Life transforms and changes at the turning point

【Witness】

In this case, husband and wife are no longer two persons, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. (Matthew 19:6)

Xiuling: Wife’s True Confession

I was born in an urban family where men and women have equal rights. Because I am the youngest daughter, I have been very obedient since I was a child and have been loved by my parents. Although my parents often quarreled, they still loved and cherished each other. The husband grew up in a conservative Hakka village where patriarchy was supreme, and the mother often lived in silence. As the boss, he has a gentle personality and a sense of responsibility. I only knew him for three short months. His kindness and understanding deeply attracted me, making me feel particularly safe and willing to trust him for the rest of my life.

Three months after our marriage, my husband went to the United States to study, and I went with him as his wife's companion. The originally sweet and happy life of a newlywed began to have disputes due to the adaptation to the environment in a foreign land and different opinions and needs in life. Because we have different backgrounds and concepts in our original families, my fear and worry were regarded by him as looking down on him and distrusting him, so there were barriers to communication and listening between us.

My husband and I believed in Christ in 1991 and 1994, but I was lukewarm about the faith. Although we loved each other, we had quarrels and cold wars, and we could never bear the same yoke. My husband is busy with his business, so in order to give him no worries, I take care of all the household chores and take my children to the mountains and sea to participate in various activities and studies. I thought this was an expression of "love". Others admired my "happy marriage", and I also felt very happy.

When I am so busy that I am exhausted, I often complain and hope that my husband can help me with the housework, but I always talk in a roundabout way. In the absence of communication, my husband took it for granted that I could handle all matters on my own. During holidays, he would focus on church or playing basketball, which often made me sulky. Many years later, I fell ill and faced the unacceptable cancer. My heart felt even more sad and unfair. How could I, who was considered a healthy baby and a good athlete since I was a child, become seriously ill?

At that time, I deeply understood the importance of faith and determined to turn back to God. God also healed me and sent angels and heavenly armies to camp around to protect me. After chemotherapy, I followed my husband closely to serve in the church with a grateful heart. However, there were still many differences in our views and perspectives. On the surface, they seemed to be working together, but in fact they were not on the same page. Many times, I care about whether I am respected by my husband, but he always puts the needs of others first and puts my needs last. The differences between each other trigger more disputes, coupled with the accumulated negative emotions that have not been dealt with in the past, it is like a volcanic explosion, out of control, and the pain in the heart is difficult to heal.

But God used many people and things to turn the situation around. Once, even the neighbors who had a problem with us came to comfort me and praised my husband as a good person. This convinced me that everything must be God’s good will and blessing. Later, God gave us the opportunity to participate in the "Love Couple Camp MER1". The camp taught me how to submit to my husband, and also taught him how to love his wife. After three days and two nights of courses, we finally learned how to communicate, be willing to spend time together, see things from different perspectives, "give what others want" instead of "give what you want", listen to each other, appreciate each other, and learn from each other. Encourage and support. Every morning, during my break at work, the two of us would call each other and pray together. From then on, our lives turned upside down, just like two caterpillars crawling together.

Although the new knowledge we have learned has helped us break through the bottleneck of marriage, our old personality is still there and we need to learn to be more humble and obedient. The wonderful God used His rope of mercy and love to encircle us, and led us unswervingly to the "Couple's Deep Camp MER2". Because of the curriculum design, couples are required to work together more, so each other often confesses their sins before God and forgives each other. Let us pray, read and wait on God together, learn to see each other from God’s eyes, and improve our character. In the end, the Lord repaired our marriage and tempered our character. He led our relationship to take root downwards and our emotions to ascend upwards. The two caterpillars gradually grew and transformed into colorful butterflies.

I have gone through high mountains, low valleys, laughter, and tears in my life. "You have counted all my wanderings many times. Please put my tears in your wine bag. Aren't they all recorded in your book?" (Psalm) 56:8) I know that no matter what the circumstances, God holds me tightly in His arms and allows me to clearly see what He is doing in me. I have personal experience: It is impossible to change the difficulties in marriage by one's own will, but with God everything is possible.

God intervened to save our marriage through the "Loving Couples Camp MER1", making us a family after God's heart, pruning our character, preparing us for the deeper "Leading Couples Training Camp LCT" course, and accomplishing our goal of entering family ministry. The road is not just for yourself.

1. Xiuling admitted that it was God’s intervention that saved her marriage and enabled her and her husband to build a family that was in line with God’s heart.
2. "True love" means being willing to leave the sovereignty of the marriage relationship in the hands of the Lord, looking at your spouse with the Lord's eyes, letting go of yourself, and fulfilling the other half.
3. The author’s family portrait.

Zengkun: Husband’s unforgettable experience

Husband and wife are supposed to have the most intimate relationship, but as time goes by, the intimacy seems to be exhausted little by little. In addition, there is no smooth communication channel with each other, and they don't know how to deposit money into the "love bank" on weekdays, as well as each other. The ideas and habits brought from the original family are deeply entangled in daily life. So sometimes conflicts arise, and I don’t even know why, let alone how to control and resolve them.

Although Xiuling and I have both been Christians for many years, we felt increasingly unable to walk together with one heart and one mind. We were very depressed and painful, and we even wanted to give up on this marriage at one point. Looking back on the past thirty-three years, they have always spent their time in small quarrels or cold wars with each other. Seeing that the two of them are drifting apart, they are almost becoming two parallel lines.

Before attending the couples camp, I always thought that both of us have been married for many years, so do we still need to go to such activities? In fact, I was convinced that my marriage was fine and there was no need to attend a couples camp. I was even more worried that it would turn into a "scab-digging conference." When the third session of the "Loving Couples Camp" was recruiting students, a sister recommended that we go. However, my hard heart at that time prompted me to push and push again and again, year after year, and never give in until the last moment.

Until 2016, because of Xiu Ling's words: "How about we participate in this year's "Love Couple Camp" together? This will be the best and greatest gift you gave me for my 30th wedding anniversary." Wow! This trick is powerful, saying no is too heartless; saying yes is very reluctant! With this half push and a final kick from a sister, I was "kicked" into the 8th "You, Me, Love Couples Camp" in the Eastern United States.

The two main concepts of the "Loving Couple Camp" are: deposits and garbage removal. Frankly speaking, I gained a lot during the whole process. If the relationship between husband and wife can be compared to a bank, positive words, appreciation, affirmation, and expressions of love to each other would be deposits. On the contrary, if you often criticize, accuse, or express dissatisfaction, it will produce psychological garbage. If there is a lot of money between two people, and the immediate removal of unprocessed negative emotions and feelings, it will be of great help to the intimacy of the marital relationship.

Through constant practice, I discovered that Xiu Ling still has so many advantages that need to be discovered. Could it be that the accumulated dissatisfaction with her in the past blinded my initial love? I really feel like I owe Xiuling! After repeated practice, when I later discovered that I had negative emotions in my heart, I no longer concealed them secretly, but was willing to express them to her and truly let her understand my feelings. Such an open and honest way of expression allowed me to witness: "Speak clearly, Speak clearly and love will come.”

During the camp, I heard the sincere and heart-to-heart analysis and sharing of the leading couple. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I was constantly bursting into tears and constantly surprised, and my soul was constantly touched, opened, and renewed. The testimonies and stories shared by the brothers and sisters moved me to tears, and also allowed me to gain greater release and growth in confessing my sins. Through each other’s practical exercises: saving money, cleaning up trash, confessing and forgiving, etc., I realized that there was still a lot of room for improvement in the marriage that I originally considered “happy and happy”. In particular, I realized that “true love” is:

Be willing to put the sovereignty of the marriage relationship in the hands of the Lord, look at your spouse with the eyes of the Lord, be humble and submissive to each other, put down yourself, and fulfill your partner.

After participating in the "Loving Couples Camp", not only did the results exceed expectations, but it also gave me a great inner impact. The Lord helped me break myself, completely change myself, and my whole life was turned around. I finally learned to communicate, be willing to listen, be willing to spend time with my spouse, see things from different perspectives, learn to "give what others want" rather than "give what I want", and cherish the partner God has promised me from my heart.

After completing the entire course, I clearly understood that God’s establishment of marriage is one of the greatest gifts God has given to people. God originally intended for people to enjoy marriage. This is His beautiful will.

Nowadays, I am more willing to spend time before God to reflect more, be humble and obedient, long for the Lord’s illumination and adjustment, do everything myself first, and do not blindly ask the other person to change. I believe that my marriage will definitely be better.

I remember one late night more than two months after the camp, I had already fallen asleep. Xiu Ling suddenly woke me up and said, "Husband, I want a deposit." I replied, "The bank is closed and we won't accept it. Please be early tomorrow." ” Even though I said this, I still received it with joy and felt very warm in my heart. This was something that would never have happened before. Thank you Lord for giving me a new beginning, a restoration, and a heart with rekindled love through such a meaningful camp.