Wen Sen can't shut up

【Parents Chapter 1】

Photo courtesy/Feng Bin

Wensen graduated from high school!

On June 20, 2017, Wensen graduated from high school. As a student in a high school integration class in the 75th Special Education District in New York, he passed the required state unified examination and maintained a score of above 65 in each subject. Graduated with honors from a high school (Regent Diploma). In high school, he took a history honors class and received the "Student of the Month" award from the state legislators. Upon graduation, he was awarded the "Student of the Month" award by the New York City Council. The outstanding student certificates issued by the Speaker finally won a "Creative Arts Award" from the middle school - although I think it was an encouragement award specially given to a few special education graduates.

Looking back on the past few days, thousands of thoughts come to my mind. There are so many people and things to be grateful for.

▲Wensen, an autistic child, happily received his high school diploma.

Wen Sen is going to be expelled from school?

Thirteen years ago, the then five-year-old Wen Sen had no language skills. He would leave his seat in class and run around after class. He could hardly do handicraft classes and had just completed toilet training. Naturally, he could only enter the special education class in elementary school. As parents, we were extremely worried. Fortunately, the school immediately arranged for an old Chinese lady to accompany Wen Sen. The lady’s surname was Liu. She even called specifically to say that she would take good care of Wen Sen. This made us feel relieved. One breath.

Mrs. Liu later called several times to report some situations. For example, during the alarm drill, Wen Sen couldn't stand the sound stimulation and was in great pain. These were all situations that we expected, and we were grateful but not surprised. One and a half months after school started, the school notified us to hold a meeting. We thought it would be a general teacher-parent exchange meeting.

When we arrived at the school as scheduled, a female teacher walked into the conference room and introduced herself as Wen Sen's teacher. Without greetings, she kept a straight face and listed all the shortcomings of Wen Sen. After listening for a long time, my wife was already in tears; but the teacher was unmoved and finished her evaluation of Wen Sen in one breath. When I wanted to seize the topic and continue the discussion, unexpectedly, she stood up immediately and said that she had to rush. Went to class and were told a social worker would come and continue talking to us. After that, he walked away, leaving us as a couple stunned. We thought: If the special education teachers here are not willing to talk, will Wen Sen be expelled from school? If he was even rejected from special education classes, what other school could he go to? It has only been a month since he entered the school!

That can be said to be the lowest moment in my life, feeling confused, helpless and desperate...

The teacher just stepped out of the conference room, and sure enough, a female social worker came into the room. She looked at us with sympathy and explained softly that for children like Wen Sen, even ordinary elementary school special education classes cannot provide them with the learning needs. She recommended that we go to the 75th School District, which is specially established for students with developmental disabilities. It might be more suitable for students with autism like Wen Sen. She gave us a contact number and asked us to contact him ourselves. With the phone number and our ignorant son, we left the school melancholy.

Although a closed door makes us feel hesitant and confused, we believe that God of Awenson will open a new way for him. After contacting the person in charge of a primary school in the 75th Special Education District, we were immediately arranged for an interview. During the interview, the school district commissioner carefully evaluated Wensen’s situation, and every question asked seemed to be exactly targeted at Wensen’s personal learning needs. Wensen also successfully entered this school and officially started “Mainstream inclusion.” special education, taking classes and taking exams with students of the same age.

All hardships have God's good intentions

On the way to work every day, you can listen to a radio program. The host Dilara calls herself the "Madonna of Love Songs". She experienced rebellion and failed marriages in her youth, and later successfully transformed into a famous media host. In the show, Dilara often integrates her belief in Christianity into her life. Once she said:

"Actually, many of the tribulations in our lives are arranged by God. They all have a beautiful purpose, but we can't see it at the time. But in the future of life, if we think carefully and taste it, we will definitely see that God is hidden in The good intention behind the suffering.”

I suddenly understood that we can still have such an "attitude and altitude" when looking at the hardships in life. Although we cannot avoid suffering, we can look for God’s good intentions behind it all, just like digging for gold in the sand. This kind of understanding is not only important for us as parents, but it can even benefit the children themselves.

I once shared an article "Challenges and Preparations in Adolescence with Autism" in a New York parent group. Some parents of older children strongly agree with my suggestion of "cultivating children with a positive attitude towards life from an early age", especially for children in special education. , it is not easy to have such a "bright mentality". For them, from childhood to adulthood, they have had a deep confusion in their hearts: "Why am I so unlucky and have autism?" "Why don't my brothers and sisters? , and neither did my classmates?" This is a problem that many people cannot face easily. Since getting to know God, we have told our children that despite the misfortunes and dissatisfactions in life, God must have prepared many "unexpected blessings" for you. Our task is to spend our lives experiencing, seeking, and receiving the special things God has given us. Kind intention.

Learning to change our perspective and mentality in dealing with things can effectively guide us not to focus on the defective parts of special education children, but to focus on their abilities and potential.

▲The author (right) and his son Wen Sen have a deep love for each other.

Wen Sen uses his life to influence lives

The female teacher who "persuaded us to quit" many years ago said: "Children like Wen Sen will make contributions to mankind in the future." Now I suddenly realize that it is not how much contribution Wen Sen made to the entire human race, but that he did indeed contribute to mankind. Families around us who have children with autism have contributed. Anyone who visits my home, reads the stories I wrote about Wensen, or hears the news about Wensen’s continuous breakthroughs and progress, will have a deeper understanding of autistic children.

Many families with autistic children are like us. They have experienced discouragement, frustration, and frustration. They have stumbled along the way and need support, understanding, comfort, and encouragement from their peers. So I kept writing Wensen’s story, hoping to inspire this group of families who are traveling with me. Thankfully, Wensen’s story has impacted many surrounding families.

In addition to being a typical autistic child, Wen Sen also has ADHD. What comforts me deeply is that he is disciplined, gentle, accepts criticism, and is willing to work. Having such an obedient and cooperative adolescent is indeed a good gift from God. One day, when I was rushing in and out to pick up my daughter, I suddenly heard Wen Sen sitting on the sofa ask me: "Should you be happy that I didn't go out to play, otherwise you would be extremely busy!" Over the years, I have known that "social interaction" is the core issue for autistic children. My wife and I have often been troubled by Wen Sen's "homebody personality." When I heard my son's sincere words, as a father, I suddenly smiled and accepted it, right? Such an angelic child, God is full of good intentions.

What comes from the hand of God is infallible

Seventeen-year-old Wen Sen stood at the graduation ceremony. He completed all the procedures of the day independently: lining up, roll call, receiving certificates, shaking hands, stepping down from the stage to pay tribute, and returning to his seat. Except for some places that were a little off-putting, overall it was smooth and complete. His psychological counselor once asserted that Wen Sen must be supported on stage by an assistant teacher on his graduation day. However, the assistant teacher sat calmly and happily in the audience that day. Watching Wen Sen face each procedure bravely and calmly, the pride and joy in his heart were beyond words.

Over the years, we have gone from being "enemies with autism" to now choosing to "coexist peacefully with autism." We no longer have the sole purpose of changing Wen Sen, but strive to provide him with a place where he can "maintain his true colors." environment. Thirteen years ago, we thought we were entering a desert, but we did not expect that there would be a sweet spring in it. We originally thought we were on the road to a dead end, but we did not expect that now we can enjoy picking fruits.

Fate is indeed unfair, but since God allows it, there must be good intentions. Although Wen Sen encountered many obstacles along the way, he met countless benefactors, and the wonderful hands behind him were indispensable. What comes from the hand of God is infallible and graceful!

Feng Bin is from Hangzhou, Zhejiang. In 1992, he went to study in the United States and obtained a master's degree in physics and computer science. Living in New York since 1997, working in the financial IT industry. He has one son and one daughter. Because of my son, I have been engaged in autism-related learning, translation, tutoring and consulting work in my spare time. I have been a volunteer in the Chinese Autism Parents Community for thirteen years now.