Story of your youth

Welcome you with full love

When you were about five weeks old in my belly, one day, I suddenly noticed red stains on my pants. I was shocked and wondered if I could keep the pregnancy. After the prenatal check-up and ultrasound, the Chinese doctor noticed my anxious look and comforted me: "Okay! The baby is fine." I lowered my head, touched my slightly protruding abdomen, and said to you gently: "Good boy. , you will be safe and sound, your parents can’t wait to meet you!”

Before I got pregnant with you, my parents lost a baby; therefore, your appearance made us overjoyed. Every day, I was careful, fearing that I might accidentally hurt you. Your sister, who arrived three years earlier than you, often runs over to whisper to you with her round cheeks bulging. You have not yet formed, but you have already settled in our hearts and become an indispensable part of this family.

When you were born, we held you in our hands with overflowing love and said to my sister, "This is your sister. You must take care of your sister." We said to you who had not yet opened your eyes in our arms: "Sister: This is sister, you have to love sister!"

dexterous and precocious

At a young age, you have demonstrated amazing expressive skills. When I entered preschool at the age of three and a half, my teacher told me that she could safely hand over some of the responsibilities of delivering messages to you. It's true. Whenever you go to the doctor when you are sick, I always ask you to tell the doctor directly what's wrong with you. Your words are precise and your logic is clear. Your father and I were very proud for a time: this child must be raised well, and he will definitely be a girl in the future. A hero.

When you were six years old, another mother and I hired a Chinese tutor together. Among the three children, you are the youngest but have the strongest learning ability. Meng Haoran's "Spring sleeps without waking up, and I hear the singing of birds everywhere". The two sisters studied it for several weeks and still couldn't understand the situation. You can read it catchy after reading it twice. One morning, you lay lazily on the bed, thinking: "Mom, I finally understand the meaning of that Tang poem. Spring is really a good season for sleeping! Can I not go to school today?"

Puberty is coming quietly

Spring has passed and autumn has come, and in the blink of an eye the little girl is about to enter middle school.

I remember that normal day when you came home from school and went upstairs. I cut a plate of fruit and brought it to your room. I saw you in the bathroom with your head down, as if you were studying something.

"Mom, my menstrual period seems to be here!"

"Ah? Really? Don't panic, baby, let me take a look." I was shocked. How old are you? Your menstruation is a little early! When I saw a few faint drops of blood on the toilet seat, my eyes suddenly turned red. Guilt washed over me like a wave. "There are still many things I haven't had time to teach you. Why is my little baby about to become an adult?"

That night I cried and wet the pillow. A strong sense of loss came over me, and scenes of your innocent childhood and the intimate moments we had as mother and daughter came to mind. The train of time is moving forward rapidly, and I can only rush and chase, chase and chase.

▲The cheerful little girl entered adolescence and suddenly became taciturn. She often wore headphones and was immersed in her own world. The conversations between mother and daughter became strange and polite, and she only answered questions when asked (schematic diagram, not mine).

strange teen

Your puberty has begun, which marks that our relationship will enter an unstable state from now on.

I don’t know when you started to talk a lot but suddenly became taciturn. After class, I put on my headphones as soon as I got into the car and immersed myself in my own world. I was blocked out. The conversation between us became strange and polite, and we only answered questions. But when you get home and close the door, you can cry and scream in front of Got7 (Korean idol group) with heavy makeup on the computer screen, as if they are your lovers.

Hormones are raging in your body, gradually turning you into a person I don't quite recognize. There is a three-year age difference between the two sisters, and the changes in adolescence are completely opposite: my sister studies, plays football, dances, and laughs as usual; but you act as if the whole world owes you, and you can't get motivated to do anything. The words "Don't care" are clearly written on his forehead, showing a typical American teenager appearance.

▲The author’s youngest daughter joined the school’s long-distance running team. In order to develop her physical fitness, she made a strict diet plan.

Sudden weight loss, depression and depression

During the summer vacation when you were in high school, you announced that you would join the school's long-distance running team. You, who have always been able to lie down and never sit down, and sit down never to stand, work hard and run every day. Regardless of wind or rain, you never give up every opportunity to run. In the early days, due to incorrect posture, you either sprained your ankle or strained your hip muscles, and you had to limp for two months straight. But you participated in the competition as usual. You were originally thin, with a pair of big glasses on the bridge of your nose. You were running injured, and you were alone, falling at the back of the team. I feel bad, but I endure it and silently pray that your injury will heal quickly.

In order to maintain physical fitness and build a certain muscle condition, you strictly implement a specious diet plan, rejecting whole grains, dairy products, and any processed products, and only eat low-fat and lean meat and fish as the main food. For all drinks, drink 8-10 cups of warm water every day. Of course my dad and I welcome a healthy diet, but when your daily exercise consumption far exceeds your food intake, and your weight plummets by 20 pounds in three months under our noses, and your menstrual period is interrupted, you can imagine Are parents so worried?

Underweight and endocrine disorders can cause a 180-degree change in your mood and personality. During the meal, I racked my brains to prepare the meal, but you were speechless and just shed tears. Once I put a little more butter in the spaghetti with clams. You rushed to the room and cried so hard that you couldn't breathe. You left me and your father at the dinner table, relatively speechless, not knowing how to deal with it. To you in adolescence?

Take you to see a psychological counselor. In front of her, you still can't open yourself up and keep apologizing. I refuse to increase my food intake and change my eating habits, but insist on running 2-3 kilometers every day. You are as skinny as a ghost, drifting in and out in front of us every day.

For several late nights in a row, your father and I couldn't sleep. He got up and paced back and forth in front of the bed, or else he searched the Internet for information about adolescent anorexia, and consulted doctor friends, while I huddled in a corner of the bed in horror, accusing myself of doing something wrong to make you like this. We have prepared for the worst and asked you to drop out of school and enter a rehabilitation center for treatment.

Two people whose combined age was over 100 years old encountered this situation for the first time and were completely confused. We know very well that we cannot fight you head-on. You have a sensitive and delicate mind, and you were particularly vulnerable during that period. You often wondered if there was something wrong with your brain? Being paranoid about food can make you feel depressed, depressed, and like a frightened animal trapped in a dark tunnel with no way out.

▲It is a good thing to control diet healthily, but the author's youngest daughter's daily exercise far exceeds her food intake. She lost 20 pounds in three months and even interrupted her menstrual period, which made her parents worried.

Learn to let God lead

It is said that motherhood makes one strong. Facing you, I want to run away far away, to a place where no one knows me. I can't stand other people looking at you differently. The school guidance office once called me to inquire about your health. Once, while I was sitting in the car waiting for you to finish class, a familiar volunteer mother asked me to roll down the window, poked her head in and said, "I can't let your daughter lose weight any more." It seemed as if. Your weight is entirely in my hands...I feel ashamed and ashamed. What kind of mother have I become in the eyes of others?

"Just treat her as having a serious illness with her, and she will recover!" A friend who accompanied her child through severe depression told me. "Learn to let go." A good friend whose child suffers from ADHD advised me based on his experience. "I learned the lesson of 'letting go' deeply and found that it freed me and gave me more 'power' to stay with me for a long time. ” She promised to ask God for me every day for reassuring assurance.

“Sometimes God allows our stories to be interrupted because He wants to do a new thing in our lives.” On the podium on Easter Sunday, the pastor brought out the famous story of Mary’s pregnancy and childbirth in the Bible and taught us about Mary. Facing the unknown and confusion about the future, we are also filled with many doubts, speculations and fears.

▲Obsessive about food, the author's youngest daughter was depressed and depressed for a time, as if she was trapped in a dark tunnel. The steadfast love of her Heavenly Father and her parents guided her step by step out of the darkness and regained her youthful vitality.

But she chose to obey God’s will. As a sister who is also a teacher and friend said, Mary knows that God’s will “will be formed in time and realized in time.” Therefore, in the process of realizing God’s will, there is no need to be anxious, anxious, or discouraged. “I can only pray for everything that happens and seek the next step in God’s will.”

My child, I finally understand that as your mother, you are not mine. I am only temporarily in God’s care. Therefore, when I couldn't let go, this parental responsibility became a heavy burden that made me breathless. On the contrary, when I am willing to admit my weakness before God and step back to let Him take the lead, His strength can cover my flaws and imperfections, and His strength can become my support and help.

I also understand that as a mother, I have to train my whole life as you grow and learn to accompany you when you struggle. If you believe that the person who writes your story is the Creator who created you, then the story will not stop at this page. In the chaotic soil of youth that seems to have been swept by the storm, I know that there are ten thousand seeds of love waiting to move underground. , looking forward to sprouting.

In the season of resurrection, everything is renewed. It's been raining a few times in Southern California, and there's a simmering energy in the air that's ready to go.

▲When the author admitted her weakness before God and let God take the lead, God’s strength overshadowed her and became the support and help for her and her daughter.

Restore joy

When I take my eyes away from the food left on your plate and the number on the scale, I focus on you and pray for myself to walk in God’s will. I spend time in the supermarket to buy ingredients and cook meals that meet your “health standards.” After cooking, you finally smiled at the dinner table. The many restrictions on your diet were gradually relaxed. After seven or eight months of not eating sweets, you gradually became interested in chocolate and ice cream again.

The most surprising thing is that you have new desires and pursuits in faith. After walking through your frailty, you seem to have found confidence and courage through daily Bible reading and prayer. Sometimes you would pass the scriptures you had just read in the morning to your classmates who were feeling depressed, comforting and encouraging them; sometimes when we returned home from school, we, mother and daughter, would intimately exchange the auspicious moments in our lives in the car, and look at the recent past. Your voice was still as loud as a mosquito's, but as you became more enthusiastic, your voice gradually increased in decibels, and Handel's Hallelujah sounded in my heart.

That afternoon, I was washing fruits in the kitchen, and I heard your voice calling me softly in my ears. I turned around to see you scrolling through your phone with a bright smile on your face.

"Got7 just released a new album!"

"Oh, really?"

"I like their new song very much. Do you want to listen to it?"

"OK!"

I immediately moved to you, holding on to every moment you were willing to share with me. I wish I could freeze these pearls in Heavenly Father’s book, embed them in the page of your youth story, and keep them well. stand up.

▲The author is willing to hold on to every moment that his daughter is willing to share with her. He hopes to freeze these pearls in Heavenly Father’s book, embed them into the page of his daughter’s youth story, and keep them well.

Reference sources:
‧National Institute of Mental Health
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/eating-disorders.shtml
‧Eating Disorders Victoria
https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/eating-disorders-a-z/eating-disorders-explained/
‧Help Guide
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/eating-disorder-treatment-and-recovery.htm

Shi Lingyu, former Zhongtian News anchor. Now living in Southern California, she has two daughters and enjoys a simple and ordinary home life. A co-worker of the Genesis Literary Training Bookstore.