Family, outsiders!
Lei went back to China to spend the summer with her grandparents. Xinrui called her many times, and the words of greetings and greetings always felt like falling into a bottomless pit, with no reply as if she was dead. Occasionally throw it over and say: "Hmm", that's all. The wishful conversation could not continue, so Xinrui had no choice but to hang up.
lovely home
Twenty years ago, Xinrui and Weixiao met, fell in love, and got married in college. Xinrui values Wei Xiao's character; he is gentle, considerate and responsible. I still remember that after getting married and being able to buy a TV, Weixiao wanted to give the new TV to his mother. Xinrui supported his filial piety and regarded it as a virtue.
In the sixth year after their marriage, Lei was born, which brought great joy to Xinrui and Weixiao. The couple worked together to raise their daughter, and they cooperated with each other and had a tacit understanding. During the day, Xinrui plays classical music and children's songs for Lei. When there is not enough sunlight indoors, she takes her to the park for a walk and bask in the sun. Talk to her constantly while changing her diaper and bathing her. Although Lei didn't understand what her mother was saying, her mother's focused eyes and soft voice made the little girl dance with joy and satisfaction. In the evening, the couple took Lei for a walk in a nearby small park and had a great time. Xinrui often feels extremely warm that she has a happy and happy marriage.
mother and daughter separation
The good times did not last long, when Lei was six months old, Wei Xiao was sent to the United States to work for four years by the company, leaving Xin Rui to take care of her daughter alone.
On National Day, Xinrui took her nine-month-old Lei to visit her grandparents in the south and lived with her parents-in-law for a month. When Xinrui learned that her work unit had allocated her a two-bedroom apartment and was preparing to take Lei home, her mother-in-law suggested: "Why don't you leave the baby behind and go back alone first, and pick her up after you move in." Xinrui was grateful to her mother-in-law for her kindness, so she left Lei with her mother-in-law and rushed back to Beijing to handle the moving matters.
After moving, Xinrui immediately got on the train and went all the way to pick up her daughter from her mother-in-law's house. The mother-in-law said again: "It's so cold in winter, and when traveling, the baby will easily catch cold and get sick. It's better to wait until spring gets warmer, and I will personally send her back to Beijing." The kind-hearted Xinrui once again believed in her mother-in-law's kindness and went back alone. However, when spring came, the mother-in-law never mentioned sending the child back again.
Xinrui couldn't wait any longer and took leave to pick up her daughter. Unexpectedly, her mother-in-law insisted on keeping Lei by her side because the water in Beijing made her skin rough. Xinrui was very confused by her mother-in-law's behavior; isn't it natural for a daughter to be with her mother? Xinrui tried to reason with her mother-in-law: "Maybe the water in Beijing is not as good as the water in the south, but is the water in the south more precious to children than maternal love?" Neither tears nor reasons could move her mother-in-law, so Xinrui insisted on taking her daughter away. At this time, the mother-in-law coldly threw out her killer tip: "You can take the child away, as long as Weixiao agrees."
Xinrui did not expect that her husband, who was always kind and considerate, would side with her mother-in-law at the critical moment. He said to Xinrui on the long-distance phone: "If you love your daughter and think about her, leave her at her grandparents' house." His tone was so tough that there was no room for negotiation. Xinrui felt as if she had been stabbed in the heart, and then she realized that she was just an outsider in her husband's family.
Separated from your daughter for a long time? Wouldn't that cut her heart? However, insisting on taking the daughter away will not only offend the mother-in-law, but may also cause the relationship between the couple to break up. Xinrui was caught in a dilemma. In the end, she reluctantly made concessions to her mother-in-law because she was afraid of losing her husband and her entire family.
During the days when mother and daughter were separated, Xinrui often shed tears and lived like a year. Every festival, I can’t wait to get on the train to see Lei and buy her clothes and toys. Apart from daily expenses, I send all the rest of my salary to my parents-in-law.
When Lei was three years old, Xinrui was finally able to go to the United States to reunite with Weixiao. However, since the dispute between Xinrui and her mother-in-law over Lei, Weixiao's attitude has changed 180 degrees. The trust and intimacy between husband and wife have long since disappeared without a trace. Xinrui wanted to find out: "What on earth made you so unhappy?" Wei Xiao remained silent.
"Do you think I did something to offend your mother?"
Wei Xiao's face turned livid and he said, "I can't tolerate anything that makes my mother unhappy!"
Only then did Xinrui realize that her mother-in-law was so sacred and inviolable in Weixiao's mind! She didn't expect that the consequences of fighting for mother's rights in front of her mother-in-law would be so serious. Even though he made concessions, he still offended his mother-in-law and lost his husband's love. From then on, Wei Xiao's heart was like a lock. No matter how hard Xin Rui tried, she could never enter his inner world.
daughter's dream
Lei received a visa to the United States when she was six years old and was brought to the United States by her grandparents. The mother and daughter who had been apart for many years were finally reunited. Xinrui was so excited that she could finally give Lei the maternal love she had cherished for so long. But here comes the problem. Lei doesn't like her mother and won't let her get close to her. It wasn't until her grandparents left three months later that the relationship between mother and daughter improved slightly. Lei began to like her mother to braid her hair, and she also wanted her mother to read her story books before going to bed, and let her mother kiss her face.
At that time, Lei was taken care of by the family of Xinrui's American friends after school. Lei saw the parents in American families loving each other, and she longed for her parents to be like them.
Once, their family went to the park to play. Lei held her mother's hand with one hand and her father's hand with the other. They put their hands together and said, "Dad, I want you to hold mom's hand." But her father immediately became rude. He shook off his mother's hand. Lei couldn't understand, so she asked, "Dad, why do you love me so much and your grandparents, but you can't love your mother?" Wei Xiao didn't answer and walked forward without looking back.
divided home
Xinrui believes that she has an obligation to teach her daughter some life skills. When she was teaching Lei how to chop vegetables, Wei Xiao rushed into the kitchen and said angrily: "How can you let your daughter cut vegetables? How can she play the piano in the future if her hand is cut!" Xinrui thinks it is right to let Lei do what she is capable of. She is helpful, but Wei Xiao thinks that is what a mother should do. Weixiao's doting and over-protection of his daughter made it impossible for Xinrui to fulfill her mother's responsibilities to her daughter. When her daughter needed discipline, Weixiao even stopped her. This makes Lei gradually believe that only her father loves her, and her mother does not.
When Wei Xiao came back from a business trip, his suitcase was filled with gifts for Lei. Lei opened each gift happily. The father and daughter enjoyed the family happiness without noticing Xin Rui, who was left out in the cold. Wei Xiao often takes her daughter out alone to play ball and go shopping. This home seems to be the world of father and daughter, and Xinrui is just an outsider living under the same roof.
Xinrui once had a warm home. She longed to live a normal married life with Weixiao and establish a close mother-daughter relationship with Lei. But the invisible hands of her mother-in-law pushed her away from them; she was heartbroken that her daughter could not get the best blessings, and her heart was broken for this broken family.
family rules
The family tragedy of Xinrui and Weixiao is obviously a victim of the traditional Chinese family's "blood relationship is supreme". Wei Xiao's mother loves her son and still regards her son's affairs after they get married as her own business. Her intervention and manipulation have virtually hindered Wei Xiao and his wife from building their own new home together. She thought that she had given all her efforts and love to her son and granddaughter, but instead her son could not truly build a family of his own. It was not only her daughter-in-law who suffered, but her son and granddaughter as well.
Home is a very precious gift given by God to the world. God established family laws at the beginning of creation: "A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Therefore, "Leave "Parents" is the first step for a man to establish a new family. "Leaving" means breaking away from dependence on parents and moving toward independence; that is, withdrawing from the role of son in the original family, entering the position of the head of the new family, and beginning to assume the responsibilities of husband and father.
"Uniting with his wife" is the second step for a man to start a family. "Unity" means shifting the focus of family life to the relationship between husband and wife, and establishing the most intimate relationship with his wife until "the two become one flesh."
In a family designed according to God’s will, the relationship between husband and wife is the core relationship in the family, followed by the relationship between parents and children. Husband and wife unite as one, love each other, and make children feel safe. This is the foundation and guarantee for the normal operation of a healthy family.
When a family puts blood relations above the relationship between husband and wife, it means the priorities are reversed and everyone is unable to perform their duties. When family members are not in their correct positions, the home becomes a mess and no longer warm. Everyone longs for a happy and harmonious family, but only by earnestly following God’s family rules can your dream come true!
Author profile
Xunxiao, now living in California, loves cooking, reading, walking on forest trails, and admiring the natural beauty. We value family and friendship in the world, and we also long to be close to God.