Start with truth and love
"Talk about Handling Church Conflicts from Matthew Chapter 18" Highlights of the Pastoral Seminar (Part 1)
Information and pictures provided/Love, Conflict and Harmony Ministry
Organized/Linda Pang
Preface: How should pastors or church leaders handle and respond to conflicts and disputes between members of the body, or even when they themselves fall into the quagmire of conflict? The Bible Matthew Chapter 18 provides a beautiful blueprint for dealing with church conflicts. But how does this passage apply to today's challenging Chinese churches?
In view of this, the Ministry of Love, Conflict and Harmony invited Rev. Zhong Shihao, senior pastor of Los Angeles Mandarin Baptist Church, Rev. Chen Zongqing, president of Enfu Foundation and professor of New Testament theology, Rev. Lin Guoliang, president and counseling professor of Zhengdao Theological Seminary, and senior theology professor Pastor Su Wenlong and Liu Zhepei, president of Love and Conflict Reconciliation Ministries and mediation lawyer, held the first pastoral seminar on "Handling Church Conflicts from Matthew Chapter 18" in Los Angeles on June 6, 2015, with Chinese people Church leaders discussed the current application of Matthew 18 in dealing with church conflicts from the perspectives of theology, counseling, and law, and discussed cases, hoping to provide some reference principles for Chinese churches and pastors to follow. Nearly a hundred pastors came that day, and the discussion was lively. They all hoped to have further discussions in the future. The following is a record of the highlights of the seminar.
▲Love and Conflict Reconciliation Ministry invites pastors to discuss the principles of conflict management. The speakers include (from left) Pastors Lin Guoliang, Su Wenlong, Zhong Shihao, Chen Zongqing, and Qiu Maosong, as well as ministry leaders Liu Zhepei and Wang Lanxin.
Opening remarks by Pastor Zhong Shihao
The most ideal state in interpersonal relationships is to treat others with love. This is to have the heart of Christ, and to know how to see the advantages of others, say words of appreciation, and understand the needs of others. We must become the watchmen of our members. We must not only care, but also take action.
The next ideal state is to face misunderstandings and resolve conflicts. Interpersonal conflicts are mostly conflicts of personality, but there are also actual conflicts, that is, conflicts of ideas. Conflicts in the church include personal conflicts and theological conflicts, both of which need to be handled with care.
The last line of defense in interpersonal relationships is to reach a peaceful agreement and divide without resentment.
Next, we will look at the teachings in Matthew chapter 18 through interpretation and examples.
Pastor Chen Zongqing looks at the church’s principles for dealing with sin from the Gospel of Matthew
Matthew 18:15-20 points out to us the important procedures for purifying the church, effectively dealing with sin and demonstrating the power of God.
When conflicts arise within the church, this passage is often used as a basis for settling disputes or punishing sin. However, are all cases suitable for adopting the principles here? Before going any further, it is necessary to interpret the Bible correctly.
Six clear steps
When conflicts occur, they may just be differences in personality, stance, and viewpoints, and may not necessarily involve sin. However, this passage in Matthew 18 clearly states that a certain member has indeed sinned, so this must be the premise when applying it. This passage sets out six important procedures for God’s justice to be revealed.
1. Before taking other steps, the offended member must communicate with the offender privately, confront him face-to-face, and persuade him to repent and return to his rightful ways.
2. If the above methods are ineffective, the offended person must find one or two other members, collect all relevant evidence, and state the truth.
3. If there is still no result, church leaders must make a decision. If the above steps fail, the Christian community will publicly sever ties with the member who sins but does not repent.
4. God has given this group spiritual authority to execute according to the truth, and to have the power and authority of heaven to make decisions.
5. During this period, the parties and witnesses should pray instead of using other actions to clarify.
6. Prayer will produce results, because Jesus will personally intervene to ensure that the criminals receive the punishment they deserve.
The specific content of the offense
"If your brother sins against you," the sin in this sentence refers to "offending another member," rather than a sin that is not directly related to others.
This passage refers to a brother who sinned against another brother. What kind of sin is it? The Bible does not say it specifically, but this sin may not directly cause loss to the church, and it may not be known to anyone else.
The spirit behind confrontation and disposal
When God exposes a person's sin, his most important purpose is not to shame him, but to make him repent. Therefore, when only two parties are involved, it is most ideal to confront the criminal in private and once it is effective. Since the incident does not involve anyone else, this eliminates the need for the matter to be made public, as long as the person involved is willing to repent, which is the purpose of confrontation.
Therefore, when the offended person seeks out the member who offended him, he must not do so out of fleshly impulses or with a vindictive attitude, but out of love. Because love can truly redeem transgressions, make offenders repent and abandon their sins, restore spiritual relationships with others, and maintain the testimony of harmony and holiness.
The specific application of "not listening to the church"
Before explaining what "the church" is, we must understand the background of Jesus' time. In a strict theological sense, the "church" did not come into existence until Pentecost. When Jesus was with his disciples, he probably spoke in Hebrew or Aramaic, so they would have used the words Qahal or Edhah. These two words are translated into the Greek word ekklesia, which is the word used in the Greek Bible, meaning "a called group of people."
"Church" refers to the people chosen by God, a group with the same life and a common sense of mission. The Old Testament concept of Qahal or Edhah gradually transformed into the New Testament concept of "church". The "church" in Matthew refers to the group of people who originally followed Christ, and this passage obviously refers to the local church.
The phrase "disobeying the church" implies a mechanism of authority within the church. "Not listening to the church" means not listening to the people with authority in the church. Usually it is not one person, but a few mature and experienced leaders. They are entrusted with special authority to make judgments and rulings.
"Let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector"
If anyone refuses to repent, let him be considered a Gentile, like an unbeliever. In the body of Christ, if a member sins, he or she needs to cease life relationships with other members until the offender completely repents. The purpose of severing spiritual fellowship is to help members repent of their sins, with the ultimate goal of reconciliation and restoring the fellowship of life.
Regarding those who sin and refuse to repent, Paul pointed out in 1 Corinthians: "You must not have fellowship with such a person, not even eating with him." (Refer to 1 Corinthians 5:11)
The authority to "bind and loose"
Matthew chapters 16 and 18 both mention the church. Chapter 16 emphasizes the core of faith, and Chapter 18 talks about church discipline and punishment.
However, both are related to the authority of the church. The former says that the church, with Christ as its head and chief cornerstone, can overcome the powers of Hades. When chapter 18 talks about authority, it mainly deals with sin within the church. The church must deal with the problem of sin, and in dealing with sin there must be spiritual warfare, so the church must rely on heavenly authority.
The greatest tragedy of the church today is that it has lost its due testimony of glorious victory and is too far from the standards revealed in the Bible. Christians are equally unable to resist the many temptations and traps in the real world. The church does not know how to deal with sin and maintain the holy style it should have.
A deep understanding of the teachings of Matthew 18 and true obedience will enable the church to stay away from the filth of this world.
Discussion on the case of Pastor Lin Guoliang
Case 1: Child care scandal
Deacon Evangelist and Sister Nee are the directors of church A’s missionary ministry and children’s ministry respectively. During a meeting, the two got into an argument over their different opinions on child care issues, and the matter ended. After that, their interaction in the church significantly decreased. One day, Deaconess Xuan learned from another source that Sister Ni had told others in private that he seemed to be having an affair with a female colleague. At first, Deacon Xuan thought this was unfounded and ignored it. However, he felt that his reputation had been slandered and he felt deeply aggrieved, angry, and bitter. Finally, due to different opinions during a co-workers' union, Deacon Xuan finally couldn't bear it any longer, and his emotions broke out. He vented his inner dissatisfaction to Sister Nee in front of everyone. After Sister Nee was publicly humiliated, she did not come to church for two whole months.
Analysis of case one:
The premise of Matthew 18:15-16 is "If your brother sins against you, he is at fault." The spirit is to "leave dignity to the brother, restore one's innocence, and reconcile with him."
The following are general rules for when a client or pastor/counselor goes to confront or reconcile a person who may have done something wrong or is responsible:
‧Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
‧There may be logs and splinters in my own eyes; take them out first—I may also be wrong.
‧Don’t think more highly of yourself than you should, but be moderate, be humble, and think of others as better than yourself.
‧Speak the truth in love.
‧Let the peace of Christ rule.
Let’s start with the dispute between Deacon Xuan and Sister Nee at the first meeting.
If you do not regard the other party as an enemy, but as a brother or sister, based on the principle of "listen quickly and speak slowly", try to hear and express the other party's position, and then express your own position. The missionary deacon is the main person in charge of the entire missionary annual meeting. Sister Nee can respect his final decision after making sure that the missionary deacon listens to her opinions clearly. The deacon can also respect and adopt Sister Nee’s opinions in this regard because she is the person in charge of children’s ministry.
In this matter, whose opinion is adopted in the end is not the most important. No matter whose opinion is right, we can thank the Lord and learn lessons.
If the results show that although the two people's opinions were different at the beginning, it does not matter whether they are right or wrong, good or bad, we will also learn that we don't need to be too insistent on our opinions. There is another possibility. After full communication and exchange of opinions, a third and better possibility will emerge, and it does not belong to a certain person, but to the co-workers of Church A. Long-term coordination will increase mutual trust and respect, the relationship between the limbs will be closer, and coordination will be smoother.
With the above experience and relationship, when Sister Ni first heard about the "female colleague incident" about Deacon Xuan, she would first identify it or learn more about it through appropriate channels, and even get clarification directly from Deacon Xuan out of love. Don't spread rumors by spreading rumors.
When both Deacon Xuan and Sister Nee realize that the "child care" incident has gradually built a wall between them, either party can adopt the principle of "willing to talk, take the initiative to talk, and talk immediately" and commit to showing kindness, The virtues of humility, gentleness, tolerance, and forgiveness allow the peace of Christ to be the master and supreme judge between two people.
Deacon Zai Xuan heard that Sister Nee had rumored that he had an abnormal relationship with a female colleague and felt aggrieved, angry, and bitter. He could first find and ask the person who heard Sister Nee say this, and ask him/her if he/she would be willing to do so if necessary. Come forward and confirm it, then talk to her directly. If you are afraid that you will not be able to express yourself or lose control, you can invite another person to go with you.
If there is a witness, you can say this to Sister Nee: "XX people heard you say that I... I came to fellowship with you about this matter."
If there are no witnesses, you can say something like this: "I indirectly heard you say that I.... I am not sure whether you said it, so I want to clarify it with you face to face." At this time, what the two people said at the moment will count, and do not insist on it. Hang on to something you have said or heard. This is also a good opportunity to resolve any disagreements arising from "child care" incidents.
The pastor noticed that there was a conflict between Deacon Xuan and Sister Nee. Until he heard rumors about the "female colleague incident", he could actively care about the person concerned and intervene when necessary.
When the problem develops to the point where the missionary deacon has an emotional outburst in the co-worker union, and Sister Nee feels that she has been publicly humiliated, the pastor has the responsibility to intervene proactively.
Sister Nee has not come to church for two months. She is not the only one who is hurt now. Deacon Xuan is probably in a worse state of mind than before. Divisions among church members are inevitable, and they may even be extremely dissatisfied with the lack of active intervention by pastors, which undermines the unity of the church and affects the progress of various ministries.
Pastors need to first seriously review their past conflict handling patterns in interpersonal relationships (including family of origin, marriage and family life, interactions with co-workers, etc.), including recurring phenomena such as fear, unkindness, avoidance, etc. Next, we need to confess to our senior management colleagues and admit our shortcomings for how the "child care incident" and "female colleague incident" have evolved to what they are today. Then seek help from a third party (other pastoral staff, deacons, Christian counselors, etc.).
First find Sister Nee and Deacon Xuan respectively to seek consensus on objective events and time points. Admit the pastor’s own shortcomings in not intervening early and ask for forgiveness. Use the general biblical principles for dealing with disagreements to help Sister Nee and Deacon Xuan see the speck or plank in their own eyes and be willing to take their own responsibilities. Arrange for direct face-to-face communication between Deacon Xuan and Sister Nee.
▲The speaker invited participants to interact in a question-and-answer manner and delve into the application of Matthew 18.
Case 2: Sermon plagiarism controversy
Church B recently hired a young assistant pastor. His sermons are rich and informative, and some even think they are better than those of the senior pastor. One day, the deacon discovered on the Internet that a well-known American pastor preached a sermon that was similar to that of the assistant pastor. He compared the sermon of the assistant pastor carefully and found that the outline and content were the same. An investigation of other sermons revealed that some of the content was derived from messages from many well-known preachers. After he reported it to the senior pastor, the senior pastor considered plagiarism and plagiarism of other people's sermons to be a character issue and wanted to fire the assistant pastor.
When the news spread, it caused a huge backlash among church members. Some people think that whether it is their own sermons or those of others, it is okay as long as they are helpful to the brothers and sisters. Some people felt that the senior pastor was taking the opportunity to retaliate because the assistant pastor's sermons were more popular, so they used this incident to remove a thorn in their side. Some people think that the senior pastor has done the right thing. The assistant pastor should not plagiarize, but should at least explain the source of the information so as not to cause misunderstanding and think it is his own sermon.
Analysis of case two:
When discussing this case, the premise to be established is that it is wrong to plagiarize (substantially) other people's articles or sermons without citing the source.
We need to know more, where does the assistant pastor come from? Where did you get your (theological) education? What percentage of all his sermons were plagiarized? What was the quality of his unplagiarized sermons? What was his position and reaction after the plagiarism was exposed?
As for the congregation, which backgrounds of believers tend to support the assistant pastor? From what backgrounds do believers tend to support the senior pastor? How does this relate to their place of origin, education level, and length of time in the United States?
For a senior pastor, "character issues" are serious accusations that cannot be easily determined based on the first plagiarism incident. Why does the senior pastor react so strongly to the assistant pastor? Does the assistant pastor indeed have other character flaws? Or does the congregation’s violent backlash against the senior pastor show that he also has blind spots in his daily dealings with co-workers or members of the congregation? How good is the senior pastor's ability to handle "justice and charity", "truth and grace" and "crisis management"? So what is Changzhi’s stance on this incident?
The entire incident handling process, while taking into account the harmony of the church, should have the main goal of "recovering the assistant pastor and giving him a chance to repent."
The processing procedure should be: collect the recordings of the assistant pastor’s sermons and the information obtained online, obtain a consensus with the elders (or the chairman of the deacon board) first, follow the steps in Matthew’s Gospel, and privately confront the assistant pastor about the possibility of plagiarism. .
During the interview, you can first explain your purpose, and then express empathy by listening to the assistant pastor's explanation and repeating its key points; affirm that his message is helpful to the congregation. Provide evidence when necessary.
If the assistant pastor sincerely admits his mistake, he will be forgiven and encouraged not to do it again. It will also tell you how to properly quote the information and add the source, and also warn you not to do it again and follow up for observation.
If the assistant pastor does not admit his mistake, the senior pastor and the deacon representative will go to confront, admonish, and restore the situation. If the assistant pastor insists on not admitting his mistake or commits the same offense again, he will be considered for dismissal through the Board of Governors. After considering the development of the case, the assistant pastor, senior pastor, and chairman of the board of directors will come forward to explain to the congregation.
If the situation has escalated to the point where there is serious backlash and disagreement among members, with the finger pointed at the senior pastor, no matter what, the plagiarism by the assistant pastor needs to stop. The congregation needs to be taught, but there is room for discretion as to whether the assistant pastor needs to be fired. The senior pastor listens to the congregation’s position and reasons, and when necessary invites believer leaders to examine themselves together, including openly admitting to the congregation that they may be jealous.
If believer leaders or other pastoral staff have reason to believe that the senior pastor is jealous and want to fire the assistant pastor immediately, then the believer leaders should step forward, confront the senior pastor with love, listen to, empathize with, and accept the senior pastor. Knowledge of plagiarism incidents. Ask the senior pastor if he has any other concerns about the assistant pastor’s day-to-day behavior.
If the assistant pastor has a simple plagiarism problem, believer leaders brainstorm with the senior pastor to consider possible options, including immediate dismissal. Invite the senior pastor to consider the principle of "letting the peace of Christ maintain the unity of the church" when deciding how to handle the situation.