Rest in the ocean of love
Oral narration/Compiled by Wang Xun/Lin Minwen
Picture provided/True Love Family Association, Wang Xun
As the plane began to taxi on the runway, I glanced out the window at the snowy landscape, still reciting numerous lists in my mind—things to bring, things to explain...
With a sudden surge of momentum, I broke away from gravity in the blink of an eye and flew into the blue. The light clouds rode the high wind, brushing the wings of the plane and brushing the hairline, sweeping away the stack of lists.
What will be gained from this trip?
In 2007, he and his wife Tokutong started serving at Garn Church in New Jersey, USA. I have learned about the "Pastoral Couple's Sea Journey" from "True Love Magazine" in the past few years, and I have long been fascinated by this creative way of caring for pastoral families. Unexpectedly, we were invited to join the trip in February 2010. The pastor and I were overjoyed and signed up immediately. I have been excitedly looking forward to it for half a year. Today I will leave the freezing cold Northland and take a cruise from Houston, Texas. In the next few days, I will enjoy the rare leisure in the blue sky and blue sea.
Looking forward to a restful and updated journey
After completing seminary preparation, he entered his first ministry field and pastored a church in Paris. Being far away from the emotional protection net of relatives, friends and teachers, stepping on the tightrope of unfamiliar language and culture with fear, the long adjustment period exhausted my mental energy, and believers still have unrealistic service requirements for me as a teacher’s wife. Putting me into a melancholic slump.
The treatment and counseling process after returning to the United States was like walking in a dark tunnel, but the support of the Lord's limbs was like a firefly. Several children in the new church have been known to my son since he was a child, allowing him to quickly integrate into the circle of teenagers. Most of the people in the congregation were about the same age as our couple and had similar backgrounds, which helped us gain acceptance.
My experience in pastoring over the past few years has given me a deep understanding that as a pastor, I also need to receive encouragement and care from the congregation. This is like depositing deposits of love one after another into the pastor’s spiritual account, giving the pastor more abundant spiritual resources to feed back to the believers.
Since pastors are busy taking care of the congregation on weekdays, they need to pay special attention to managing the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child. After all, with a healthy family relationship, pastors not only serve without worries, but also serve as role models for believers. Pastors are different from ordinary office workers. They cannot "go off work" after leaving the office, so it is rare for couples to get along without distractions. When I participated in this sea trip, I was somewhat looking forward to being able to relax and spend a week with Detong, having his time and attention to myself. I have never doubted the love between us, and our affection for each other really needs nourishment.
I traveled with more than a dozen pastoral couples on this sea trip, and we agreed before the trip not to talk about ministry. I hope to get to know them more deeply as "people", not just as "things" they do. I also long for fellowship with fellow teachers and wives, because the joys and sorrows of being a teacher’s wife can only be understood by fellow travelers.
▲Laughter brings our hearts closer, and we can see God’s faithfulness and presence in each other’s life exchanges. The picture shows all the members of the 2010 Pastoral Couple’s True Love at Sea cruise happily taking a group photo.
Laughter opens life exchanges
When the plane arrived in Houston, the sky was hazy, but the temperature was much higher than in New Jersey. After the cruise ship sailed into the Gulf of Mexico, the eyes were wide and bright - the indigo water stretched forward and met the pink-blue dome on the horizon. The mood is immersed in a clear state, and you swim in complete openness. Who said "blue" is the color of melancholy?
There's a book called "When I Relax I Feel Guilty" that seems to be a portrayal of pastors. Even though we were surrounded by beautiful scenery and enjoying delicious food, it still took us two days to melt away the frozen cheeks. And what makes our friendship warm is humor.
The pastor and his wife were required to take turns telling jokes before each gathering on the ship. They had extensive contacts and knowledge, so of course they had abundant sources of jokes. I saw a group of pastors and wives who were usually sanctimonious, but now they were leaning forward and backward. Their laughter from the bottom of their hearts, the volume and shocking power were comparable to the call from the pulpit.
Laughter also brings people closer to each other. Afterwards, in lectures and during meals, these couples who were committed to serving God and serving the congregation told their life stories one by one. Every seemingly happy family has experienced struggles and faced challenges. But their perseverance and faith made me believe in God’s faithfulness. He is not only with me and Detong, but also with many of His servants. Pastors do need to bear a heavy cross, but it is such a precious position entrusted by God.
Many group members also said that this trip allowed them to review the Bible's teachings on pastors, and they deeply felt the importance of caring for pastors. They were willing to care for more pastoral families after returning.
I have also seen and heard the thoughts of many teachers’ wives. Some of them have been serving for nearly forty years, and some have only been ministers for four or five years. Some of them have the gift of preaching and teaching, and some of them are accustomed to listening quietly. Just like sisters in a family, each of the sisters has their own strengths and characteristics, but they are all willing to share their experiences and "tricks" for dealing with situations big and small. We also decided that no matter what the congregation’s role as a teacher’s wife was, our primary role was to be cheerleaders, cheering our husbands on, and serving as their loyal advocates.
Make a covenant to walk together again
The cruise ship is so peaceful while sailing on the sea. Surrounded by boundless blue waves, it seems like you are drifting with the waves, but in fact, you are driven by a steady force to move towards your destination.
Walking side by side with Detong on the deck, we don't necessarily have to discuss our opinions and experiences. Sometimes we don't say anything and let the refreshing sea breeze blow through our hair and clothes, entwining our hands and hearts.
Since it is a couple's trip, many activities are designed to enhance the health of the marriage. For example, from the couple relationship test, I found that there is still room for improvement in frank communication with Detong. Indeed, I have always been good at expressing myself, while Detong was relatively silent, so our communication pace was inconsistent. This time through questionnaires and interactions, God spoke to us and saw what needed to be changed. This is really the work of the Holy Spirit.
On the last night of the trip, Pastor Ye Gaofang of the True Love Family Association "certified the marriage" and we renewed our covenant in front of God and everyone. The pastors who are accompanying them are used to officiating weddings. Today, they will become the protagonists of the ceremony and sincerely swear to their partners that no matter what the future situation may be, they will never leave the couple whom God has paired with them. These new insights from various service workshops sincerely thank each other and apologize for past shortcomings.
Detong turned away from his usual restrained attitude, looked at me intently and said, "My family needs you, and my ministry cannot be without you. I love you."
And what about myself? Apart from saying some words of encouragement, "You need to exercise more!" I couldn't openly express to him, "I love you too."
After returning to the cabin, I thought carefully about the scene just now, and my mood fluctuated like waves. I was pleasantly surprised by Detong's respect and recognition of me; but I was also upset that I missed the opportunity to express my love.
Didn’t we agree that no matter in life or service, we should walk together with one heart? How many times have I been unable to show in front of everyone that I am on the same side as Tokutong? How many times has he been isolated because of other people's opinions? Not only will this affect our ministry, but what damage will it cause to our marriage?
I thought again of the vows made by the pastor and his wife, who had been married for forty years. Their tacit understanding and intimacy filled their smiles. Marriage in Christ is so beautiful, so harmonious, and so inspiring.
I have a deep understanding of the love between the pastor and his wife, which can set a good example for brothers and sisters in their family relationships. Maybe I didn’t do it this time, but I believe it was God who allowed me to see this clearly and then I had the opportunity to learn again.
▲ How much time, effort, and resources did it take to build a majestic building that has stood for thousands of years? Isn’t the life and service of a pastor also a project built by God?
Connecting with the source and rekindling the sail of love
During the itinerary, we stopped at the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico, and after landing we took a bus to visit the Mayan ruins. After the tiring journey, I no longer have the energy to appreciate it properly, but I am still in awe of the majestic buildings that have stood for thousands of years. How much time, manpower, and resources will this project cost? During the construction period, we experienced many natural disasters and the rise and fall of dynasties! After completion, you don’t have to keep repairing and repairing!
The change of situation during the trip enabled me to see people and things in a new light. Think about your own life, isn’t it also an unfinished work in God’s hands? The price He spent and the resources He poured into me were just to build me according to His blueprint.
In fact, not only myself, but also my husband and children, the pastors and couples who travel with me, church members, my family and service... are also one of the projects built by God. Every family and every person has their own journey, needs to acknowledge their shortcomings, and needs care and encouragement. Pastors are no exception.
▲Detong and Wang Xun wandered in the ocean of love, resting their body and soul and regaining their strength.
Just as the apostle Peter denied the Lord three times at the fire, Jesus also affirmed Peter’s love for the Lord at the fire and entrusted him with the responsibility of shepherding. How much kindness and mercy Jesus had toward Peter's building up! Generally, it is not necessary to hang a notice during construction: "Sorry for the inconvenience caused during the construction." After thinking about it, I feel more tolerant of others and myself, and I look forward to the moment when the masterpiece is unveiled.
When the cruise ship docks in the harbor again, it is inevitable to feel a little bit sad when saying goodbye. Our hearts are filled with love, but Detong and I can't wait to go back and share it with our family and friends.
The pastoral couple who traveled with me will become each other's partners in prayer and support, allowing me to gain friendship; the True Love Association spent manpower and resources, "spending no expense" to organize such a warm and sumptuous trip, expressing its care for the pastor's family; I heard it with my own ears Detong openly expressed his respect and admiration for me, which made our love as husband and wife deeper...
This sea journey is undoubtedly God’s pampering for me, so that my body, mind and soul can rest. The heavy love I received has made me regain my strength and know how to love others. When I wander in the ocean of love, I connect with the source of love again.
Excerpts from the group memories of the Pastoral Couple’s True Love Journey at Sea in 2010
‧Hope someone will support this ministry
The biggest learning from this trip is that I can open my heart to enjoy the cruise, appreciate the beautiful scenery, and have happy fellowship with the co-workers. More importantly, my wife and I can be more open and accepting of each other.
Deciding to put God’s feelings first and your wife’s feelings second from now on is a lesson in building a happy marriage.
Hopefully there will be an opportunity to continue learning such important and beautiful lessons, and I hope someone will support this ministry.
‧Be able to be yourself easily
What impressed us most about this true love journey was that the participants could easily be themselves and were no longer constrained or restricted by the titles of "pastor or teacher".
The biggest learning is that the love between husband and wife can continue to improve and grow. Determine to love your partner more and understand and care for her better.
‧Get support, prayer and encouragement
Being able to receive support, prayers, and encouragement despite the loneliness, pressure, and even hurt in the service is one of the greatest rewards of this sea trip.
The relationship between husband and wife can be seriously faced and the love rekindled in a carefully designed program. They can walk hand in hand to become more stable and happier. This is the greatest blessing.
Being able to get to know 12 other couples, share joy and cry together is something I will never forget.
‧See other examples of pastoral couples loving each other
What impressed me most was that the couple was reunited with God and everyone
The marriage covenant before you.
The greatest learning is seeing other pastoral couples in love
as a supportive example, and therefore inspire ourselves to learn from Jesus’ love for us
Model how to love your wife.
Resolve before God that if you love your wife, you must love her with your life, because she has the precious image and life of God. Therefore, the two of you become a team that serves others, so that others can see the love of the Lord Jesus because of our love for each other. I hope this can move others to desire to receive the Lord.
‧Renew the marriage covenant
Renewing the marriage covenant was the most profound thing that impressed me. For the pastor himself, he not only makes a covenant with God, but also becomes an example for others to make a covenant.
Communicating and praying with my pastoral colleagues, learning their testimony for the Lord, maintaining my marriage, and raising my children are my greatest learnings.
After returning home, I need to maintain my relationship with my wife, become a physical and spiritual partner, a pastoral partner, and a companion who will continue to pursue my dreams in the future.
Interviewee profile
Mrs. Wang Xun enjoyed being a housewife and also worked as a writer and watercolor painter. She once assisted her husband, Pastor Li Detong, in missionary pastoral care in Paris, France for four years. In 2007, he returned to the United States for treatment due to depression. In May of the same year, he began to pastor the Chinese Overseas Missionary Association's Gian Church in New Jersey to this day.
Mrs. Li aims to bring the redemptive love of Jesus Christ to the heartbroken people through words and watercolor paintings. She is also responsible for the ministry of women and international students, and often cares for those in need through emails.