The wounded healer

Reflections in and out of prison

1991 to 1996

First time in prison, I met Mike in Delano, California. He was the first gang member I led. He was the fifth generation of inmates in his family and had a two-year-old daughter.

I asked him: "Do you hope to visit your daughter in prison in fifteen years? You are already the fifth generation of prisoners. Can you ensure that your daughter escapes from this cursed chain of crime?"

He replied: "Of course I don't!"

So I talked to him about Jesus. After reading the Bible with him for half a year, he decided to believe in the Lord. On the day of his baptism, he called his mother to tell him.

A sarcastic message came from the other end of the phone: "Are you kidding? You have been in and out of jail ten times, and now you are saying that your life will change if you believe in Jesus? Stop lying! No one believes it!"

Miraculously, three years later, his mother also believed in the Lord, and the two sisters began to seek the gospel. In order to love his two-year-old daughter, Mike finally relied on the Lord to break the chain of sin and the curse that bound his family.

There were two black prisonersDuring a Bible study together, they suddenly glared at each other and said, "Why don't you go out and start a fight!" It turned out that they had different opinions on the interpretation of the Bible, and they had a quarrel and wanted to resolve it by force. Think about it, isn't this the epitome of the international community's dispute over so-called "justice"?

From then on, I had an unwritten rule when leading Bible studies in prison: If you don’t worship and praise, you won’t study the Bible. Psalm 22:3: "You are holy, enthroned with the praises of Israel." Words without the inspiration of the Holy Spirit are just a pile of biblical knowledge or moral persuasion, which can neither bring comfort, exhortation, nor practice. The motivation may cause people's pride.

1996 to 2008

I'm in Soretti, California.While serving his sentence in Soledad Prison, he held a truth-educating course for the brothers in prison. There were two three-hour classes per week, with nearly a hundred students participating.

In addition, there is a Bible study in the dorm for an hour and a half every night. About thirty students sit on the floor, worshiping, praising and reading God's words together. Sometimes, even the guards listen. The amazing thing is that from then on, when brothers in prison gathered in groups of two or three, the topic was no longer about exchanging criminal experiences or cursing and swearing, but about discussing the Bible.

Many guards couldn't help but admire: "It's amazing! In the past few years, there have been no fights or serious disturbances in the main prison cell." Later, when the main prison cell was closed due to construction safety reasons and the brothers had to be dispersed, these things that were originally feared by the world The criminals were reluctant to leave, hugged each other, cried, and blessed each other: "We will meet in heaven, don't sin anymore!" It reminded me of the scene when Paul left the church in Ephesus (refer to Acts 20:37).

The middle of the day, I put the electronic keyboard on a small slope. More than 30 tortured brothers, wearing only a pair of underwear, worshiped and praised loudly. Although it was a little out of tune, it was filled with joy and awe, and he looked like he was listening intently to God’s words and the testimonies of his classmates. I think of the churches I pastored or were invited to preach in. The air-conditioning was super strong, the people were in neat suits, and the choir’s harmony sounded like nature. However, there were hidden sins that did not please the Lord, and even tragic endings that brought shame to God.

In Soretti Prison, about a dozen inmates decide to be baptized every month. When they stand up from the baptismal pool, they only wear a pair of underwear, revealing the tattoos on their body - green monster, naked woman, skull, gang logo. ..., However, their faces were full of joy, and there were tears of gratitude on their cheeks. I almost heard the angels singing with us! Reminds me of what Jesus said:“So there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over a sinner who repents.” (Luke 15:10)

▲Pastor Ji Fuzan baptized inmates in Taipei Prison after Christmas in 2011 (reprinted from Christianity Today, December 26, 2011).

2008 to 2011

Arriving in Solano County, California(Solano) Prison is a cell with less freedom. I am not used to it. I pray to God for a joyful heart and say: "If you don't have a joyful heart, how can you witness your grace to others? Doesn't preaching the gospel become teaching people? Drawing cakes to satisfy your hunger?” The next day I met Joey, a gangster brother who had also participated in the Bible study in the main cell of Soretti Prison. I took him to church. The next week, he brought two fellow gang members, and the next week, he brought four. In this way, in three months, more than thirty gang brothers came to attend the service.

In the outer courtyard where prisoners usually move around, I often hugged, shook hands, and put arms around these newly minted brothers, which actually angered the Asian gang members. In the middle of the night one day, the guards suddenly opened the cell and put me in a dark solitary room. They claimed that someone had sent a blackmail letter, accusing me of threatening the security of the prison and that I had to be detained pending trial.

When in solitary confinement, they are not allowed to have any clothes or books, they have to bring three meals a day through the dog hole, and they can only wear underwear. I walked around the half-square-meter (about 18 square feet) cell all day long, singing the hymns I remembered and meditating on the scriptures I remembered. When I was tired from walking, I knelt down to pray; I sang and prayed while walking; I sang and prayed when I was awake, when I was sleeping, and when I was dreaming... I asked God: "Lord, is this what You mean to me? Pray for the response of a heart of joy?”

I recall a testimony I read a long time ago: During the Vietnam War, a U.S. Army captain was imprisoned and hung on a wall for five years. Every day I could only meditate on the stories about Jesus I heard in Sunday school as a child, and imagine going to Bethsaida with Jesus today, Bethany tomorrow, Capernaum the day after tomorrow... In order to stay awake, I didn't go crazy.

He also thought of the believers in the early church being nailed to the cross, with fire burning underneath, and the crowds shouting and mocking, but they still sang praises to God in a low voice and kept their obedient and joyful hearts.

The U.S. Army captain thought to himself: "I was only hung on the wall. There was no fire or nail marks. What does the suffering I suffered mean?" From then on, he was relieved and filled with gratitude and joy.

Thinking of this, my spirit rejoiced and I continued to sing joyful songs around the cell, thanking and praising God for His wonderful guidance. Seven days later, the prison door opened. In the evening, move into a new cell.

"New to the prison?" the guard asked me.

"No, I have been imprisoned for almost twenty years."

"How come it doesn't look like a criminal at all?" The guard was dubious.

"What does that look like?"

"Like... a priest!" Ha! The tone was firm.

February 2011

In the Bible study class in the detention center, Marcus, a Mexican prisoner, was moved by the Holy Spirit during worship and praise. He kept crying with joy and asked to be baptized. He will be moved to another prison the next day. I think of the example of Philip burying the eunuch in the wilderness. A group of people gathered around the drinking fountain and baptized him in worship, praise, and tears.

After being paroled and waiting to be deported to Taiwan, I was in the immigration detention center in Seattle. Since there was no church, I filled a trash can with water in the bathroom instead of the baptismal pool and baptized some Mexican incarcerated brothers. This allowed me to experience the scene of the early church baptizing in a closed and waterless hell hole.

Before and after the murder incident, I once asked the Lord in frustration to take away my life, but He allowed me to leave my breath and live on in this world. I deeply experience what Paul said: "I was shown mercy...I am the chief of sinners..." However, the Lord made me a model for criminals to believe in the Lord and be saved (refer to 1 Timothy 1:16). While in prison, I became friends with many inmates and was able to witness the grace bestowed by God.

September 2011 to present

After being released from prison in California, USA, and stepped into prisons across Taiwan. I was not there to correct wrongdoings or encourage repentance, but to lead and guide the prisoners to be courageous and even willing to accept the Lord’s mercy. I no longer guide and teach them as a theology professor or pastor, but rather invite them to share the grace of the Lord with all my heart. This is completely different from the superficial attitudes and perceptions I had when I went to prisons to sing hymns, give testimony, or share messages during my college days forty years ago.

now i canI can empathize with the loneliness, fear, helplessness and longing of the inmates, and the information I share can touch their hearts. And I know that only the presence of the Holy Spirit can bring about the renewal of life and faith. Therefore, when preaching the gospel in prison, I pay great attention to worship and praise and to enter inner healing through consultation, because I have also experienced it. God heals and saves the brokenhearted. Just as many pastors, friends, and myself hope to do—to be a wounded healer, faithfully imitating Isaiah 61:1-2 that Jesus recited in the synagogue in Nazareth:"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me... He has given me the gospel to preach to the poor, and He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the captives..." (Luke 4:18)

Author profile:

Ji Fuzan is from Changhua, Taiwan. Inspired by the faith and style of pastor and physician Xie Wei, he decided to serve full-time. During his college years, he participated in the Sacred Music Evangelistic Group and prison ministry of Chung Yuan Polytechnic (now Chung Yuan University). After graduating from the master's degree class of Taiwan Theological Seminary (Taishen), he pastored the Minxiong Church in Chiayi and served as a teacher at Taiwan Theological Seminary.

Later, he went to New York to study at Union Theological Seminary and obtained a master's degree in theology. He then returned to Taiwan Theological Seminary to serve as a lecturer on New Testament and Preaching, and also pastored the Presbyterian Church in the city. In 1988, he went to the United States to serve as the senior pastor of Taifu Christian Church in Nanwan and as a lecturer at Taifu Theological Seminary.

He was imprisoned for a crime in 1991. While serving his sentence, he made good use of his gifts and actively devoted himself to preaching in prison and edifying his fellow inmates. He was released from prison and returned to Taiwan in 2011. He currently serves in the Rehabilitation Fellowship, preaching messages and testimonies in prisons and detention centers, focusing on cultivating inmates, and continuing his theological education service.