Rebirth of love
"Song of the Garden of Heart"
▲I am very grateful to my mother for taking the initiative to re-establish the bridge of communication, so that the relationship between mother and daughter has returned to the sweetness of the past when she wrote letters home and talked about everything.
Late that night, you suddenly invited me to sit down and talk to you. When my husband took his daughter back to Taiwan to celebrate the New Year, there was only my sleeping son and our mother at home. I cleaned up the kitchen and sat down face to face with you as usual. At first I just chatted for no reason at all. As we talked, I unknowingly talked about the deep roots in my heart for many years.
love letter
Once upon a time, we were so close. When I was in high school, I left home to study in the north. When I was in college, you left me to study in the United States. We kept in touch by sending letters home once a week. You are so dedicated to understanding my outside world. When you were in high school, you tied up bunches of envelopes with your home address and stamps on them and stuffed them into the bottom of my box, hoping that I would stop writing more letters because of laziness. .
Once upon a time, I was in unfamiliar big cities, facing the unique loneliness and desolation of leaving my hometown. Those white letters written with familiar handwriting were like an embrace that kept whispering for my refuge, gently inviting me to talk and share. . I pick up the pen again and again, and hold the world I live in front of you again and again. After writing for a long time, all my moods and feelings are written in one by one. Letters from home are like diaries. Just like this, you have grown up in me. On the traces, stamped with the mark of your love.
Because of your heart that is willing to enter my inner world at any time, I have never "reported good things but not bad things." Even when I entered my passionate cardamom years, I did not hesitate to share the names of boys with you. You analyzed and taught me choices, and your uncritical and open attitude in your letters encouraged me to tell everything. Of course, when you fall in love, you don’t have to try hard to hide it. You can wrap your tearful heart in letter paper and send it back to your arms to lick your wounds and rest in peace.
Mother-daughter rift
But our first reunion after five years of separation made the relationship we had built up through years of letters from home vulnerable to a single blow. Is it because the world in the letter is too flat? Or is it the long-term tension of time and space that twists people out of shape? Why is it that when I see myself, I am still so unfamiliar that I have to digest it all over again? Originally, I wanted to present everything in these years in front of you in person, so that you would be proud of me. But you were no longer open to some of my choices in life without criticism. You began to object, to interfere, and even to change me. This series of denials also denied me.
You become anxious to talk and don't want to listen anymore. Meeting every three to five years makes you no longer able to take it easy. You became fierce, you once threw my phone, and you didn't say a word for half a year, just because your daughter wanted to choose a path that you didn't agree with. Facing the silence across the sea, my daughter's heart was bleeding. You seemed to have taken away the arms that my daughter was accustomed to clinging to, leaving me to wander freely. But I am used to having you by my side to cheer me up in everything. Even though I know that you are no longer familiar with my world, I still hope for your understanding and blessings. .
Once, I heard a piece of "Memory Song" and felt that the lyrics seemed to express my feelings:
"Give the tear-stained paper to the traveling water. Whenever it flows to your house, let it touch your heartstrings."
Compound opportunities
After all, a mother's heart will never die. You began to accept my choice from passive to active. When I had my first confinement, it was the longest time we had spent together in the twelve years since we were separated. We got to know each other again. I was promoted from a daughter to a mother, which greatly shortened the distance between us. We began to talk about some trivial matters in life and share the fresh experience of motherhood. Then came the second confinement period, and several subsequent family visits. The relationship gradually became better, and I couldn't ask for anything better. But that night, you suddenly took the initiative to invite me to talk, and for the first time you humbly asked me, "Do you have any advice for parents during this time together?"
Because you took the initiative to build a bridge into my heart, even though I have been a mother for nearly five years, at that moment, I retracted back to the little girl inside me who had been bleeding all those years ago, and I began to complain to those who had been following me for many years. Pain, the pain of losing a close confidant. Unexpectedly, that was also your pain for many years. You watched helplessly and helplessly as your little daughter gradually faded away. I thought that the strange change was also an irreparable loss, and it would hurt too!
scar healing
That night, the mother I remembered came back. You listen quietly, without criticism, only acceptance. Accept my feelings, accept me! Looking at the tears in my eyes, you ran over to hug me. When you saw that I was cold, you quickly brought a blanket to keep me warm. You...returned to an out-and-out "mother", oh! The one I have missed for a long time, mother! I know that as a child, I am lucky! How many parents will never give their children such an opportunity, either because they don't understand, or they refuse to accept the fact that they have left scars on their children's hearts. Even the unfortunate death has permanently taken away the possibility of building bridges, so that the wounds in the hearts of children waiting for their parents to touch them can never be closed. Thank you, mother! Because of your kiss, the last scar in my heart has been healed!
(This article was previously included in "Sunflowers in the Snow"/Universal Light Publishing House)
＊To feel true love, please read the third cup of Life Supplement "Song of Songs in the Garden of Hearts"