A Detailed Journey of Grief
Interview and Compilation by Jian Hailan Photos Courtesy of Chinese Grief Support Ministry
Two staff members from the “Chinese Grief Support Ministry” shared their personal experiences, the beginnings of their ministry, and reminders for supporting those in mourning in Issue 73 of this publication (Fall 2023). The article received much positive feedback: pastors praised the authors, and churches from afar reached out to learn more about starting similar ministries. This highlights the church and believers' growing attention to this area of service.
In July 2024, the ministry hosted an in-person seminar titled "A Detailed Journey of Grief", aiming to invite the community to deepen their understanding of grief and how to provide support.──The seminar covered topics such as the nature of grief, responses to grief, how to accompany those who are grieving, and ways for the church to build a support network for the bereaved. It also provided an opportunity for many group members, who had previously connected only online, to meet face-to-face. Looking ahead, the ministry hopes to expand its reach, striving to accompany more people journeying through the Valley of Tears with God’s love and truth.
Group members who participated have experienced healing and growth. Through their testimonies, it is our hope that you and I can grasp the impact of grief support and be inspired to deepen our understanding of grief and how to accompany others through it.
On July 27, 2024, the North American Chinese Grief Support Ministry successfully held the "A Detailed Journey of Grief" seminar at the Chinese Bible Church of Maryland (hereafter referred to as the Bible Church). The event was filled with warmth and joy; many brothers and sisters, meeting in person for the first time, greeted one another like old friends. The seminar featured messages rich in profound spiritual insights, and testimonies from those grieving were marked by courage and hope.
From the very beginning, the Bible Church has worked closely with the Gaithersburg Chinese Alliance Church to support the ministry. For this seminar, the Bible Church not only provided the venue but also assisted with pre-event promotion and meals on the day of the event. Moreover, the pastors and elders were present to personally serve. This was a tremendous affirmation and encouragement for the ministry team.
A co-worker, Eva Jun, reflected on the interchurch collaboration that enabled the establishment and progress of the grief support ministry. She highlighted that the journey was not only about providing support but also about fostering trust and care. Jun outlined each step, from the initial design to gradual expansion, illustrating how different churches contributed unique resources to help individuals find hope and strength.
Speaker Gary Alker addressed the topic of "Grief and Mental Health," exploring how healing and growth can emerge from brokenness. He outlined four actions that those grieving can take:
1) Accept the reality of the loss.
2) Process the pain caused by grief.
3) Adjust to living in a world without your loved one.
4) Find a lasting connection with the deceased while moving forward. He also expressed hope that those who have experienced the pain of loss can realign, redefine, and embrace a renewed sense of purpose and meaning in life.
Several participants from the grief support group also shared their experiences: the loss of their loved ones, the most painful aspects of their journey, and how their grief impacted their faith. Below are their testimonies.
Finding New Strength in Suffering
Ruihong, one of the companions in the grief support program, is from Virginia. In 2020, her husband passed away suddenly due to a heart attack. It was the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, and the entire nation was at a standstill. Overnight, she lost her husband, and her life was completely upended. What was once a complete family was shattered in an instant, leaving her three underage children orphaned and their lives in deep crisis. The searing pain she experienced was the greatest suffering she had ever faced.
When her body, mind, and spirit were on the verge of collapse, Ruihong mustered the courage to join a support group at another church. Although the group members came from different backgrounds and ethnicities, they shared a common grief, and their various sources of pain were met with mutual empathy. However, Ruihong still felt that having a program in Chinese would be even better. A year later, she joined the first online Chinese Grief Support Group. After completing two sessions, she felt a calling to become a blessing to others, allowing herself to be a vessel in God's hands. She then began to serve in the ministry.
She shared that the grief support program provided a safe space, bringing together people with similar experiences to support and encourage one another while rebuilding their relationship with God. In the beginning, she struggled with doubts and emotional despair, but through the program, she learned how to reconcile with God and rediscover the strength of her faith.
Rebirth Through Pain, Deeper Faith
Li Rui, a resident of Maryland, experienced a devastating loss just two days before Thanksgiving in 2018. His wife was struck and killed by a speeding car while walking on a sidewalk on her way to work. The sudden blow, more shocking than a thunderbolt, left him reeling. He vividly recalls the heartbreaking scene of his two daughters, one in high school and the other in college, crying and screaming in agony when he broke the news of their mother’s passing.
Thanks to God, Li Rui's daughters were able to navigate their journey of grief. Li Rui is deeply grateful for the heavenly comfort and the love and care from his church community, which helped them through that difficult time. He vividly remembers a stranger, a sister in Christ, who took the initiative to share her own experience of losing her husband more than a decade ago. Her story brought him immense comfort and encouragement. Additionally, Brother Jay from the church's Stephen Ministry often accompanied him, ensuring he never felt alone. Later, the Chinese Grief Support program provided a healing space for him. Through this process, not only did Li Rui find emotional stability, but he also developed a desire to become a companion to others experiencing grief. He joined the ministry team and has since supported many grieving individuals. Along the way, he gained a deeper understanding of the truth of his faith. Li Rui has also learned to cherish the people and blessings in his life, shifting from resentment to gratitude. From initially crying out to God in anguish, he now proclaims from his heart, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
Walking Through the Valley, God's Grace Endures Forever
Selina, from Virginia, lost her husband unexpectedly during a camping trip in 2018. Within less than 30 minutes, the couple was separated by life and death, leaving her in a surreal state, as though it were all just a dream.
At the time, her younger daughter was a senior in high school, and her older daughter was in her final year of college. Selina was deeply worried about how the loss of their father would affect both of them. Thankfully, her daughters have since completed their education and gradually adjusted to their new lives. For Selina, however, despite the passage of time, certain moments still occasionally trigger emotions, bringing back waves of pain.
With timely encouragement from Sister Ruihong, Selina joined the grief support program, where she learned how to face her challenges, let go of excessive worry about the future, and find inner peace. The program gave her the courage to move forward in life. Being surrounded by brothers and sisters who had similar painful experiences also helped her feel less alone.
Through the program and group sharing, Selina learned not to think too far ahead but to focus on addressing the challenges of each day, leaving tomorrow’s concerns for tomorrow. She also realized the importance of doing things she enjoys, rather than conforming to what others think she should do. Most importantly, she came to understand that peace and pain can coexist. She found reassurance in knowing that the group members were experiencing similar pain and facing similar life challenges, which helped her recognize that her grief was normal. She shared that while she still faces challenges and sometimes feels lonely, she values the solitude as an opportunity to draw closer to God. She has learned to face difficulties independently when there is no one to consult, with the confidence that they will eventually pass. Witnessing Sister Ruihong gradually emerge from her own sorrow gave Selina the steadfast belief that God would also lead her out of the valley of despair!
In Doubt, God’s Hand Upholds
Tianyi, a member of a church in Philadelphia, faced profound grief after losing her husband. In 2020, following chemotherapy and surgery, he was cured of stomach cancer. However, in 2022, the cancer returned and metastasized to his liver. Despite undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, he passed away shortly after their youngest daughter's fourth birthday, leaving Tianyi in immense sorrow. What pained her the most was that God did not heal her husband, leaving her to walk a spiritual wilderness alone. She began to doubt God’s goodness and love. During this time, she sought help through counseling and participated in group therapy, but these efforts provided little relief. The core issue—her struggle to understand God’s will—remained unresolved, which further distanced her from prayer. She felt that God was not listening, and her relationship with Him hit rock bottom.
Tianyi learned about and joined the grief support program, which helped her rebuild her relationship with God. The program used various real-life metaphors to describe the challenges faced by those grieving. For example, it likened grief to losing an arm or a leg, requiring a long rehabilitation process. It also emphasized that those in mourning not only lose their loved ones but also the contributions their loved ones made to their family life.
Following the program's suggestion, Tianyi began keeping a journal, pouring out the details of her daily life—big and small—to God. She also resumed praying, and whenever God answered her prayers, her faith grew stronger. When grappling with the question of "why," she came to understand that Jesus Christ is the answer and that turning back to God is the only source of true comfort. She realized that no earthly solace can fill the void in one’s heart; only in Christ can she find genuine peace and joy.
In the group, everyone openly discussed their personal experiences and the real-life challenges they faced, allowing Tianyi to realize that she was not alone. This sense of solidarity brought her great comfort.
Tianyi came to understand that whether one loses a parent, spouse, or child, and regardless of the age of the loved one lost, those who remain can and should express their grief. She reflected: Isn’t birth, aging, illness, and death a natural part of life? Yet, she realized that in God’s original creation, death was not part of His design. The aversion to and fear of death stem from a deep-seated longing for eternal life within the human heart.
Tianyi also witnessed her fellow companions respond to God’s calling by listening to the stories of grief, mourning with others, and accompanying them with love and care. She realized that such work requires both strength from God and a personal commitment to serve. Through this, she gained a deeper understanding of God’s goodness. Although she still does not fully understand why suffering exists, she knows that God remains good. In her sorrow, whether or not she feels God's presence, she is assured that He is always with her. From that point on, she believed that God's grace is greater than any suffering. She also came to a profound appreciation of the verse: "If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast."
In Loneliness, God’s Care Sustains
Sam, from Virginia, experienced deep guilt and sorrow when his mother passed away, as the pandemic prevented him from returning to his home country for her funeral. This situation also impacted his faith in God. At the time, people around him tried to console him by saying that his mother had lived a long life and passed away peacefully, implying there was no need for excessive grief. However, they failed to understand the profound sadness and doubts he carried in his heart.
During that time, he felt deeply depressed. Later, he came across a poster for the grief support program and decided to sign up.
After registering, a team member immediately reached out to Sam by phone and shared their own experience of losing parents and the pain that came with it. This helped Sam feel less alone. Through the program's materials, videos, group discussions, and daily devotional assignments, Sam began to see God’s will more clearly and grew in trust in His Word. By engaging in prayer, Bible reading, and sharing with others, Sam emerged from his spiritual valley. He experienced God’s eternal power, grace, and love, finding renewed strength and comfort in his faith.
Walking With You for a While
The stories shared by the witnesses demonstrated the tangible impact of the grief support program, reminding everyone to focus on God Himself and His love during difficult times. It is hoped that their life testimonies will inspire others to participate in the program, join the ministry as companions, and bring this work into their churches and communities.
In "Walking With You for a While," lead ministry member Wu Qiongyi explored the emotional responses, physical health, and social behaviors following the loss of a loved one. She shared insights on effectively accompanying those in grief while also learning self-care. She emphasized the importance of a strong support system and provided practical advice to help individuals understand how to care for themselves while supporting others, including when to seek professional assistance. Wu also outlined useful tools and strategies, hoping to encourage greater attention to mental health and to equip people to better navigate the challenges brought by grief.
The goal of this seminar and the ministry’s future mission is to encourage grieving individuals, as fellow travelers through the Valley of Tears, to remind one another that no matter the challenges faced, God’s love and support are ever-present and always with us. Through mutual support, participants can find inner peace and rest. With faith, the ministry hopes that more people will join the grief support program, journey through their pain, and experience God’s grace and mercy. By witnessing God’s marvelous work in each person’s life, they can become channels of love, blessing their communities and the people around them.
To learn more about the Chinese Grief Support Ministry, please contact us via email:GS.Mandarin.DC@gmail.com。