Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers – Part 2
In the first part of this series (Issue 75), we explored how 1 Timothy 5:1-2 affects our relationships within the church today. We note that Paul’s example to Timothy was both to hold him accountable as a church leader and to set an example for relationships within the church. In this post, we’ll take a deeper look at how to shift your mindset to build the kind of relationships I discussed in my last post. I have also included short testimonies from two of my “sisters” in Christ who have cultivated such relationships with me.
Going deeper, I want to look at another passage of scripture, specifically the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20. The goal here is not to create a "new law" or set unreasonable standards for relationships. That approach has been tried and failed. Rather, it provides reasonable boundaries for us as men and women in Christ to create freedom for each other in Christ. If we see sheep grazing on the edge of a cliff, we can set up a fence there to prevent the sheep from falling off the cliff. We let the sheep roam freely in the fields without fear of falling off a cliff and dying. My goal is to encourage freedom, not restriction, so that we can all play freely in Christ and enjoy the wonderful life we have as brothers and sisters in Christ.
But first, we must answer an obvious question: How do the Ten Commandments help us set boundaries that are both reasonable and freeing?
You must not... should you?
In his book The Ten Commandments, ethics professor Dr. David Gill points out that while the Ten Commandments ostensibly give us a list of ten things we are forbidden to do, they also prescribe what we should do. That is to say, they are not just a negative command of "what cannot be done", but "what cannot be done" contains "what should be done". What Gill means is that within these "don't do" lists are also included some "should do" behaviors, and following these behaviors will bring life. So ethically one should not murder, there is an explicit prohibition against taking the life of another, but there is also an implicit command here to preserve the lives of those around you. Therefore, not only should you not take your neighbor's life, but you should also work to promote your neighbor's prosperity. Likewise, not only should you not steal from your neighbors, you should also work to protect their property. Thus, in the Ten Commandments there are both explicit prohibitions and implicit commands, both of which must be obeyed.
This is reflected in Jeremiah 29, where God tells the Israelites: “Pray for peace for the city into which you have been taken captive” (see Jeremiah 29:7). It was not a pleasant thing to be taken into captivity, but they should bless their captors rather than destroy them. And this is also reflected in other laws in the Five Classics. Israelites should seek peace for each other and for the nations around them. They should be a blessing to “all the nations of the earth,” as God told Abraham in Genesis 15. Israel should understand that God meant not just “don’t do these ten things,” but that they should be willing and free to do the opposite of these things. “Have no other gods before me” also means: “Enjoy the Lord with all you have, love Him with all your heart, soul, and mind.” Give your whole being to Him and see how He blesses you. . Dr. Gill reminds us that this is how we become good people, and when God's law is written on our hearts by the Holy Spirit, we should naturally begin to live in this way. We should not just stop at obeying the “don’ts” of the Ten Commandments, but start doing the “shoulds”.
How does all this relate to our original text in 1 Timothy? If you are a truly good person who accepts responsibility based on God's Word and is committed to actively building up those around you in the implicit "do's" of the Ten Commandments, then you will naturally seek to be treated as the scripture says: "Older men are like fathers, older women are like mothers, younger men are like brothers, and younger women are like sisters." You will want to do this because it is the natural way to preserve the lives of the men and women around you. .
better way
Instead of destroying your sister in Christ, stealing from her, and hurting her, you can protect and uplift her, caring for her daily well-being. Instead of committing adultery, you can preserve and strengthen your marriage and make it an example to those who desire to marry in the future. There is great freedom in these boundaries, they are not merely restrictive, for within the boundaries there is much room for movement, but beyond that there is a precipice and certain death. Boundaries are meant to bring life, while crossing or not adhering to them can bring death. Therefore, we must rejoice in the freedom that boundaries create. The boundaries are not killing or committing adultery, while freedom is caring about the prosperity of our neighbors and the happiness of the marriages around us. No one should be objectified, and no life should be destroyed. The prohibitions and do’s of the Ten Commandments work together to help us live in ways that promote the integrity and peace of God’s creation. Combining this with 1 Timothy 5:1-2 gives us a better way to relate to one another and pursue everyone’s prosperity.
At work, I sometimes ask married colleagues about their marital status, asking them if they've been out on a date recently, and if they've taken the time to maintain their marriage. One coworker felt liberated by this conversation and decided to go on a date with his spouse, since they hadn't dated in a while. In this way, I facilitate their marriage, which is why I ask this question for the sole purpose of caring about the prosperity of their marriage. This brings great joy to this coworker, and while it makes me feel good to be able to facilitate their marriage, they probably feel even better that their marriage is being built up and encouraged by a brother or sister in Christ, this Brothers and sisters want to build themselves up in Christ.
I would like to close with two quotes from my sisters in Christ who have been a part of this friendship that I have developed over the years. One of the friendships has lasted for over a decade, while the other is new. God placed these blessings in my life, and both sisters became good friends with my wife and became "aunts" to my two children. It is a great joy to me to see them flourish, one seeing her family grow while the other is trying to figure out life after college. They are really like little sisters, joking and playing pranks on each other, but they know that the blood that makes us sisters, the blood of Christ, reconciles us to each other in friendship and can care for each other's prosperity as part of the body of Christ, And we are all organically connected by the Holy Spirit.
“來自一個非常破碎的家庭，起初我很難理解如何在實際生活中實踐提摩太前書5:1-2。我非常感謝神把我帶到一個偏遠的小鎮，讓我學會如何成為神家的一部分。在那裡，我遇到了約拿單，我立刻知道他是安全的。他像我看到的其他哥哥對待妹妹那樣對待我：保護、關懷和忠誠；總是想要提升和尊重，同時也帶著一點小小的惡作劇。我在靈性上成長，當我建立了保羅描述給提摩太的健康關係時，我開始療癒。我與約拿單的友誼幫助我看到自己作為神的女兒是多麼珍貴，並且我超越了世界試圖塑造我的形象。我受到了挑戰、鼓勵和尊重，而作為回報，我能夠建立、鼓勵和提供我的觀點。最終，我與主内弟兄的關係使我更接近天父，它對我生命的影響和改變，我永遠心懷感激。” – Alex
The impact on my life that comes from intentionally building friendships with members of the opposite sex based on the principles discussed in the previous article:
“成為一位主内弟兄的女性朋友，並且希望「基督從我們在主裡彼此造就中得榮耀，活出在天國裡與神和好的生命」，這是一件美事。我很幸運地在生活中有很好的男性榜樣。我的父親和祖父都非常有意地帶我歸向基督，並根據與基督和好的美好禮物來建立我。然而，成長於一個小教會中，並沒有很多機會與異性建立類似提摩太前書5章中勸勉的刻意友誼。在我與約拿單的友誼中，自然地引領我與他可愛的妻子瑞秋和討人喜歡的女兒們建立了友誼。我找到了一個真實的基督兄弟友誼應該是什麼樣子的好榜樣。我們彼此合作，他用簡單的問候語「嘿，姐妹，你今天怎麼樣？」來打招呼。這個小小的家人關係的舉動提醒我基督的愛並更認識祂，而且幫助我在日常生活中活出這一點。有時會被人質疑，讓我們有機會説明基督裡的信仰和盼望。我非常感謝約拿單按照保羅給提摩太的教導來維繫友誼。” – Nicole
References:
David W. Gill, Becoming Good: Building Moral Character, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2000
A more complete dialogue on Christian ethics can be found in: David W. Gill, Doing Right: Practicing Ethical Principles, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2004
The Rev. Jonathan David Faulkner is a graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary with a Master of Theology and a Master of Church History. He is a pastor, musician and author. He holds a bachelor's degree in Christian Education and Administration with a concentration in urban ministry. He lives in Spokane, Washington with his wife and two daughters.
You can read more from Jonathan below, or on his dedicated website:godsheartforthose.com
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