To go or not to go? This is a problem!

The joy, anger, sorrow and joy brought by two invitations

My cousin Sophia, who has been married for three years, finally received the good news that she is pregnant. My cousin's husband is an only son. When the good news came, the whole family was filled with joy. Everyone was looking forward to the arrival of the little baby.

A few days before the due date, many of our cousins, cousins, and friends held a unique baby shower at my cousin’s house. Little cousin Emily is a skillful cook. She prepared sandwiches of various flavors and arranged them neatly on a silver plate. All kinds of delicious snacks were placed on a three-layer crystal plate. The table was dotted with pink and pale yellow rose petals. The cutest thing is the pink and blue socks and underwear hanging in mid-air.

Baby was finally born as everyone expected. When the full moon was approaching, I went to visit my cousin. I remember that when my eldest child was born, I held several full-moon banquets in a Chinese restaurant for relatives and friends, and thanked everyone for their blessings. Looking at my breastfeeding cousin, I asked her: "When are we going to have a full moon party?" My cousin replied, "My mother-in-law said that we are in the United States and don't have to pay attention to Chinese etiquette and don't have a full moon party." My cousin's mother-in-law is a very traditional Chinese. Why? Not particular about it?

Full moon wine without kids

Relatives talked about this topic on the phone, "cooking porridge", but no matter what, the child has the surname of the husband's family, and we must respect their decision. A few days later, an invitation for a full-moon wine from my cousin arrived via email. When I opened it, I saw that the location was the same Chinese restaurant that I had opened in the past, suitable for all ages. When I read the date carefully, I found a row of small words below, "Please do not bring children to attend." Read it back again, the invitation is for my husband and me, not the whole family. But my husband happened to be on a business trip that day, and I couldn't leave my children at home and go to the banquet by myself, so I couldn't go. The younger sister's situation is the same, and the younger aunt's situation is the same.

Of course, this invitation made relatives cook another pot of more interesting porridge on the phone. My cousin was helpless. This was her mother-in-law's decision, and she couldn't "overturn" it. My uncle and aunt have always been hospitable and have a very close relationship with their relatives. We often meet for dinner together, unlike my cousin-in-law’s family, which has a small population and few relatives. The two families have different beliefs, handle things and have different values. Therefore, their views and practices on treating guests are also different.

On the day of the banquet, my cousin's husband's family invited many business friends and colleagues. The only child present was the baby who was just one month old. The restaurant is an old restaurant that we love to patronize, but the meal that night did not include the dishes that my uncle and aunt always order. The relatives here are still not satisfied with the full moon feast. Even so, because my uncle was not the host of the banquet, and for the sake of harmony with his in-laws and his cousin, he did not put forward any objections to this full moon wine.

A few weeks later, another invitation came via email, which was sent by my cousin on behalf of my uncle, inviting everyone to attend a family thanksgiving service at my uncle's house. I hope that our whole family can attend the meeting.

The thanksgiving service was held in the backyard of my uncle's house. Relatives and friends gathered in the tent set up. The pastor briefly shared the teachings and blessings of the Bible: "I really want to thank God for His protection today. The baby and mother are all safe. Thank you to my family for their love and care for Sophia." I hope the young people can take good care of the baby according to the teachings of the Bible." The uncle went to shake hands with the in-laws and asked the pastor to lay hands on the baby and pray, hoping that the baby would walk on the path of Jehovah and never deviate from it throughout his life.

The union of a new couple means that the two families have to adjust to each other, and insisting on one's own opinions will make the adjustment process more difficult and tortuous. My cousin's husband's family has its own habits and social circle, which must be different from the preferences and habits of my mother's family. The uncle respects the decisions and habits of his in-laws, and the in-laws also respect his uncle's beliefs and happily watch the pastor pray for their eldest grandson.“Be humble and gentle, patient with one another, bearing with one another in love, striving to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3)This is not only a rule for church workers, but also an encouragement for two families to become one.

▲From the way of celebrating the baby's full moon, we can see that the union of a new couple means that the two families must coordinate with each other and respect each other's habits and beliefs.

Uninvited birthday party

If the Lin family is a big family, then my husband’s family is even more so. I remember that during the toast at a wedding banquet, my husband introduced tables of elders. There were several tables of uncles and aunts. My mother-in-law's eldest sister-in-law (I call her aunt after the children) is often with us. We meet whenever the family has dinner, and we often visit each other on weekdays.

Although my aunt is old, she is healthy, lively and fashionable. She and my mother-in-law are like sisters, and they often invite each other out. Their chats can range from the Anti-Japanese War to Japanese imperial concubines. Their conversations are like audiobooks, taking the younger generation through the time tunnel of the 1960s and 1970s. The stories are touching and arouse endless reverie.

There was a time when my great-aunt never came to visit, and she was not even present at family services. When calling to say hello or to invite someone, always say a kind word. This is not like my great-aunt's style, there must be something fishy about it. I quickly called and asked another elder with the title of mother-in-law to be my "inquiry agent."

"Oh! I just have a problem with your mother-in-law! Last time we went out together, we talked about a lot of things in the past. My sister-in-law always has grudges! But this time she has decided that she doesn't want to deal with your mother-in-law!" Bao inquired about the elders' feelings towards me. explain. It's unbelievable. I don't understand what happened in the past or recently that made my kind and kind aunt so angry that she even wanted to give up family ties.

▲Will you go to your great-aunt’s birthday thanksgiving party or not? How should we act in a way that is not rude or embarrassing, but also conveys blessings and harmony?

I thought that as I grew older, my past grievances would become less negative, but the grievances in a big family are really not something outsiders can understand. Everyone's tolerance and acceptance are different. The younger generation does not understand the causes and consequences, and is not a party involved, so it is not suitable to make any judgments. In my heart, I secretly regretted this lovely sister-in-law relationship, and told myself not to jump to conclusions easily. I have not yet reached the age where I can do whatever my heart wants without going beyond the rules. How can I understand my mood and thinking at that time? Although my mother-in-law was puzzled by her aunt's reaction, she didn't want to give in and faced it calmly. The autumn in North America was getting colder, so my father-in-law and mother-in-law left North America and returned to Taiwan to spend the winter without saying goodbye to my uncle.

One day, we heard from relatives that my great-aunt was celebrating her 90th birthday, but we didn't receive the notice. Although it is not a formal birthday banquet, it is a meal after the church service. How could I go uninvited without being notified? My aunt has always taken good care of us, so it would be unreasonable not to go and say hello to An on her birthday. To go or not to go, that is the question!

The husband quickly called his sister to discuss how he should act in a way that would not be rude or embarrassing, but also convey blessings and harmony. My sister believes that my aunt is an elder, and according to the rules (etiquette), all the younger generations should attend her birthday thanksgiving party. Moreover, the unhappiness between my aunt and my mother-in-law should not affect our respect and harmony towards my aunt.

That Sunday, we dressed up and went to the church where my great-aunt usually gathered. When my great-aunt, who was elegantly and elegantly dressed, saw us, she came over to hug and shake hands. The worship service began. Sitting a few rows back, I looked at her back - how blessed I was to be surrounded by my beloved children and grandchildren! My aunt’s children are successful in their careers, but they are scattered in different places. It is rare for them all to come together to worship God in church. I thought: How many years can one live, and how many people in their nineties can still worship the only true God in their faith, surrounded by their loved ones!

After the priest delivers the message and offers the blessing, Holy Communion is given. The bread and cup were passed among the great-aunt's family, and only a few of the many family members received it. Amidst the gentle and melodious sound of the piano, I looked at my aunt's back again and thought: In faith, my aunt is actually very lonely. When I picked up the bread and cup, I silently prayed in my heart: "Thank God for giving wisdom to my sister. She made a good decision. Let us thank and worship together with my aunt, and sing hymns with her." May You be with us, so that she will not be alone on her journey of faith. Thank God for giving my great-aunt a family of descendants. May God continue to lead her family and let her descendants understand the truth of my great-aunt’s faith. I am full of Your grace and love. God’s grace lasts a lifetime! As David sang in the Psalm: "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Pray that God will continue to bestow kindness and lovingkindness to my uncle and those in our family. Every loved one!

Author profile

Lin Qi, a writer, settled in North America with his family. I like reading, music and observing people and things around me, and use them as writing topics.