From zero to spirit
The Construction and Practice of Family Ministry 3-1
Oral description, photo provided/Li Yitian (Timmy Ong)
Interview/Lin Minwen, Zheng Qiongyu‧Compilation/Zheng Qiongyu
Accept the call and start from scratch
In 2010, Li Yitian (Timmy) and her husband Wang Hao (Dennis) invited 11 other couples from the Columbia Chinese Christian Church (hereinafter referred to as the Columbia Church). The group set out from Columbus, Ohio, USA, and drove nearly four miles. When I was young, I went to Detroit, Michigan to participate in the "Couples Love Camp" organized by the "Family Renewal Association". That camp opened their doors to family ministry.
At that time, the senior pastor of Columbia City Church had foreseen the importance of family ministry. He observed that Li Yitian and Wang Hao seemed to be quite burdened with this service, so he asked them to start a family ministry in the church. The couple prayed and sought, and God gave them the vision of "gospel to families and families to evangelize." Although they had no experience in this new ministry at the time, they were still willing to take it on with faith. With the concept of "prevention is better than cure", they started from scratch, followed the step-by-step guidance of the Holy Spirit, and learned by doing.
服事過程中，他們清楚看到神的託付—使萬民作主門徒的大使命；彼此相愛的新命令；帶領全家信主，為神國培養下一代，興起更多的家庭事奉耶和華。這三項託付一直是他們遵行的方向。
▲Establishing a family ministry is like building a home. It starts from "zero" and needs to be built from the "spirit".
New Heart Xinxin’s Ministry
"New": Family ministry is a brand-new "new" ministry to Columbia City Church and Li Yitian and his wife. Li Yitian said: "We learned all the way through prayer, stumbled, and received help and resources from many organizations." The couple actively received equipment in the service and became certified counselors and lecturers by several organizations, and were often invited to various organizations. The church holds camps or seminars. She is also currently pursuing a Master of Family Ministry at True Theological Seminary.
In the early days of the ministry, the members inevitably did not know what medicine was being sold in the gourd of this ministry. Instead of just reading the Bible more, praying more, and entrusting the family to God, why is it necessary to establish a family ministry? Some members are also worried that family ministry is simply introducing worldly psychology into the church. "When everyone participates personally or gradually sees the changes in the families around them, they can slowly accept it."
“Heart”: The focus of family ministry is people, so it is also a “heart” ministry. On the sixth day of creation, God not only created man, but also established a family, showing that family is His good intention. Home is supposed to be a safe haven for love, but the reality is that home often becomes a sad place of constant conflict and hurt. Only by operating according to God's will can we build a loving family. The home can be said to be a discipleship training base, helping Christians to become more holy people; the home is to implement the mission of the community, to support the families of neighbors, and to evangelize the community.
"Hard": Family ministry is also "hard" ministry. Home is a place where sinners live together, where all kinds of chaos inevitably occur and require diligent work. If the church fails to provide human, resource, financial, and spiritual support, service will be doubly difficult.
"Communication with pastors and elders is very important." Frequently communicating the vision, needs, difficulties, etc. of the ministry with the church board of directors can help avoid misunderstandings and build consensus. Chinese churches in North America usually include different subcultures, such as Chinese churches, Cantonese churches, cross-cultural marriages, new immigrants, American-born children and teenagers, etc. When coordinating ministries and planning activities, we need to find different teaching materials and methods according to the needs of each culture, which is sometimes hard work.
"Happiness": No amount of hard work can compare with the "joy" of seeing the results of your ministry. Pre-marriage counseling courses designed with great effort according to different backgrounds and needs can help couples avoid detours after marriage, thereby reducing social problems arising from marital discord. When a loving couples camp is held, some couples are reluctant to enter the camp but one of them is willing to sit closely with the other half and open their hearts to share. Young people who have attended Purity Journey parent-child camps are willing to put the concepts they learned at the camps into practice when dating….
Every time they receive feedback and hear changes, they know God is at work. In addition to marveling and being grateful to God from the bottom of their hearts, the two of them were also inspired not to give up and to continue to move forward with God.
The impact of family ministry often takes time to brew and is not easy to achieve immediately. After seven years of their investment, the senior pastor lamented: "I see a difference; now there are fewer people coming to me for counseling and solving marital problems." The pastor's response greatly cheered them up, jokingly saying that this was a family ministry. "Seven Years of Rise".
Start with the spirit and center on God
Li Yitian said that the core of the church is the family, and families are also small churches. To build a Christ-centered family is to build a church; to build a church is to build a Christ-centered family. If the light of the church is yellow and the love of the family is red, where the two merge, it will become a warm orange family ministry.
▲If the light of the church is yellow and the love of the family is red, where the two merge, it will turn into a warm orange.
One of her seminary professors often emphasized that the two pillars of family ministry are "the church is like home" and "the family is like church." Only a balance between these two pillars can support family ministry. The church is not a gathering of adults, children, teenagers, etc., with no overlap, but a big family, helping all families become small churches, cultivating parents’ ability to shepherd their children, and not leaving the responsibility of educating children to others. Churches, schools, social media, etc.
Some members were worried that the tools used in family ministry were just psychological techniques. After years of service and study, Li Yitian realized: "Psychology is one of the tools for family ministry, but no worldly knowledge can escape God's creation. We are created by God and live in the world created by God. All The observation and study of human nature is actually just to help us better understand God’s creation, and the most important thing is to return to the Lord of creation.”
The vision of Family Ministry is to bring in a variety of carefully identified resources to help families. Some principles and methods used in psychology are indeed effective in managing family relationships and are worth adopting. People's outward behavior is only the tip of the iceberg that emerges from the sea. The real problems are almost always hidden in the deep sea. The root cause is innate sinfulness and idolatry (pop culture, money, fame, self-desire, etc.).
Therefore, no matter what method is used, it must bring people to Jesus, which is the center of the gospel. Relying solely on human skills and efforts cannot completely solve the problem. Moreover, “It’s up to me to decide to do good, but it’s not up to me to do it.” Unless inspired and empowered by the Holy Spirit, there is still a gap between knowing and doing. The ultimate goal of family ministry is actually to bring people into a harmonious relationship with God, with others, and with themselves.
▲Starting from driving to other places to attend couples camps and giving lectures, the family ministry of Columbia City Church has grown in many ways under the leadership of God.
Ask God to guide you according to your needs
There is no fixed method for family ministry. We must be keenly aware of the needs and find resources and design programs. "It's not good to ask thirsty people to eat steamed buns first; if you need water now, you have to provide sufficient drinking water first," Li Yitian said.
Where to start with various needs? Li Yitian said that we must first pray. Family ministry co-workers pray for God’s guidance in monthly prayer meetings; in many ministry projects, she and her husband also pray for God’s provision based on the following indicators: 1) Are there needs; 2) Are there resources; 3) Are there There are no co-workers. If God is prepared, then proceed.
When single-parent families in the church needed services, they found resources from True Love Families International, but were unable to find co-workers, so they continued to wait patiently. There is not only a demand for pre-marriage counseling, parent-child camps, etc., but God has also given abundant resources and co-workers. They clearly know that this is a project that they must focus on at this stage. Although God has not led the establishment of single-parent projects, it does not mean that God does not care about these families. They can still introduce the resources provided by God to single-parent families in need.
▲Man’s revealed behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. Only by bringing people before God can hidden problems be dealt with from the root.
Build a team of co-workers
During the process of inviting co-workers, Li Yitian found that couples who had participated in the Loving Couples Camp were generally more willing. She analyzed that it may be because members who are willing to part time and pay the price to attend couples camp generally do not object to serving other families, and the learning in the camp has expanded their horizons about family relationships. She suggested that churches that intend to set up a family ministry but lack co-workers might first encourage their members to attend a loving couples camp.
Family ministry serves clients of all ages and requires close cooperation with other departments in the church. In order to truly understand the needs of the church, each fellowship in Columbia City Church has a representative from the Family Ministry Department, which is very helpful in understanding the needs and providing immediate help.
The model she and her husband use to train co-workers is: I do it, and you watch it; I do it, and you help it; you do it, and I help it; you do it, and I watch it. The experience is passed on efficiently and the co-workers who received the training have the opportunity to practice on the spot.
Most of the family ministry co-workers are husband-and-wife teams, and there are also representatives from the Singles Fellowship and Single Parent Care, who care for singles and single-parent groups.
When couples serve together, they will inevitably experience conflicts and trials, large and small. Li Yitian and Wang Hao also had a quarrel the night before the camp because they had different opinions on course content and division of labor. But the crisis turned into an opportunity. The two put aside their passions and knelt before God to pray together, asking God for help. They also shared their testimonies at the camp the next day.
Over the past few years, several couples in the team have become a team that works well together, and they have jointly taken on other ministries in the church, so the family ministry has to recruit new co-workers. But seeing couples being sent out and exerting influence in other positions, Li Yitian and Wang Hao often praise God's actions.
Challenge and Grace
When asked whether she had ever suffered setbacks in her service, Li Yitian said of course she had, but she could overcome them all by relying on God. She recalled that in the early days of her ministry, she did not understand that there were different levels of "support"; she felt confused and hurt when a leader who once said "I will definitely support" later refused to provide assistance. Later, I realized that the level of support would change depending on the actual situation, and I felt relieved, and gradually understood that it takes a process for the ministry to be accepted.
Some older members had been reluctant to accept family ministry, but after participating in the activities in person, they all came to support it. Once, three elderly couples were "abducted" by their children to attend a loving couples camp. When he first arrived at the camp, he thought he was going on vacation. After experiencing the camp in person, he liked it very much and lamented that it was too late to meet him. A sister happily expressed that after living to a great age, she finally heard her husband say to her, "I love you."
In the early days of founding the family ministry, Li Yitian and Wang Hao were seen by everyone as an enviable model family with everything going smoothly. When children enter adolescence, they, like many parents, experience a trough in their parent-child relationship for four or five years. Li Yitian said: "God allowed us to go through that journey, allowing us to learn to rely on Him closely, and also allowing us to be more empathetic and sympathize with the hurt families." She admitted that only by walking through the Valley of Tears was she able to empathize with others. , it must be enough to feel the pain of others and personally experience God’s grace.
When they were heartbroken about their parent-child relationship, a sister who was close to her said, "I'm actually quite happy." The sister then explained, "When I heard you lecture on the podium, I always felt like you were on the shore and I was under the water. Now I know that you are struggling in the water like me, and you are about to drown."
Li Yitian is very grateful to this sister. Indeed, because of her own experience, she deeply understood that when a child has a problem, it is not necessarily entirely the fault of the parents. Some situations are allowed by God. "In difficulties, how to rely on God and live with difficulties is very important."
They know that if something goes wrong in their marriage, it will be a serious blow to the ministry. Therefore, the couple has always been cautious about their relationship with each other and their interactions with members of the opposite sex, trying their best not to leave any gaps.
"Family ministry cannot just do things of its own department or the church, it must have a kingdom concept." At the end of the interview, Li Yitian emphasized again that the direction of the ministry must be in line with the pastor's vision for the church, and it also needs to work closely with other ministry departments of the church. cooperate. The iron triangle of family ministry is the church, institution, and seminary. The three exchange resources and cooperate with each other to serve more families. She said: "Each church's situation is different. Just do whatever you have with the resources you have. Just give your five loaves and two fishes and follow God's leading."
Are there any misconceptions about family ministry in the church? In what ways can the congregation better understand the content and importance of ministry? How to train a congregation? Please look forward to Li Yitian’s experience and thoughts in the next issue.
Respondents
Li Yitian(Timmy Ong), a former software engineer, is currently studying for a master's degree in family ministry at True Evangelical Theological Seminary. Dedicated to children’s ministry for 38 years, he and his husband Dennis Wang founded the Family Ministry of Columbia Chinese Christian Church in 2010. He is often invited to various churches to hold Purity Journey parent-child camps, as well as children’s ministry teacher training, youth emotional intelligence and Leadership training, single love, marriage and family, parent-child relationship, caring ministry. The couple is the couple leader of the Loving Couple Camp of the Family Renewal Association, a certified premarital counselor, a certified teacher of "Youth Without Regrets" of the American Loving Family Association, and a special co-worker of the training ministry of the Christian Messenger Association. The couple has three adult children.
Zheng Qiongyu, from Taiwan, settled in Northern California. She has a son with her husband and two naughty furry children at home. He once worked as a Sunday school teacher for children in the church for nearly ten years, and is currently engaged in literary ministry.