Broken wings
In 1968, many counties and cities in southern Vietnam were bombarded and violently attacked by the Viet Cong. At the time, I was serving in the South Vietnamese Army and was assigned to work as a translator for the 3rd Marine Division. The unit I served in was located in Bengang City (also known as Grand Nangang) in central Vietnam. It was attacked by the Viet Cong for three nights in a row; it rained down rockets and shells. The U.S. military used helicopters and Phantom fighter jets to fight back, causing heavy casualties on both sides.
Unfortunately, I was burned by the fire caused by the bombs that fell near the gasoline depot and wooden warehouse. I fell into a coma and was sent to the US Navy Hospital 20 kilometers away for treatment. My injuries were second-degree burns, which were quite serious. I was kept in the hospital for observation for several months. After I recovered from my injuries, the military medical committee determined that the injuries I suffered were not enough to cause me to be permanently disabled, and I could still apply for retirement and rehabilitation from the military. Therefore, I was sent to Hue City, 97 kilometers away from my original unit, to wait for discharge procedures.
Kindness and help
At this time, I already had a one-and-a-half-year-old son, and my wife gave birth to a healthy and lovely daughter. Unfortunately, she contracted an infection while giving birth in the hospital and passed away fifteen days after giving birth to her daughter.
During my service, my wife and I rented a small house near the military headquarters. My parents, relatives, friends, and church were all thousands of miles away in Saigon, the capital of Vietnam. Therefore, in the local city of Danggang, I was a stranger in a foreign land. Except for my fellow soldiers (all Americans) and some Vietnamese neighbors I didn’t know well, I had no friends and no way to ask for help. Moreover, I have a strong personality and do not easily accept help from others. Moreover, whenever something happens to me, I will report the good news rather than the bad news, so as not to increase the emotional burden on others. At that time, my sister was getting married, so I couldn't tell them the sad news, lest it ruin the happy atmosphere. Therefore, I bear the pain of losing my wife alone.
My wife passed away and needed to take care of the funeral arrangements, and I needed to return to the military headquarters to wait for the order to retire. The infant is helpless and needs a nanny to take care of him. I cannot afford all these expenses. Fortunately, there was an old widow not far from home. Both of her sons died for the country. She saved some money and prepared to leave it for herself to deal with her funeral. When she heard her neighbors talking about my plight, she was moved with compassion and generously lent me all the money I needed to save my urgent need. I'm grateful that she trusted me, a stranger. After I recovered, I returned to the U.S. Economic Aid Agency where I worked before joining the army. After receiving my first month’s salary, I returned the loan to her. I will never forget her loving help to me.
Support from relatives
Three months after returning to work, my sister's honeymoon period has passed. I asked someone to bring a message to my mother, telling her my current situation. Since I can't go to work and take care of my children at the same time, I want to ask my mother and sister to fly to my place of work and take my two children home to raise them. They are very happy to help me, especially my father who loves my two children. Two years later, I felt that being separated from my children for a long time was not good for their growth, so I asked my employer to transfer me back to Saigon for work, ending my life away from home.
When I returned to my parents' home, apart from going to work and attending night school, I spent the rest of my time with my children. I often took them on motorcycle rides and taught them to understand the functions of traffic lights, traffic rules, and driving safety. . Every Sunday morning, I went to a nearby Christian church with them for gatherings. The church sisters knew that they had lost their mother's love when they were young, and they all showed special care and love for them. Because of this, they have loved going to church since childhood, participating in Sunday school and youth fellowship, and decided to be baptized and join the church service.
anxious
I remember there was a couple in the church at that time. They had four sons but no daughters. I want to help my two children by sending them to their home every weekend. That sister taught my daughter all kinds of housekeeping skills, from household cleaning, cooking, decoration, supermarket shopping, to the knowledge a girl should have during her growth period. And that brother is a good tennis player and taught my son how to play tennis. The six children grew up together and became good friends.
On April 30, 1975, the entire Vietnam was occupied by the North Vietnamese Communist Party. The U.S. Embassy in Vietnam arranged for our family of ten to come to the United States. At that time, my son was eight years old and my daughter was seven years old. For the first two years, I lived in the same house with my children, mother, and siblings. Two years later, my children and I moved to a place only one mile away from work, but about 22 miles away from my mother and siblings. I am grateful for the care my mother and sister provide for my children, but I also feel that I need to spend more time personally teaching and influencing my children.
Because I have no experience in raising young children, and there are cultural differences with young people who grew up in the United States. Especially for my daughter, I don’t know much about the physical and psychological aspects of adolescence. Many times, I am anxious because I don’t know how to help them, and even behave strangely. There have been many times when I suddenly started to worry about everything at home when I was out running errands. Is the door locked? The kerosene stove has been used, has it been turned off? The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became, so I hurriedly drove home for four to fifty minutes to check, but the result was often nothing but trouble.
I felt very distressed about this. After talking to a psychotherapist, I found out that it was because I was too worried about my children. So, in order to effectively help children, I went to the University of Pittsburgh to study psychology and counseling. This not only helps me and my children a lot, but also makes me more capable in the future to help those who have suffered setbacks in life.
Beloved
I live with my children, and when they enter college and become independent, they show consideration for me as their father and ask me to stop worrying about them. Because they have grown up and can take care of themselves. So, with their instigation, I began to plan for the rest of my life. Under God's wonderful arrangement, I married a sister who loved me and my children on October 28, 1998, at the Pittsburgh Chinese Church.
She has 100% trust and love for me, and she is also very caring and accepting of the children. The children all respected her and got along well with her. Sometimes it's easier to accept her advice than mine. With her, our home is more warm and loving. She not only keeps the windows bright and clean, but also pays attention to diet and protects our health. She loves to make snacks; both children love to eat the carrot cake she makes. Every time they return home from other states, she is always busy steaming the carrot cake happily and waiting for them to return home. Thank God for preparing a new pilgrim companion for me, which also ended my long life of being a single parent.
Whenever I think of those rugged and difficult journeys in the past, I think of the loving care of Heavenly Father and God and the loving help of many brothers and sisters, which enabled me to get through those difficult days safely. The Bible says: “He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort that God has given us. Since we have abounded in the sufferings of Christ, we will receive abounding comfort in Christ. ” (2 Corinthians 1:4-5) Therefore, I can better experience that suffering is beneficial to me. Relying on the grace given by God, not only did I emerge from the Valley of Tears, but many people around me were also blessed by the suffering I suffered. I want to express my gratitude to the God who loves me!
Author profile
Qiu Jianqin, a Vietnamese overseas Chinese, came to the United States in 1975. in Psychology and Counseling from the University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Worked for the Philadelphia Police Department and as a court interpreter. Loves reading, traveling, music appreciation and literary and artistic creation.