writing maze.

The need to pause and observe details

I am reminded of the words of another Nobel Prize winner in literature, Mario Vargas Llosa.

“Even though writing takes a lot of effort, it makes me sweat, and like all writers I feel constantly threatened that my talent and imagination will run dry. But nothing in my life has done more than, month after month, I enjoy building a story year after year even more. Because this process means that it develops from a vague idea, a scene of personal experience stored in memory, to a kind of apprehension, a kind of enthusiasm, a kind of A daydream, which then formed into a plan, and finally into a determination to try and turn this misty floating phantom into a story.”

Even great writers often feel that their talents are exhausted and their imaginations are exhausted. So isn’t my predicament in this maze normal?

From the experience of rescuing tourists in the maze, the police discovered that the main reason that caused them to panic and give up was that the original settings were too simple, thinking that they could easily find the exit in a short time. So I was very scared when I felt lost and it took longer than expected.

I have also seen that beginner writers often fall into a similar expectation gap, thinking that they are the only ones who need to spend so much time and energy thinking, while others can easily write a thousand words, thereby defining that they may have no talent, gifts, or calling—— Just give up!

In fact, after I became a published author, I still fell into the maze of words many times and wanted to give up on the articles I was writing. Fortunately, Haruki Murakami's "Being a Professional Novelist" (also translated as "My Profession is a Novelist") reminded me deeply:

"Writers who have been able to write novels for more than thirty years have a "slow" characteristic when observing things, or an "unsmart" process. Look carefully, but do not judge a person or person immediately. Things, just try to look deeper.”

Make an appointment with God and slowly walk out of the maze

People who write must be willing to be "slow". Slowly select the most appropriate words, slowly assemble sentences with just the right shades, slowly adjust the characters' expressions, slowly color and outline the background.

I was surprised to realize that this was a promise to God: for people who usually work quickly and neatly, when they sit down at their desks and are willing to take their time, this is the loyalty and commitment of a servant of words.

Slowness is different from procrastination. The former refuses the temptation of "finishing" and bears the expense of time and effort; the latter allows himself to be distracted and run away to avoid the discomfort of not having a sense of accomplishment. Since then, I have made an appointment with God. Every maze must be walked through; every article must be written, no matter how slow, struggling, or staggering it is.

Matthew, the master of the maze palace, said: "Getting lost is actually the meaning of the existence of the maze." Through getting lost, you can learn to overcome emotional obstacles, face setbacks, get rid of your one-way thinking, and keep trying to the end. When you get lost, cherish the value of having a companion again, be willing to take the initiative to let others know your current situation, and don't be ashamed to ask questions.

This is true in life, and so is writing and serving.

Orhan Pamuk said in his speech at the Nobel Prize Award Ceremony for Literature:

"The secret of a writer is not inspiration—because no one knows where it comes from—but persistence and patience. There is an old saying that you dig a well with a needle."

This stubbornness prevented the author from challenging the maze for a long time, not out of curiosity. Instead, he walked out of one maze in rags, went home, took a shower, slept, changed into clean clothes, and started approaching the entrance of another maze.

Do you and I also have labyrinth experiences in other areas of ministry? Are you also willing to use your stubbornness and patient commitment to find a way out without shame and continue to approach the next maze?