Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers – Part 2
In the first part of this series (Issue 75), we explored how 1 Timothy 5:1-2 affects our relationships within the church today. We note that Paul’s example to Timothy was both to hold him accountable as a church leader and to set an example for relationships within the church. In this post, we’ll take a deeper look at how to shift your mindset to build the kind of relationships I discussed in my last post. I have also included short testimonies from two of my “sisters” in Christ who have cultivated such relationships with me.
Going deeper, I want to look at another passage of scripture, specifically the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20. The goal here is not to create a "new law" or set unreasonable standards for relationships. That approach has been tried and failed. Rather, it provides reasonable boundaries for us as men and women in Christ to create freedom for each other in Christ. If we see sheep grazing on the edge of a cliff, we can set up a fence there to prevent the sheep from falling off the cliff. We let the sheep roam freely in the fields without fear of falling off a cliff and dying. My goal is to encourage freedom, not restriction, so that we can all play freely in Christ and enjoy the wonderful life we have as brothers and sisters in Christ.
But first, we must answer an obvious question: How do the Ten Commandments help us set boundaries that are both reasonable and freeing?
You must not... should you?
In his book The Ten Commandments, ethics professor Dr. David Gill points out that while the Ten Commandments ostensibly give us a list of ten things we are forbidden to do, they also prescribe what we should do. That is to say, they are not just a negative command of "what cannot be done", but "what cannot be done" contains "what should be done". What Gill means is that within these "don't do" lists are also included some "should do" behaviors, and following these behaviors will bring life. So ethically one should not murder, there is an explicit prohibition against taking the life of another, but there is also an implicit command here to preserve the lives of those around you. Therefore, not only should you not take your neighbor's life, but you should also work to promote your neighbor's prosperity. Likewise, not only should you not steal from your neighbors, you should also work to protect their property. Thus, in the Ten Commandments there are both explicit prohibitions and implicit commands, both of which must be obeyed.
This is reflected in Jeremiah 29, where God tells the Israelites: “Pray for peace for the city into which you have been taken captive” (see Jeremiah 29:7). It was not a pleasant thing to be taken into captivity, but they should bless their captors rather than destroy them. And this is also reflected in other laws in the Five Classics. Israelites should seek peace for each other and for the nations around them. They should be a blessing to “all the nations of the earth,” as God told Abraham in Genesis 15. Israel should understand that God meant not just “don’t do these ten things,” but that they should be willing and free to do the opposite of these things. “Have no other gods before me” also means: “Enjoy the Lord with all you have, love Him with all your heart, soul, and mind.” Give your whole being to Him and see how He blesses you. . Dr. Gill reminds us that this is how we become good people, and when God's law is written on our hearts by the Holy Spirit, we should naturally begin to live in this way. We should not just stop at obeying the “don’ts” of the Ten Commandments, but start doing the “shoulds”.
How does all this relate to our original text in 1 Timothy? If you are a truly good person who accepts responsibility based on God's Word and is committed to actively building up those around you in the implicit "do's" of the Ten Commandments, then you will naturally seek to be treated as the scripture says: "Older men are like fathers, older women are like mothers, younger men are like brothers, and younger women are like sisters." You will want to do this because it is the natural way to preserve the lives of the men and women around you. .
better way
Instead of destroying your sister in Christ, stealing from her, and hurting her, you can protect and uplift her, caring for her daily well-being. Instead of committing adultery, you can preserve and strengthen your marriage and make it an example to those who desire to marry in the future. There is great freedom in these boundaries, they are not merely restrictive, for within the boundaries there is much room for movement, but beyond that there is a precipice and certain death. Boundaries are meant to bring life, while crossing or not adhering to them can bring death. Therefore, we must rejoice in the freedom that boundaries create. The boundaries are not killing or committing adultery, while freedom is caring about the prosperity of our neighbors and the happiness of the marriages around us. No one should be objectified, and no life should be destroyed. The prohibitions and do’s of the Ten Commandments work together to help us live in ways that promote the integrity and peace of God’s creation. Combining this with 1 Timothy 5:1-2 gives us a better way to relate to one another and pursue everyone’s prosperity.
At work, I sometimes ask married colleagues about their marital status, asking them if they've been out on a date recently, and if they've taken the time to maintain their marriage. One coworker felt liberated by this conversation and decided to go on a date with his spouse, since they hadn't dated in a while. In this way, I facilitate their marriage, which is why I ask this question for the sole purpose of caring about the prosperity of their marriage. This brings great joy to this coworker, and while it makes me feel good to be able to facilitate their marriage, they probably feel even better that their marriage is being built up and encouraged by a brother or sister in Christ, this Brothers and sisters want to build themselves up in Christ.
I would like to close with two quotes from my sisters in Christ who have been a part of this friendship that I have developed over the years. One of the friendships has lasted for over a decade, while the other is new. God placed these blessings in my life, and both sisters became good friends with my wife and became "aunts" to my two children. It is a great joy to me to see them flourish, one seeing her family grow while the other is trying to figure out life after college. They are really like little sisters, joking and playing pranks on each other, but they know that the blood that makes us sisters, the blood of Christ, reconciles us to each other in friendship and can care for each other's prosperity as part of the body of Christ, And we are all organically connected by the Holy Spirit.
“Coming from a very broken home, it was initially difficult for me to understand how to implement 1 Timothy 5:1-2 in my practical life. I am so grateful that God brought me to a remote town to teach me how to be a part of God’s family. There I met Jonathan and I knew immediately that he was safe. He treated me the way I've seen other brothers treat their sisters: protective, caring, and loyal; always wanting to uplift and respect, but also with a little mischief. I grew spiritually and began to heal as I developed the healthy relationships that Paul described to Timothy. My friendship with Jonathan helped me see how precious I am as a daughter of God and that I rise above the image the world tries to portray me in. I was challenged, encouraged and respected, and in return I was able to build, encourage and provide my perspective. Ultimately, my relationship with my brother in Christ has brought me closer to Heavenly Father, and I am forever grateful for the impact and change it has made in my life.” – Alex
The impact on my life that comes from intentionally building friendships with members of the opposite sex based on the principles discussed in the previous article:
“It’s a wonderful thing to have a brother in faith as a female friend and a desire for “Christ to be glorified as we build one another up in Him, living out the reconciliation we have in the Kingdom of Heaven.” I am blessed to have great male role models in my life. Both my father and grandfather very intentionally guided me toward Christ and built me up based on the wonderful gifts reconciled to Him. However, growing up in a small church does not provide many opportunities to develop intentional friendships with members of the opposite sex similar to the kind of intentional friendships exhorted in 1 Timothy 5. My friendship with Jonathan led naturally to my friendship with his lovely wife Rachel and delightful daughters. I found a great example of what true Christian brotherhood should look like. We work with each other and he greets us with a simple greeting of "Hey sister, how are you today?" This small act of family connection reminds me of the love and knowledge of Christ and helps me live this out in my daily life. Sometimes this is questioned by others and leads to interpretations of our faith and hope in Christ. I greatly appreciate Jonathan’s efforts in maintaining friendships based on the principles Paul gave to Timothy. ” – Nicole
References:
David W. Gill, Becoming Good: Building Moral Character, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2000
A more complete dialogue on Christian ethics can be found in: David W. Gill, Doing Right: Practicing Ethical Principles, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2004
The Rev. Jonathan David Faulkner is a graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary with a Master of Theology and a Master of Church History. He is a pastor, musician and author. He holds a bachelor's degree in Christian Education and Administration with a concentration in urban ministry. He lives in Spokane, Washington with his wife and two daughters.
You can read more from Jonathan below, or on his dedicated website:godsheartforthose.com
Being a Smart Bridesmaid
Love to Hear You Speak
Religion and Morality
Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers – Part 2
Encountering Botticelli in the Hallway
Connecting Lives Through Biblical Stories
Connection in Him
Spring in the Emergency Room
To Succeed, Prepare for Spiritual Warfare
How much money do I need to retire?
Prayers Anytime, Anywhere
I love you because God loved me first!
The Sins of White Supremacy Culture
Resources, Support, and Cooperation
Small Loans, Big Support
Listen, the Stones Are Telling Stories…
What is in Your Hand?
