In One Thought, Moods Shift

Look at David’s emotional management②

▲ King David had a bloody and fierce side. The king became angry and drew his sword.

As a king of David's generation, the Bible has rich records of his emotions when he faced many situations. We can understand a little more about his emotional management. It is not difficult to find that no matter where you are, as people, although the events that cause their emotions are different, the emotional experiences are similar, and they all consist of happiness, anger, sadness, love, evil, fear, surprise, faith (trust), and hope (hope). ) within the scope; the management methods are also universal, suitable for kings and ordinary people.

The previous article "A Brief Discussion on the Upstream, Middle and Downstream of Emotional Management" talked about David's good use of "upstream" management to prepare for rainy days. This article will zoom in and take a closer look at how the flow of emotions is regulated by the river of thought so that it does not overflow or even turn.

What dominates the mood?

From the Book of Samuel, we can notice that David responded to different offended and humiliated incidents with different emotions and the actions brought about by those emotions. For example, when David was fleeing the pursuit of King Saul and wandering in the wilderness, he was despised by the rich man Nabal, and a series of emotions and actions followed:

Nabal answered David's servants and said, "Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? Many servants are rebelling against their masters and fleeing today. Shall I give food and drink and the meat that I have killed for my shearers to those who do not Do you know where he comes from?" David's servants turned back by the way they came and told David all these things. David said to his men, "Each of you, put on your sword!" So everyone put on his sword, and David also put on his sword. ⋯⋯

(For David said): "In vain did I guard all that the man had in the wilderness, so that he did not lose anything! But he repaid me evil for good. All the men of Nabal's, If I leave one until tomorrow morning, may God punish David severely!” (Refer to 1 Samuel 25:10-13, 21-22, Union Version)

David's first reaction was to be angry, and in a fit of rage, he drew his sword and mounted his horse, intending to kill all the male members of Nabal's family. Why is he so angry? Because of the important thought behind anger: "He repaid me with evil for good."

Later Hanun, king of Ammon, greatly humiliated David’s messengers."Hanun seized David's servants, shaved off half of their beards, and cut off the lower parts of their robes to expose their private parts, and then let them go."Afterwards, the Ammonites realized that David "hated them", so they recruited troops and started a war between the two sides. David sent his general Joab to lead an elite army to defeat the enemy. (Refer to 2 Samuel 10:1-11:1, Union Version revised version)

Here again we see the bloody and fierce side of David. Although it does not directly state what David is thinking, it indirectly states David's attitude from the perspective of the Ammonites: "hate them." "Hate" is a very strong emotion. Judging from the records of events and human nature, humiliating David's messenger is humiliating him. The king is angry, and the soldiers are at war with each other.

But such a bloody king, while escaping from the pursuit of his son Absalom, allowed others to stamp on his nose and curse on his face. 2 Samuel 16:5-12 (Union Version) says:

⋯⋯A man came out from there, his name was Shimei, the son of Gerah, a member of the family of Saul. As he walked, he cursed and threw stones at King David and all his servants... Shimei cursed like this: "You bloodthirsty, you scoundrel, get out! Get out! You have shed the blood of Saul's family and succeeded him as king, and the LORD has laid this sin on you. The LORD will This kingdom is delivered into the hand of your son Absalom. Behold, you are guilty of this, for you are a bloodthirsty man.”

At this time, someone in David’s team couldn’t stand it anymore:

Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why does this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head." The king said, "Son of Zeruiah, I am with you. What does it matter? He cursed like this because the LORD commanded him, "Curse David." Then who dares to say, "Why do you do this?" David said to Abishai and his servants: Behold, if my own son seeks my life, how much more shall he curse me now, for this is what the LORD has commanded me? I show mercy."

David could easily kill Shimei, so why would he "let him curse"? Because there was a thought in his mind: This was from God, "Perhaps the Lord saw that I was in trouble and showed mercy to me because I was cursed by this man today." So instead of drawing a sword when he was offended before, he tolerated it. Come down and let it be.

From the above examples, we can see that anger is not uncontrollable, but whether to control it; emotions are not directly caused by external things, but are caused by how we view external things.

▲ Picture source:https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/face-expressions-illustrations-emotions-feelings_17202379.

A Bible teacher testified that she lost her temper with her children at home, when the doorbell rang, and she looked out the window and saw that it was the church elders. She opened the door and was greeted with a smile. Why could she control her temper in an instant? Because she decided to control, she had a thought in her mind: I cannot meet the elders in anger.

Thank you to this Bible teacher for your honesty. In fact, every one of us is the same. It’s not that we can’t control our emotions when they come, but we need to control them well. Since emotions come from our views on things, the key to emotional management is to manage the thoughts behind the emotions and manage our views on things. the opinion of.

Let’s talk about David and Nabal. When David rode off to take revenge, Nabal's wife Abigail heard about it and acted immediately. She brought rich gifts to meet David, fell to the ground and knelt down, and humbly and wisely persuaded:"O my lord...please allow your maidservant to advise you...The LORD will build a strong house for my lord...and you will not find any fault in your life....If my lord does not avenge his death with his own hands now... When the blood of innocent people comes and the LORD bless you and makes you king over Israel as he promised you, my lord will not be troubled or guilty of conscience.”

Abigail’s words caused David’s thoughts to shift from focusing on Nabal’s arrogant words and deeds to God’s destiny for his life. So during the change of thoughts (between thoughts), the anger cooled down and the murderous intention disappeared, and he said to Abigail:"Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, for he has sent you today to meet me. Blessed be you and your wisdom, for you have prevented me from avenging my own blood today." (Refer to 1 Samuel.) 25:14-33)

How to change your mind

From the above example of David's treatment of Nabal, we can see that he was able to change his mind in anger because he heard gentle and wise persuasion, which helped him achieve a positive change of mind. We usually receive persuasion when encountering problems, but unfortunately not every persuasion is wise and helps people change their minds in a constructive direction; sometimes it may actually add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse. So it’s important to listen to someone’s advice when something happens.

For David, the most important way to manage his thoughts and ideas was to listen to God’s advice. Throughout his life he made a habit of turning to God:“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts; and see if there is any evil way in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

David's habit of turning to God to manage his thoughts, thoughts, and emotions benefited him a lot during his military career and allowed him to remain calm in the face of danger. For example, it is mentioned above that when he was chased by his son Absalom, he was able to tolerate Shimei's insults. Not only was his desire for God's grace behind him, but his deeper thoughts can also be seen from Psalm 3:1 to 6 he wrote at that time (Union Version revised version) see:How my enemies have multiplied, O Lord! Many people rose up against me. Many people say about me, "He has no help from God." But you, Lord, are my shield around me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I called to the LORD with my voice, and he answered me from his holy mountain. The Lord protects me when I lie down, when I sleep, and when I wake up, and I am not afraid, even though thousands of people surround me and attack me.

Relying on God to manage the direction of his thoughts also allowed him to demonstrate outstanding leadership in extremely difficult situations. For example, 1 Samuel chapter 30 verses 3 to 6 record:

On the third day David and his men came to Ziklag. The Amalekites had invaded the southern land, captured Ziklag, burned it with fire, and carried away the women and everyone in the city, but they did not kill any of them. When David and his men came to the city, behold, the city was burned down, and their wives and children were taken captive. David and his men wept loudly until they had no strength left in their weeping. David's two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelite and Abigail the Carmelite who had been Nabal's wife, were also taken captive. David was greatly troubled because the people were distressed for their children, saying, "Let them stone him." But David's heart was strong, trusting in the Lord his God.

Here, David not only lost his family and property like those who followed him, but he also grieved just as much, "weeping until he had no strength left." The difference is that others can express their anger at him and want to stone him to death in strong emotions; but as a leader, he is "very anxious" in addition to grief and needs to find ways to reverse the situation.

How could he stand firm in grief and anxiety at this time? The Bible uses only one sentence: “But David’s heart stayed strong in the Lord his God.”

How does he become strong? How do thoughts turn? The Psalm once again provides David’s thoughts in the face of crisis:On the day I cry, You answer me, encourage me, and give me strength in my heart. ⋯⋯Though I walk in trouble, you will revive me; you will stretch out your hand against my enemies when they are angry; your right hand will save me. The LORD will do what is concerning me; thy steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever! (Refer to Psalm 138:3-8)

The verses show what David was thinking in times of crisis, which often revolved around God. In other words, David effectively managed his emotions by trusting God to effectively manage how he thought. Therefore, he can be in a desperate environment and not be controlled by his emotions even though he has extremely strong emotions.

Returning to the crisis caused by the Amalekite captivity in the above example, David began to have the ability to take action because his heart was strengthened and he regained strength:David asked the LORD, "If I pursue the enemy, will I be able to overtake them or not?" The LORD said, "You can pursue them, and you will surely overtake them and save them all." So David and the six men who followed him Hundreds of people came to Bisuo River; those who could not go stayed there. ⋯⋯David took back all the property that the Amalekites had taken captive, and he rescued his two wives. David took back all that the Amalekites had captured, whether great or small, sons, daughters, or possessions, and not a single one was lost. (Refer to 1 Samuel 30:8-9, 18-19)

Here’s an example of David’s steps for managing strong emotions:

1. Let emotions be expressed without hurting others: "I cried until I had no energy left."

2. Go before God and pray, turn your thoughts to face the current situation positively, instead of complaining and venting your anger like followers. As a result, the mood changed from despair and sadness to hope and perseverance.

3. Rely on God and take action to turn the situation around.

▲ Pray to God in strong emotions and change your thoughts to a positive direction. In the blink of an eye, the world becomes wider.

Inspiration for us

Everyone has challenges and everyone has emotions. It is normal to have emotions, but you need to avoid overflowing emotions, such as getting angry, being immersed in emotions for a long time, etc. If emotions are water, the thoughts behind the emotions are the rivers. A suitable river course can regulate the water, and healthy and suitable thoughts can regulate emotions. When something happens, pay attention to what you think. In a moment, your emotions can change and the world becomes wider.

The Bible says:“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any virtue, if there is any praise, think about these things.” (See Philippians 4: 8 )There is great wisdom in this, which not only provides upstream emotional management ideological principles to prepare for a rainy day, but also provides the direction of thinking for midstream and downstream emotional management.

To have emotional health, may we all pay attention to what we are thinking, because for people,“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (See Proverbs 23:7)

Li Wenping, coach trainer and International Coach Federation Certified Professional Coach (PCC), American Western Theological Seminary Certified Advanced Life Coach (ACTC), member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, retreat and cultural camp lecturer, book and magazine columnist. Life Coach Website:www.betterlivingcoach.com.