How to be a peacemaker in the virtual world
▲處理網路衝突，神的兒女可以選擇把光藏在斗底下，或是讓光照在人前。
（圖片來源：https://ashcy33.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/dsc06102.jpg）
network lethality
Who could have imagined that a dispute between a Harvard Business School professor and a Chinese restaurant owner over the price of a four-dollar meal would make headlines in online media?
Who would have imagined that a successful corporate CEO would harshly reject a link invitation from a job seeker on LinkedIn, and then be reposted to Facebook and Twitter by the university graduate through the Internet? Wait, he suddenly became the target of public criticism, and even the international news media CNN paid attention to it, making this successful business person extremely embarrassed?
Who could have imagined that Yang Youying, a new generation model, would commit suicide due to the psychological trauma caused by anonymous smear letters circulating on the Internet, ruining her youth?
In today's world where everything is speedy, the Internet has brought great convenience to people's exchanges and communication. It has revolutionized interpersonal communication and also changed people's social life.
People no longer communicate with friends through phone calls and meetings, but use text messages, emails, WeChat, LINE, etc. as the main means of contact, allowing primary school classmates who have been out of touch for three or forty years to Reconnecting online also makes strangers on both ends of the earth feel like they are neighbors. Social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and SnapChat immediately transmit one's current images and thoughts, and also announce one's every move to the world through "fans" at the first time. On the ever-expanding Internet, everyone is the media, and everything can become news.
As the old saying goes: "One word makes a nation prosper, one word destroys it." In today's online virtual world, a hashtag is often enough to make a person famous overnight, and usually notoriety.
Because of this, when a conflict goes online, it's like an invisible fist swinging at you. The impact is so powerful that it's hard to imagine and resist. Some people have lost their jobs, some have lost their reputations, and some have lost their lives.
Why is it that a small conflict incident, once posted on the Internet, can be taken to an infinite level and produce such a huge amount of lethality in an instant, enough to wipe out a person?
▲The dispute between Harvard professor Edelman and a Chinese restaurant over the four-dollar price difference became big news in the online media. (Image source: http://www.hallnesting.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/IMG_0657.jpg)
Invisible people on the Internet
The so-called Internet conflict refers to interpersonal conflicts that arise through computer-mediated communication. It is very different from ordinary interpersonal conflicts. The communication channels of interpersonal relationships have always been through sight, hearing, and touch. When people communicate face-to-face, they can see the other person's facial expressions, hear the tone and tone of speech, or feel the relaxation or stiffness of body muscles. Such rich information, both audible and silent, makes communication more effective.
However, communication through computers is usually only expressed through words, which can easily cause obstacles or interference during the communication process, affecting the effectiveness of communication. Moreover, in social media, long-form text expressions are rare. For example, Twitter only allows 140 letters. How can one express deep or complex feelings in a short space of time?
In addition, according to the research of psychologist Dr. John Suler, people's online behavior will be more relaxed and less guarded than normal behavior. This phenomenon is called the "Online Disinhibition Effect". This effect has six characteristics:
1. Anonymous─On the Internet, people don’t need their real names, just like wearing a mask to attend a masquerade party. As a result, you can say things you wouldn't normally say without fear of facing the consequences.
2. Invisibility─People can't see your appearance and expression, and similarly, you can't see the impact of your words on the other person. Therefore, in online conflicts, people don't care much about the impact of what they say on the other party, and they won't be changed by the other party's pain. They can't see it anyway.
3. Stop/Start Communication─Online, you can decide to stay or go at any time. For example, if the other person says something that irritates you, you can choose to leave. Or you can "hit and run", drop a sentence, and immediately log off without waiting for the other party to respond.
4. Voices in the brain─Because online conversations cannot be seen, heard, or touched, everything is based on imagination to construct a picture of communication in the mind, and all operations are performed in imagination. Also because other people’s voices emerge in the mind through reading, one often confuses the other person’s voice with one’s own inner monologue, interpreting the other person’s thoughts with one’s own thoughts.
5. The distinction between status, class, and gender has become blurred─On the Internet, it is easy to hide your true identity and class distinctions become blurred. The positive result is that everyone becomes equal, while the negative result is that it is easy to lose respect for others, or to say words that are not consistent with one's identity.
6. Primitive personality is easily strengthened─Due to the loss of restraint, people's original personality can easily emerge and even be strengthened.
▲When the conflict goes online, the impact is so great that it is hard to imagine and difficult to resist. (Picture source: http://i0.wp.com/image.thenewslens.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/42-67783370.jpg, Photography: Corbis/Dazhi Image)
Uncivilized Internet
Also because of the above "disinhibition effect", when online conflicts occur, many online communications, especially on online media, although many are rational communications, still cannot avoid many "uncivilized" remarks, Opinion. There are several common forms of uncivilized speech, including:
Name-calling:Use slurs against specific people or groups.
Slander or slander (aspersion):Attack a specific idea or proposal with negative words.
Accusing someone of lying:Imply or directly indicate that someone else's statement is dishonest.
Vulgarity:Use vulgar language that would not be tolerated in a professional setting.
Pejorative of speech:Communication behavior that uses slurs to disparage others.
The Washington Post in the United States has reader comment areas on the Internet and Facebook; comments on its news website do not require people to use their real names (highly anonymous), while comments in its Facebook fan group Users are required to speak directly through their Facebook account (the identity and background of commenters can be easily identified).
One article studied and compared the differences between the two comments and found that although it was the same news, the proportion of negative comments on the news website was higher, and there were also more offensive remarks against other speakers. In comparison, the comments on his Facebook fan page are more rational, and even the rude comments are usually not directed at other speakers. Generally speaking, Facebook commenters are more likely to use rational arguments to communicate their arguments without offending others.
Therefore, once a personal conflict reaches social media or online media and forms an online flame war, you will face a group of hidden online people. Netizens add their own opinions, emotions, and even irrational attack words to people or things, and the situation becomes more and more intense, and even pushed to extremes, turning into cyberbullying, adding unbearable pain to the party being attacked.
▲When communicating on the Internet, people cannot see your appearance and expression. Likewise, you cannot see the impact of your words on the other party. (Image source: http://txtemnow.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Depositphotos_94468008_l-2015-compressor.jpg)
Virtual world, real response
Since online conflicts occur in the virtual world, why do we need to pay attention?
Precisely because the Internet is a virtual world, its "disinhibition effect" allows us to see that the person hidden behind the computer screen is the real me. In online conflicts, without the constraints of ordinary social morality, my true face is revealed. Under normal circumstances, we think that we are good Christians and behave very lovingly; but in the conflict in the virtual world, all laws and norms are removed, thus revealing the true side of our lives. At this moment, it is also the moment when we most need the salvation of Jesus Christ. The virtual world of the Internet is the developer of human hearts, revealing human nature.
Moreover, harsh words, whether they appear online or offline, can still hurt the other person. Even in a virtual world, the harm is real.
Once you find yourself in a storm, how should you deal with it? There are a few things to note:
1. Don’t respond right away:When you receive hurtful or angry messages via email or online media, don't respond immediately. Psychologist Dr. Suler suggests that it is best to wait 24 hours and respond appropriately the next day.
2. Reread the posted article:Sometimes reading words on the Internet makes you angry in the moment. The best way at this moment is to read it a few more times, or even read it from another angle, to avoid misinterpreting the other party's true meaning.
3. Discuss with people who know you:When faced with online conflicts, every response must be handled carefully. You might as well find a familiar and wise person to discuss it from a third party's objective standpoint to avoid getting into the wrong without knowing it.
4. Choose whether you want to respond:You can choose whether to dance with some of the more bloody, malicious attacks. Sometimes, not responding is the best response.
5. Choose your words carefully when responding:Text is the main medium on the Internet, and there is no expression of spoken language or facial expressions. All words must be used with special care to avoid using extreme or strong words that may stimulate the other party's emotions.
6. Use the "I..." sentence structure.Start with "I feel..." and avoid blaming the other person.
7. Express feelings calmly:Show your emotions or feelings instead of using emotional words.
8. Explain with leniency and kindness:Unless the other party has been maliciously attacking you for a long time, you must always make sure that the other party has good motives.
9. Try to use words of affirmation and encouragement.
In fact, these steps mainly help us calm down and avoid responding in anger. At the same time, give yourself time to think further about how to respond (or not respond) so that you can glorify God and build people up.
▲Elegant and appropriate social etiquette standards need to be established both online and offline.
Online Peace Messenger
It is undeniable that bystanders often contribute to online conflicts. Amid the overwhelming attacks from the cyber army, can one person’s words have any effect? Even in a virtual world, how can we convey love and the gospel through conflict resolution and become a messenger of peace? The following points can help us:
1. Understand your deepest needs:In the virtual online world, the "Internet disinhibition effect" on the one hand covers people's faces, identities, and statuses, removes morals, responsibilities, and social constraints, and reveals the most naked and primitive nature of human beings; but on the other hand It also shows the deepest and most vulnerable desires and needs in the human heart. When a person is verbally abused on the Internet because he is disrespected, isn't this a powerful way to tell people that he needs to be respected, accepted, and that he needs to get the fairness and justice he deserves?
2. Don’t dance to it: The Bible says:"Blessed is the peacemaker, for he will be called the Son of God." (Matthew 5:9) A peacemaker is a son of God, a life purified by the precious blood of Jesus. A peace messenger on the Internet must first recognize his status before God and not lose his confidence and dignity due to other people's "irrational and uncivilized" abuse and attacks. Such solid principles can help us not to dance with the negative comments and not to follow the crowd. In online conflicts, God's children more clearly see the sin in people's hearts and their need for the redemption of Jesus Christ. They are regenerated to have compassion and see their own gospel mission.
3. Demonstrate the true Christian life:In the online virtual world, God's children can show a life different from that of the world, and the testimony of life is the most powerful tool for preaching the gospel. Spreading the seeds of peace and love in a world full of anger and emotional conflicts on the Internet is like lighting a warm beacon in a cold and dark night.
4. Establish a peaceful and rational conflict resolution mechanism:In the professional field, Online Dispute Resolution (ODR) is an emerging field. Conflict resolution mechanisms have been gradually established in various business fields. Currently, more and more online conflicts are resolved through ODR. . At the same time, some Internet social etiquette should also be established. In the virtual world, rules need to be established bit by bit for mutual interaction, so that different positions and opinions can be communicated in a civilized way during conflicts.
For Christians, the Internet is indeed a vast harvest field. The paradoxical phenomenon in the virtual world is that underneath every seemingly anonymous, hidden, or even angry face, there are real and fiery hearts. How to establish a mechanism to encourage people involved in conflicts to express their inner thoughts and emotions in appropriate ways, and to train Christians to be willing to listen and understand with God's love, tenderness, and kindness? This true heart is also a heart that needs redemption.
Notes‧ Rowe, I. (2015). Civility 2.0: A comparative analysis of incivility in online political discussion. Information, Communication & Society, 18(2), 121-138.
Author profile
Wang Lanxin holds a master's degree in "Conflict Management" and is one of the lecturers of the "Peace Messenger Workshop" of KRC Cultural Practice Camp. She often leads couples camps and conflict management seminars with her husband, lawyer Liu Zhepei.