No Money, No Honey?

【Topic】1 How couples face financial challenges

Have you ever argued with your wife over finances? Has long-term financial pressure greatly damaged marital relationships?

According to a survey in the United States, money ranks first among couples quarreling. Statistics also show that money accounts for 50-80% of divorce triggers. Whatever the cause of financial inadequacy, the resulting stress is bound to shake up a marriage. How does money affect marriage? How can couples turn financial challenges into strengthening family relationships? China has always had the idea that "poor and humble couples have nothing to do with it", and Westerners also say "No money, no honey." Let us think about the authenticity of these two proverbs, and face them from a financial management method based on biblical concepts. Financial challenges.

Pastor Hu Huiling, vice president of ministry of the International True Love Family Association, teaches and assists parent-child and husband-wife relationships all year round, emphasizing the importance of communication in marriage. If they are in poverty for a long time, it will have a great impact on the self-confidence of family members; if there is a sudden lack, couples will easily blame each other. Regardless of the cause of poverty, couples need to carefully manage and nurture their marriage relationship and seek candid communication.

Professor Wen Yingqian, a senior economist, director of the American Chinese Outreach Ministry of Crown Financial Ministries, and the corporate editor of this magazine’s talent section, has been dedicated to teaching biblical financial principles for a long time. He pointed out that "poor and lowly couples are always miserable" is a phenomenon and a myth. Without good financial planning, no matter how high your income is, you will still be unable to make ends meet; if you already have a daily income and expenditure budget and a plan for your future, it will be easier to get through even when finances are tight. As Proverbs 2:15 says:“Those who plan diligently will have plenty, but those who act hastily will come to want.”

He emphasized that believers' financial management concepts and practices must be based on being faithful and good stewards - everything we have, more or less, belongs to God and has been entrusted by God to manage us.

how to face poverty

Possible reasons for family poverty are as follows:

‧ The overall backwardness and deficiencies of the country’s society.
‧ Poverty due to economic and social status inherited from generation to generation.
‧ Improper financial planning leads to heavy debts.
‧ Encountered sudden shortages during the financial crisis.

So how should couples face poverty?

The traditional Chinese concept of "men take charge of the outside world and women take charge of the house" may no longer persist in today's society as it did in the past. When a family experiences financial shortages, couples should seek consensus and share the responsibility for providing for the family. If you insist on sticking to the original role, it will only increase the pressure suddenly. Hu Huiling encourages couples to objectively consider the actual situation and discuss various feasible options calmly.

If the husband is unemployed, it will be difficult to find a suitable job for a while, and the wife needs to go out to find work. At this time, she should be wiser, respect and praise her husband's willingness to share in taking care of the children and assisting with housework. Because men have always positioned their own value and achievements based on their careers, staying at home and being a "dad" is a huge psychological challenge, and they also need affirmation and encouragement from their wives.

▲Marriage and finances both require careful management. Couples can participate in camps to continue learning and growing. (Photo courtesy: True Love Family Association)

"Increasing revenue" and "reducing expenditure" have always been the two pillars of solving economic problems. Although increasing income is important, it also requires couples to work together to formulate a spending budget. As Wen Yingqian said: "Direct the money where to go."

In addition to seeking a stable job, there are also times when it is necessary to seek help from relatives, churches, and the government. The Bible also teaches about helping believers in need materially. Regardless of the source, this is an excessive approach.

Financial freedom means not relying on work and salary, being debt-free, having enough savings to meet life needs after retirement, and having more resources (time and money) to serve God. To truly achieve financial freedom, Wen Yingqian recommends the Money Map designed by Compass. Starting from examining the relationship between an individual and God, after establishing the purpose of life, one can follow seven steps of financial management, namely, the seven steps of the Money Map. destinations:

‧ First save US$1,000 in an emergency fund and develop a spending plan (budget).
‧ Increase your emergency fund to cover one month’s living expenses and pay off credit card debt (if you have any).
‧ Increase your emergency fund to cover three to six months of living expenses (three months if your income is fixed; six months if you are not) and pay off consumer debt (car, furniture, student loans, etc.) as quickly as possible. Home loans can waiting.
‧ Save for big purchases (house, car; start saving for retirement and children’s education funds).
‧ Buy a suitable house and start converting savings into investments (there are various investment instruments, including stocks and bonds).
‧ Pay off the mortgage (you can try to prepay the principal of the mortgage before), and have your children’s education fund in place.
‧Finally achieve financial freedom and have more time and resources to serve God.

▲The Money Map shows the seven steps of financial management, step by step to achieve financial freedom (provided by Crown Financial Ministries).

(Image source: http://www.compasseuropartners.eu/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/CompassMap.jpg)

Each of these steps involves giving generously, giving a portion of your family’s income (a tenth or more is recommended) to God with a grateful heart.

Concentricity and good communication

However, it is not easy to formulate and implement financial management steps together.

▲As bills pile up and financial pressure increases, will the relationship between husband and wife be harmed?

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The "poverty line" may have an objective definition, but whether it is lacking or not is sometimes a subjective feeling. Hu Huiling pointed out that couples will enter marriage with different values and ways of using money. If they do not first understand each other's differences, it will be difficult to maintain harmony in the marriage. She said that whenever one spouse "feels" that the other is using money inappropriately, the divorce rate increases by 45%. For example, every time a wife goes shopping for groceries, her husband thinks she spends money indiscriminately because she doesn't shop around, buying chicken on sale in one store and cheap vegetables in another market.

Hu Huiling suggested that couples should often find time to talk, share each other's values and the way they use money, and learn more about the reasons behind it. Some people only feel satisfied when they go out to the street with a full load every time, while some people are so frugal that they are almost stingy. There is a deeper driving force behind these external appearances - it may be habits brought from the original family, or a lack of security, or perhaps to save face... No matter what the cause is, couples can face it together in a safe communication atmosphere.

She proposed four steps to communication. First, set aside some time, just like going on a date. Next, take turns speaking and listening. Couples can talk about their views on money, their feelings about the family's financial situation, etc. Both people have the opportunity to speak. When one person speaks, the other person can listen attentively and not rush to criticize or correct.

The third step is to find common values and goals and measure what is most important to this family and life. Hu Huiling encourages couples to share their dreams, dream together, and set short-term, mid-term, and long-term goals. The next fourth step is to work out a method and timetable to achieve the goal, formulate or change the budget based on the method or timetable, adjust the items or amounts of expenditures, etc. At the end of the communication, don’t forget to ask the other party what they think, so as to pave the way for the next communication.

Hu Huiling reminded couples that transparent communication is to understand each other better and seek family happiness together. Because when it comes to financial pressure, values, and the way you use money, it involves your self-esteem and self-confidence, and even your family education and growth background. Couples should learn to listen quickly and speak slowly. They should not compare their spouse with others or say things like "Why can't you be like someone else?"

Biblical values and financial management

As for biblical values and financial attitudes, Wen Yingqian compiled the following suggestions:

Manage money with a steward’s mentality.
‧ Determine the purpose of life and seek God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness first.
‧ Surrender the ownership of all your property to God, because the ability to make money is given by God.
Lifestyle - contentment and happiness
‧ Husband and wife should be of the same mind and teach their children to learn to be content and live a life of contentment and confidence with God’s measure of wealth for everyone.
‧ Learn to avoid covetousness or greed.
‧ The expression of contentment─Don’t compare with others.
‧ You don’t have to live a luxurious life, you can even take a creative vacation.
‧ Learn to give generously. Giving even in the midst of poverty is an act of blessing.
‧ Learn to rely on God and hand over spending decisions to the Lord through prayer. Every expense is an outward expression of the inner spiritual condition.
‧ Live a simple life and spend more time serving the Lord.

Do not be conformed to this world. Making or accumulating money is not the most important thing in life.

Learn to manage money and manage your marriage

No matter whether a Christian family has been in poverty for a long time, or has been in financial difficulty for a short period of time, or even lives a life rich in material resources, they should not shy away from talking about financial management, thinking that talking about money is not spiritual. Based on years of observation and research, Professor Wen Yingqian summarized several common misunderstandings: Christians should remain poor and should not have material enjoyment (asceticism); Christians have been saved and can enjoy God's grace (hedonism); Dedication is to obtain more wealth from God (prosperity gospel); since Christians have God’s grace, they don’t need to work hard, and God will naturally protect them (ostrich mentality).

He emphasized that there are 2,350 verses in the Bible that mention money or financial management, and more than half of the parables told by Jesus mentioned money. The biblical view of money is balanced, values reflect theological views, and how to manage money also responds to spiritual life. In fact, God gives people different gifts and entrusts them with different things. How many resources you have depends on how you live your life.

Biblical financial expert Larry Burkett (1939-2003) once said: The way we handle our finances is an outward indicator of our inner spiritual condition. Indeed, how we handle money not only affects our relationship with God, but also reflects the quality of our spiritual life. The more you manage your money according to biblical principles, the closer your relationship with the Lord will be, which will make your marriage stronger. Believers can also ask God to escape poverty and continue to rely on and experience God’s provision in difficult circumstances. God is pleased to see abundance make up for want, and a surplus to make up for want. When we have more resources, we can do more to expand the kingdom of God.

Wen Yingqian also mentioned that if financial pressure damages the relationship between husband and wife and even leads to divorce, the financial situation of single-parent families will usually be more difficult. Hu Huiling also reminded couples to abide by their marriage vows, "Whether they are in good times or bad times, poor or rich," they must live together with one heart no matter what the circumstances.

Both she and Wen Yingqian recommended that couples continue to learn and grow, take courses on maintaining marriage and learning financial management, read relevant books, and seek help from Christian marriage counselors and financial consultants when necessary.

▲Financial coaching based on biblical principles can help couples adjust and plan their financial direction. http://www.barkanrealestate.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/bigstock-Couple-meeting-consultant-for-38717692.jpg

Face financial challenges with confidence

Facing financial pressure not only tests a couple's relationship, but also exercises their confidence. Hu Huiling believes that the power of couples praying together is very powerful, and it is also an opportunity for the whole family to experience God’s abundant provision. She recalled that there was a time when the business she invested in was in jeopardy. Even though she believed that God would help them overcome the difficulties, she still had to worry.

▲God is faithful and abundant, and we can experience His provision in the midst of financial pressure.

http://www.wikihow.com/images/6/67/Silently-Pray-for-Your-Meal-Step-5.jpg

At that time she happened to read an article in Guideposts magazine. A poor family often had so much money that for a period of time they had only potatoes to eat every day and every meal. The children were tired of looking at and eating the pale mashed potatoes. One day, when the father prayed loudly, thanking God for providing food and asking God to prepare a meal other than potatoes, the children were doubtful. Unexpectedly, just after praying, my father touched a few coins from the sofa. What could I buy with such a small amount of money? The father had an idea and used the few cents to buy food coloring. The mashed potatoes for the next meal turned out to be in bright colors, and the children ate them up in surprise! When we gathered at the dining table again to pray for the meal, every member was sincerely grateful because there was still food to eat and the whole family was still together.

This story once again inspired Hu Huiling that sometimes God provides what she needs in unexpected ways, and a little creativity can dispel the haze and prevent material scarcity from shaking family ties. She further believes that when she is in need, she may be able to get help from relatives, friends, and the government. However, what is more important is to call on God and seek help from God, the Lord who controls all things in the universe and is also our shepherd.

There are always ups and downs in life, with gains and losses in wealth and status. In fact, storms can cultivate character and make us seriously think about the meaning of life. Hu Huiling took colleague Pastor Yan as an example. He was once a victor in the shopping mall, his career was going smoothly, and his family was extremely happy. Unexpectedly, years of hard work went to waste in the financial crisis. At this time, the whole family adjusts their lifestyle together and rethinks their life goals. Despite the difficulties, their careers have improved slightly, but the couple has decided and planned in advance to retire early in order to dedicate the golden years of their lives to God and become missionaries.

For the Yan family, no matter "when they are humble or when they are rich," they have found the secret to living a happy life - trusting God wholeheartedly. For whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.

Wen Yingqian took himself as an example. When he grew up in Taiwan, his father was a primary school principal, but his early salary was meager and it was difficult to take care of a family of ten. Since he was a child, his family has been under the pressure of debt. When they came to study in the United States and got married, the couple had to spend money and remember every expense clearly; they still maintained a frugal life even after the economy became loose. In recent years, after studying biblical financial principles, I discovered the importance of teaching Christians financial management to achieve freedom from debt, generous giving, and financial freedom. Now the children are adults and are serving full-time missionaries and evangelists. He and his wife also continue to faithfully preach biblical financial principles in the United States, Asia, and Europe, teaching believers to put God first in their lives and to manage the money entrusted by God with a stewardship so that they can have more resources to serve God. . Perhaps the saying that "poor and lowly couples are miserable" has its origins. If not handled properly, financial pressure can indeed drag down a marriage. Only by returning to biblical principles to maintain the marriage relationship and practice financial management steps can we avoid becoming a case of "no money, no honey." I pray that couples in various financial situations will “know how to be humble and how to be rich” and experience His faithfulness and abundance by trusting God.

Information

Marriage and Family Relations
‧ The International True Love Family Association website (wwww.familykeepers.org) allows you to obtain teaching materials on marriage and family, and search and view the contents of the "True Love" magazine.
‧ "Marriage Wrap" manual + DVD, written by Hu Huiling, published by True Love.
‧ The booklet "Waiting with the Family Through the Economic Storm" was published by Yan Kaiyi and published by True Love.
‧ Taiwan True Love Family Association holds couples’ growth seminars twice a month. Contact number: 02-2595-9644, email: familykeepers.tw@gmail.com.
‧ True Love Couples Camp, 8/30-9/1, California, USA, contact number: 909-595-6777.
‧ Kingdom of God Couples Camp, 7/10-7/13, Pennsylvania, USA. For detailed course content and registration procedures, please see page 8 of this black and white issue.

Biblical Financial Principles
‧ The American Crown Financial Ministry (www.crown.org) provides financial coaches (money coaches) to help individuals and families reorganize and transform their financial situations.
‧ Taiwan Crown True Taoist Association (www.crown.org.tw), free electronic accounting books can be downloaded from the website.
‧ Compass Ministry (www.compass1.org), a ministry founded by Howard Dayton, the former co-founder of Crown Financial Ministries, focuses on Bible financial group study.
‧ "Money and Marriage God's Way" (Money and Marriage God's Way, Howard Dayton, Moody Publishers, 2009. The title of the book is tentatively translated, and the Chinese version will be published by the Taiwan Crown True Taoist Association.)
‧ Your Money Map: A Proven 7-Step Guide to True Financial Freedom, Howard Dayton, Moody Publisher., 2006. For a free condensed PDF file, see http://www.compass1.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Money-Map-description-6.27.12.pdf.
‧ Kingdom of God Bible Management Camp, 7/10 – 7/13, Pennsylvania, USA. The lecturers include Professor Wen Yingqian, senior financial management master Eric, lawyer Zhang Lili, and accountant Jiang Guizhi. For detailed course content and registration procedures, please see page 7 of this black and white issue.

Respondent 1
Rev. Hu Huiling is active in the Chinese community in Southern California and is committed to promoting the importance of healthy family, parent-child and marriage relationships. Currently, he is the vice president of the ministry department of the International True Love Family Association and is often invited to give lectures in various places.

Respondent 2
Professor Wen Yingqian is a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and a retired senior economic expert from the World Bank. He is currently an honorary professor at Donghua University, director of the American Chinese Outreach Ministry of Crown Financial Ministries, and editor of Kingdom of God Magazine and Messenger Magazine.

Author profile

Lin Minwen devotes herself to literary ministry and focuses on writing and editing.