Looking up at the light of truth under the ladder to heaven
Facing Church Conflict
▲Handling conflicts in God’s family is like climbing a ladder to heaven, requiring the power and wisdom from heaven.
(Picture taken from http://www.johnlund.com/images/Ladder-Climbing-Group.jpg)
As a church pastor, the greatest pressure in pastoring is being in tension and conflict with elders and co-worker leaders. One pastor confessed: "Every time before a deacon meeting, my stomach would cramp for a long time." This shows the great pressure, which makes people wonder, if the pastor and the deacons serve the same God, and During the service, we share the same spirit, so why are there such big differences? What should we do if we have long-term serious differences of opinion with our co-worker leaders when we are pastoring a meeting?
A pastor once discussed the method of handling it privately:
"It is best that the 'dissident' or opposition leader is self-aware and knows that I am in charge of the church and should obey the spiritual authority. Otherwise, he should leave the church early to avoid causing disputes. If his power is too large, 'one mountain cannot tolerate two tigers.'" , then if I leave, there will still be a group of brothers and sisters in the church who will support me."
Although most people don’t say it so explicitly, the common follow-up development is nothing more than a group of leaders leading people away, or a pastor leading a group of brothers and sisters away. Are these actions in line with God’s will?
▲Handling conflicts in God’s family is like climbing a ladder to heaven, requiring the power and wisdom from heaven.
(Picture taken from http://www.johnlund.com/images/Ladder-Climbing-Group.jpg)
Open the door to convenience
When serious disagreements or ongoing tensions arise between the pastor and the church, is “walking away” the best solution? Since each case is different, I dare not say that this is the best way, but "walking" is indeed the easiest solution on the surface. Conflicts in interpersonal relationships always bring pain. Because it is too painful, separation becomes a matter of course, and it is a shortcut to liberation in one step.
How do we view the incident of “the chief shepherd leaving”? For some church elders and leaders, letting a pastor leave is just like firing an employee; while for some pastors, leaving the church is just a matter of changing jobs. Changing a ministry field is like changing a runway. The old people go, the new people come, and the world continues to function. There is nothing wrong with leaving an annoying situation and starting over. However, will the pastor’s family and brothers and sisters in the church be so free and easy?
For the pastor’s family, the church is home and the brothers and sisters are family. Especially for pastors’ children, friends in the church are their lives and their sky. To the brothers and sisters, the pastor is like their parents and relatives. When faced with difficulties and helpless, when spiritually weak and struggling in pain, when reaching a critical point in life, the first thing that comes to mind is the pastor.
The pastor is gentle among the people, like a mother nursing her children (see 1 Thessalonians 2:7), and he encourages and comforts them, like a father with his own children (see 1 Thessalonians 2:7). Book 2:11). The church is the family of God and the congregation. At home, everyone receives love and learns to give love.
When pastors and church leaders get into serious conflicts, the congregation seems to see their parents quarreling and they don’t know what to do; sometimes they are in a dilemma of choosing sides. When the pastor left, their hearts were torn. Should they follow or stay? What kind of relationship to maintain with the departed pastor has also become a sensitive issue. Whether pastors, family members, elders, or church members, everyone has been seriously injured, but they continue to serve with their injuries before they are healed.
Especially the pastors who bear the brunt of the abuse will end up either becoming injured perpetrators, or they will be unable to recover after being exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually, and will sadly quit serving. No wonder Pastor Alfred Poirier clearly states at the beginning of his book "The Peacemaking Pastor" (tentative translation of the book's title): "Many preachers enter the workplace for the sake of Christ, but leave because of conflict. .1 What a sad ending.
workplace or family
Perception of the Church─Is it the workplace or the family? Determines how we face conflict within the church. The workplace is about performance, work ability and performance are the main considerations, and establishing harmonious interpersonal relationships is regarded as part of the ability. When the HR department recruits people, it not only looks at the applicant's IQ, but also their emotional intelligence (EQ), in order to save future personnel losses. When an employee is no longer a valuable asset to the company and becomes a liability, the company can lay off or fire them mercilessly.
But "Home is not a place for reasoning, but a place for love." In the family, every member is a part of each other's lives and will not be let go easily. Paul likened the congregation to the body of Christ, with each member caring for one another. If one member suffers, all members suffer together; if one member is glorified, all members rejoice together. Not only that, but it also adorns those who are weak and unattractive, giving double dignity to those members who are lacking (refer to 1 Corinthians 12:22-27). This concept is completely opposite to judging heroes based on their talents in the workplace.
What should we do if there is conflict among the members of God’s family, especially among the leaders? The famous saying of Dr. Qiu Qingtai of the Family Renewal Association: "There is no back door to marriage, only a ladder to heaven" is enough to serve as a reminder. Although the appointment contract between the church and the pastor is not like a marriage vow - till death do we part, however, dealing with conflicts in God's family is indeed like climbing a ladder to heaven, requiring the power and wisdom from heaven.
Every conflict is an opportunity allowed by God. Through the ladder to heaven, you can see the dawn of the glory of the gate of heaven; through the process of climbing, you can exercise the strength of your spiritual life. Although the two parties parted ways in the end, they did not interrupt the connection of life. There is no bitterness to each other, only blessings. They also have the precious friendship and fragrance honed in the process of climbing the ladder together, struggling together, and cheering together.
The Holy Spirit turns opponents into helpers
Pastor Paul David Tripp mentioned in his book "War of Words" an experience in his pastoral church. There was once a co-worker, Peter, who had a disagreement with him and criticized his preaching or criticism. He often makes sharp criticisms in the ministry and expresses his dissatisfaction among other co-workers or brothers and sisters.
Whenever he was around, Pastor Paul felt like a thorn in his back, wanting to get rid of it quickly. Pastor Paul wanted to talk to him, but his wife reminded him: "It sounds like you hate Peter. Confronting him face to face will be fruitless unless you deal with yourself first."
During his prayer, he discovered that he really hated this person in his heart. The motive for looking for Peter was simply to get him out of the church and out of his life. He realized that not only could he not be the instrument used by the Holy Spirit to edify this brother, but he realized that Peter was the instrument used by God to save him. God used Peter to reveal the selfish desires and pride in Pastor Paul's heart in order to purify his life, but he mistook Peter as a "sworn enemy."
At this time, Pastor Paul was filled with gratitude and wanted to tell Peter how grateful he was. He was more willing to let the Holy Spirit use him to inspire Peter to bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Finally, we met one day. Pastor Paul first thanked Peter for allowing the Holy Spirit to illuminate his inner situation through his insight, and asked for forgiveness for being dissatisfied with Peter.
Unexpectedly, Peter also apologized and said, "Pastor Paul, I was also wrong. When I face myself honestly, I know that I hate you to the core, and I always want to find opportunities to criticize you in front of others. I also believe that God has put us in the same church. If I blame Him, I want to ask you to forgive me and God to forgive me.” Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the two enemies confessed to each other and reconciled.2
Pilgrim on the Ladder to Heaven
Every Christian in the church is called to be a peacemaker, helping people to reconcile with each other. In times of conflict, the role of the peacemaker is like a coach cheering for the pilgrims climbing the ladder to heaven. If someone falls in the flesh, he picks him up and brings him back to the ladder team. Everyone needs a trained peacemaker as a coach in conflict, to cheer him up in the battle against flesh and emotion, to see through the clouds of negative thoughts and follow the light of truth.
A preacher once said: "At first, I felt very excited that I could apply biblical principles to deal with conflicts, as if I had finally found a way out. However, during the implementation process, it was full of difficulties. My life had to be broken and broken again and again. In the midst of suffering, we look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.”
It is true that the process is hard, but the result is joyful. Every time I serve as a conflict coach, I feel like I am accompanying a mother who is about to give birth, relying on humility, patience, faith, love, and hope to welcome a new life carved by the hand of God and the carving knife of conflict.
Trained peacemakers can also act as mediators if the conflicting pastors and church leaders are willing. The biggest difference between conflict mediation and conflict coaching is that the coach does not leave the field to play, but only helps one party to obey and respond to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Conflict mediation is like a traffic policeman, intervening between the two parties, establishing norms and principles, and paving the way for reconciliation that is pleasing to God. During the mediation process, the mediator can also serve as a conflict coach for each party in private, helping him to face himself honestly, examine his heart, be willing to be shaped by God, and be ready to meet the other party.
If both parties involved in the conflict are willing to put aside their own flesh and blood and submit to God’s leading, such a meeting will be filled with the glory of God. The Holy Spirit moves in every inch of the air and is manifest in every word. God’s love fills every heart and soul, and God’s touch shines in every teardrop. In this situation, I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words;“If I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself.” (John 12:32)
In this way, in God’s love and the redemption of the cross, what conflicts are there between pastors and church leaders?
Notes
1. Alfred Poirier, Peace-making Pastor, by Baker Books, 2006.
2. War of Words, written by Paul David Tripp, translated by Wei Xiao'e, Huashen Publishing House, 2006, 291 pages.
Author profile:
Wang Lanxin holds a master's degree in "Conflict Management" and is one of the lecturers of the "Peace Messenger Workshop" of KRC Cultural Practice Camp. She often leads couples camps and conflict management seminars with her husband, lawyer Liu Zhepei.