A single parent also has a family

Exclusive interview with Dr. Jiang Haiqiong, founder of "Xishuibean Caring Single Parent Families Association"

August 16, 2006 was a sunny, beautiful and refreshing summer day. The four of us excitedly made various preparations, waiting to interview Dr. Jiang Haiqiong, the founder and president of "By Streams of Water, Inc. (hereinafter referred to as "By Streams of Water, Inc.").

Teacher Jiang came to the Maria Monastery gracefully in a long silk dress with black background and blue flowers. We conducted a two-hour interview in a quiet reception room.

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Accept the refinement of life

It is said that in 1985, because her husband was involved in political issues and was imprisoned, Jiang Haiqiong took the lead and raised her daughter alone, becoming a "temporary single parent."

The incident happened suddenly, and she did not dare to tell the truth for fear of injuring her friends. She was also unable to complain to her three-year-old daughter. She was in great pain, as if she was being imprisoned in prison. Two and a half years later, her husband was released from prison, but filed for divorce due to an affair, and Jiang Haiqiong became a "real single parent."

In 1989, Jiang Haiqiong bravely took her seven-year-old daughter from Taiwan to the United States for further study and development. After graduating from the seminary, she served God in different jobs. From eighteen years of living as a single parent, the most important lesson she has learned is: "No matter what happens, you must always focus on God, follow His footsteps, and move forward step by step."

Entering single parent ministry

After eighteen years of living as a single parent, Jiang Haiqiong has personally experienced the hardship and bitterness. She has been serving in churches, seminaries or church organizations for more than ten years. She has always seen that single-parent families have special needs, so she has been caring for single-parent families in her spare time.

Serving single parents full-time began at the end of 2004. At that time, Jiang Haiqiong was having a tug-of-war with God in her heart for a long time. She smiled shyly and said, "God has called me many times to serve single parents wholeheartedly, but I declined with various reasons. I was very disobedient."

She explained her struggle at that time: "I am already in the field of service. The ways and scope of service are very wide, and single parenthood is only one part of it. Why should God limit me? Is it because I am a single parent that I can only serve Are you a single parent? I just felt unconvinced at the time, but now that I think about it, maybe it was due to my inferiority complex!" Jiang Haiqiong laughed loudly, obviously able to laugh at the storm.

Struggle, guilt to submission

Until 1998, Jiang Haiqiong moved out of New Jersey and came to Pennsylvania to serve. The three single mother groups I originally led disbanded because no one continued to help them.

One day while driving, Jiang Haiqiong felt very sad when thinking of these single mothers, feeling as guilty as if she had left her own sisters behind. God has called her many times to serve single parents, but she always excuses herself with fear, but this time God will not let her go easily. He said:

"As a single parent, you yourself are not willing to respond to my call. Who else is willing?"

Jiang Haiqiong's eyes sparkled with tears: "At that time, I burst into tears and confessed to God for my selfishness, low self-esteem, and self-righteousness." After that, she began to actively serve single parents through writing, special lectures, and telephone counseling. , and also studies the mental journey of single parents and children from an academic perspective.

The origin of "by the stream"

After that repentance, although Jiang Haiqiong took the initiative to care for single-parent families and ministered to them on weekends or evenings, every time she came back from a lecture, she was upset that she had no time to further care for her single-parent friends.

"Alas! Time is not forgiving. How can the candle be burned at both ends?" Jiang Haiqiong said: "When I was wandering at the crossroads of giving up my job and devoting myself to single-parent ministry, I suddenly fell ill. During the period of recovery, God called me again. I came out to serve single-parent families full-time, but I seriously doubted my abilities because I was seriously ill and couldn’t even concentrate on reading or writing letters, let alone teaching or preaching, let alone setting up an organization.”

One day, while having breakfast, a verse suddenly appeared in front of Jiang Haiqiong's eyes, like a computer briefing, printed word by word on her forehead, that is Psalm 1, verse 3:

"He will be like a tree planted by streams of water, which bears fruit in its season and its leaves will not wither. Everything he does will prosper."

Jiang Haiqiong knew immediately, “This is God’s confirmation and encouragement to me. I (including many single parents) are that tree, planted next to the flowing water of the Lord Jesus. Not only will my leaves not wither, but they will bear more fruit.” Son!" So Jiang Haiqiong established this organization to care for single parents and named it "By Streams of Water".

A single parent also has a family

The vision of "By the Stream" is to bring God's care, healing and hope to single-parent families and encourage them to create a complete home. Jiang Haiqiong said: “The word I received from God is that ‘a single parent is also a family.’ The definition of a family does not depend on the complete set of roles, the number of people, or the size of the house, but on the presence of love in the family. This love comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. Come here and share it with others.”

Jiang Haiqiong summarized the reasons for single parenthood:

● The first is widowhood, which is the same situation both at home and abroad in ancient and modern times;
● The second is divorce or separation, which is the main cause of modern single-parent families;
● The third category is unwed mothers. In addition to teenage pregnancies out of wedlock, there are also many extramarital affairs;
● The fourth is single adoption, which is also a new trend;
● There is another phenomenon unique to Chinese society: temporary single parenthood.

temporary single parent

"Temporary single parent" refers to a situation where a couple is separated for a long time due to work or study, or one spouse is seriously ill and is hospitalized for long-term recuperation, or is imprisoned due to a crime.

In fact, more than 20 years ago, terms such as "astronaut" (wife flying around in the sky) and "inner beauty" (wife is in the United States) were popular in society, and are now related to "Taiwanese businessmen" (Taiwanese businessmen in China). Doing business) and "outside the mainland" (the husband is in the mainland) are exactly the same situation. Temporary single parents are no less stressed than real single parents.

Readers may wish to calm down and think about it. It won’t take long to identify the above five types of single parents from relatives and friends around them.

Teacher Jiang said sincerely: "Single parents above 99% do not know the Lord Jesus. How to contact them and bring them before God is the most important thing. In other words, single parent ministry is also missionary ministry."

As for single parents who have already believed in the Lord, you might as well encourage them to serve the Lord in different positions. This would be the most beautiful thing. It is urgent to help "temporary single parents" build Christian families, learn to communicate with their husbands, and avoid becoming "real single parents."

There are many things to do and few people to work, so "By the Stream" is happy to connect with other organizations, hoping to pool resources and strength to dedicate the best to the Lord. It also hopes to have more brothers and sisters working together. .

You and I can both support single parents

Because currently there are very few churches that provide single parent ministry. Some churches state that they have no need for this, or state explicitly that only a small number of their church members are single parents.

In this regard, Jiang Haiqiong put forward two sincere suggestions: First, although the number of single parents is small, they have special needs, and the church should lend a helping hand. Second, the proportion of single-parent families in society has reached more than 30%, and there are also 20% Asian Americans. This is enough to show that the majority of single-parent families are unreached by the gospel!

"Beside the Stream" is willing to go to various churches to host weekend seminars, provide basic counseling courses, or help set up single parent fellowships. Most single parents are very sensitive because their hearts have been hurt and need care, but they dare not show their weak side; counselors must lead with patience, wisdom, and skill. "Beside the Stream" is also willing to train lay believers to participate in counseling and caring ministry.

In fact, you and I can both support single parents. If you are married brothers and sisters, encourage the couple to engage in service together. "Ministry by the Stream" needs prayer and financial assistance, as well as co-workers, such as recording, drafting, writing, typing, computer typesetting, website design, radio program production, CD copying, camp administrative co-workers, etc.

If I could do it all over again...

When asked this question, Jiang Haiqiong was thoughtful:

"The life of a single parent, who is both a mother and a father, is too busy.If I could do it all over again, I hope I could give my daughter more time and give myself more time to rest.But under the pressure of work, study, and life, even if I could turn back time, I doubt whether I would be able to do these two things. "

In fact, the parent-child relationship is very delicate, and it is difficult to get it right in a two-parent family. Many single mothers come to ask Jiang Haiqiong about raising children, and she always answers that if the single parent himself is not mentally healthy, the child will not be healthy either, soSingle parents must first build up their self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence before they can raise healthy, happy, and independent children.. Finally, she mentioned the most unforgettable thing in her life:

"One year, my daughter came back from college for vacation. We went shopping, drank coffee, and talked. We talked about the psychological harm caused by the divorce of parents to the children, and I apologized to her. My daughter kindly and thoughtfully replied: 'Mom, if it were different If I were you, I would make the same decision." She gave me a hug and then said:

"Mother! If I could choose, among millions of people, I would still choose you to be my mother. 』』

▲Interviewee Dr. Jiang Haiqiong took a photo with his daughter Zheng Kejia.

Dr. Pauline Chiang is a former journalist, editor, seminary lecturer, and radio program producer. In 1989, he came to the United States with his seven-year-old daughter for further study, and obtained a master's degree in Christian education, a master's degree in pastoral care and counseling, and a doctorate in pastoral science from Ashland Theological Seminary.

In 2004, in response to God’s call, By Streams of Water, Inc. was established. He is currently the president of the association and an adjunct professor at Lancaster Bible College in Pennsylvania. In January 2007, a branch of the "Streamside Care for Single-Parent Families Association" was established in Taiwan.

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postscript

The interview ended in this warm and grateful moment. Two hours passed in a blink of an eye. Teacher Jiang’s smile and soft voice seemed to lead us into a valley, under the cool green shade and beside the gurgling stream, sharing the sorrows, joys and missions entrusted to her by God in her life.