I just want to have a family
Where is home?
Kaikai walked into the classroom, looking very tired, with a trace of tears on his face... It was really not easy for him to think about it! My father suffered from schizophrenia and refused to take medicine. One day he beat his mother and was arrested and locked up. The mother was injured and hospitalized. She was originally suffering from depression and gave birth to three children. Now she cannot take care of them by herself. Kaikai is the youngest and can only live with her "grandma". "Grandma" is a white man, and Kaikai's mother was adopted by "grandma" when she was sixteen. When I wiped away his tears, I felt so sad about how this child would live in the future.
Another little boy named Asu, if anything goes wrong, he will put his hands on his waist and glare at people! When a child sings, he covers his ears. One day, when we were having snacks, Ah Xu said, "I don't have a father, and my mother said she will get married next year." What should I do, poor child?
This is the family situation of two three-year-old children in a Bible study class.
If a house is broken into by a thief, the door locks are picked, a hole is knocked in the wall, or the windows are broken, the water pipes leak, and the electricity is cut off, can the house still be lived in?
If a home also suffers all kinds of damage, can it still be considered a home?
Every year young friends come to my house for the holidays. They told my husband and I it was the happiest day of the year! Unexpectedly, they shed tears in their hearts, just hoping that someone "safe" could listen to the secrets buried deep in their hearts! They are looking forward to having a home.
In some student winter meetings, we held individual interviews with young people. Everyone hopes to have a warm home. But in some cases, due to the divorce of their parents, the father found a new love and the mother started a new family. One girl said she was homeless and had to go back to her grandma's house in the countryside!
Children like Kaikai and Asu who don’t know where their families are, do they have families? I often wonder: Where is their safe haven?
▲Can you still live in a house that is broken down? If the family relationship is broken, is it still a family?
woman at home
The Chinese characters are very interesting. "家" means raising a pig under the house, and "安" means there is a woman under the roof. Does this mean that there is a place to shelter from the wind, food and clothing are safe, and a life that can be lived is called "home"? What is the significance of the woman under the roof? Could it be said that it is "safe" as long as she is here?
From the children in the Bible study class and from the friends around them, I saw many families with problems. I don't think we need any research reports to realize that "happy families" are on the verge of extinction.
However, there is no shortage of self-help books on "couple relationships" and "parenting", and churches and gospel organizations also attach great importance to "family ministry." Can these teaching materials, camps, tricks, and secret recipes really help people understand and achieve a happy marriage and a harmonious family?
Such a serious topic needs to be discussed seriously. But before I talk about the big ideas, let me first talk about myself and my family.
I am a housewife who does not go out to work. Although I am also busy with housework and serving, for more than 30 years, I have mainly stayed at home as a wife and mother. I know in my heart that this is a divine calling, but sometimes it feels weird. It’s too luxurious!
Although it seems that nothing has been accomplished in the past thirty years, I have no regrets at all because I have done what I want to do most in my life - become a wife and mother! It seems a bit unambitious to say this, but the premise is that I see the dignity and importance of this status. Because this is God’s call and commission, serving your family is serving God.
Let’s be honest, every home faces unique challenges. In our family, some people are very impatient, while others are extremely cautious and slow to act. Our families of origin are very different, and our living habits are very different. We loved our daughter too much. In the spring when she went to college, I, a mother, lost fifteen pounds. When my daughter was about to get married, I was shocked and realized that the sky was about to fall...
A family is the accumulation of these little things, and it is also the presentation and growth of life. Because if you want to have a "happy family", you need to work hard to study and gradually mature from studying. The same goes for educating and nurturing children. Not only do you watch them grow physically, but you also accumulate spiritual growth from daily interactions with them.
A few years ago, my children told me: "Mom, thank you for staying at home with us all these years and making us become normal people."
Hearing what they said made me feel very relieved. Maybe the decision to stay at home and be a wife and mother was indeed a good one.
How does God view “home”?
For many years, I have led "Children's Training" courses in church Sunday schools and served children in Bible study classes. I dare not say that I am an expert. I just have a heart of continuous learning to understand Heavenly Father's intention for "family". .
Home is a place where God’s love is revealed. First, both of them accept the Lord. From the beginning to maturity and maturity, this is the process of life. From the physical love and friendship love between husband and wife, we can then humbly understand sacrificial love; know how to deny ourselves, confess to each other in friction, repent to God, and become one with God.
from"The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper to help him." (Genesis 2:18)arrive"Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24),"Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6)and"We love because God first loved us." (1 John 4:19)
With the foundation of these words of God, when we have children, we can“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Let God’s words be implemented in our daily lives, our character will be tempered, and then"Let us rejoice and be glad, giving glory to Him. For the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready" (Revelation 19:7).
Because of Heavenly Father’s unreserved love for us, He is even willing to sacrifice His beloved Son; He accepts us unconditionally and does not stop loving us because we let Him down. Because we have received this kind of love first, only then can we learn to let God’s love enter the family, and then only then can the marriage be sustainable and worth running.
Because God’s words are powerful, we are willing to believe and obey; only by understanding His will and love can we face all challenges and continue to love. Because His love never ends.
What kind of place can home be? Home is a place of love, mercy, grace and justice. In short, it is a place where there is love and discipline—you can receive love, but you must also give love.
▲To put together a "happy family", you need to have a blueprint first.
Where there is love, there is a home
Because people are different, they also have different expectations for "home". Sometimes we look forward to a home with grandfather and grandmother; sometimes we look forward to a home with parents, brothers and sisters. Just like me, I grew up in a family with four generations living under the same roof. It was the first time I went abroad to study, and I realized what it was like to be lonely and lonely, and how much I longed for someone to love me.
After we got married, in a game, we were competing to see who had the most family members. I thought my husband would win without a doubt (because he grew up in a large family of twelve people), but I didn’t expect him to say, "We only have you and me in our family!" Later, I thought my husband would definitely win (because he grew up in a large family of twelve people). Having a child has doubled the number of family members. Now that the child has grown up and left home, it has become a world of two again...Family will continue to change. I remember that after my parents were taken away by the Lord, my eldest sister said, "Now our family is completely ruined." But a few years later, the sisters had children and grandchildren again, and the number had truly doubled!
In fact, no matter how many people there are in the family, only when there is love, there is a family.
When I see widowed friends, single-parent families, and single unmarried people, this “family” is represented in the body of Christ, the church! This made me suddenly realize: the happiest home is a place where God is present. It doesn't matter if there is only one person or many people, a "family" can still exist and it can be happy. With God's presence and loving communication, it can be a happy home.
However, because sin brings harm, and harm causes disharmony and even breakdown in relationships, the family becomes a place of sadness. At this time, learning various methods to make up for and redeem the situation will have limited effect. Without healing from the heart and soul and a new understanding of Heavenly Father’s will, a “happy family” will still be an elusive goal.
▲Use God’s words as the blueprint and relationships as the materials to build a home that is in line with His heart. (Image source: https://leadershipelements.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/housing-project.jpg)
The blueprint for a "happy family"
do you know? Whether it is a puzzle with one hundred pieces or one thousand pieces, the most important thing is not the four sides or the middle, but the pattern printed on the box. Only with the complete pattern can you know the designer's idea and the entire blueprint.
I once heard from a friend that young people have all kinds of specious ideas about "sex" and "marriage". A mother told her son that he could try living together so that he could choose the best one, as long as he didn't get his female partner pregnant. Another mother told her daughter to live together first, and once she gets pregnant, her boyfriend will know that she is fertile and willing to get married!
An elderly woman once confided to me that her son only listened to his wife's words, which caused her to suffer a lot. She also said that she simply could not accept her daughter living with a married man. Another person has taken care of his mother-in-law for a long time and now suffers from depression.
These statements and phenomena appear probably because they don’t understand the blueprint that Heavenly Father has set for family and marriage. Everyone wants a happy home, but how to build one? And where did the materials to build this nest come from?
There’s no denying that different materials make for different homes. Thank you Heavenly Father, who created the family, and He has given us detailed instructions in His Word. Just like when the Israelites built the tabernacle, God gave detailed instructions on the materials, size, and orientation, and His people did exactly what he was told. Before looking for a happy marriage, the most important thing is to return to God’s Word.
Relationships between people are like the materials used to build a home. God said that a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Wives must submit to their husbands; husbands must love their wives. Children should honor their parents; fathers should not provoke their children to anger. How good and beautiful it is for brothers to live together in harmony... These are guidelines for maintaining family relationships. Most importantly, as Joshua said:“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)A family that serves God together will be blessed and protected by God. Thank you to this omniscient and omnipresent Master for taking care of us, allowing us to understand His will and obey His truth after many trials and errors. We hope that in the future, we can share what we have learned with more people, so that we can have more "happy families" in the world we live in.
作者小檔案 薛悅悅，生於臺灣，現居美國東岸，是一位妻子及母親，也是音樂工作者、歌唱家、聖樂團指揮。對家庭事工很有負擔，喜與母親們一起禱告，在研讀聖經團契當兒童導師。與夫婿何明治一同在教會的社青團契當學生輔導，並在成人主日學擔任家庭方面的教導工作，且與夫婿任家庭更新協會帶領恩愛夫妻營。現參與「合田事工」，盼望與眾教會同心與主同行。