No matter who you are, I love you

A brief discussion on care for the gay community

Oral narration/Condensed and organized by Fu Jizhen/Xiao Baihui, Wu Xinhui

Editor's note:Is homosexuality innate or acquired? What is its cause? These are big and controversial issues! This article starts from the perspective of caring and hopes that Christians will not only discuss the issues of the gay community, but also put them into action and sincerely care about them.

deep pit

There was a homosexual who fell into a deep pit and was unable to extricate himself.
A hypocritical believer passed by, saw the man, and said, "You brought it upon yourself."
A deviant believer passed by and said, "This pit is a wonderful gift from God to you."
A gay activist passed by and saw the man and said, "Even though you are in deep trouble, you still have to fight for your rights."
A legal scholar passed by and when he saw the man, he said, "Is it because the man who is in the pit is breaking the law?"
A group of respectable people passed by, and when they saw the man, they said, "We will not go along with you."
Later, the man's mother passed by, saw her son and said, "It's your father's fault that you fell into the pit."
His father passed by, saw his son, and said, "It's your mother's fault that you fell into the pit!"
His wife passed by and saw him and said, "It's my fault you're in the pit."
However, when the Lord Jesus saw his plight, he took pity on him, entered the pit himself, held him in his arms, and rescued him from the pit.

More understanding and compassion, less condemnation and rejection

In the 1980s, a sister told me that her son had grown up in the church. In high school, he had the courage to "come out" and tell his mother that he was gay. She was very distressed at the time but didn't know how to help him. Because she had heard some pastors denounce homosexual behavior in the church, saying that it was a major sin that would lead to hell, she did not dare to ask friends in the church for help. One day, her son finally went to church with her again. Unexpectedly, the platform criticized homosexuality again, and his son walked out of the church and never set foot in the church again.

This kind of example has happened again and again for more than thirty years. From the Book of Genesis, someone has well summarized God’s original intention when he created the world, which was “one man and one woman, one husband and one wife, for life.” The homosexual lifestyle is not in line with God’s will. Romans Chapter 1 talks about same-sex sexual behavior as a sin, but also points out other sins such as hatred, bitterness, jealousy, pride, etc. So in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, there is no righteous person, not even one, and we all need grace.

Before God, on the one hand, we must admit that we are sinners and need God's saving grace; on the other hand, we must also have a sinner's mentality and have compassion for homosexuals, because many homosexuals have suffered certain diseases while growing up. The impact of painful experiences puts life into a difficult situation that is difficult to extricate itself from. We need to know more about them and care more sincerely, instead of pointing fingers and just accusing them of their weakness in this aspect, or even rejecting them from the church.

Since 1970, when I started volunteering at the counseling organization "Teacher Zhang", I have had the opportunity to come into contact with countless people with homosexual tendencies and their families. Their confusion, struggle, shame, pain and anger are deeply imprinted on my heart.

The Lord said, "I have other sheep, which are not of this fold; I must bring them here, and they will hear my voice, and they will be one flock with one shepherd." (John 10:16) "He saw Many people had pity on them, because they were helpless and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)

These two scriptures are words given to me by God during my prayers. So I became more determined to understand the issues related to homosexuality. With the intention of winning more people for the Lord, I went deep into the gay community and their families, explored ways to care for them, and waited for the prodigal son to return.

Companionship and care are today

How should Christians treat homosexuals? How should the church treat the families of gay people? Today’s churches, especially Chinese churches, can no longer escape this problem. When homosexuals are dissatisfied and unhappy, and long to pursue a more reliable and profound sense of love and belonging, this is an opportunity for the church to preach salvation. The love of Jesus is unfailing love, everlasting love. They come to the church for help, and the church should reach out and embrace them.

Perhaps the church needs to cooperate with professional organizations to care for and help homosexuals. When I was conducting interview research, a brother said that he and his wife went to the church pastor for help because their son planned to transition. The pastor said this is the fifth family whose "son or daughter has come out" to seek help in recent times. The pastor said sincerely: "I admit that I know very little in this area, but I can learn it. All our evangelist colleagues must learn it and accompany you on this narrow road of the cross." So the pastor hired professionals in this area. personnel, first discuss it with pastoral staff, and then share it with the entire congregation, so that the whole church can face this issue together.

How to care for gay people

Before caring for the gay community, you should know what is appropriate and what should be avoided.

Homosexuals may experience bullying, rejection, and labeling when growing up. If they are gay men, it is recommended to join a brothers group so that they can experience a sense of acceptance and not being labeled. Such care and recognition can slowly heal the hurt suffered in the past. But one thing needs to be emphasized: acceptance does not mean approval. Approval means embracing his values and leaning towards his views; acceptance means accepting him as a person, but does not necessarily mean agreeing with his values or his sexual orientation.

I think both the caregiver and the gay person need safety protection. It is recommended that members of a group of two to three people also care about their gay friends. No matter what activities they engage in, they should try not to be alone together. As time goes by, there will be more opportunities for misunderstandings.

▲Children are created by God and are loved by God. They still have many good qualities in their lives.

Don’t judge, pray more, and treat each other sincerely

Don’t make critical comments during the conversation, such as criticizing a girl for having her hair cut short or dressing in a masculine way. Don’t simplify their struggles by saying, “You just need to pray harder,” or “You’re not spiritual enough,” which can hurt people’s hearts.

If someone comes out or mentions homosexual tendencies in the church or group, group members should keep it confidential and not talk about the person's private matters outside so that he can grow in a safe environment. We must continue to pray for those we care about. Maybe he (she) has unknown struggles, maybe you are one of the few friends he (she) trusts or can talk to, so pray for him (her) constantly and entrust the burden to God, and God will take care of him (her) at the appropriate time. Time to start construction.

If mature Christian couples are willing, they can open their homes and invite friends with broken sexual relationships or homosexual tendencies to their homes. In family situations, naturally expressing the love and respect between husband and wife for each other can also be their help and encouragement.

Among my friends, there is a loving and wise couple who often invite a gay neighbor to their home for dinner and establish friendship. Apart from praying for thanks for meals, we never forcefully sell the gospel. Until they proactively ask questions about their faith, they share the true meaning of the gospel with tenderness. One of the gay men became more and more interested in the Christian faith, so much so that his companion couldn't stand it and said, "You are so interested in Christianity, we can't be together." They broke up.

This is the opportunity for Christians, the opportunity for the church. Use a kind, gentle, caring, and sincere attitude to share God’s love, so that they can know God through contact with us, be willing to seek and understand God’s grace, and build true satisfaction, joy, and meaning under God’s guidance. and a more valuable life.

truth sets you free

One of the interviewees was a girl who was sexually assaulted twice by different teachers when she was in the fifth or sixth grade of an elementary school. Her physical and mental trauma caused her to have a wrong self-perception, and she even hated her female body. During adolescence, he became very masculine, treating himself as a boy and pursuing girlfriends. When she attended the church’s fundamental truth class, she realized that “I was created in the image of God, so glorious, and not as disgusting, humiliating, and despised as I imagined, to the point where even I looked down on my own body. "Understanding the truth of the Bible slowly transformed her.

The Lord Jesus said: "You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." (John 8:32) We believe and have seen with our own eyes that every word of God's words carries power and can enable people to gain true freedom and become Holy.

Parents who care about homosexuals

Parents who have homosexual children may experience emotional reactions such as doubt, shock, melancholy, depression, helplessness, grief, anger, denial, shame, guilt, isolation, etc. When caring for or accompanying gay parents, you must first help them accept and love themselves. When they feel shame, guilt, or anger, encourage them to understand that they are not whole and need to accept their emotions. Every time a negative emotion comes in, allow yourself to get angry or cry for a while.

I once heard the testimony of a mother. This African American, whose three daughters are all gay, was in great pain and often prayed and cried behind closed doors. She told herself: "I can only cry for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, I will press the delete button to delete these negative emotions."

Why are the daughters gay? Many people will question whether the mother has neglected her duties, and she often blames herself. But thank God, He heard the plea (prayer) of this godly and loving mother, and the eldest daughter was completely converted. When the eldest daughter testified, her behavior was very feminine, beautiful and gentle, indicating that she was ready to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, or even get married and start a family.

Parents who care about and accompany homosexuals also need to guide their attitude towards their homosexual children, to accept them, but not to approve of them. Remind parents: Children are created by God and loved by God, and they still have many good qualities in their lives.

During the interview, I also heard the testimony of a sister who loves the Lord. Her adult son told her: "Mom, I want to move out. I am gay and I want to live with my boyfriend. I will not come back to this home again. You should not come to me again." The son moved out and left her behind. My mother was as frightened as the devastated area after a bomb exploded.

After knowing this, a good sister encouraged her to read Philippians 4:6: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” and verses 8–9: “ Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any virtue, if there is any praise, think about these things.” Whenever this sister thinks of her son, she always thinks of things related to homosexuality, but there are many "respectable and lovely" aspects of her son that she ignores.

Therefore, she changed her attitude towards her son, missed his advantages, hugged and kissed him when they met, and sincerely conveyed her acceptance of love through actions. She said to her son: "Although I don't like your homosexual behavior, I love you very much." .

Even if their children choose a homosexual lifestyle, which makes parents worried and sad, parents must not give up on their children. They must still love them to the end, otherwise the world will quickly snatch them away. Of course, parents should also establish a prayer life and pray with all their strength. Believe that in the grace of Christ, you will be able to see the wonderful deeds of God.

Can homosexuality be cured?

Among the gay men I interviewed, there are indeed some who are willing to step out of the homosexual situation, accounting for about 70 to 80%. They still have inner temptations to be attracted to people of the same sex. Like being addicted to drugs, even if you quit using drugs, you will still be tempted by drugs at times.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “For whoremongers, idolaters, adulterers, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortioners, None of us will inherit the kingdom of God. As some of you were before, you were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Regardless of corruption, we can be justified and sanctified by faith through the power of the Lord Jesus and the cleansing of the Holy Spirit, and become a new creation.

Can homosexuality be truly healed? I believe it is possible.

Extended reading Testimonies of homosexuals’ conversion and change

‧"No Longer Me", author: Yuan Youxuan, describes a mother who is disappointed in her marriage and tired of life. After she believed in the Lord, she prayed for her gay son who was jailed for drug trafficking for many years.
‧"Broken Image", author: Leanne Payne, talks about the healing and self-return of homosexuals.
‧Destiny Bridge (tentative translation: "Destiny Bridge"), author: Frank Worthen, tells the testimony of Frank Worthen, the father of homosexuals.

Fu Jizhen, graduated from the Department of Horticulture, National Chung Hsing University, Taiwan. Doctorate in Pastoral Affairs from Orthodox Theological Seminary in Los Angeles, USA. Thesis topic is "Homosexual Ministry in Chinese Churches." He currently serves as a preacher at Food of Life Church in Los Angeles and has been involved in gay ministry for many years. In 2017, he recorded eight episodes of a program for Far East Broadcasting Company: "What do you think about homosexuality?" and the transcript was published on WeChat. Lectures on homosexual issues at seminars and gatherings in various places. She and her husband, Pastor Yang Ping, have three adult sons.