{"id":2066,"date":"2023-12-01T21:10:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-02T02:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/vkl.umo.mybluehost.me\/?post_type=article&p=2066"},"modified":"2025-08-07T15:39:00","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T19:39:00","slug":"from-understanding-to-compassion-a-guide-for-better-communication","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/article\/from-understanding-to-compassion-a-guide-for-better-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"From Understanding to Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"

Translated by Lin Yu<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Christians, we should strive to be moved by kindness and respond with action. After all, the Lord Jesus often did this. Since the scripture says: abide in the Lord and do as the Lord does, we must also be driven by compassion to serve others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, here comes the problem. We should all agree that kindness does matter. The definition of "kindness" is sympathy and concern for the suffering or well-being of others. Literal understanding is one thing, but how can it be achieved in practice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the experience of training institutions and business leaders, I found that "asking questions" can be a path to kindness. In the four Gospels, Jesus asked more than 300 questions. But wait a minute, Jesus declared himself to be \u201cthe way\u201d and \u201cthe truth\u201d and he knew what was in people\u2019s hearts, so why did he ask so many questions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think we might know something about someone, but hearing it from the person himself is another thing. Asking "questions" lets us hear what people have to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope this article can help us learn to listen and understand others by asking questions, so as to cultivate a kind heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did Jesus ask questions?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Before I dig further into what kind of questions to ask, I want to dig into why Jesus asked questions. \u201cOut of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,\u201d Jesus said. He often uses questions to reveal His thoughts. Since the Lord already knows people\u2019s thoughts, one of the reasons why He asks questions is to let people see their own hearts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus also asked people to learn to introspect and think by asking questions. He was wise enough to know that the Father had revealed Himself to those who would encounter Jesus. The Lord is like a treasure hunter. He asks questions to stimulate people\u2019s reflection, just like discovering hidden gold in a clay vessel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, He empowered His disciples with questions. Many times the Son of Man, Jesus, challenges those who follow Him through questions; not to be unkind to them, but to know that they will become leaders and need to be prepared for such a position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For these reasons, we should also ask questions. People still have such needs: to reveal their inner self; to challenge their thinking ability; and to affirm their leadership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what questions do we need to use?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What questions to ask?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

OK, we can all accept why questions are asked. But which questions are the most important? What questions can be asked to reveal one\u2019s heart, trigger thinking, and affirm one\u2019s leadership? Even when we know we need to ask more questions, we sometimes tend to use questions to trick people into getting the answers we want them to get. The purpose of asking questions is not to control but to cultivate kindness. When trying to guide someone to "your" conclusion, it's very possible that you're not asking questions out of genuine kindness, but because you're trying to solve the other person's problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need to be mindful, resist this tendency to ask leading questions, and instead step into the unknown with others. What we need to ask are questions that allow others to introspect and gain insights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are two ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Retelling<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou listened, but did you \u2018hear\u2019 me?\u201d This may be how we feel during the conversation, or how it makes others feel. We can indeed ask questions. But what good are these questions if you don\u2019t listen to what others have to say? We can ensure active listening through replay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Basically, "retelling" means you listen to what others say and then describe what you heard to them in your own words. You can start with: "You just said..." or "I heard you say...". This is a simple principle, but it allows us to hear what others say and make them feel heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u25b2 Using kindness as the starting point for asking questions can help you hear the other person\u2019s heart and guide them to think about God\u2019s inspiration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. PECK model - the problem of helping people move towards obedience<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question-asking model shared below allows us to use kindness as a starting point to help others achieve insights and feasible steps to obey God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Put it this way! Someone comes to you to talk about what they are going through. The first thing to do is to use paraphrase to make sure you hear his concerns and situation, and then ask these questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P: Point to God<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we are tempted to simply dismiss people\u2019s challenges with Bible verses, as if they don\u2019t know they can help. But in this way, can we really kindly induce the other party to reflect on themselves and gain insights? With the first step of this model, we can ask questions like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 How do you think God is leading you in this situation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What needs to be done to resolve this situation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What scripture or passage from the Bible does this situation remind you of?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What do you think is the least feasible aspect of God\u2019s guidance?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These questions assume (correctly) that God has spoken to that person. We don\u2019t need to be that person\u2019s \u201cJesus.\u201d Many times we are friends of the \u201cgroom\u201d and our role is to point the way. After pointing to "the way," what can we ask?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

E: Examine the Root<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like with medical diagnosis, the symptoms we see are often not the real problem. Paradoxically, the visible symptoms are often the easiest to deal with. The following questions allow us to finally discover the real situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What is stopping you from following God?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 When have similar challenges occurred in the past?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Where do you think God is trying to make you grow through this situation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many times the Lord reveals where He is working in people; He already knows, but wants us to also know, how and where He is working. With this insight, what next?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u25b2 By asking questions, we point the way to God Himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C: Cultivate Choices<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What obedience looks like varies from person to person. What works for us personally may not work for others. It is important for people to examine themselves as to how God is leading them, for example by asking questions such as these about prayer patterns or specific actions to be taken:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What posture do you think is needed to move in the right direction?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Whose support do you need to be obedient?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What actions show you are taking action?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When people form their own choices, guided by the Holy Spirit, they are more likely to stick with them. How else can we ask to give motivation to persevere in obedience?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

K: Keeping in Step with Obedience (continuous process of obedience)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Christ said, \u201cEveryone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice will be likened to a wise man who built his house on the rock.\u201d Our questions should lead one to not only make a decision to change, but to take action toward God\u2019s heart. Move forward with the plan. These issues include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What can we pray about now to start this positive action?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 What can you do today to initiate this change?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 How can I hold you accountable for your future actions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most important things we can do as part of the body of Christ is encourage others to obey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps for some people, asking questions is an unfamiliar area and method. I would like to point out here why asking questions is a long-term strategy: it is not only about helping others solve their problems, but also that with every question we ask, we can develop a little more understanding and empathy for other people's experiences. Once we have empathy for others, a direct result is the ability to feel kindness and act on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, let\u2019s start this journey like this\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who do you feel God is leading you to ask more questions of?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"Mauborn<\/strong>, one of the main co-workers of KRC\u2019s English Arctos ministry. Currently working as a leadership coordinator, researcher, and consultant in Boston, USA. He was extremely passionate about the unity of the church. This article is based on a communication workshop he led. Please refer to the cover for details.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Translation\/Lin Yu As Christians, we should strive to be moved by kindness and respond with actions. After all, the Lord Jesus often did this. Since\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":5696,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"give_campaign_id":0,"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":""},"issue":[240],"section":[84],"class_list":["post-2066","article","type-article","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","issue-issue-74","section-kingdom-families"],"acf":[],"taxonomy_info":{"issue":[{"value":240,"label":"74\u671f"}],"section":[{"value":84,"label":"\u795e\u570b\u5bb6\u4eba Kingdom Families"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/e-krc.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/Issue-74_banner_\u5f9e\u4e86\u89e3\u5230\u6069\u6148.png",1000,400,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Brandon Morgan (\u83ab\u535a\u6069)","author_link":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/author\/brandon-morgan\/"},"comment_info":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/article\/2066","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/article"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/article"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2066"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"issue","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/issue?post=2066"},{"taxonomy":"section","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/e-krc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/section?post=2066"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}