{"id":18982,"date":"2026-06-21T15:00:49","date_gmt":"2026-06-21T19:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/?post_type=article&p=18982"},"modified":"2026-06-21T15:39:21","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T19:39:21","slug":"loving-the-lord-but-lost-for-words","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/article\/loving-the-lord-but-lost-for-words\/","title":{"rendered":"It's Not That He Doesn't Love the Lord\u2014He Just Doesn't Know How to Say It."},"content":{"rendered":"

The Growing Desire to Leave<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I often receive emails from readers seeking advice. This time, the message came from a ministry worker in his early thirties who had been serving in the church for several years:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I first started attending church because I wanted to make friends. Being naturally quiet and introverted, I found myself in a church that was expanding rapidly and desperately needed volunteers. The pastor also showed a great deal of care for me, and I was experiencing some spiritual stirrings. So, with a simple desire to serve, I got involved.\n\nAt first, I still had some free time, so I took responsibility for the youth ministry. Later, as the church continued to grow, new organizations and ministries were established, and the pastor asked me to help with administrative work as well. I genuinely wanted to serve God, so I agreed to everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I work a full-time job during the week, and almost every weekend is spent serving at church. I wear many hats\u2014administrative assistant, greeter, helping with fellowship meals, and taking care of various other tasks.\n\nI have been a Christian for less than five years, and to be honest, I am not particularly close to the pastor. About six months ago, I began seeking God in prayer, asking whether I should adjust my areas of service or even leave the church. But so far, I have not received a clear answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, the desire to leave the church has been growing stronger and stronger. But I have taken on so many responsibilities that I have even begun quietly preparing for a transition. The problem is, I honestly do not know how to bring it up with my pastor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After reading the letter, I felt a sense of familiarity. Although we had never met, I had heard many similar thoughts and struggles through years of walking alongside young people.\n\nThey do not know how to begin the conversation. The pressure keeps building, and eventually, after stepping down from their ministries, they disappear from church altogether\u2014as if they were running away, too afraid to show up again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is it \u201chim\u201d who wants to leave?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In many similar cases I have encountered, I have noticed a curious phenomenon\u2014the people who eventually drift away from the church are often the most passionately involved core workers. Those at the center leave, while those on the margins remain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When church workers are exhausted from carrying too much ministry responsibility, is there anyone willing to listen to them and walk alongside them?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

At first, I found this puzzling as well. But through interviews and many deep conversations, I gradually came to understand: the reason they leave is often because they once carried too much.\n\nSome are university students; others are young adults just beginning their careers. After investing themselves to a certain point, they begin asking difficult questions: During these past few years, have I really been serving God, or have I simply been helping keep the church running? I have sacrificed my rest, friendships, studies, career development... Was it all worth it?\n\nOnce questions like these begin to surface, their sense of purpose can suddenly collapse, leaving them trapped in self-doubt and discouragement. If there is no one around to help them face these struggles, they may start by taking a leave of absence. The first time, there is a legitimate reason; the second time, the reason becomes less clear; the third time, they simply do not show up... and before long, they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have also asked people who left, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say something sooner?\u201d One person replied, \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t have made any difference. In church, if you raise questions, people assume that you're not mature enough or that you don't love the Lord enough....\u201d\n\nAnd so silence becomes a form of self-protection. By the time they finally leave, others may describe them as cold, weak, or having drifted away from the faith, making it even harder for them to express the confusion and turmoil they carry inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the same pattern keeps appearing over and over again, I cannot help but wonder: Does this suggest that the problem does not lie with any one individual, but rather with a common struggle that arises in the course of church ministry?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Is Communication So Difficult?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When a younger ministry worker gathers the courage to speak with a pastor, what he or she often longs for most is simply to be heard. What may be needed is a simple acknowledgment such as, \u201cYou have really given a lot of yourself over these past few years. I know you're tired.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet the moment a pastor hears that a ministry worker wants to step down, the brain often shifts immediately into problem-solving mode. The first thought may be, \u201cWho is going to take over this ministry?\u201d\n\nThis is because a pastor is both a spiritual mentor and an organizational leader. From that position, they must think about several things at once: how the church will continue to function smoothly, how responsibilities will be distributed among workers, and how the congregation will perceive the situation, among other concerns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a weary ministry worker comes to them, and they are unable to discern in that moment which role they should respond from, they may fail to meet the emotional needs of the person seeking help.\n\nThis is often a matter of being on different wavelengths rather than a lack of care. Yet when someone is already feeling vulnerable, they may still come away feeling hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In addition, within Chinese culture, we are taught from an early age not to trouble others and to put the greater good first. As a result, expressing personal needs can easily be seen as selfish. We often struggle to give ourselves permission to do so, and those around us may also view such a person as lacking consideration for others.\n\nHaving been raised in the same cultural environment, many of us have naturally learned to suppress our personal feelings or simply do not know how to deal with the tension between individual needs and the needs of the group. When differences in seniority are added to the equation, the struggle only becomes more complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the years of working in counseling, I have noticed that our culture often lacks a particular interpersonal skill\u2014what I would call \u201cchecking for understanding.\u201d We tend to interpret others through our own assumptions, which leads to endless misunderstandings and miscommunication.\n\nWhen a young person says, \u201cLet me think about it,\u201d an older person may hear, \u201cHe is being resistant.\u201d When an older person says, \u201cYou need to submit,\u201d the younger person may hear, \u201cMy feelings don't matter.\u201d\n\nIn reality, checking for understanding requires only a very simple question: \u201cIs that what you mean? Am I understanding you correctly?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
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In our interactions with others, how do we interpret what they are saying? A simple act of \u201cchecking for understanding\u201d can reduce miscommunication caused by being on different wavelengths.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Here is a complaint I hear quite often.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An older church member asks, \u201cWe haven't seen much of you lately. What's been going on?\u201d\n\nThe young person replies, \u201cI've been pretty busy lately.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The older person responds, \u201cNo matter how busy you are, you should seek God's kingdom first!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This conversation contained no checking for understanding whatsoever. The response itself reveals a preconceived conclusion. What if it had been handled differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The older person asks, \u201cWe haven't seen as much of you lately. Are you doing okay?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The young person replies, \u201cI've been pretty busy lately.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The older person asks one more question to check for understanding: \u201cYou must be pretty tired. Would you like to talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The young person replies, \u201cI\u2019m not really sure how to put it into words.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The older person replies, \u201cThat's okay. Whenever you feel like talking, or if you need prayer, let me know.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The difference in the second conversation is simply that space is created, allowing the other person not to have an answer right away. What is being communicated is a kind of unconditional care.\n\nAnd perhaps it is this very care that will influence a young person in the years to come\u2014so that when they face a season of spiritual struggle, they will still be willing to return to the church and seek help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is making this hard for you?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I invited this weary reader to pause for a moment and think carefully about what was truly at the heart of the difficulty they were facing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wanting to lighten their ministry load but not knowing how to bring it up\u2014was it because they were afraid of disappointing the pastor? Or because they worried it might affect the operation of the church? Or were they actually unsure whether they were tired, hurt, or truly sensing God leading them in another direction?\n\nOnly by identifying the key reason can they know how to handle the next step.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also suggested that, rather than expecting the pastor to fully understand all of his struggles, he could begin with one specific request:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPastor, I\u2019ve been wanting to think through the direction of my future ministry. Could we find some time to talk? I\u2019d appreciate your help as I seek God\u2019s guidance.\u201d\n\nThis kind of opening is both honest and respectful. It also leaves room for the pastor to prepare mentally to shift into the role of a spiritual mentor\u2014someone who can walk alongside him, talk things through, and explore possible directions together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, everyone in the church is trying their best to do what they believe is right. But people standing in different places inevitably see things from different perspectives.\n\nWe can learn to look at issues from multiple angles. Doing so not only helps us express our own needs more clearly, but also gives us a better chance of hearing what the other person is really trying to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Spiritual Maturity Begins with Seeing One Layer Deeper<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Over the years of walking alongside brothers and sisters who have been hurt in the church, I have noticed that when Chinese Christians encounter discomfort in their faith journey, they often remain at the emotional level.\n\nRelationships within the church inevitably bring hurt at times. Yet those involved can easily fall into self-condemnation: \u201cI\u2019m too sensitive. I\u2019m not spiritual enough.\u201d Or they may swing to the opposite extreme, blaming others for treating them unfairly or not caring enough about their feelings.\n\nBoth explanations keep circling within the same loop\u2014the focus remains on one\u2019s own inner world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Based on years of observation, walking alongside others, and my training in counseling, I believe that spiritual maturity requires us to move one step beyond our emotions and reflect on the situation we are in.\n\nYet this often runs counter to our spiritual instincts. In church, we are frequently taught to look inward\u2014at our sin, our weaknesses, and our relationship with God. Much less often are we taught to look outward\u2014to consider the structures we are part of and the positions in which we have been placed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When emotions are the only tool we have, we cannot truly deal with our exhaustion. We simply swing back and forth between \u201cI\u2019m so tired\u201d and \u201cMaybe I don\u2019t love the Lord enough,\u201d eventually becoming trapped in a cycle of self-interpretation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would like to encourage this reader, as well as my brothers and sisters in Christ: if we are willing to think about our circumstances and look one layer beyond ourselves, perhaps we can begin by asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In your current church life, what role or position are you carrying? How much of your present exhaustion comes from your own personal limitations, and how much comes from the difficulty of the role itself? If you were able to stand in someone else's position, what might you see that you cannot see right now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These questions are not meant to invalidate our emotions. Emotions are always the starting point; without them, we would not even become aware that something is wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, emotions are only the doorway; there is still a journey ahead. As we learn to move from personal feelings to role responsibilities, and then to organizational structures, we have a better chance of seeing the issue more fully and clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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God first gave the prophet Elijah rest, and then opened his eyes to a greater vision.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I am especially fond of the passage in 1 Kings 19 that describes Elijah under the broom tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He had just experienced a great victory on Mount Carmel, yet now he was alone in the wilderness, asking God to take his life. What especially moves me is the way God responded.\n\nGod first stayed quietly with him, letting him sleep and providing him with bread and water. He slept, then ate; he ate, then slept again. Only after his strength had returned did God lead him to Mount Horeb. There, after the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, Elijah heard God in a gentle whisper. God then told him that there were still seven thousand people in Israel who had not bowed the knee to Baal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God waited for a prophet who was exhausted in both body and soul. He allowed Elijah to emerge from his emotional turmoil, and then He opened his eyes to a broader vision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you feel both exhausted and tempted to step away, start by taking care of yourself\u2014eat a good meal and get some proper rest. Give yourself some space to look beyond your emotions and slowly consider the structure and circumstances in which you find yourself. Pray for the Lord's peace and wisdom, and ask Him to help you find the right words to express yourself and communicate well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You will gain a clearer sense of where you need to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you would like to hear more discussions on church authority and ministry culture, simply scan the LINE QR code and let \u201cTheology AI Girl\u201d recommend related programs and podcast episodes for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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