Please enter the counseling reception room: Interviews with Guo Yuanping and Liu Yongling on the Myths of Perspective Counseling

Good at managing anger, words and deeds can easily get out of control, which indirectly affects character development. Some negative effects will be exposed after marriage, such as the inability to face family difficulties rationally, difficulty in establishing close relationships with family members, and even the tendency to behave violently and out of control in disciplining children.

Fortunately, Xiaoqian knew she needed help and was eager to make a breakthrough. The most important thing about receiving counseling and spiritual healing is not to sit in a dark room and passively wait for recovery, but to stand up bravely and actively seek help.

Perspective on the Counseling Process

Guo Yuanping believes that tutoring Xiaoqian can be divided into three stages:

1. Share stories and review "painful" points
All counseling processes must recall the past and tell stories. Sharing itself is the beginning of healing. Questions such as "Do you think your childhood was happy? Why?" and "If your father were here, what would you say to him?" are some preliminary questions that led Xiaoqian to think deeply and review.

When Xiaoqian talks about "painful" points or "bright" points, she may cry or be happy. At this time, Liu Yongling can play the role of a sister, holding hands to comfort or hug her at the right time, trying to make Xiaoqian feel safe and not alone when sharing. At the same time, we can observe the crux of the problem from her emotional or physical reactions, and then help Xiaoqian explore further.

Outside of the consultation time, encourage Xiaoqian to try to write a diary, cry, vent, and find appropriate people to share with, which are all legitimate channels to help ease her emotions.

2.Forgive
After Xiaoqian recognized the impact of her family of origin, the counseling process advanced to the second step - forgiveness. Let Xiaoqian understand the harm caused to her by her family of origin, not by asking her to continue to have a negative, self-pitying or angry attitude, but by asking her to actively "choose" to forgive her parents, including accepting that her parents are imperfect people and that her father is The impact on the family’s physical, mental and spiritual aspects. The step of “forgiveness” must never be avoided or skipped in the process of counseling and healing.

Guo Yuanping believes that the most ideal model of confession and forgiveness is for both parties (Xiaoqian and her father) to receive counseling and counseling at the same time. However, for Chinese parents, the concepts of "family scandals should not be publicized" and "the world is full of parents" hinder parents. Admit your mistake and save your face to receive counseling, or even ask for forgiveness. Even if her father is not present, Teacher Guo can still act as a father and ask for forgiveness, and guide Xiaoqian to say words of forgiveness. Through back-and-forth two-way practice, Xiaoqian can be comforted and healed in the process of "opening her mouth."

The Bible teaches us to choose to confess and forgive each other rather than retaliate when we are hurt (see James 5:16; Matthew 6:12). To be able to forgive others is to let go of yourself and decide not to tie the rope of resentment and bitterness tightly around your neck. Knowing that the father was hurt in his family of origin when he was a child makes it easier to feel compassion and be willing to forgive him. In the end, the father can be treated with "blessings". Only then is the forgiveness stage complete.

3. Participate in fellowship life
"In group relationships, healing is more likely to happen," Guo Yuandi emphasized.

After many years of counseling experience, Guo Yuandi and his wife have deeply realized that to help those receiving counseling, they cannot rely solely on one-on-one counseling and consultation once a week, but must establish a deep heart-to-heart relationship with one or two same-sex friends in daily life. Friendship, through the caring support of fellowship life, is more completely healed.

After completing these three counseling processes, Liu Yongling suggested that Xiaoqian and Zhihao's pre-marriage counseling courses can begin.

Counseling and consultation aspects

Why do we need professional counseling when we already have friends and fellow members to share with?

Liu Yongling explained that professional counseling can lead the recipients to stand at a higher place and look down on the current situation from a third party's perspective, and use experience and professional knowledge to help the recipients discover blind spots, clarify myths, and even provide timely and appropriate guidance. challenges.

Experienced counseling can provide a safe and confidential environment, allowing those who come to be counseled to talk with confidence from the outside to the inside under a trustworthy relationship. In addition, counseling can lead to focused exploration in the shortest time, instead of following the counselee aimlessly and talking in circles about the problem.

When coaching and listening, you can identify the meaning or undertones of the counselee's words. Know how to ask the “right questions” to enter into focused consultations and prescribe the right medicine. As recorded in the Bible, Jesus never spoke much when he counseled and healed people, but every time he opened his mouth, he always asked good and pointed questions, challenging people to see and face the problems of their own "hearts" and "spirits."
Guo Yuanping particularly emphasized: "Christian counseling is not just a one-way teaching or listening relationship, but a friendship relationship and a service that affects life." Liu Yongling added that counseling is like a team coach, not helping players to play ball. Instead, it gives players goals and challenges to help them eventually face this game of their own life independently.

When asked about the most gratifying results as a counselor and the expectations for future service, Liu Yongling said that the most gratifying thing is to see people who receive counseling can have hope for family and life, understand and perform their own duties well. Play your role, fulfill your responsibilities, and strive to build a healthy and happy family. Guo Yuanping said with hope: "We look forward to continuing to bring God's love and blessings to all parts of the world through our marriage counseling services!"

Debunking the Myths of Marriage Counseling

Myth 1. Seeking counseling is too "spiritual". Christians should just rely on reading the Bible and praying to "listen to God's words".
God places people in groups, and He does not use a single way to speak to people. Instead, He uses physical support and care to repair the cracks in interpersonal relationships. Believers should use various gifts to serve one another, striving to know God and experience the true meaning of love.

Myth 2. Our marital problems are not bad enough to warrant divorce, so we don’t need marriage counseling.
Marriage negotiation is not a preparation for couples preparing for divorce, but a preventive measure before the problem becomes more serious and the marital status becomes worse. Prevention is better than cure, so don’t wait until your relationship is on the verge of breaking up before seeking help. Even if there is still a chance to make amends, both parties will be severely damaged by then and will need to spend more time and energy repairing it.

Myth 3. Since my partner is unwilling to participate in marriage counseling, it is useless for me to go alone.
Even if only one party of the couple comes to receive consultation, it still has a decisive impact on the repair of the relationship. Especially when a marriage has broken down and been hurt, you need help to stand up from where you fell, get rid of bitter thoughts, and see hope for the future, so that you will not make the same mistakes again in relationships.

Myth 4. Our relationship as husband and wife is so good that attending a couples growth camp is unnecessary.
Growth camp is an opportunity for couples to learn how to run a marriage. Couples can relive their first love here, learn to communicate and resolve conflicts, deepen mutual understanding and intimacy, and make an already good marriage even happier. This is "on-the-job training" for couples to run a marriage. They will learn and grow throughout their lives and enjoy blessings throughout their lives!

Myth 5. We are all Christians, so why bother talking about expenses.
Workers deserve to be paid, not to mention that any ministry requires funds, and any learning also requires paying a price, so that the results can be cherished. Financial feedback is not only reasonable, but also shows respect for the counselor. Whether participating in a couples growth camp or receiving individual or marriage counseling, it is definitely a very meaningful and valuable "family investment"!

Intimate coaching tips

Two teachers, Guo Yuanping and Liu Yongling, think they are suitable candidates worthy of sharing:
*Older people with experience and wisdom.
*People who have mature faith and a close relationship with God.
*People who will not react and criticize immediately after listening to the sharing.
*People who have good marriage, family and interpersonal relationships.
*An empathetic person.
＊People who can respect privacy and keep confidentiality.
*Brothers or sisters of the same sex.

Further reading:

1. "Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend & Dr. Henry Cloud" (Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend & Dr. Henry Cloud), Daosheng Publishing House, Taipei, 2001
2. "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. John Townsend & Dr. Henry Cloud, Daosheng Publishing House, Taipei, 2004
3. "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry", Zondervan, 1995

Counseling information:

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE (7233), http://www.thehotline.org
2. Garden of Hope New York, (877)990-8595 (877-please-help me, save me), http://www.gohny.org; Taiwan’s Garden of Hope Social Welfare Foundation, (02)8911-5595, http://www.goh.org.tw/main.asp
3.American Association of Christian Counselors: www.aacc.net

Interviewee profile:
Guo Yuanpei and Liu Yongling have many years of experience in family counseling and are lecturers at couples growth camps. He has translated "Intimate Couples" and is the author of "The Art of Loving and Being Loved" and "Sexually Happy Couples".

Journalist profile:
Su Yayu chose to experience life through "home education" with her five precious children, and learned to serve and experience God through words.